Betrothed-unto the LIVING GOD!

 The Jewish custom of betrothal

Before entering into the actual betrothal period, a man would leave his home to go and select his bride. Although it was not unusual for this process to be initiated by the bridegroom’s father, by Jesus’ day it was usually initiated by the bridegroom himself. However certain a young man was of his choice, it was for the intended bride to say “yes” to a proposal of marriage. She was not required to enter into a betrothal against her will.

We can see from the Scriptures that families in biblical times often formed clans and tribes who lived in the same areas and stayed in close relationship with one another. They often married distant relatives within those clans and tribes, as we can see in the Old Testament examples of  Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, and many others. So to say “yes” to the proposal was to do so with some knowledge of the person you were committing yourself to. 

If both were in agreement, the bride and bridegroom would be required separately to go through a ceremonial washing, symbolic of spiritual cleansing signifying that they were entering into this time of betrothal in purity, having agreed to give themselves exclusively to one another. In Hebrew, the word kiddushim means “sanctification” or “being set apart” and is often, even today among Jews, used interchangeably for betrothal.  Interestingly, that same word is used to describe a dedicated temple. Through this washing the bride is now considered to be a temple set apart for her husband.

 The bridegroom was required to negotiate a “bride price” with the bride’s father. The bride price was whatever the groom was required to pay in order to gain his bride’s hand in marriage. It could be a monetary gift or a type of service or some other agreed upon arrangement. Although the bride price was paid to the father of the bride it eventually would become the bride’s as part of her dowry, the property the bride takes with her when she leaves her home and she brings it with her into her marriage. Its purpose was to provide her with some security for her future. We can see an illustration of this practice in the example of Jacob who had to work for his uncle Laban for 14 years to win Rachel, the couple taking with them the flocks Jacob produced and watched over during that period. 

After coming to an agreement on the price, a covenant would be drawn up and signed sealing the betrothal. As we see in the example of Joseph and Mary in the Gospel, a couple was considered to be married from the time of the signing of the betrothal covenant. Once a betrothed couple’s signatures were on the parchment it became a legally binding contract that could only be broken for reasons of infidelity, adultery, and then only by the intended groom. The reason for that was to avoid what is called "defrauding" or backing out of the betrothal. It was a way of holding the groom to his word and to the covenant, and providing the bride with a sense of security. After signing the covenant the bride and bridegroom would drink from a shared cup of wine over which a betrothal blessing had been pronounced.

The betrothal period lasted for an undetermined length of time, set by the groom’s father.  Generally it lasted about a year. Since the couple was to live apart from each other during that time it was common for the bridegroom to give the bride a ring or other symbol as a promise of his love and as a pledge of his return.

After the giving of the gift, the groom would return to his father’s house to begin preparing the new living accommodations for the bride and himself, frequently in the father’s own home or by building an addition onto it. It was the responsibility of the rabbis to determine that the bride’s new dwelling would be a more suitable and acceptable place to live than where she had lived previously.

The groom’s father was the one who ultimately determined when the new living accommodations were ready and only then would he give his son permission to bring his new bride home. 

The bride and the bridal party were usually given seven days advance notice of the groom’s coming, but the exact day and time were not known. Thus, the bride had to be in a continual state of readiness. With the permission of the groom’s father, one of the groom’s friends would give a shout alerting the bride and the wedding party of the groom’s coming. Then the wedding celebration would begin. The groomsmen would carry the bride on their shoulders to the new dwelling where the ceremony would take place. The marriage ceremony was finally sealed and completed with the bride and bridegroom sharing another cup of wine. And from there the union would be consummated, the celebration lasting a full seven days. 

The betrothal fulfilled in Jesus
When we look at the betrothal customs of the Jewish culture, many of which are still in place today in that culture, we begin to see some parallels to Jesus and his bride, the church.

In the Scriptures we can see an overlapping of the betrothal initiation process. Ephesians 1:4 tells us that he (the Father) “chose us in him (in Christ) before the creation of the world.” In John 15:16 Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will last.” He has chosen us to be his holy, pure and spotless bride. Jesus, with his Father’s blessing, has left his father’s house to come to earth to seek his bride. He makes himself known to us through his word, teaching us about himself and offering us the chance to accept his proposal. Our repentance and the giving of our lives to Jesus is our saying “yes” to that proposal.

 We see in the Scriptures that Jesus enters into his time of public ministry by being baptized. He goes through his ceremonial washing, as Jesus says to the Baptist, “…in order to fulfill all righteousness” (Matthew 3:15); in order to be set apart, to be sanctified for the work of winning his bride, the church.  And from Ephesians, we see that the church, too, has been declared to be sanctified and set apart exclusively for Christ. He “makes us holy through the washing of the word so that we might be presented to him a radiant church, holy and blameless” (Ephesians 25-27). For Christians, our baptism also stands as the symbol of our sanctification, our being set apart for the Lord exclusively. We, too, are seen as a temple, set apart for the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit.

Jesus fulfills his obligation as the bridegroom by establishing a new covenant, written in his blood, giving his very life as the payment required to gain his bride, the church. “You are not your own, you have been bought with a price” (1Corinthians 6:19b-20).

The Father loved us so much that he gave (granted, offered, indicating that he was not resigned to the idea, but he actually initiated it) his own Son to be slain in order that we might not perish but rather be “won” for the Son, as his perfect, spotless bride to enter into an eternal relationship of union with him! He initiated the giving of his own Son as the purchase price for his bride. His blood is the dowry that we take with us into our new home with Christ in heaven. It secures our future with our bridegroom. 

Our sharing in the communion cup serves as the symbol through which Christ has obtained the church as his bride. Through his blood he makes a new covenant with us, and as we share in the cup we are agreeing to participate in the betrothal with him.

A broken relationship with God is often described in both the Old and New Testament as spiritual adultery. This is especially true when an individual or the people as a whole break covenant with God through idolatry – going after false gods and worshipping them instead of the one true God. God takes his relationship with his covenanted people very seriously – as seriously as one would a marriage relationship. Any serious breech in a covenant relationship with God is tantamount to adultery since it breaks the promise one has made to give one’s whole life to God – to follow and obey him now and to the end of one’s life. God saw his people’s worship of pagan gods as his betrothed having an affair with another man. These pagan gods are most generally referred to in Scripture as the ba’als or simply, Ba’al. In Hebrew, the word ba’al has the same root as the word “husband.” God took his relationship with Israel and he takes his relationship with us as seriously as one takes a marriage relationship. From God’s perspective, his people were unfaithful adulterers. And although he reserved the right to “divorce” them, he rather showed amazing patience with them, as he does with us, wanting them to repent of their unfaithful ways and embrace the way of life he offered them.

As the chosen people of Israel make their way to the Promised Land God speaks clearly to them saying, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31: 6). The writer of Hebrews reminds his hearers of these same words as he addresses marital faithfulness and keeping oneself free from the love of money, two key concerns for most individuals looking toward marriage. Jesus repeatedly told his disciples that although he was going to the Father he would indeed come back for them. He could be counted on not to defraud them.  He would be faithful; he would provide for them. And “He proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He paid the ‘bride-price’ even though we were, and still are, often unfaithful spiritual adulterers. “If we are faithless, he will remain faithful because he cannot deny himself” (2 Timothy 2:12).

 Jesus has given us his Holy Spirit as the pledge and promise of his return. “You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance” (Ephesians1:13-14). Many times in the New Testament we see the word “gift” in connection with the Holy Spirit. The Hebrew word for “gift” in Greek is charisma or charismata which we understand to be referring to the Holy Spirit and also the Holy Spirit’s working in individuals. The gift of his Spirit is Jesus’ pledge and promise to us of his returning to take us home to his Father’s house.

Jesus tells his disciples that he is going away and that they cannot come with him. But he says, “Do not be troubled. In my Father’s house there are many mansions, many rooms…I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am”  (John 14:1-3). I think this is one of the clearest references indicating that Jesus has entered into a betrothal period with his bride, the church. After the betrothal, he has now left the home of his bride and has gone back to his Father’s house to prepare a place for us. It will indeed be better than the place we are currently living. “For no eye has seen and no ear has hear and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1Corinthians 2:9). 

The Bridegroom, Jesus, doesn’t indicate the day or time when he will be coming back for his bride, the people he has redeemed with the price of his blood. He tells his disciples plainly that he doesn’t know when the Father will give his permission for the Son to come gather us up and take us home. “Only the Father knows that day and that hour” (Matthew 24:36). But during this time between his first and second coming, the Lord Jesus is busy in the house of his Father making living accommodations for us that will only be completed when the Father says so. 

Finally, when the Father decides that all is ready, there will be a trumpet blast and a shout to announce Jesus’ coming. The whole people of God will be taken up into heaven and brought into the kingdom of the Father where we will be fully united with our Bridegroom for all eternity. Jesus said to the disciples at the Last Supper, “I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until I drink it anew with you in my Father’s kingdom” (Matthew 26: 29). Perhaps this Scripture is a reference to the conclusion of the wedding ceremony of the Lamb, to the beginning of our new life in a new kingdom with our Bridegroom, Jesus the Lord! 

How the Church Prepares 

Preparing our wedding garment
For the bride, the betrothal period was a time of preparation. Her primary duty was to prepare her wedding garments. If the betrothal period could last for a year or more, it must have been quite an undertaking to make this garment! She would have to be paying extraordinary attention to detail, putting her whole heart and soul into it, wanting to look her absolute best for her bridegroom, pleasing him being her main concern. 

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters, and like loud peals of thunder, shouting, Hallelujah! For the Lord God Almighty reigns! Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given to her to wear.(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints) [Revelations 19:6].

Scripture states that the spiritual wedding garments which we will wear at the marriage feast of the Lamb will be adorned with the good deeds and acts of service which we have done for the Lord and for his people, especially those we have lived with and have daily contact with. In 1Timothy 5:10, which is primarily addressed to women, Paul specifically mentions some of the key jewels and qualities of service which the Lord takes special delight in, such as “bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble, and being devoted (given to) doing all sorts of good deeds.” Scripture tells us to put on Jesus Christ, to cloth ourselves with Jesus’ character, his virtue, no longer considering how to gratify the desires of our sinful flesh. Our concern should be gratifying our God – making him happy, and clothing ourselves with the spiritual garments of righteousness and holiness – these are what truly please our Lord.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:1).2 

These are the fruits of the Spirit that are born in us as we prepare our bridal garment by living our lives in service to one another and to the Lord, and yielding our wills more and more to accomplishing his purposes.

Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:13-14).

In the Old Testament God spoke of being careful to make the tabernacle exactly like the pattern he had given to Moses. He was also detailed and extremely specific about the making of the priestly garments. So too, he gave us a pattern for our spiritual wedding garment. The explanation of the self-sacrificing love in 1Corinthians 13 is the pattern Jesus gives us. Through the Apostle Paul he tells us what love is and what it is not. If we have not love we are as worthless as a noisy gong or clanging symbols, or as unfinished or tarnished wedding garments! 

Spiritual and emotional preparation for marriage
For a woman, the betrothal period was a time for learning to love the man she was now going to marry; learning to trust him, growing in respect and honor for him, being willing to let him make decisions for their life together. She had to trust his word to her, the promise he made that he would come back for her. She had his gift to remind her of that promise. The gift gave her reassurance and comfort as she waited and looked forward to his return. 

We too, as the Bride of Christ, the people whom Jesus has cleansed and chosen for himself, should strive to grow in our love, honor, and respect for him, our true heavenly Bridegroom. We too need to trust in his word to us, in his promise that he will indeed come back for us. It is hard trusting someone you cannot see, especially for a lengthy period of time. And since the waiting can be long, we need continual reassurance. And so much more valuable than any physical ring, the Lord Jesus has given us a spiritual sign of his pledge to reassure us in our waiting – that pledge is the gift of the Comforter, his Holy Spirit – a sure guarantee of the Lord’s return. 

The bride had to trust the bridegroom to make the new house a place that would fulfill her needs. She had to lay aside her preferences, her demands, and let him arrange the dwelling the way he thought best, a difficult and challenging posture for anyone to take! 

Similarly, we have no idea what our eternal dwelling will look like, but we know it will be perfect and we trust that it will fulfill our every longing (John 14:1-3). Presently however, the Lord Jesus makes his presence known to us through his Holy Spirit who dwells in our hearts. Are we letting him have his way in this dwelling? Are we dictating to him where we will and will not allow him to work in and through our lives? Are we giving him the same freedom to do what he wants with his spiritual dwelling place in our hearts as he has in building our eternal dwelling place with him in heaven? Have we completely abandoned our wills to him, giving him the exclusive right to do with us as he chooses? 

Getting to know (and love) his family
This period of physical separation during the betrothal could also be seen as a time for “falling in love.” As mentioned earlier, Jewish families in biblical times were part of close-knit clans and tribes – so having some acquaintance or knowledge of the extended family members of one’s clan and tribe was common. During the betrothal period the bride would naturally want to get to know the groom’s family more personally, more intimately. And as the bride would get to know the family, she would get to know her bridegroom through their stories of him, their sharing of life with him, their experiences of him. She would learn to love him as his family loved him. So as she learned to know the bridegroom’s family she would “fall in love” with the bridegroom himself.

Jesus told his disciples that everyone who does the will of his Father is his mother, his brother, his sister. Ephesians 2:19 says that “we are members of God’s household” his family. Jesus wants us to recognize his family (and consequently our true spiritual family) in every person who does his will. In sharing our lives together, sharing our stories of Jesus with each other, telling each other what we’ve learned about him, how we have loved him and how we have experienced his love, learning to love one another as he loved us – all of this can help us to know him and to grow in our love for him.

As the betrothed New Covenant bride, the people redeemed by Christ, we are privileged to have the Holy Spirit as our teacher and guide – to help us grow in our knowledge of our bridegroom, the Lord Jesus. The Spirit not only gives us understanding of Christ’s word, he pours Christ’s love into our hearts (Romans 5:5).  In Jeremiah 31: 34 we read the prophetic word pointing to New Covenant life: “No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother (family, relatives, kinsmen, depending on the translation) saying, ‘Know the Lord, because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the Lord.’” So while the bridegroom is away we spend our time learning to love him, even as we learn to love each other, and as we listen to our shared stories, and as we allow the Holy Spirit to speak his word through one another so that we may together grow in our knowledge and love for the One who has called us to be united with himself. 

The bride of Christ, his church, is now patiently waiting for her groom, the Lord Jesus, to come for her. She is awaiting the shout of the groomsman, awaiting the blast from the trumpet announcing the bridegroom’s coming. She has been given up to seven days advance notice but she doesn’t know the exact day or hour of his coming. Consequently, she needs to be in a state of readiness because he could show up at any moment. The number “seven” in Scripture signifies “completion.” So when the bride is given seven days advance notice of her groom’s coming, it is a way of saying, when all is ready, “When it is completed, I will come for you.” 

September 2012 - Vol.  62 parable of the 10 maidens waiting for the bridegroom to arrive  .. Fully Engaged, Fully Betrothed  . by Joanie Nath Our most recent women’s retreat in the People of God community in Pittsburgh had as its theme Fully Engaged in Heart and Mind. As I mused on the theme I began to think about it in terms of an approaching marriage. What does it mean to be fully engaged to be married? Many of us probably know at least one person – in our family, a friend, or an acquaintance – who has been in a perpetual state of engagement. They are in a holding pattern of sorts, waiting. For some there may be a legitimate reason for waiting to marry, for instance, an unexpected job loss or a sudden, serious illness. But, for others it is often an ambiguous waiting; there is no wedding date set, no clear direction and no vision for the future. It would seem these folks are less than fully engaged. To be fully engaged means that you are working toward something. There is a destination in mind, a building of the relationship and much thought and preparation given to the life that follows after the wedding day. There are number of Scripture passages that refer to the church as the Bride of Christ. Given the magnitude of that reality, surely there are some serious implications to consider. Shouldn’t we be “fully engaged” right now? What should that look like? It seems to me that this realization should be having a significant impact on how we live our lives and how we spend our time and resources. Shouldn’t the realization of this key relationship be changing our thinking about what is really important? The Bible does not mention the word engagement. However, in Scripture there are many references to the very common Jewish practice of betrothal, the custom that relates most closely to our modern engagement period. I believe the history of the Jewish custom of betrothal, in the Old and New Testaments, has something to teach us about what it means for the church to live as the Bride of Christ. The Jewish custom of betrothal Before entering into the actual betrothal period, a man would leave his home to go and select his bride. Although it was not unusual for this process to be initiated by the bridegroom’s father, by Jesus’ day it was usually initiated by the bridegroom himself. However certain a young man was of his choice, it was for the intended bride to say “yes” to a proposal of marriage. She was not required to enter into a betrothal against her will. We can see from the Scriptures that families in biblical times often formed clans and tribes who lived in the same areas and stayed in close relationship with one another. They often married distant relatives within those clans and tribes, as we can see in the Old Testament examples of  Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, and many others. So to say “yes” to the proposal was to do so with some knowledge of the person you were committing yourself to.  If both were in agreement, the bride and bridegroom would be required separately to go through a ceremonial washing, symbolic of spiritual cleansing signifying that they were entering into this time of betrothal in purity, having agreed to give themselves exclusively to one another. In Hebrew, the word kiddushim means “sanctification” or “being set apart” and is often, even today among Jews, used interchangeably for betrothal.  Interestingly, that same word is used to describe a dedicated temple. Through this washing the bride is now considered to be a temple set apart for her husband.  The bridegroom was required to negotiate a “bride price” with the bride’s father. The bride price was whatever the groom was required to pay in order to gain his bride’s hand in marriage. It could be a monetary gift or a type of service or some other agreed upon arrangement. Although the bride price was paid to the father of the bride it eventually would become the bride’s as part of her dowry, the property the bride takes with her when she leaves her home and she brings it with her into her marriage. Its purpose was to provide her with some security for her future. We can see an illustration of this practice in the example of Jacob who had to work for his uncle Laban for 14 years to win Rachel, the couple taking with them the flocks Jacob produced and watched over during that period.  After coming to an agreement on the price, a covenant would be drawn up and signed sealing the betrothal. As we see in the example of Joseph and Mary in the Gospel, a couple was considered to be married from the time of the signing of the betrothal covenant. Once a betrothed couple’s signatures were on the parchment it became a legally binding contract that could only be broken for reasons of infidelity, adultery, and then only by the intended groom. The reason for that was to avoid what is called "defrauding" or backing out of the betrothal. It was a way of holding the groom to his word and to the covenant, and providing the bride with a sense of security. After signing the covenant the bride and bridegroom would drink from a shared cup of wine over which a betrothal blessing had been pronounced. The betrothal period lasted for an undetermined length of time, set by the groom’s father.  Generally it lasted about a year. Since the couple was to live apart from each other during that time it was common for the bridegroom to give the bride a ring or other symbol as a promise of his love and as a pledge of his return. After the giving of the gift, the groom would return to his father’s house to begin preparing the new living accommodations for the bride and himself, frequently in the father’s own home or by building an addition onto it. It was the responsibility of the rabbis to determine that the bride’s new dwelling would be a more suitable and acceptable place to live than where she had lived previously. The groom’s father was the one who ultimately determined when the new living accommodations were ready and only then would he give his son permission to bring his new bride home.  The bride and the bridal party were usually given seven days advance notice of the groom’s coming, but the exact day and time were not known. Thus, the bride had to be in a continual state of readiness. With the permission of the groom’s father, one of the groom’s friends would give a shout alerting the bride and the wedding party of the groom’s coming. Then the wedding celebration would begin. The groomsmen would carry the bride on their shoulders to the new dwelling where the ceremony would take place. The marriage ceremony was finally sealed and completed with the bride and bridegroom sharing another cup of wine. And from there the union would be consummated, the celebration lasting a full seven days.  The betrothal fulfilled in Jesus When we look at the betrothal customs of the Jewish culture, many of which are still in place today in that culture, we begin to see some parallels to Jesus and his bride, the church. In the Scriptures we can see an overlapping of the betrothal initiation process. Ephesians 1:4 tells us that he (the Father) “chose us in him (in Christ) before the creation of the world.” In John 15:16 Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will last.” He has chosen us to be his holy, pure and spotless bride. Jesus, with his Father’s blessing, has left his father’s house to come to earth to seek his bride. He makes himself known to us through his word, teaching us about himself and offering us the chance to accept his proposal. Our repentance and the giving of our lives to Jesus is our saying “yes” to that proposal.  We see in the Scriptures that Jesus enters into his time of public ministry by being baptized. He goes through his ceremonial washing, as Jesus says to the Baptist, “…in order to fulfill all righteousness” (Matthew 3:15); in order to be set apart, to be sanctified for the work of winning his bride, the church.  And from Ephesians, we see that the church, too, has been declared to be sanctified and set apart exclusively for Christ. He “makes us holy through the washing of the word so that we might be presented to him a radiant church, holy and blameless” (Ephesians 25-27). For Christians, our baptism also stands as the symbol of our sanctification, our being set apart for the Lord exclusively. We, too, are seen as a temple, set apart for the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit. Jesus fulfills his obligation as the bridegroom by establishing a new covenant, written in his blood, giving his very life as the payment required to gain his bride, the church. “You are not your own, you have been bought with a price” (1Corinthians 6:19b-20). The Father loved us so much that he gave (granted, offered, indicating that he was not resigned to the idea, but he actually initiated it) his own Son to be slain in order that we might not perish but rather be “won” for the Son, as his perfect, spotless bride to enter into an eternal relationship of union with him! He initiated the giving of his own Son as the purchase price for his bride. His blood is the dowry that we take with us into our new home with Christ in heaven. It secures our future with our bridegroom.  Our sharing in the communion cup serves as the symbol through which Christ has obtained the church as his bride. Through his blood he makes a new covenant with us, and as we share in the cup we are agreeing to participate in the betrothal with him. A broken relationship with God is often described in both the Old and New Testament as spiritual adultery. This is especially true when an individual or the people as a whole break covenant with God through idolatry – going after false gods and worshipping them instead of the one true God. God takes his relationship with his covenanted people very seriously – as seriously as one would a marriage relationship. Any serious breech in a covenant relationship with God is tantamount to adultery since it breaks the promise one has made to give one’s whole life to God – to follow and obey him now and to the end of one’s life. God saw his people’s worship of pagan gods as his betrothed having an affair with another man. These pagan gods are most generally referred to in Scripture as the ba’als or simply, Ba’al. In Hebrew, the word ba’al has the same root as the word “husband.” God took his relationship with Israel and he takes his relationship with us as seriously as one takes a marriage relationship. From God’s perspective, his people were unfaithful adulterers. And although he reserved the right to “divorce” them, he rather showed amazing patience with them, as he does with us, wanting them to repent of their unfaithful ways and embrace the way of life he offered them. As the chosen people of Israel make their way to the Promised Land God speaks clearly to them saying, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31: 6). The writer of Hebrews reminds his hearers of these same words as he addresses marital faithfulness and keeping oneself free from the love of money, two key concerns for most individuals looking toward marriage. Jesus repeatedly told his disciples that although he was going to the Father he would indeed come back for them. He could be counted on not to defraud them.  He would be faithful; he would provide for them. And “He proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He paid the ‘bride-price’ even though we were, and still are, often unfaithful spiritual adulterers. “If we are faithless, he will remain faithful because he cannot deny himself” (2 Timothy 2:12).  Jesus has given us his Holy Spirit as the pledge and promise of his return. “You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance” (Ephesians1:13-14). Many times in the New Testament we see the word “gift” in connection with the Holy Spirit. The Hebrew word for “gift” in Greek is charisma or charismata which we understand to be referring to the Holy Spirit and also the Holy Spirit’s working in individuals. The gift of his Spirit is Jesus’ pledge and promise to us of his returning to take us home to his Father’s house. Jesus tells his disciples that he is going away and that they cannot come with him. But he says, “Do not be troubled. In my Father’s house there are many mansions, many rooms…I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am”  (John 14:1-3). I think this is one of the clearest references indicating that Jesus has entered into a betrothal period with his bride, the church. After the betrothal, he has now left the home of his bride and has gone back to his Father’s house to prepare a place for us. It will indeed be better than the place we are currently living. “For no eye has seen and no ear has hear and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1Corinthians 2:9).  The Bridegroom, Jesus, doesn’t indicate the day or time when he will be coming back for his bride, the people he has redeemed with the price of his blood. He tells his disciples plainly that he doesn’t know when the Father will give his permission for the Son to come gather us up and take us home. “Only the Father knows that day and that hour” (Matthew 24:36). But during this time between his first and second coming, the Lord Jesus is busy in the house of his Father making living accommodations for us that will only be completed when the Father says so.  Finally, when the Father decides that all is ready, there will be a trumpet blast and a shout to announce Jesus’ coming. The whole people of God will be taken up into heaven and brought into the kingdom of the Father where we will be fully united with our Bridegroom for all eternity. Jesus said to the disciples at the Last Supper, “I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until I drink it anew with you in my Father’s kingdom” (Matthew 26: 29). Perhaps this Scripture is a reference to the conclusion of the wedding ceremony of the Lamb, to the beginning of our new life in a new kingdom with our Bridegroom, Jesus the Lord!  How the Church Prepares  Preparing our wedding garment For the bride, the betrothal period was a time of preparation. Her primary duty was to prepare her wedding garments. If the betrothal period could last for a year or more, it must have been quite an undertaking to make this garment! She would have to be paying extraordinary attention to detail, putting her whole heart and soul into it, wanting to look her absolute best for her bridegroom, pleasing him being her main concern.  Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters, and like loud peals of thunder, shouting, Hallelujah! For the Lord God Almighty reigns! Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given to her to wear.(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints) [Revelations 19:6]. Scripture states that the spiritual wedding garments which we will wear at the marriage feast of the Lamb will be adorned with the good deeds and acts of service which we have done for the Lord and for his people, especially those we have lived with and have daily contact with. In 1Timothy 5:10, which is primarily addressed to women, Paul specifically mentions some of the key jewels and qualities of service which the Lord takes special delight in, such as “bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble, and being devoted (given to) doing all sorts of good deeds.” Scripture tells us to put on Jesus Christ, to cloth ourselves with Jesus’ character, his virtue, no longer considering how to gratify the desires of our sinful flesh. Our concern should be gratifying our God – making him happy, and clothing ourselves with the spiritual garments of righteousness and holiness – these are what truly please our Lord. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:1).2  These are the fruits of the Spirit that are born in us as we prepare our bridal garment by living our lives in service to one another and to the Lord, and yielding our wills more and more to accomplishing his purposes. Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:13-14). In the Old Testament God spoke of being careful to make the tabernacle exactly like the pattern he had given to Moses. He was also detailed and extremely specific about the making of the priestly garments. So too, he gave us a pattern for our spiritual wedding garment. The explanation of the self-sacrificing love in 1Corinthians 13 is the pattern Jesus gives us. Through the Apostle Paul he tells us what love is and what it is not. If we have not love we are as worthless as a noisy gong or clanging symbols, or as unfinished or tarnished wedding garments!  Spiritual and emotional preparation for marriage For a woman, the betrothal period was a time for learning to love the man she was now going to marry; learning to trust him, growing in respect and honor for him, being willing to let him make decisions for their life together. She had to trust his word to her, the promise he made that he would come back for her. She had his gift to remind her of that promise. The gift gave her reassurance and comfort as she waited and looked forward to his return.  We too, as the Bride of Christ, the people whom Jesus has cleansed and chosen for himself, should strive to grow in our love, honor, and respect for him, our true heavenly Bridegroom. We too need to trust in his word to us, in his promise that he will indeed come back for us. It is hard trusting someone you cannot see, especially for a lengthy period of time. And since the waiting can be long, we need continual reassurance. And so much more valuable than any physical ring, the Lord Jesus has given us a spiritual sign of his pledge to reassure us in our waiting – that pledge is the gift of the Comforter, his Holy Spirit – a sure guarantee of the Lord’s return.  The bride had to trust the bridegroom to make the new house a place that would fulfill her needs. She had to lay aside her preferences, her demands, and let him arrange the dwelling the way he thought best, a difficult and challenging posture for anyone to take!  Similarly, we have no idea what our eternal dwelling will look like, but we know it will be perfect and we trust that it will fulfill our every longing (John 14:1-3). Presently however, the Lord Jesus makes his presence known to us through his Holy Spirit who dwells in our hearts. Are we letting him have his way in this dwelling? Are we dictating to him where we will and will not allow him to work in and through our lives? Are we giving him the same freedom to do what he wants with his spiritual dwelling place in our hearts as he has in building our eternal dwelling place with him in heaven? Have we completely abandoned our wills to him, giving him the exclusive right to do with us as he chooses?  Getting to know (and love) his family This period of physical separation during the betrothal could also be seen as a time for “falling in love.” As mentioned earlier, Jewish families in biblical times were part of close-knit clans and tribes – so having some acquaintance or knowledge of the extended family members of one’s clan and tribe was common. During the betrothal period the bride would naturally want to get to know the groom’s family more personally, more intimately. And as the bride would get to know the family, she would get to know her bridegroom through their stories of him, their sharing of life with him, their experiences of him. She would learn to love him as his family loved him. So as she learned to know the bridegroom’s family she would “fall in love” with the bridegroom himself. Jesus told his disciples that everyone who does the will of his Father is his mother, his brother, his sister. Ephesians 2:19 says that “we are members of God’s household” his family. Jesus wants us to recognize his family (and consequently our true spiritual family) in every person who does his will. In sharing our lives together, sharing our stories of Jesus with each other, telling each other what we’ve learned about him, how we have loved him and how we have experienced his love, learning to love one another as he loved us – all of this can help us to know him and to grow in our love for him. As the betrothed New Covenant bride, the people redeemed by Christ, we are privileged to have the Holy Spirit as our teacher and guide – to help us grow in our knowledge of our bridegroom, the Lord Jesus. The Spirit not only gives us understanding of Christ’s word, he pours Christ’s love into our hearts (Romans 5:5).  In Jeremiah 31: 34 we read the prophetic word pointing to New Covenant life: “No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother (family, relatives, kinsmen, depending on the translation) saying, ‘Know the Lord, because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the Lord.’” So while the bridegroom is away we spend our time learning to love him, even as we learn to love each other, and as we listen to our shared stories, and as we allow the Holy Spirit to speak his word through one another so that we may together grow in our knowledge and love for the One who has called us to be united with himself.  We wait patiently for his return The bride of Christ, his church, is now patiently waiting for her groom, the Lord Jesus, to come for her. She is awaiting the shout of the groomsman, awaiting the blast from the trumpet announcing the bridegroom’s coming. She has been given up to seven days advance notice but she doesn’t know the exact day or hour of his coming. Consequently, she needs to be in a state of readiness because he could show up at any moment. The number “seven” in Scripture signifies “completion.” So when the bride is given seven days advance notice of her groom’s coming, it is a way of saying, when all is ready, “When it is completed, I will come for you.”  She hopes and trusts that when he does come she will be ready and that she will have prepared well. Every day she is hoping for what she does not yet have, hoping that today might be the day. Finally, when the groom’s father decides that all is completed he sends his son to go and bring his new bride home.  As Christ’s betrothed, both individually and corporately, we too eagerly await the Son. We are awaiting the shout and the trumpet blast announcing the groom. We need to be always at the ready. As the bride works to be ready for the coming of her groom, we too work to be ready for Jesus’ return.  We trust that “he who began this good work in us will see it through to its completion, right up to the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). It is not for us to know the day or the hour of his return. Our job is to watch and be ready. “But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (Romans 8: 24b-25).  In hope the bride waits for the return of her groom, confident that he will not defraud or disappoint her because his love has been poured out into her heart by the Holy Spirit who has been given to her.  Conclusion When a betrothed woman gets married, she takes three things from the betrothal with her into her new life: (1) her dowry; (2) the gift her bridegroom gave her; and (3) her wedding garment. That’s it. Likewise, when Jesus comes for each of us we won’t be taking our house, our education, our career, our accomplishments, our children’s accomplishments, our talents, our degrees, our money, or our fit bodies.  All we will be taking with us is our dowry, which is his blood, the payment he made to purchase us. We will take the gift he gave us, his Holy Spirit. And we will be clothed in our wedding garment, our righteous deeds done in service for our Bridegroom. That’s it.  All the rest is wood, hay and stubble. As Paul said, “…I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ…I want to know Christ...” (Philippians 3: 8, 10a).  All Paul wanted was to spend his days getting to know Jesus better, to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of him.  As we wait and as we live in this betrothal period, we want to be fully engaged, fully betrothed as the Bride of Christ, and committed in heart and mind to preparing for our eternal home, not distracted by lesser things but making plans for a glorious eternal life with our Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus.  Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on earthly thing (Colossians 3:2).   That is having an eternal perspective. That is being “fully engaged.” The Bride of Christ When looked at through one filter, the bible is a love story.  It is the story of God bringing the whole world into His family, starting with His Son and His bride.  In studying the marriage customs of ancient Israel, we can see how the holy days are an allegory for this process. We’re told in Revelation of the actual wedding ceremony in heaven, the marriage supper of the Lamb. “Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory,” John relays, “for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready. And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints” (Rev. 19:7).  This happy occasion does not happen out of the blue, though. Instead, there are several important steps in this relationship that bring the bride and Groom to this point.   If we tried to look at the marriage allegory only through our modern wedding rituals, we’d miss much of the deep and rich meaning laid out for us.  It’s not perfect and all-encompassing—all analogies and allegories break down at a certain point—but the spring holy days help teach us about God’s relationship to us and how He will bring us into His family as His son’s pure bride. Christ frequently used the rituals of this very familiar, very exciting event to illustrate things about Himself and what would happen in the future.  He based several parables and sayings around marriage, including that of the marriage supper (Matt 22:2), the ten virgins (Matt 25:6, 10), and the bridegroom (Mark 2:19-20). Paul took this theme further, telling us that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church”, and that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church—even laying down His life for her (Eph. 5:23, 25). Weddings in ancient Israel consisted of three main stages:  contract, consummation, and celebration. The contract stage, which is largely pictured by the spring holy days, involved making the marriage contract, paying the bride price and giving the bride gifts, and the departure of the groom, after which both bride and groom made themselves ready for the coming ceremony, consummation, and festivities. A Bride is Chosen; She Accepts In ancient Hebrew customs, the father or his representative would select a bride for his son, and arrange the marriage with the bride’s family (Matt. 22:2, or Genesis 24 with Abraham’s servant and Rebekah). Sometimes a son went to seek his own wife, as in Jacob’s case (Gen. 28).  Our journey as a firstfruit begins in this manner as well. Jesus tells us, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you” (John 15:16).  However, the woman selected did have a say in the matter, and could say no to the match (Gen. 24:58).  This is important because we can only enter into covenants through free will, of our own volition—we are never forced into a covenant with God. Once the bride is chosen, the couple and their families and witnesses come together for the betrothal ceremony that begins a betrothal period, also called “kiddushim” meaning “sanctification” or “set apart.”  Christ’s bride, the firstfruits, are called to be sanctified (purified, made holy) and set apart for a special purpose as well (I Cor. 6:11, I Thes. 4:3, Heb. 10:10). Purification through Baptism The bride enters a period of purification and anticipation during the betrothal period.  Most sources say the bride went through a ritual immersion and washing (called a “mikveh”) to symbolize turning away from her old life and toward her new future. Sources differ, but it seems it may have been done after accepting the proposal but before signing the contract and entering the formal betrothal period, symbolic of spiritual cleansing prior to entering the covenant. Many sources indicate that both the bride and groom went through a ritual immersion.  Jesus set the example by being baptized at the beginning of His ministry (Luke 3:21).  Through His death and resurrection, He made it possible for each member of the bride of Christ to have their sins wiped away and become spiritually pure through repentance and baptism (Acts. 2:38).  Christ told His followers that this was a requirement, saying “He who believes and is baptized will be saved” (Mark 16:16). The conversion process leads toward repentance and baptism as a starting point—the record of our past sins is wiped clean and we turn away from our old life.  This allows us to “draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water” (Heb. 10:22). The bride must remain in that pure state for the duration of her betrothal.  Paul cautions the church about this, saying, “I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed [KJV says “espoused”] you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ” (II Cor. 11:2). Read next:  Circumcision, Baptism, & Passover:  Entering Into Covenant The Bride Price and Gifts At the ceremony, the groom paid the agreed-upon bride price to the bride’s father, transferring ownership from her father’s household to his own.  The price was paid to the father of the bride, both to compensate him for the loss of a worker (and the financial responsibility of raising her) and to show him how much the bridegroom loved and valued the bride.  The significance and value of the gift was a symbol of the strength of his regard or feeling for the bride—the greater the bride, the greater the price. Our Messiah and Passover Lamb paid the ultimate price for His bride, laying down His life and shedding His blood to wash away her (our) sins.  In doing so, He removed us from the primary controlling influence in our life (Satan and his carnal world) and brought us into relationship with Him (Rom. 8:3-4).  Peter reminds us that we should be living a holy life, “knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold…but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot” (1 Peter 1:18-19). The bride price was an obligation of the law to be fulfilled by the groom, presented to the bride’s father—Jesus’s sacrifice fulfilled this obligation, since the law requires death as the penalty for sin.  However, the groom also presented the bride herself with a gift or pledge.  Rather than a compulsory presentation, this was a voluntary expression of the heart, and something that would be a constant reminder in the ensuing absence that he cared for her and would return for her.  Jesus told His disciples that He would sending the holy spirit to help them while He was away (John 14:16). In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul reiterates that the holy spirit is not only a promise of love, but a promise that He will return for us, saying, “In whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the holy spirit of promise, which is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession” (Eph. 1:13-14; also I Cor. 6:19-20). Instead of a physical gift such as a ring or coin, Jesus left the spirit of God to live inside each of us and help prepare us for our future marriage.  Peter calls it the “gift of the holy spirit”, and tells the crowd assembled on Pentecost that in order to accept this gift we must be repent of our sins and be baptized (Acts 2:38). This gift was also a reminder of the promise the bride was making and her responsibility to live up to the terms.  We are told, “It is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the holy spirit…if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God and put Him to an open shame” (Heb. 6:4). Entering Into the Covenant – the Betrothal Contract The couple then signed a written contract stating the terms, promises, bride price, and responsibilities and rights of each party.  At this point they have entered into a covenant with one another, making a commitment to honor and serve each other for the rest of their lives. Commitment is a major theme of Passover, as it pictures us choosing to leave the world to come into covenant with God and dedicate our lives to following Him.  Jesus tells us His yoke is easy and burden light, but also cautions us to count the cost before choosing to follow Him, since there is no looking back (Matt. 11:30; Luke 14:27). Jesus came to enter into a new covenant with a bride that would be pure and faithful to Him, unlike the faithlessness of physical Israel.  In Hosea, He says “I will betroth you to Me forever…in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord” (Hos. 2:19). Jeremiah prophesied of God’s promise of this better, everlasting covenant:  “Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant…I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; I will be their God and they shall be My people” (Jer. 31:31-33). Paul tells us this is a better covenant, established on better promises (Heb. 8:6-13).  God promises His firstfruits that they will have everlasting life in His family, and that they shall be kings and priests in the kingdom of God (Rev. 1:6, 20:6). After signing the contract, a cup of wine was poured, blessed with ritual prayer, and then the bride drank from it to seal the marriage covenant.  Christ, likewise, sealed His marriage covenant before He died: “Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant… I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in My Father’s kingdom” (Matthew 26:27-29). Here He alluded to the second cup of wine that the couple shares many months later during the marriage celebrations, mirroring the agreement they made at the betrothal ceremony. At this point, they are legally considered husband and wife, though the marriage is not consummated yet.  The understanding of betrothal in ancient Israel is much stronger than our modern idea of an engagement.  The bride is set apart and sanctified for only him from that point forward, and only divorce can end the union.  A couple would need a religious divorce or “get” in order to annul the contract (Deut. 24:1-4), an option only available to the husband. Bridegroom Leaves to Prepare a Place The bridegroom then has to leave his bride for a time (generally around a year).  He goes to build and prepare a home for them in his father’s household and make sure he can meet the financial terms of the bride contract.  Jesus told His disciples not to worry while He was away.  He said, “In My Father’s house are many mansions…I go to prepare a place for you…I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also” (John 14:1-4). No one—including the bridegroom—knows when he will return except his father, who confirms that the new home is prepared and allows his son to go claim his bride.  Similarly, Jesus told His disciples that even He doesn’t know the exact time of His return.  “But of that day and hour no one knows,” He said, “not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only…therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Matt. 24:36, 44). The Bride Makes Herself Ready During this time apart, the woman prepares herself to be a wife and sews her wedding garments.  She can’t procrastinate in carrying out this task and just wait until the last second, since she doesn’t know when the bridegroom will return. As the bride of Christ, we must be spending our time on this earth while He’s away readying our wedding garments—“fine linen, clean and bright…the righteous acts of the saints” (Rev. 19:8).  Christ’s sacrifice was the first step in obtaining these garments, for He “gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her…[and] present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:25-27). However, we have to do our part as well.  Every day we are to be readying ourselves for our future wedding and preparing to be a worthy wife to our Bridegroom.  Our efforts in this area will show in how we live our lives and treat others, the way we obey God’s instructions and build godly character. The bible is our instruction manual in our quest to “do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Mic. 6:8).  We are told to focus on nurturing the fruits of God’s spirit and shun the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-23), to esteem others better than ourselves (Phil. 2:3), to take care of the widows and orphans (James 1:27), and to bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2).  Peter practically draws a roadmap to building godly character and working toward the “exceedingly great and precious promises” God has made. “Giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love…he who lacks these things is short-sighted…and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins” (2 Pet. 1:4-9). In other words, we are not to sit around idly awaiting Christ’s return. A bride’s thoughts would be consumed with her upcoming wedding every day, with no chance of her forgetting to prepare.  Yet, physical Israel did not have this excitement and constantly turned away from her betrothed.  Jeremiah relays to us, “Can a virgin forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? Yet My people have forgotten Me days without number” (Jer. 2:32). In contrast, Christ’s future bride will have a different attitude toward her bridegroom: “I will greatly rejoice in the Lord…for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness. As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels” (Is. 61:10). Remembering Our Betrothal at Passover The Passover is a time when we reflect on Christ’s sacrifice, our commitment at baptism, and often areas for improvement in our own lives.  But it also pictures a joyous occasion—the betrothal of Christ to His future bride, the church—that will culminate in a marriage celebration the likes of which this world has never seen. We can also reflect on the incredible marriage covenant He has offered us.  The Passover reminds us that He chose us to be His bride, entered into covenant with us, offered the cup of acceptance, and paid the bride price.  Then He gave us the infinitely valuable gift of His holy spirit and left to prepare a place for us in His household for all of eternity. God and Jesus both look forward to the day He returns as much as (or even more than) we do.  Isaiah tells us of Their longing for this, saying, “As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you” (Is. 62:5). During the spring holy days we commemorate the marriage covenant we have entered into, and look forward to the day when we hear the loud shout that means our Bridegroom is returning, when we are able to celebrate the marriage, take His name, and become a true member of the God family. “Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready” (Rev. 19:7) The Ten Commandments can be summarized in two overall principles: love toward God (Deuteronomy 6:5) and love toward neighbor (Leviticus 19:18). The first four commandments deal with our relationship with God, and the last six commandments expound on our relationship with fellow man. What does it mean to have a relationship with God? An analogy is frequently used to describe the relationship between Christ and the church is that of a groom and a bride (Revelation 21:1-4). Likewise, Paul writes in II Corinthians 11:2: "For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." The word "betrothed" seems somewhat archaic; today, we would say the church is "engaged" to Christ. By making the New Covenant with Him, we have agreed to spend all eternity with Him, but at present, we are within the period preceding the marriage described in Revelation 19:7-9. Following the analogy, we are to be preparing ourselves for this future relationship. During this preparation time, the parties involved are getting to know each other. God the Father has handpicked us for this relationship, and now is the time we need to make ourselves ready. How does this fit into the Sabbath and the concept of ownership? God has already established a regular meeting time with us—a "date," as it were. Every week, that part of our schedule is already determined. Amos 3:3 asks, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" In other words, can a person meet with another if they have not determined a meeting time? Sabbath time has been specially designated as the Bride's time with Jesus Christ. This does not mean that we should restrict our interaction with Him to this day; on the contrary, part of each day should be devoted to prayer and Bible study. Nevertheless, this is a primary reason the seventh day has been set apart and made holy. What does this mean practically? Imagine a couple planning to marry. Being devoted to one another, they have set their wedding date and have agreed to meet on a weekly basis. It is easy to see that, if the young man shows up at the designated time, but the young woman suddenly decides that there is a more convenient time, a rift is going to develop in the relationship. Obviously, the correct day is vitally important. God has already established that day. Suppose the couple gets the day right, and they meet and spend time together. What if the young lady, in the midst of this quality time she is supposed to be spending with the one she loves, pulls out a cellphone and begins talking to her friends, as if her fiancé does not even exist? What if the topic of conversation, either between her and her friends or between her and her fiancé, is little more than gossip or what she is planning on doing as soon as her weekly date with her alleged beloved is over? Or, what if their date, which her betrothed had made special for them, has become a mere ceremony to her? What if she just goes through the motions, doing the things required of her, showing little or no feeling about what this relationship really means to her? On a spiritual level, we are commanded to assemble, if possible, and part of our Sabbath is intended to be for fellowshipping. What are the topics of our conversation? Do sports, entertainment, shopping, or business advance our relationship with God? Is catching up on the latest gossip and social news appropriate for this time that does not belong to us? During this weekly appointment, where do our thoughts wander? Do we think about our business interests or financial concerns? Do we think about or make plans for what we are going to do as soon as the sun sets? Do we esteem Saturday night more than the time God has set apart for us to meet with Him? Are our Sabbath services mere ceremonies? Are we demonstrating to God by our actions on this day that we are eagerly looking forward to spending eternity with Him? These are points to ponder. The picture of betrothal is one of Christ and His Church. The essence of betrothal is seeking God, trusting that if He has a spouse for us, He will bring them into our lives in His timing. If/when He reveals to us and confirms to us that a certain person is to be our spouse, we can trust His leading, and make a betrothal/marriage commitment without having a trial period of sorts. Betrothal is really wonderful, God’s plans and ways are best! We sometimes worry that if we follow God’s ways, we might miss out on things, but we only miss out on hollow and temporary pleasures to gain the lasting treasure of glorifying Him, and receiving the joy that comes from being in His presence. ”…[I]n His presence is fullness of joy; at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11 ”… [Jesus said,] I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly.” - John 10:10 God not only will lead you to the right spouse, job, or ministry. He literally planned every last second of your life - “even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore.” - Luke 12:7 Please remember that betrothal isn’t a checklist of steps to follow. Like most of Scripture, it is a test of our heart and obedience through love for God. We can be tempted to put our faith in a method or checklist, whereas in reality, what God wants is for us to seek Him! Scripture is full of instruction from God in every area we need. Biblical betrothal isn’t children trying to find a spouse. It isn’t parents trying to find a spouse for their children. It involves everyone waiting patiently on God. And God’s timing is perfect. When it is time for Him to bring your husband or wife into your life, He will. And if we are seeking God, and learning to hear His voice, He will tell us when we are supposed to get married, and to whom. How we choose to glorify him, by applying God’s commands, is often unique to who He has made us. For example, one person may be married in a church to show their submission to the Lord’s Body - another may have an outdoor wedding to testify of the beauty of the world God formed with His Word. One couple may have known each other for years before God brings them together in marriage, while another may meet only a few years or less before God unites them. However, all of these represent a picture of Christ and his Bride, the Church, to the world. All can represent the gospel in a way that glorifies God.Were Joseph and Mary married when Jesus was born?  Is there a contradiction between Matthew's account and Luke's?   I suppose your teacher is referring to the following passage in Luke: Luke 2:5 "To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child." {taxed: or, enrolled}(KJV) Luke 2:5 "To enroll himself with Mary, who was betrothed to him, being great with child."(ASV)   BIBLE "ESPOUSED/BETHOTHED"   The following information is typical of the historical use of the word "bethothed" or "espoused" as used in Luke.   "Betrothal" in Jewish law The term "betrothal" in Jewish law must not be understood in its modern sense; that is, the agreement of a man and a woman to marry, by which the parties are not, however, definitely bound, but which may be broken or dissolved without formal divorce. Betrothal or engagement such as this is not known either to the Bible or to the Talmud, and only crept in among the medieval and modern Jews through the influence of the example of the Occidental nations among whom they dwelt, without securing a definite status in rabbinical law. In the Bible. Several Biblical passages refer to the negotiations requisite for the arranging of a marriage (Gen. Xxiv.; Song of Songs viii. 8; Judges xiv. 2-7), which were conducted by members of the two families involved, or their deputies, and required usually the consent of the prospective bride (if of age); but when the agreement had been entered into, it was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that of actual cohabitation. The root ("to betroth"), from which the Talmudic abstract ("betrothal") is derived, must be taken in this sense; I.e., to contract an actual though incomplete marriage. In two of the passages in which it occurs the betrothed woman is directly designated as "wife" (II Sam. Iii. 14, "my wife whom I have betrothed" ("erasti"), and Deut. xxii. 24, where the betrothed is designated as "the wife of his neighbor"). In strict accordance with this sense the rabbinical law declares that the betrothal is equivalent to an actual marriage and only to be dissolved by a formal divorce.  http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=995&letter=B   I have to agree with you and the preacher both.   I admire your wisdom in trusting in Matthew's account for harmony in understanding the custom of that day even without having a Jewish encyclopedia. Matthew's account: Matthew 1:18 "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit.  19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.  20 But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit." The passage teaches us that... 1.  Joseph was Mary's "husband." (verse 19). 2.  Mary was betrothed to Joseph. (verse 18). 3.  "Do not be afraid to take to you..." Mary is identified as "YOUR WIFE". (verse 20). 4.  Joseph could have made Mary a public example ("disgrace") and she could have been killed according to the Law of Moses (Deuteronomy 22:23-24) ...although I understand according to my research that it was rarely exercised during the first century.  Joseph wanted to "put her away* ".   This refers to "half of act" of divorce Deuteronomy 24:1-3.   The term is used in the New Testament in discussing divorce (e.g., Matthew 19:3-9).   Can a person "divorce" or "break up a marriage" without its existence?         In Jewish custom the betrothal period began with the exchange of solemn vows as binding in their society as those of a modern wedding ceremony. The marriage is not consummated until the husband "takes" her which is usually after a year.    http://www.ccel.us/mary.ch4.html    ["take" (Greek: paralambano - G3880 "an intimate act"; compare to Exodus 21:10, etc.] In Joseph's case though he would have arisen from his sleep and taken Mary home (this togetherness could not be done until the conclusion of the betrothal). The Scripture is plain that he did not have sexual relations with Mary until after she had delivered Jesus (Matthew 1:25). "And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused (NIV: "pledged") wife, being great with child" (Luke 1:4,5). Note: the NIV translation is misleading: it is not a pledge in the sense of a promise that we are used to seeing in America. It was a stage in a legal marriage.         Since Luke says Mary and Joseph were still betrothed when it was time to go to Bethlehem, then the angel's appearance to Joseph was at this time or Luke is accommodatingly pointing out to the reader that the marriage had not been consummated by Joseph and Mary (which is the meaning of "making one flesh"- GW). Yet, publicly Joseph had "taken her in the eyes of the public" for them to be together. Perhaps this may be a modern illustration: I knew an elderly couple around the ages of 90 that were married in Alabama. They married strictly for companionship. The husband told me that they did not have sexual relations. However, before the town they were husband and wife, living together in a decent manner. PUT AWAY: A TERM ASSOCIATED WITH A STATE OF MARRIAGE    *The Greek word:  ἀπολύω   (Strong's definition) "From G575 and G3089; to free fully, that is, (literally) relieve, release, dismiss (reflexively depart), or (figuratively) let die, pardon, or (specifically) divorce: - (let) depart, dismiss, divorce, forgive, let go, loose, put (send) away, release, set at liberty." A.  Matthew 19:7- They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" B.   The following is another example of translating "put away" into  American English: King James Version: 1 Corinthians 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:  11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. New King James Version: 1 Corinthians 7:10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.  11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.  12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.  13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. Being Married to Christ as our Husband in the Church as our Home for our Rest and Satisfaction Ruth gleaned after the reapers of Boaz, and she had much grain to bring home for her and Naomi to eat. However, Naomi knew that this was not enough; she knew that Ruth needed a home, and this means that she needed a husband. Even more, Naomi knew that Boaz was the right husband for Ruth, so she proposed this and even pushed to gain a home for Ruth. Chapter 3 of Ruth shows Ruth’s seeking for her rest; on one hand, she gleaned and obtained food, but on the other hand, she needed a home for her rest. This is similar to our experience; we may enjoy Christ and feed on Christ, but we do not have full rest and satisfaction until we are married to Christ as our Husband in the church as our home. When we believed into the Lord, we were organically joined to Him; now He is in us, we are in Him, and in this organic union we pursue Him. As we pursue the Lord, we gain Him, possess Him, experience Him, and enjoy Him – even as Ruth exercised her right to partake of the produce of the good land. However, even as Ruth had the need for a husband to be at home, so we today need to not only enjoy Christ but be married to Christ as our Husband in the church as our home. After our gleaning of Christ, after our enjoyment of the rich and all-inclusive Christ, we still need a home – we need to be married to Christ as our Husband. We all need to not only enjoy the Lord but also love Him; we need to tell Him, Lord Jesus, You are my Husband. We may have been saved for a long time, and we may love the Lord, but until we take Him as our Husband in and for the church, we do not have real rest and satisfaction. Especially today with the modern aspect of the world, there are so many distractions from Christ; there is the entertainment, sports, online shopping, and all kinds of things that draw us away from Him as our Husband. As we spend time pursuing such things, we are unfaithful to our Husband, Christ, and we forsake Him for so many other idols. Many believers are entangled in so many things of this world, and it seems that they have never been married to Christ, for they don’t take Him as their Husband in actuality. As a result, they are roaming, wandering from place to place, having no rest. We may be such ones, and we may swerve just like Elimelech; however, when the Lord visits us, when His light shines on us, we return to the Lord, and we take Him as our Husband in the church. The place we find our Husband is in our home, the church; we all can testify that, as we meet with the saints and enjoy the Lord together, we love the Lord, we take Him as our Husband, and our love for Him increases. It is in the church that we can take Christ as our Husband, and in the church we are at home, being married to Christ. We must be married to Christ in the church as our home for our full rest and satisfaction. Just as Ruth found full rest and satisfaction not only by gleaning from the field but by marrying Boaz, so we find full rest and satisfaction in the church, our home, as we are married to Christ as our Husband. We need to not only glean in His field by enjoying the Lord and partaking of Him as our food; we also need to marry Christ as our Husband in the church as our home. Nothing is more intimate than marriage; our taking Christ as our Husband is very intimate, for when we marry Christ, our life will be changed. In our organic union and love relationship with the Lord, we need to live, walk, and behave in oneness with Him, checking with Him about everything, and loving Him to the uttermost. It is so good, so sweet, and so restful with satisfaction for us to remain with the Lord, our Husband, at home, in the church! If we live in such an organic union with Him, if we not only enjoy the Lord but also marry Him as our Husband in the church as our home, we will truly know the church life in the Lord’s recovery, and we experience rest and satisfaction in and with the Lord in the church. Lord Jesus, we love You! We take You as our Husband. We want to not only enjoy You and partake of You as our food, our nourishment, for our daily living; we also want to marry You as our Husband. Oh Lord, You have drawn us to Yourself, and we cannot but respond in love to You. We take You as our Husband in the church, our home. Keep us abiding in the organic union with You, taking You as our Husband and loving You in the church, our home! Amen, Lord, loving You as our Husband and being one with You as Your wife makes us so happy, peaceful, and full of satisfaction! We love You, Lord Jesus, our Husband! The Genuine Ministers of the New Testament Stir up the Believers in Christ to Love Him and Take Him as their Husband Naomi realized that the proper person to be Ruth’s husband was Boaz; hence, she acted as a “middleman” in order to prod Ruth to get married. Naomi got excited, for she realized that Boaz – the one in whose field Ruth was gleaning – was one of their kinsmen, and he could redeem her birthright and marry her. So Naomi acted as a “middleman” to “prod Ruth” to get married. We shouldn’t take this as a Scriptural basis to be arranging marries in the church life; rather, we should take this in a spiritual sense, realizing that we need to stir up the believers in Christ to love Him and take Him as their Husband. The genuine New Testament ministers are like Naomi in that they stir up the believers in Christ to love Him as their Bridegroom, so that they may take Him as their Husband (2 Cor. 11:2; Rev. 19:7; 21:9-10). Paul says in 2 Cor. 11:2 that he betrothed the Corinthian believers to one husband to present them as a pure virgin to Christ. This is his ministry, and this is our ministry as genuine ministers of the New Testament: to betroth others to Christ, to cause them to love the Lord, and to help them be married to Christ as their Husband in the church as their home. Wonderful! If we want to know which ministry is the true ministry, the genuine ministry of the New Testament, we shouldn’t only look at the doctrines it teaches or the works it does, but the result – does it cause the believers to marry Christ as their Husband, and does it lead them to the church as their home? We all can testify that, when we read the ministry when we read the portions in the Holy Word for Morning Revival, and when we read the life-study of the Bible, we are stirred up in our love for the Lord Jesus. The more we read the Bible and enjoy the Lord in the ministry, the more we love the Lord Jesus, the more we are betrothed to Him as our Husband, and the more we want to build up the church as the Body of Christ, our home. We just give ourselves to love the Lord every day; from the morning, we tell Him that we love Him, and we just want to enjoy Him with the saints. The only way for us to have rest is to take Christ as our Husband; we must know Him as our Husband and take Him as our Husband, living in the closest and most intimate contact with Him (1 Cor. 2:9; 16:22). When we do this, when we are married to Christ as our Husband in the church as our home, we are entrusted with the New Testament ministry, and we bring others also to love the Lord as their Husband. If we marry Christ, taking Him as our Husband, our life will be changed; we will realize that we must have a wife’s fidelity, and we will learn how to enjoy Christ as our life and person, walking and behaving in oneness with Him (2 Cor. 2:10). We and Christ, Christ and us, are at home together in the church; Christ as our Husband and the church as our home are a complete unit for us to have proper and adequate rest. We desire one thing from the Lord, and that will we seek, to dwell in the house of Jehovah all the days of our life, and to behold His beauty and enquire in His temple (Psa. 27:4). The house of Jehovah is God Himself in Christ (Psa. 90:1; John 1:14; 2:19). The house of God is our spirit and the church. As we love the Lord and marry Him as our Husband, we exercise our spirit and walk according to the spirit, and we remain the church as our home. When we are in the church by being in the meetings of the church, we have the feeling that we are at home. Lord Jesus, we love You and we take You as our Husband in the church as our home. We love to be with You and live in the closest and most intimate contact with You. Amen, Lord, thank You we can have rest by taking You as our Husband in the church as our home. Make us those who bring others also into the enjoyment of Christ so that they would love the Lord and be married to Him! Amen, Lord, we want to be the genuine ministers of the New Testament who stir up the believers in Christ to love Him as their Bridegroom and take Him as their Husband! Yes, Lord, may all believers be brought into and abide in the organic union with the Lord to enjoy true rest and satisfaction as they take Christ as their Husband in the church as their home! But our union with Christ is a reality now, even as we await its appointed consummation. Just as Adam, upon seeing his wife Eve for the first time, declared, “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” So does Christ say to the church. As Christ beholds us as his bride, he sees his own nature in us.4 He is the husband who sanctifies and beautifies his bride, cleansing us “by the washing of water with the word,” presenting us to himself “in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Eph 5:26–27). As Christ beholds the Church, he sees she is lovely in her beauty. He relishes in her beauty, as the beauty of the church comes from the imputed beauty of Christ’s righteousness. That what Jesus loves about the church is the beauty that he himself bestows. The Puritans grasped the significance of our union with Christ, leaning into the language of marriage to describe the reality of our salvation. The puritans are often mocked as dour and killjoys, but they elevated the joy and pleasure known in Christian marriage. Sexual desire and pleasure in marriage were a priority for them, unlike Roman Catholic teaching, which presented sex as a matter of duty, not desire.5 And the Puritans saw something in the sexual union of marriage that saturated their vision for the Christian life. For them, the Christian life was about cultivating desire and affection for the pleasures of God. So the Puritans latched on to Ephesians 5 and books of the Bible like Song of Solomon, using the imagery of marriage to describe their communion with Christ. They meditated on the images and symbolism of marriage as a way to stir their yearning for Christ. Admittedly, some of them did this in some bizarre and awkward ways. Still, it is fascinating how they intuitively saw their union with Christ not as an intellectual construct but as a pleasurable union. Their union with Christ meant pleasurable experiences of communion with Christ. The church’s marriage with Christ, begun by faith and sealed with the bond of the Spirit, opened up heaven’s joys and pleasure to individuals who sought satisfaction in the love of Christ. Margaret Durham, the wife of the Scots divine James Durham, posthumously wrote the forward to her husband’s sermons on his exposition of Song of Solomon. Without embarrassment, she wrote of “love-paintings…, high delighting…, love-languishing…, and heart ravishings” that come both from marital and spiritual bliss. In other words, her experience of sexual ecstasy in marriage gave her a greater understanding of the passion and pleasure of Christ’s marriage to his bride as we enjoy communion with him. Similarly, John Owen addresses those without Christ, suggesting that they may have enjoyed all the pleasures of the world, but without Christ, they have “never experienced true pleasure.” He states that Christ alone and our participation in him is both the source of true and lasting pleasure. John Owen tells them, seducing them with the pleasure of Christ, “A few moments in these joys are to be preferred above the longest continuance of the carnal pleasures of this world.”6 In describing communion with God, Jonathan Edwards would use terms like “rapturous,” “ravishment,” or “swallowed up.” Perhaps your Christian journey has been different than my own, but as I grew up in the church, I thought of the Christian faith as a right articulation of the truth. The gospel was exclusively a legal reality, making me justified before God. I rejoiced that there was now no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus, but yet Jesus seemed far and distant from my daily life. But as I encountered the Puritans in college, I realized that their biblical vision for the Christian life was filled with affection, yearning, longing, and desiring after God. As I read them, I couldn’t help but think I had missed something in the Bible that they had seen. They talked about communion with God as a present reality. Though deeply intellectual, they had an affectionate desire for God and an experiential knowledge of God. Perhaps you, like me, can find yourself lacking intimacy with Christ. I implore you to give yourself to meditating and contemplating on what it means to be united with Christ. Lean on the Puritans to help teach you how to love Christ as the lover of your soul. As you behold his beauty and glory, you cannot help but be swept away into holy ecstasy as Jesus becomes lovely and sweet to your soul. God’s love for us in Christ is far more satisfying than we can even imagine. Jonathan Edwards preached, “Christ loves the elect with so great and strong a love, they are so near to him that God looks upon them as it were as parts of him.” By our union with Jesus by faith, we become participants of the divine nature. We are wedded to Christ as he has permanently set his love upon us. And the bond of eternal love between the Father and Son through the Spirit is the pattern of our union with Christ. The Holy Spirit binds us to our husband and head. And so, as Dustin Benge put it, “The same love that flows unceasingly between the Father and the Son now directly flows to the Bride.”7 Do such thoughts of Christ fill your heart? Do you yearn for Jesus as a bride for her husband? Do you pine for communion with Christ, crying out, “The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills” (Song 2:8)? Do you arise from bed and say, “I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves” (Song 3:2)? Do you burst with joy as you sing, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine”? I believe a great reason our lives lack spiritual power and joy is that we fail to give ourselves to commune with Christ. We treat our relationship with Christ as a perfunctory, legal reality—a loveless marriage that continues for our convenience. We want Jesus for his assets, as the wealth of his righteousness gets us out of hell. But few desire Jesus for his own sake. So few say to Jesus, “Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful” (Song 1:16). But if we recognize that in the gospel, we are bound to Jesus as our heavenly husband, we will yearn for him as the lover of our souls. We won’t be content with distance and unfamiliarity, but our hearts will burn with yearning and seeking after Jesus. As we consider our marriage to Christ, we must recognize that we are the betrothed in waiting—bound to him, yes, but longing for the pleasures to come from the consummation of our marriage to Jesus. Christ has gone to prepare a place for us, but soon he will return. And as we long to be in his presence, we lament his absence. Desire deferred makes the heart sick.8 Thus, and here is the mystery, the longings of love in our human marriages point to gospel realities. Kaitlyn and I don’t like to spend time apart for very long. But shortly after I exited my last ministry assignment under—let’s just say—duress, I was scheduled to travel to Columbia, South America to teach a week-long course on the doctrine of God to a cohort of future pastors. I was jobless and discouraged thousands of miles from my family in the middle of nowhere with a language barrier. It wasn’t easy even to make phone calls or FaceTime in the rural mountains. The isolation compounded my misery. I found my heart growing miserably homesick, yearning to be home to my wife. And the joy of seeing her face after such time and distance filled me with incredible joy. The Christian life is like that as we consider our marriage to Christ. When it seems as if Christ has withdrawn from us, our hearts ache, yearning for the pleasure of his presence. And when he comes in sweet communion, we burst with happiness. In our present age, our communion with God can feel sporadic. We experience it at God’s sovereign pleasure through the taking up of the means of grace. But the saint will one day find his everlasting rest when he will bring us “to the banqueting house,” and his “banner” over us will be love as he embraces us for eternity. Married brothers and sisters, the best moments of your marriage—the moments of deepest affection, intimacy, and joy—do not rival what awaits us in heaven. Unmarried brothers and sisters, the marital bliss you may miss in this life is but shadows compared to the substance of what you will experience with Christ in heaven. Earthly marriage is but the hors d'oeuvres of the feast at the banquet of heavenly love. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph 5:31). 3. The Mission of Marriage (v. 33) Paul forces us to meditate on our union with Christ. But in verse 33, Paul descends from the lofty heights of meditating on the church’s mysterious marriage to Christ and summarizes his ethical instructions for married couples. While it’s worthwhile to meditate on the ethereal, Paul brings it back to the practical. He says in verse 33, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” A Christian marriage should be a billboard pointing those passing by toward the kingdom of God. When the husband and wife embrace their God-given roles in their marriage, their relationship becomes a testimony to the power of the gospel. As we proclaim the gospel with our mouths, we should demonstrate the gospel in our lives—especially in our marriages. A Christian marriage reproduces in micro the beauty shared between Christ and the church.9 A Christian husband and a Christian wife must see their marriage as a part of their Great Commission work. As we proclaim the gospel to others, we must display the beauty of the gospel in our marriages. It’s one of the reasons why we find weddings so compelling. The eternal love story of Christ’s love for the church is why God gave us marriage in the first place. And every time we see a bride adored in the splendor walking down the aisle; and every time we see the joyous anticipation of the groom’s tearful smile; and every time the couple pledges their vow and enter into the covenant of marriage, they are reenacting the biblical love story, whether they realize it or not.10 But Christians who understand the mystery of marriage as a sign pointing to Christ should gladly embrace God’s design as a way of clearly communicating the gospel to the world. The world has left behind the biblical definition of marriage, the good design of male and female complementarity, and the gift of sex as the capstone of the marriage covenant. But as Christians, we will joyfully embrace God’s good design and encourage others to do the same. We know that God’s design for marriage, sex, and children is good for human flourishing. We shouldn’t be surprised that the culture’s rejection of God’s vision for marriage and family continues to unleash wave after wave of untold human suffering, particularly regarding our children. So we uphold the biblical teaching in our culture as a way to love our neighbor. But more than that, we care about marriage, gender, and sex because we care about the gospel. Human marriage is a sign pointing to the reality of the heavenly marriage between Christ and the church. So Christian, examine your marriage—if you are married. Are you embracing your God-given responsibilities as a husband or as a wife? Is your marriage a clear witness and sign to the gospel? Many Christians concealed the mystery of marriage by failing to live according to God’s design for husbands and wives. If their marriage is a billboard to the world, it is a sign overgrown with the weeds of the flesh—bitterness, lust, adultery, abuse, or anger. But as we walk in a manner worthy of our calling, our marriages should be marked by holy light, exposing the unfruitful works of darkness (Eph 5:11). And by the conduct of our lives, the sweetness of our marriages, and the joy of our homes, others should see the beauty of the gospel we proclaim. Our world should catch a glimpse of Christ’s lavish and unending love for his church in your marriage. This is one of the reasons why Christian hospitality, especially for married couples, can be a powerful means of evangelism. As we show hospitality to outsiders, we welcome them into our home to see and witness a Christian marriage. In the intimate boundaries of the household, nonbelievers will observe the goodness of marriage as a sign to the gospel. They will see a husband sacrifice and serve his wife. They will hear the respect of a wife for her husband. They will feel the affection and warmth of the household, drawn to the home because, though they don’t yet understand it, the harmony and love point to heaven. A Christian home has a magnetism to it because every human being is made in the image of God and yearns for communion with God. By faithfully living out God’s design for marriage, the Spirit will bring greater power to our witness with words. The holiness of God’s people strengthens our witness to the world. But not only do married people have a mission to make the mystery of Christ’s marriage to his church clear to the world but so do Christian singles. Whether you are single for a season or the Lord calls you to lifelong singleness, you can testify to the world that your ultimate hope isn’t in sex or relationships but in the coming wedding feast of the lamb. We don’t need marriage to be truly human. There was no one more fully human than Jesus; he never married a woman and lived his life as a virgin. Who says you need sex and marriage to be human? And yet, Jesus’ singleness on earth bore witness to this heavenly marriage he had come to establish by his death.11 Jesus didn’t take an earthly bride because he came to rescue his heavenly bride. When Christians embrace a single and chaste life, entirely devoted to the Lord, they also point to the world their yearning and longing for Christ. While our sexualized world considers celibacy dehumanizing, we know that sexual pleasure is but a sign pointing to a better union. In his book Seven Myths about Singleness Sam Alberry writes, “Celibacy isn’t a waste of our sexuality; it’s a wonderful way of fulfilling it. It’s allowing our sexual feelings to point us to the reality of the gospel.” And while singles uniquely and powerfully point to the hope of our marriage to Christ, because singles care about the clarity of the gospel, they should pray and encourage their married brothers and sisters to be faithful. Paul is a single man writing to the Ephesians about marriage. Why does he care about marriage? He cares because he cares about the gospel. He writes to encourage his married brothers and sisters to faithfulness. So singles, encourage, support, serve, and pray for your married friends, even as they strive to do the same for you. We need one another as a church family. No matter our marital status, we all have the mission to point others to our great hope of our heavenly husband. We must live with the hope of our future consummation with Christ in mind, looking forward to the marriage supper of the lamb described in Revelation 19. Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” (Revelation 19:6–9, ESV) Our identity is not found in a husband or a wife. Our identity is not found in sexual pleasure. Our identity is found in Christ. “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song 2:16). He has set his love upon us. He has washed us clean as his bride. He will present us in the splendor of holiness without blemish. He will come back for us, gathering us unto himself, ravishing us with the pleasure and ecstasy of his love. And so, as we behold him in his beauty, we will be swallowed up in his eternal love, joined in the ever-deepening intimacy of unending communion with Christ. Make haste, our beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices (Song 8:14).