Growing pains

 Here's some vulnerability for you with where I am at. I am so thankful and grateful God has place such an assignment on my life, but I have had to take a step back, regroup and refocus on what is God's will and most important in my life- doing what is right, always because of Jesus and that the word of God be not blasphemed, and staying sexually pure. It has been 3 years since I have been in management and after this weekend by myself, I have a WHOLE laundry list of things I personally need to work on, and get better at so that I can lead a successful team and help the business succeed- that is my job. 

It's going to require a level of focus I have never had before, and LITERALLY the POWER and STRENGTH of GOD ALMIGHTY! It is going to require me to say no to things that do not help nor serve my new born again nature. It is going to require me to use great discernment and judgment at all times. This new position I have taken is a gift from God for sure, and it is HIS hand in and over my life at all times, so I truly have nothing to fear but the LORD Himself, for that is the beginning of wisdom. 

I am personally working on deeper levels of self-control, controlling my tongue and my behavior what I say/do, my anger and levels of stress and anxiety. Jesus has given me a sense of peace which surpasseth all understanding. This new chapter of my life is me allowing Jesus to continue working on me and through me and setting appropriate boundaries. I cannot allow certain things to continue or happen, and it stops with me because it has to, someone has to do it!! Of course GOD WOULD PICK ME!!!

God showed me that some of my triggers and worst character flaws are only going to be overcome with HIS strength and HIS help and the power of the Holy Spirit. If Christ truly lives within me, and He does, then it only makes sense to completely and totally rely on HIM and His wisdom; everything literally from above. This is a season of my life I need to be in total direction of God's lead because I do not want to continue to de-value myself in the face of the enemy or in an unwanted need. I have asked God to meet all of my needs and the Bible tells me HE WILL DO IT! He is faithful Who calleth me. I trust God and give HIM all the glory, and everything in my life.

I've had to really take a deeper inventory of assessing my own behavior, and why I do things and being more mindful and alert of situations and also people. I must remember that the enemy the devil walketh around like a roaring lion waiting to devour, and I have evil people assigned to come at my life and try to kill, steal, and destroy. But I know where my help comes from, and my desire to do what is right and true and obedient to His will is farrrrr greater than lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. I have to surrender myself totally and fully to His will and resist not, so that I can be crushed and pressed to provide the freshest and cleanest and most desired oil (and fruits). 

Here's where the test will be: and we will see who is a WISE virgin and who is an UNWISE virgin. See, people are either lost or they are saved. People are operating either from fear, from approval, some unmet emotional need and they haven't worked on themselves and healed from past traumas and allowed God to heal their past. Their heart and mind is darkened, and it shows in 1.) how they treat others 2.)their actions. As I recognize my own value and asset and blessing to someone's life, I am learning where I need to allow God to strengthen me and use HIS strength vs my own. I do not need or have to beg anyone to be with me, love me, like me, appreciate me; if you're not doing the BARE MINIMUM I am not going to reparent or mentor or heal for you; I can discern the fact that you don't want to do the work and are unwilling and closed-minded to see any differently or that your actions need to change... I am seriously going to have to get SO MUCH BETTER at saying NO, and also telling and pointing out things where and when I see them. This all requires a whole new level of focus for me. So I have to be as healthy mentally as I am physically and also spiritually in order for me to lead effectively and successfully. 

I have to be mindful and alert to the fact that, I have two assignments on my life, and ONLY the LORD'S will will ultimately prevail! My spirit is definitely willing and my flesh can be weak at times, but I need to use these moments of weaknesses to allow God's strength to guide me and get me through... because either way standing up for what is right and doing the right thing and what is best always somehow pisses someone off, and I HATE THAT and it shouldn't be that way but yet it is. So, I can't wait to see how Jesus uses this situation to propel me forward. Either you get bitter or you get better. Nothing can stop what God has placed in and over my life, so I only have one option to prove the haters wrong and to keep going forward and toward the high prize and calling of Christ in God. 

At this point in my life, if you aren't 100% in you're out and are just a distraction. Either you are for me and are with me, or because of your own projections and insecurities and inability to take emotional responsibility for things in your life you see me as a threat and an enemy and think we are in competition with one another. God never changes;  He created women FOR THE MAN because it wasn't fit for man to be alone! This IS MY TIME right now and I WILL allow the LIGHT in me to shine so that the name of the LORD Jesus Christ be lifted up and magnified; for I MUST decrease and HE MUST increase. 

I have reached the moment and breakthrough, where my desire to be obedient and do right is greater than what my flesh wants. I had a moment of weakness and was tempted and failed, and have been given much confirmation that it is absolutely not from God and not what HE wants. I know what the Bible says, and I trust it. It never gives me license to sin and so I have to realize as I do, that my new nature is totally different than the old operating system. God is shedding light on habits and behaviors even I must allow Him to change me and produce the fruits in me needed to overcome in all things. That's what this life is about. Knowing Christ Jesus and overcoming in Him to spend forever with Him- sweet counsel and love and your relationship with your Creator!

Done ranting and raving I have written so much over the last 2 days off I have had. I use the rod on myself and am pretty harsh when it comes to self-assessment... but I want to grow and change and only get better and be whom God created me to be IN Christ!! I AM FOCUSED!!