Biblical submission: for wives, and husbands

 

The apostle Paul also compares marriage to the connection between Christ and the Church. The relationship isn’t of master to servant; it’s of lover and beloved. 

As Lord of the Church, Jesus has given up His life in exchange for the life of His Bride. This is what Paul has in mind when he says, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23, ESV).

The union represented [in marriage] may be one of the greatest miracles in all of creation. But it’s also something more. For in addition to everything else marriage means for a man and a woman, it has a deep spiritualsignificance — an eternal and cosmicsignificance … At the very highest level, it functions as an unparalleled working image of the seeking and saving Love of our Creator and Savior — the Love that compels Him to unite Himself to His people in a mystical bond of eternal fellowship and never-ending interpersonal give and take. ~ “Developing Shared Spiritual Intimacy”

Sounds good, yes? Let’s be honest, though: Interpersonal give and take can be a sore spot if we don’t humbly acknowledge our similarities along with our differences.

Women and men have equal worth

“Submission” can be a hot-button term because of how it’s perceived in contemporary culture: the implication that women are inferior to men.

However, Ephesians 5:15-33 was written to encourage unity in marriage. With that in mind, Paul’s instruction to wives can’t be separated from his teaching to men and his overarching advice to both sexes:

• “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. … Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22 and 25, ESV).
• “[Submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ESV).

The New Testament is very affirming of women — shockingly so when viewed in its social and historical context. In one instance, Jesus talks openly with a Samaritan woman (John 4), something that normally would have been taboo for a Jewish man. In another case, Paul describes the standing of Christian believers
(men and women) before God and stresses that we are “all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28, ESV).

Scripture testifies to the equality of husband and wife in terms of personhood and value in the sight of God. So we can celebrate women’s contributions both inside and outside the home and oppose all forms of sex-based mistreatment and injustice.

Women and men are also inherently different

To deny there are significant and consequential differences in male and female is to deny the basic nature of humanity and how we fashion our common life together. This is true in both the family and the larger community.  ~ “Is There a Universal Male and Female Nature?”

Here, too, much more could be said. Still, when it comes to submission, generally speaking, the sexes have different needs for love and respect: Men need to feel respected by their wives, and women need to feel loved by their husbands.

This explains why Paul specifically tells husbands to “love” their wives and wives to “respect” their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). A lot simply has to do with the unique natures of male and female.

Of course, God wants both husbands and wives to treat their spouses with love and respect. When the Bible says that wives should respect their husbands, it assumes such respect will be based on love. When it tells husbands to love their wives, it takes for granted that a disrespectful love isn’t love at all.

Scripture is clear about God’s design for marriage in the fact that men and women have different roles. Yet it neversuggests that one spouse is more important than the other.

Instead, when a Christian husband and wife learn how God has wired them to complement each other in mutual submission, they reflect the love that exists between Christ and His Bride.

Biblical submission is a response to biblical headship

Biblical submission allows a wife to confidently follow her husband’s lead. And Ephesians 5:23 makes it clear that a man does have responsibility for leadership in his home. But again, it’s only as a leaderthat his wife submits to him — not as a tyrant or her superior.

Unfortunately, “male bashing” in our culture makes it too easy to forget about the importance of masculine leadership altogether. We can’t swing so far one way trying to avoid male domination that we go to the other extreme and strip husbands of their authority.

That said, leadership doesn’t give a husband the right to rob his wife of being a unique individual. He doesn’t get to disregard or mock her opinions and feelings. And he should never misuse leadership to get his own way.

A husband must love and cherish his wife — to die for her if necessary — even as Christ loved the Church. He should include her in important decisions and consider her perspectives carefully and respectfully. Day by day, he should become increasingly sensitive to leading with love because he’ll ultimately answer to God for the way he treats his wife.

Sadly, we know that’s not always the case.

When things aren’t as they should be

If a wife believes that her husband is misusing his role and won’t listen to her concerns, we’d be the first to urge her to get help — especially if there’s abuse. Call Focus on the Family’s licensed or pastoral counselors at 1-855-771-4357, or The National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

In all things, a woman is responsible first to God. If she cares about her marriage, her family, her community, and her relationship with the Lord, she doesn’t submit mindlessly to every decision her husband makes. Submission and obedience aren’t necessarily the same thing.

While Scripture is clear that God commands wives to submit to their husbands, each command is equally clear that wives are commanded to submit only to their husbands:

• Ephesians 5:22—“Wives, submit to your own husbands.”
• Ephesians 5:24—“Just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
• Colossians 3:18—“Wives, submit to your own husbands.”
• Titus 2:3-5—“Older women likewise…admonish the young women to…[be] obedient to their own husbands.”
• 1 Peter 3:1—”Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands.”

Wives are under their own husbands’headship, and not under the authority of other men. Even in the church, a wife is under the authority of her husband, and her husband is under the authority of the leadership of the church: “the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

In Genesis 2:18, when God spoke of creating the first woman, He did not say, “I will make men [plural] helpers.” He said: “I will make him [singular] a helpmeet.” When I want help in my life, I look to my wife or to other men God has placed in my life. I do not look to other men’s wives because I know they are not my helper. Scripture clearly limits the boundaries of a husband’s headship and a wife’s submission to the context of a marriage relationship.

Practically, this also addresses the misconception that submission means women can only hold positions—in or out of the church—in which they are subordinate to all male associates. Such an extreme view would suggest that a woman cannot be a nurse because a male orderly might be her subordinate or that a woman could not be a teacher because a male aide or janitor might help her at times. As I mentioned earlier, when I was an elementary school teacher, most of the principals I worked for were women.

Second, Biblical Submission Does Not Mean That Wives Submit to Abuse

What women long for is spiritual and moral leadership from their husbands—not spiritual or moral domination. While this is straightforward, because there is so much confusion about what submission is and isn’t, it is vital for us to be clear on what this means. When we hear the word abuse, typically we think in terms of physical mistreatment. Abuse, however, can be emotional, mental, and even spiritual. There are wives whose husbands never lay a hand on them yet mistreat them so badly they are in just as bad or worse condition than women who are physically abused.

What should a woman in an abusive relationship do? She cannot divorce her husband, but she can separate from him. The apostle Paul writes, “The woman…is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives” (Romans 7:2), and “If [a wife] does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:11; see also verse 39). If the abused woman is part of a church, she should go to the pastors or elders, and they should find a safe place for her (and her children, if necessary). In the meantime, for the husband, discipline is performed, counsel is given, repentance is sought, and the biblical counsel or gospel is given time to work in his heart. An abused wife may also need to seek social or legal services, residency in a battered woman’s shelter, and even help from the police, if the abuse warrants such.

That said, the abuse card can be used carelessly. I have heard women throw out the word simply because a husband didn’t give his wife everything she wanted. When a wife does not get to do all that she wants to do, go all the places she wants to go, buy all the things she wants to buy, or spend all her time the way she wants to spend it, that is not abuse.

I’ve also heard women talk about being abused when they aren’t treated with what they believe to be sufficient adoration. Having a husband who is less than perfect in this area does not constitute abuse. While God does command husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, no husband does this perfectly. As fallen humans, husbands will have times when they sin against their wives, but this does not necessarily mean abuse has occurred. If failing to love one’s wife perfectly constituted abuse, then every wife on earth would be in an abusive relationship.

Third, Biblical Submission Does Not Mean That Wives Submit to Sin

The account in Acts 5:1-11 of Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, is instructive. The background of this story is that early church members were selling their possessions and sharing the proceeds with the apostles and other believers who had needs. Ananias sold a possession, kept part of the money when he brought his offering to the apostles, but acted as though all the proceeds were being given to the church. As the apostle Peter declared, Ananias had every right to keep part of his profits if he wanted. But because Ananias claimed to have turned over all the funds—and thus he lied to the Holy Spirit—he dropped dead on the spot.

The correlation is that Ananias “kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it” (Acts 5:2). When Sapphira showed up, not realizing her husband had died, she had the opportunity to tell the truth. Instead, she reiterated her husband’s lie. This led Peter to say, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out” (verse 9).

God’s judgment on Sapphira for supporting her husband’s sin shows she was as accountable as him. Peter’s response indicates that if she had refused to participate in the deception, her life would have been spared. This is a perfect example of a time when a wife should not have submitted to her husband.

Let me add a caveat that the principle in question applies to being asked to engage in blatant sin. A wife should say no to a husband who demands that she participate in any kind of illegal activity, such as drug dealing, theft, adultery, or even lesser legal offenses, such as cheating on income taxes or lying to an employer. This is quite different from a husband opposing his wife’s involvement in positive spiritual activities. A husband may resist his wife taking time from home and family to join a Bible study fellowship, attend church several times a week, volunteer for a Christian outreach, or participate in a church sports league. In those instances, he is not asking her to commit a sin, but simply to respect his preference. That raises an important question: What is a wife supposed to do when her husband resists her participation in activities that can contribute to her spiritual growth?

A wife can respectfully let her husband know her desire and ask if he would allow this for the benefit of their marriage, children, or family. If he is still resistant, then she should submit and pray. Assuming God wants her or the family involved in the activity, there’s a possibility He will change the husband’s heart. Even if a wife does not like her husband’s decision or request, she should be encouraged that God will reward her submission and—assuming the husband is disobeying God by declining—hold the husband responsible for his poor spiritual leadership.

Fourth, Biblical Submission Does Not Mean That Husbands Do Not Defer to Their Wives

Every healthy, joyful marriage in which a woman feels loved involves a husband who defers to his wife. Godly men are not going to thoughtlessly insist on submission. They will first seek to graciously reach an agreement with their wives. Even when an agreement can’t be reached, they may still choose to defer to their wives. Let me share two examples from my marriage.

Not long ago I decided a great plan would be to surprise the family with one of my favorite foods—popcorn—and a show filled with thrills, tremendous plot lines, and edge-of-your-seat action—Little House on the Prairie. While I was working up an appetite doing cardio, my mom called to say, “Katie invited us to go out for frozen yogurt with all of you. When do you want us to come over?”

Now, I’m sure many husbands can relate to this. You’re excited about how you would like to spend your evening, only to find out that your wife has other plans. My first thought was that Katie and I hadn’t discussed getting frozen yogurt. My second thought was that the frozen yogurt shop didn’t sell popcorn or show Little House on the Prairie.

At that moment I had two choices. I could put my foot down and say, “I’ve already decided we’re going to have popcorn and watch Little House on the Prairie as a family, so that is what we’re going to do.” Or I could say, “You know what? I’m going to sacrifice for my wife. What she is suggesting we do could be a great way to spend the evening. I’ll take the family to a frozen yogurt shop.”

This might seem like a trivial example, but the point I’m trying to make is that even though wives are commanded to submit to their husbands, godly husbands look for ways to bless their wives and families, even when it means a change of plans or decisions. Ephesians 5:28 says husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies, and at the time, my wife wanted frozen yogurt. You can guess where we ended up.

On a more serious note, at the time of this writing, our eight-month-old daughter, Lydia, stopped nursing. She also wouldn’t take a bottle, eat anything, or use a pacifier. While up to this point she had been our easiest baby to care for, she couldn’t be comforted, wouldn’t sleep at night, and cried constantly. She started losing weight, which was even more concerning because she was already small. Katie took her to a medical clinic, but the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with her. While I was concerned about Lydia, I knew Katie was more distressed than I was. She cried regularly because we couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

A few days later, Katie called me and said, “I looked in Lydia’s mouth and saw something attached to the roof of it.” Upon closer inspection, we could see that it was a dress-up, press-on fingernail that belonged to one of Lydia’s older sisters, Charis. Somehow Lydia had gotten it, and it had become attached to the roof of her mouth. While we were thankful to finally know what was wrong, we couldn’t get it out. I tried to remove it with my finger, but it wouldn’t budge.

I then called someone in our church, who invited us to head over to his house, as he thought he could take it out. But Katie didn’t feel comfortable with that idea. She wanted to take Lydia to the hospital in case there was an infection or the nail got lodged in her throat during the attempt to remove it. I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I thought my friend could take it out. More than likely he could have, and a trip to the hospital (and the accompanying bill) would have been unnecessary. But I could see how upset Katie was and how much she wanted to see a doctor so she would know things were fine. I deferred to Katie and we went to the hospital, which gave her peace of mind as a result of knowing that Lydia was receiving all the care she needed. Deferring to my wife so she felt loved was worth the cost.

Fifth, Biblical Submission Does Not Mean That Husbands Do Not Listen to Their Wives

We have already learned how God created the woman to give man a “helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). I don’t want to sound simplistic, but in my mind, the three greatest resources God has given a husband on this side of heaven are the Word of God, the Holy Spirit (also called “the Helper”), and his wife.

A husband who does not listen to his wife is forfeiting one of the greatest resources God has given him. In addition, consider how these three resources work together. God can use His Holy Spirit to counsel husbands through their wives. Many times, God has used Katie to warn me, correct me, encourage me, or direct me. There have been times when Katie has shared Scripture with me or given me her thoughts on a passage and she helped me to better understand God’s Word.

Scripture gives a powerful example of how a wife’s wisdom can be instructive for a husband. The context is the Roman prefect Pontius Pilate, who was sitting in judgment over the trial and crucifixion of Jesus. During the trial, Pilate’s wife sent him a message: “Have nothing to do with that just Man, for I have suffered many things today in a dream because of Him” (Matthew 27:19). Pilate rejected her counsel, and we all know what happened afterward. Could there be a better example in all of history of a time when a husband should have listened to his wife?

One very significant instance in which I believe God used Katie to direct me has to do with a key transition I made as a pastor. At the time, I was an associate pastor at Grace Baptist Church in Lemoore, California. Although that was a wonderful season of life for us, Katie sensed that God had gifted me to shepherd my own church. The senior pastor agreed with Katie’s assessment, so she had confirmation from him as well.

When we found out about a pastorate at Woodland Christian Church in Woodland, Washington State, Katie wanted me to take the position, but I wasn’t so sure because I enjoyed my job at Grace Baptist, I don’t like change, and I didn’t want to say goodbye to so many people I loved. In addition, the job security at the new position didn’t look promising. One of the deacons had the integrity to tell me, “Based on our savings, if the giving remains the same, we will only be able to pay you for eight months.”

I say all this to make it clear how hard it was for me to change jobs. Looking back, Katie’s ongoing encouragement is one of the main reasons I was able to make the move. There is one more detail to the story, but I will save that for later. For now, I simply want to share that God used Katie in that situation to give me the confidence I needed to become a senior pastor and use my spiritual giftedness in a greater variety of ways.

Sixth, Biblical Submission Does Not Mean That Wives Are Inferior

A common criticism of submission sounds something like this: “If wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, then wives are not equal to their husbands. Because God made men and women equal, wives do not have to submit.” Do we apply this thinking to the other kinds of relationships that require submission? Do we say that parents are superior to their children, elders are superior to their congregations, governments are superior to the people they govern, or employers are superior to their employees? Not at all. The same logic dictates that a wife’s submission to her husband does not in any way make her inferior.

Perhaps the best example of this is seen in the relationship between God the Son and God the Father. Consider these verses demonstrating Jesus’s submission:

• In John 5:30, Jesus stated, “I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.”
• In John 6:38, Jesus said, “I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.”
• In Matthew 26:39, Jesus prayed only a few hours before His crucifixion, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Does Jesus’s submission to the Father indicate that He is inferior? Absolutely not. Jesus made His equality with the Father very evident:

• In John 10:30, Jesus proclaimed, “I and My Father are one.”
• In John 17:20- 22, Jesus said, “I [pray]…for those who will believe in Me…that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You…that they may be one just as We are one.”

Those who believe a wife’s submission to her husband makes her inferior must also conclude that the Son’s submission to the Father makes Him inferior. If we acknowledge that the Son is both submissive to the Father and equal with Him, we can also acknowledge that wives are submissive to their husbands while still being equal with them.

The Son’s submissiveness to the Father and the unity, equality, and oneness they share is a beautiful picture of a wife’s submissiveness to her husband and the unity, equality, and oneness they should share. Note the following parallel: Jesus said, “We are one,” and Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one.” To make the parallel with marriage even stronger, 1 Corinthians 11:3 states, “The head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Just as the Son submits to the Father and sees Him as His head, a wife submits to her husband and sees him as her head.

Following Jesus’s Example of Submission

We can all be encouraged in our submission by looking at Jesus’s example. In the middle of Peter’s passage on submission he praised our Savior’s behavior: “To this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps” (1 Peter 2:21). This does not apply only to wives submitting to their husbands but to any relationship involving submission. When children demonstrate submission to parents, congregations demonstrate submission to elders, believers demonstrate submission to government, and employees demonstrate submission to employers, they are demonstrating the heart of Christ. A submissive heart is a heart like Christ’s. To submit is to be like Christ.

Just as Jesus is the premier example of submission, so Satan offers the premier example of rebellion. Scripture provides vivid images of Satan’s original rejection of God as his head, which resulted in his being cast down and out of heaven (Isaiah 14:12-20; Ezekiel 28:12-19). Then, in the Garden of Eden, we see him as a serpent stirring up similar rebellion in Eve. Consider the parallels between the words he spoke to himself and the words he spoke to the first woman:

• “I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High” (Isaiah 14:14).
• “Your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God ” (Genesis 3:5).

Satan is saying here, in essence, “You do not need to submit to God. You can have His position instead.” As difficult as it is to hear this, ultimately, to be rebellious and reject the authority God has placed over us—whether parents, church leadership, government, employers, or husbands as the head of the family— is to follow Satan’s example.

But let’s not conclude with our focus on Satan. Let’s resume “looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame” (Hebrews 12:2). When we think of submission, our minds can go to

• how Jesus was willing to submit—perfectly
• what He was willing to submit to—the wrath of God that our sins deserve
• why He was willing to submit—His unimaginable love for us

Nobody has ever had as much to submit to as Jesus did. Nobody has ever submitted to any trial or suffering as well as Jesus did. We should be encouraged by the example Jesus set for us whenever we face a situation that calls for submission. We should think about all Jesus submitted to whenever we feel like we are required to submit too much. We should remember the suffering Jesus submitted to whenever we feel like our submission involves too much suffering. We should especially keep in mind that Jesus submitted “for the joy that was set before Him” so that someday, we can hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant… Enter into the joy of your lord” (Matthew 25:21). Jesus’ example should encourage all us—man and woman alike—in our submission.

The burden of that text is that your life is essential to your words. I mean, it says that he “may be won without a word” (1 Peter 3:1). I don’t think that is an absolute, meaning, “You can’t ever talk about Jesus with your husband” — because he’s got to know you’re a believer, or he can’t be converted. And it says he will be converted. So he’s got to know the gospel.

“The absoluteness of Jesus relativizes the subordination of a child, a wife, a citizen, and a church member.”

And so, I think it means, “Don’t harangue him. Don’t nag him. Don’t preach at him. But in all humility and all lowliness, somewhere along the way, lay your heart bare before this man, as to where you stand and why you’re there.” Not in a preachy way, but in a testimonial way: “This is why I love Jesus. I believe that loving Jesus will help me love you better. So please don’t think that when I put him first, I’m loving you worse. It doesn’t work that way, honey. It doesn’t. It doesn’t. I will love you better for loving him more.” Now he may find that unintelligible, but you need to then show that; you need to prove that.

What Jesus Says Goes

It’s very complex in a day like ours, when spousal abuse is the first thing people think of, often, when you talk about submission. But there is a real kind of submission that does not make your husband your absolute Lord. That text makes no sense unless Jesus is your Lord above your husband, because you’re aiming to convert the husband to the Lord that’s above you both. And if you’re aiming to convert your husband, clearly you have not submitted to his wrong ideas.

Think through the implications of this text for what submission does and doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that your brain has been surrendered to the unbeliever’s brain, because if it were, you’d become an unbeliever. And the text clearly says, “Stand your ground, woman. Stand your ground.” You have an independent relationship with the Lord that’s authentic and unshakable. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, this is real. Jesus is your Lord, and you want him included in that. That’s remarkably independent — in a sense, you might say non-submissive.

So at the level of intellectual commitment, you’re committed to Jesus, not to what the husband believes, which means that submission has a flavor about it that is not absolutistic in the sense of “This man is my Lord — whatever he says goes.” It doesn’t. Whatever Jesus says goes. But oh my, once you have rested in Jesus and longed to show this man as a leader — that is, honor his leadership, though he may not even be a leader — you’re going to do everything you can to honor that leadership and call out of him all the initiatives, all the protection, all the provision.

“There is a real kind of submission that does not make your husband your absolute Lord.”

Those are the three words that I think headship implies. Protecting this woman means I’m going to die for her if I have to. She is my woman. Nobody can have her but me, and I’m protecting her against everything that might hurt her. Number two, I’m going to do everything I can to provide for her. Even if I’ve got a disability and she has to work for me, I’m going to do everything I can to be the provider. And I’m going to take initiatives. I’m talking to men now really, but that’s what she wants to awaken and win from him.

Qualified Submission

I think there are submissive ways to say no to an unbelieving husband. If he wants you to do group sex, you’re going to say, “I can’t. I love you, but I think this is bad for you, bad for us. I can’t do that because of Jesus.”

With all the texts in the Bible that talk about subordination — children to parents, wives to husbands, citizens to governments, and church members to elders, those four groups — all of them are qualified. They’re not absolute, right? You don’t do everything the government says. You don’t do everything a wacko elder says who’s left the faith. You don’t do everything parents tell you to do if they try to get you to join them in sinning in some way. The absoluteness of Jesus relativizes, qualifies, the subordination of a child, a wife, a citizen, and a church member.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

~1 Peter 3:1-2

Instead of just talking about the text, I’m going to share my own experiences and wisdom I’ve gleaned from talking with others about marriage to an unbelieving spouse. Hopefully, I can show you an illustration of the text rather than expositing it.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  submitting to one anotherout of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,  that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,  because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:15-33)

And this:

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?  You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.  You adulterous people! Do  you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.  Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?  But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  Submit yourselves therefore to God.Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” (James 4:1-10)

And this:

“Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” (1 Peter 2:13-17)

And this:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eye service, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. And, masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.” (Ephesians 6:1-9)

Does the Bible Only Call For Submission of Wives?

I think this is a good sampling. We see that the Bible tells us to submit to God, submit to human institutions, submit to one’s own husband, submit to parents, submit to masters, and submit to one another. This is not cultural. This is really about relationships, love, and what makes the world-go-round with the least amount of chaos as possible. All cultures like those things and pursue them.

Let’s look at this list a super simple way:

1. God
2. Husband
3. Parents
4. Masters
5. Human Institutions
6. One another

Is submission just for Christian wives as so many seem to think and focus on?

I guess not. According to Scripture.

Is submission something everyone is called to do?

We just read a few verses that tell us YES. It is.

You see, back in the day, the idea of wives submitting to husbands or slaves submitting to masters was a no-brainer. Wives and slaves didn’t need instructions to do that. It was a cultural given. So Paul isn’t telling the Christian wives and slaves to submit to their husbands and masters because that would be pretty dorky of him. (Like, duh, Paul? Anything else you need to say?)

They already do that because their power-over philosophy of culture required it.

This means Paul is introducing a new idea to Christian wives and slaves who were powered-over in the culture they lived in. He is telling them this:

“Now that you are Christians (followers of Christ), when you do your expected cultural submitting duty, you now do it AS UNTO CHRIST.”

Boom.

The New Testament and Biblical Submission

The New Testament leaders (including Jesus) did not overturn the power-over cultural norms overnight. They introduced brand new Christian concepts that would act like leaven, slowly spreading a truly Christ-like way of life (which is decidedly NOT power-grabbing and controlling) over time.

When modern day Pharisees demand submission of half the human race rather than lifting up Christ’s Way of living in submission to one another, they continue the humanistic culture of power-over.

It’s easy to do. Rules that control part of the human race make things simple. Walking by faith in the living, breathing Spirit of Christ and respecting the boundaries of other human lives is more complex and requires maturity, discernment, and a vibrant walk with Jesus. It’s not so black and white.

The Genesis judgment that men would power-over women is exactly that. A judgment. It is not a blessing.

Praise God – Jesus Christ overturned the judgments in the garden, and where you see the Holy Spirit at work, you will see the judgments being overturned. Where you see the spirit of the anti-Christ, you will see the promotion and carrying out of those judgments on the people of the earth.

Satan brings people into bondage. Jesus sets them free. It’s as simple as that even if religious, power-hungry folks try to gaslight you into believing otherwise.

Should Christian Wives Submit to Husbands No Matter What?

Well, what is submission, anyway?

Submission is a voluntary attitude of respect and cooperation. Sort of important when it comes to quality relationships. Without it we have anarchy and chaos inside, outside, and upside down. Whenever you see peace and harmony, you’ll see submission in action SOMEWHERE.

Side note: When one human being forces “submission” upon another, it is no longer submission. Catch that? It’s not submission. It’s control, manipulation, despotism, coercion, and a number of other bad things. Things that don’t make for peace, harmony, or quality relationships.

Look at the list above again. Who is the most important one on it? You need to have the answer super clear in your head, because we’re in a real conundrum if our parent tells us to kill our unborn child. Or if our employer tells us to change up the numbers. Or if our husband tells us to make porn with him. Or if the person in the pew to the right tells us not to tell anyone what we saw him do to our friend the other night.

Why, no matter which way we turn, we’ll have to disobey God’s word, right?

Wrong.

This is where a little common sense (wisdom?) comes in handy. There is a hierarchy to these things. And there’s a bottom line.

The bottom line, remember, is love. It’s always love. (Matt. 22:36-40)

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” (Romans 13:8-10)

Submission, whether you are a wife, a husband, a child, a friend, or an employee is an attitude of love, respect, and cooperation. God will never tell you to do something hateful or destructive or unloving (although humans may manipulate you to believe it is so they can get what they want). You are safe to love, respect, and cooperate with Him under any and every circumstance.

But humans are a whole ‘nother story. And thankfully, the Bible gives us some examples of people who didn’t submit to their parents, husbands, masters, government, and fellow human beings because to do so would have meant not submitting to God.

And God (along with REAL love) trumps everyone else. Let’s look at a few examples:

A Wife Doesn’t Submit to Her Husband and is (gasp!) Rewarded by God.

1 Sam. 25 – Abigail didn’t submit to Nabal (I’m pretty sure he didn’t want her to interfere in his refusal to help David, and I’m pretty sure she knew that too—conversations with her fool went nowhere), and God rewarded her willingness to do what was right by killing her husband a few days later and setting her free to marry David. (Seems almost scandalous, doesn’t it?)

(Do you see the love there?)

A Wife Submits to Her Husband and is Killed Instantly by God (DOUBLE GASP!)

Acts 5 – Ananias wanted to get the credit for giving all his worldly goods to The Church without actually doing it. God didn’t like all the lying and killed him for it. Sapphira submitted to her husband’s plan, and God killed her too. If only she hadn’t submitted to her husband. The story would have ended differently. (What would YOU have done?)

(Do you see the lack of love there?)

Some Guys Don’t Submit to Human Institutions and God Approves…of the Guys.

Acts 5 (again) –

“And the high priest questioned them, saying, “We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.” But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.”

(Do you see the love there?)

A Daughter Doesn’t Submit to Her Mother, and God Gives her a Place in the Lineage of Jesus Christ.

Book of Ruth – Naomi told her daughter-in-law, Ruth, to go back home. Ruth refused, and the rest is history.

(Do you see the love there?)

A Woman Doesn’t Submit to Some Important “One Another’s” and Blesses Their Socks Off

Acts 16 – Lydia (a business owner), after being converted, asked Paul and Co. if they would come and stay with her. The Bible says she “urged” them. Then it says “she prevailed upon us.” It sounds like she had to ask more than once. She wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. If she had been more submissive, she would have backed off, already.

(But, do you see the love there?)

So let’s sum it up. According to the Bible…

1. Submission is for everyone.  
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is rooted in love.
4. Submission to God trumps submission to humans, which means that…
5. There are times when it is wrong to submit to humans, but…
6. It is always safe and right and to our benefit to submit to God.

Exposing Covert Religious Lies About Submission

The reason submission is so unpalatable to people, especially women, is because of all the covert religious lies that swirl around it. In a healthy relationship, submission itself is a loving thing that enhances human relationships. But here are some examples of how people take it, twist it into a lie, and fling it around like a weapon that can (and does) encourage and perpetuate abuse of women and children. In these examples, the person in “authority” is not asking the “underling” to disobey God or to sin, but they are using the concept of submission to manipulate women while catering to their own selfish desires.

When you are reading these examples, have in the back of your mind these words from Scripture while asking yourself, “Who is sinning in this example?” Many would point to the woman placed in the underling position and say she was sinning for refusing to say “Yes Maam” or “Yes Sir” to the one who has placed themselves in the authority position. When we see the examples juxtaposed to Scripture, the truth becomes a little more clear.

“And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,and whoever would be first among you must be slaveof all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42-45)

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5)

“Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, it does not boast, it does not become conceited, it does not behave dishonorably, it is not selfish, it does not become angry, it does not keep a record of wrongs, it does not rejoice at unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (I Cor. 13)

A Hairy Armpit Loving Man

1. A man likes his women with hairy armpits and long fingernails painted pink. He tells his wife she must refrain from shaving while making sure to keep her nails long. And remember. Pink. If she fails to do this, he has a fit and tells her she’s a loser (and some other things).

The “Submit Lie” tells her she is a rebel practicing witchcraft (rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, remember) if she doesn’t do all her persnickety, pink-loving husband desires. As she fearfully paints her nails pink, she feels guilty, unloved, and unseen.

Is this man obeying the Word of God?

A Very Important and Concerned Pastor’s Wife

2. A young woman blogs about why she does or doesn’t let her kids watch Disney movies. (It doesn’t really matter which way she goes on this one, the story is the same.) The pastor’s wife sits down with her and tells her she shouldn’t be blogging. She’s too young to have any kind of influence on anyone. She might say something that dishonors their church, er, God. She might write about something that the pastor’s wife disagrees with.

“Basically, just quit blogging, already. You are an insignificant blot on the face of the planet with nothing to say to anyone, unlike me, a Very Important Pastor Wife Person. Plus, I’m jealous because my pastor husband won’t let me blog.”

The Submit Lie tells her that since the Pastor Wife Person is older (automatically makes you wiser, duh), and also married to a Pastor Person, she is an automatic authority. Especially if the Pastor Person gave his wife orders to gag the Blogger Woman.

Therefore it’s a no-brainer. Time to close down the blog and take up rock painting. She feels a loss of joy and purpose.

Is this Pastor-Wife-Person exhibiting the love and grace of Jesus?

A Principal Who Always Believes the Best

3. A teen-aged girl goes to her private school’s principal to report that she thinks one of the teachers might be sexually involved with one of the girls in her class. The principal firmly warns her about gossip and slander as well as dirty thinking. She has no proof. Only something she’s heard that is now being denied and covered up. Is she trying to bring down an entire ministry to families in her community? To sully the good name of a godly teacher? He tells her she is to quit thinking—and most certainly talking—about such depraved things and focus on whatsoever things are pure and holy, as all nice girls who want to please God do.

The Submit Lie tells her she needs to go to class and shut up. She feels guilty and dirty, for some odd reason.

Is this principle demonstrating love and compassion for the young women attending his school?

What Submission is Not

Submission is not hiding the sins of others in authority. Submission is not catering to the selfish whims of selfish spouses. Submission is not doing everything any Very Important Person tells you to do. If that were the case, then yes, submission would definitely be a weak, spineless, disgusting, degrading, demeaning thing.

But it isn’t submission. It’s cowardice and confusion; the result of abuse and shaming.

Do you see that the only one being unsubmissive in the above examples is the authority figure?They are refusing to submit to God. But many women put in those situations would automatically feel like they were the sinful one.

What Submission Can Look Like

Let’s look at those examples again and see how the women could relate to the fools and Pharisees in their lives while still showing love for the controlling person in their life, themselves, and God.

1. The wife with the hairy-armpit, pink-fingernail loving man could say, “Honey, I know you like those things, but I don’t. I prefer to shave and keep my nails short so I can change diapers and mix meatloaf without getting poop and raw beef stuck in them. I trust you married me for me. Not for my hairy armpits and long nails. I so appreciate your understanding why I can’t do that right now. I would be fine with painting my nails pink though whenever you’d like to plan a date night for us. How about that?”

If the husband proceeds to give her a black eye for that OR calls her names OR tells her she is a rebellious, unsubmissive woman wearing the pants of the family, then she needs to wonder if she is in an abusive relationship. He’s obviously not doing his part to love her the way Christ loves the Church. If these kinds of behaviors are his habit, she needs to get help. Sometimes her church will help, and sometimes, incredibly, they’ll side with the abuser and tell her that a good wife submits. Now she’s got an abusive husband AND an abusive church to deal with.

In cases of physical abuse, she can (and should) call 911 or go to the nearest woman’s shelter and report her husband. This may be seen as “unsubmissive” to some, but it’s the most loving thing she can do for herself, her children, and yes, for her abuser who needs psychological help. If we love one another, we will be truthful about sin instead of covering it up and pretending it isn’t there. If a husband sows hate and violence, he ought to reap jail time and therapy. Period.

2. The blogger could say to the Concerned Pastor Person’s Wife, “I appreciate your concern about these things, but this is how I’m choosing to develop my writing skills. I want to honor God by becoming all that God wants me to be in this area. If you find out that someone in our church is uncomfortable with something I’ve written, feel free to have them talk to me directly. I’d love to get feedback and help in honing my skills!

And then the blogger needs to live her adult life before God. Not before the humans who like to get all up in other folks’ business.

3. The student could say, “I realize how this appears on the outside, but I’m only trying to help both the teacher and this girl. I do not take pleasure in bringing this to your attention, and I would not have spoken up if I didn’t believe there was something to what I heard and what I’ve observed in class between the two of them. I trust that you will take me seriously, but if you will not investigate this, I will involve other adults who will. I certainly hope I’m wrong about all of this, but please remember that if I’m right, and it comes out some other way while you had prior warning but refused to investigate, that will create even more problems for this ministry and this community.”

Sometimes we need to be courageous and submit to God instead of humans. But in order to have courage, we have to be able to see the situation clearly from God’s perspective. And we have to know that God is bigger than people.

What if you are a wife, and your husband is not asking you to sin; he just doesn’t agree with you on things. How do you come to a final decision on something when you’ve reached an impasse?

Common Sense and Mutuality

I want to first come at this from a common sense standpoint. Let’s set aside the husband/wife thing for a minute and just pretend we are talking about two human beings. They can be two girls or two boys or a boy and a girl. They can be a variety of human colors. They can be roommates, siblings, co-workers, board members, or two Sneetches, one with a star on his belly and one without.

Let’s say that the two humans (or Sneetches, as the case may be) don’t agree, but a decision must be made. There are only two of them, so a majority vote cannot be taken. They are equals, so there is no “bigger or better” human that gets to make the decision.

Oh. My. Word. There is no simplistic, clear-cut, quick answer to this. It is a Conundrum. Is there a wringing of hands? Are we in a panic yet? What to do?!

A positive outcome is almost always a possibility when you have mutuality. Mutual respect. Mutual interest. Mutual goals. Mutual honor. Mutual concern. Will there be compromise? Most likely. Maybe after talking it out, thinking about it over time, and coming together to talk again, there will be a meeting of minds. But if not, compromises can be made, and things can move forward. Sometimes one party will defer to the other. But which party will that be? It won’t be the same party every time. Why? Because of love. Because of mutuality.

Here’s a great definition of mutuality:

“Mutuality is a way of being with another person which promotes the growth and well-being of one’s self and the other person by means of clear communication and empathetic understanding.”

PATRICIA EVANS – THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

In my opinion, that should (but sadly, doesn’t) describe every single Christian marriage if it is a healthy relationship. If Christians can’t get that right, who can? We’ve got the perfect model for this in the Triune, Relational God Who is unified in all decisions. God the Father doesn’t override God the Son or God the Spirit. They are One.

In a similar way, a husband and wife are One Flesh. Heirs Together. The ideal situation is to discuss major decisions using “clear communication and empathetic understanding” and make them together. When one person takes on the burden of making all the decisions unilaterally, they miss out on opportunities to truly know and love another human life. To give and take. To capitalize on one another’s strengths and knowledge and experience. To experience real intimacy and oneness.

(By the way, when I first wrote this post, I was still married to an abusive spouse under complementarian rules and regulations. Now I’m remarried to a man who treats me as his adult equal, and our relationship is healthy. There is no one-sided submission and one-sided power-over dynamic. I finally get to experience the truths I taught before I ever met my current husband. They work. You know why? Because THAT’S what the Bible teaches.)

Some Verses are Not More True than Other Verses

Verses about marriage do not trump the rest of the Word of God. All the verses about relationships apply to marriage as well. The verses on marriage ADD to the picture. They don’t make a SEPARATE picture. So when you read this:

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (James 2:8-9)

That doesn’t just apply in all human relationships outside of marriage. It applies in marriage too. Partiality is a sin. Period. Or what about this one:

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.  For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.  But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:13-18)

I don’t read any qualifiers here. It doesn’t read, “open to reason(unless you are a husband dealing with your wife), full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” I could make this post very, very long if I just copied all the passages in the New Testament alone that spoke about human relationships. They far outnumber the ones that just focus on marriage.

When we read verses like Ephesians 5:22-24, we ADD that to the wealth of wisdom already given in the rest of Scripture.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

And we read this in context, of course. These verses precede, presuppose, and dovetail with the following:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5: 25-30)

A Christian couple will strive for mutual respect for the interests of one another. Neither one trying to change the other into their own image – but appreciating the differences. Respecting boundaries. Honoring the other person. Being One and also enjoying the uniqueness of one another.

Trouble in Paradise

Rigid ideas about how things “ought to be done” can create all kinds of trouble in a marriage relationship. Let’s say a wife’s friends all homeschool and wear skirts. Plus all the blogs she reads say you aren’t godly unless you do. But the wife’s husband doesn’t want her to wear skirts and wants the kids to go to school. In homes like this, it often goes one of two ways:

1. The wife, decked out in her skirt with long hair up in a bun, nags, blames, shames, whines, complains, rages, and morphs into a martyr. The husband, feeling like a louse, succumbs to her toddler tantrums and lets her have her way.

2. The wife wants to talk. She nervously brings up the subject and timidly asks if there’s a possibility she could be allowed to homeschool their kids because the wife believes it is best for them. She is met with silence. So she ventures forward with more information about the benefits of home education. The husband coldly says, “Why do you always make such a big deal out of everything? What is your problem? Why can’t you just let me lead our family? You always want to make all the decisions. You want to wear the pants. Are you being obedient to God’s Word? Why do you have to nag me about this? I’ve made the decision, as I should. It’s final. Why can’t you just trust God?“

The submissive wife, shame-faced, slinks into her corner wondering why she even brought it up.

A Healthy Christian Marriage

Neither of the above scenarios is healthy. I wonder if God intended for a marriage relationship to look more like this:

3. A husband and wife who set aside time together every week to discuss life, the kids, how they are doing as a family and as a couple, etc. have a mutual discussion about home education. The husband would like to put his kids in public school. The Christian wife would like to try homeschooling them. They hash things out together, respecting one another’s input and ideas. Over the course of a few weeks, after talking together and thinking through everything separately, they decide to try homeschooling for a year with the option to change course the following year if either one doesn’t feel it is working out.

In this last scenario, there was mutual care and concern for the other person. There was an interest in what the other person was thinking and feeling. Both parties honored one another as precious human beings, made in the image of God. Both parties showed love toward one another by listening, sharing openly, being vulnerable, and being willing to bend, if necessary. They both desired to make a decision that was mutually satisfying to each one, knowing they could always revisit the issue the following year and make changes, if necessary.

The Biblical Meaning of Submission In Marriage for Wives

Submission in marriage has a bad rap in today’s world. When society hears “wives submit to your husband,” they raise their hands with the belief that submission to a man is demeaning. I will shed light on the true biblical meaning of submission and change that perception.

The key text concerning the submission of wives to their husbands is taken from the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, found in Ephesians 5:22-33

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything”.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body.  For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become flesh. This is a profound mystery: but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”.

What Submission in Marriage is Not

First, let may say I believe submission in marriage is notreticence, servanthood, inferiority, docile, degrading, and not a sign of weakness. In fact submission in marriage is a sign of strength, not of weakness. It requires a great degree of personal strength of character. Submission in marriage is a spirit of respect a wife has toward her husband. It is an attitude intended to help her and her husband to live a more contentful, peaceful life together. Problems and disagreements between a husband and wife in marriage are inevitable. But when a woman has an attitude of submission in marriage, a heart of respect for her man, it is much more likely the inevitable problems will be resolved harmoniously, without unpleasant quarreling and bitterness and resentment. And that is not to say it will be so because the man dominates and gets his way all the time. Some people look down on submission as if it were something demeaning, degrading, or humiliating. In a biblical sense, that is not what submission in marriage is about.

Biblical Submission for the Wife in Marriage

For a wife practicing submission to her husband does not mean she should be a silent “yes” person or doormat. Nor does it mean she should have no opinions of her own. Rather, a wife who chooses to take an attitude of submission towards her husband is a wife who has a heart of being supportive of her husband. She does so because she chooses to. In choosing to support her husband she is empowering him to have the self-respect he needs. He will develop into the kind of man who accepts his role and responsibilities in the home. He will seek to carry out his God-ordained position of protecting, providing for, and leading his family. When a wife submits she is being a helper to her husband in the broad, biblical sense of that word.

That is what God was referring to in Genesis 2:18,… God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”. When a wife submits to her husband it is not because she is afraid of his reproof,  domination, rejection, or chastisement. Instead, it is because she chooses to bless him.  In so doing, she is demonstrating a spirit of respect for the man. The blessings of such an attitude and actions in turn elevate her in the eyes of her husband. Additionally, this brings contentment and satisfaction to the couple and the marriage.

The Husband's Appreciation of Biblical Submission

For a husband, when his wife demonstrates a heart of submission in marriage, she is a pleasure to be around. The husband finds appreciation and admiration for her because she is one whom he can trust. As a result, he can feel at peace and content. He can trust her with his deepest desires and fears because he is not afraid of her scorning him, competing with him, or rejecting him.  He can relax with her because he knows that even when he makes mistakes, she will be working with him to help him put them right. The husband can feel secure in himself that she will be working to minimize the consequences of his mistake rather than trying to prove a point or reject him in some way.

A man whose wife truly understands and practices biblical submission acquires a greater sense of self-respect. He knows she respects him as a husband who accepts his responsibility as a leader in the home. He has confidence that she respects him and she is not in any way trying to belittle him.