SCRIPTURAL DIRECTION AND BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES
Jesus Christ gave us the perfect example.
In thinking about your role in marriage, consider the example Jesus provided from his life on earth. He fully exemplified servant leadership, balancing headship of the body of believers and submission to God.
(Matt. 20:26-27, Phil. 2:5-8).
Scripture provides us with direction for God’s design for marriage.
Society’s standards for marriage and for the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives are ever-changing and often do not align with Scripture. Couples must regularly consult the Bible for direction and guidance as it reveals God’s design for marriage and helps identify and correct unbiblical thinking (2 Tim. 3:16-17, Heb. 4:12).
Marriage is a joint effort that requires mutual submission.
Living out your roles in marriage, agreeing on and fulfilling responsibilities, and making decisions for your family should be a joint process characterized by mutual submission. Your actions and decisions should be consistent with your love for the Lord rather than selfish ambition (Col. 3:23).
Seek wise counsel.
As decisions are faced in marriage, it is often helpful to seek guidance from wise individuals. Getting another perspective can provide a different point of view, reveal blind spots, and help you learn from the experiences of others (Prov. 19:20).
God’s Word provides us with a foundation we can trust.
Through the living Word, God has provided sufficient teaching and guidance to understand the plan of salvation and to know how to live a holy life. This can give you comfort in your marriage, knowing God’s Word is always trustworthy and the best source for counsel in decision making in marriage (2 Peter 1:3-4).
God has promised wisdom to those who ask.
At certain times in life, you may not have specific scriptural guidance on making a specific decision. In these cases, God has promised He will give you wisdom to work through these things. You can have confidence he will help you through life as you humbly seek him and walk “in the way of wisdom” (Prov. 4:11-13, James 1:5-6).
Prayer must be a vital part in making decisions.
Fervent prayer is a key for every individual and couple who are seeking to make decisions. God is a loving, trustworthy heavenly Father who wants the best for his children. His plans and purposes are for your good and the benefit of his kingdom. Therefore, while submitting your will to God can be a difficult task, it also can provide you with great peace and comfort, even when your circumstances are uncertain (Matt. 7:7-11).
PRACTICAL APPLICATION
Roles in marriage.
Each spouse is equal in value, yet distinct in role.
God designed an order to be followed in marriage and family (1 Corinthians 11:3). God’s intent is for marriage to reflect the relationship and oneness of the Trinity (see how Jesus referred to his oneness with the Father in John 17:21-23). Each person of the Trinity is distinct, yet intimately connected with the other. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are each equal in value, yet distinct in role. Similarly, husbands and wives are equal in value, yet distinct in role. God’s image is revealed in both the husband and the wife.
These roles are designed to be complementary.
The Scripture contains general and specific teachings concerning both the roles of husbands and wives. Consideration must be given to both husbands and wives; God designed these roles to complement one another, and one role is incomplete without the other. For example, wives are able to submit to their husbands more easily when husbands love their wives with the self-sacrificing love that Christ exemplified on earth. Likewise, husbands more naturally show love and affection toward their wives when the husbands feel esteemed and valued. These principles are illustrated in Ephesians 5:21-33, which provides some very important insights into God’s design for men and women.
Spouses should practice mutual respect, honor, and submission.
Through the Word, God reveals a number of important principles about his design for relationships. The importance of mutual respect, honor, and submission is one of those themes. For example, he affirms the need for these principles between parents and children (Ephesians 6:2), servants and masters (1 Timothy 6:1), citizens and governmental authorities (1 Peter 2:17), and church members and church leadership (1 Timothy 5:17).
Mutual respect, honor, and submission are also keenly present or absent in marital relationships (1 Cor. 7:3, Eph. 5:21). Their presence helps relationships flow more smoothly through the ups and downs of life. Their absence leads to emotional hurt, disconnection, and conflict. It is easy to critique how well you feel your spouse is doing at showing respect, honor, and submission to you. However, each husband and wife should really focus on assessing how he or she is doing personally by looking into the mirror of the Word.
There are specific teachings for husbands and wives.
The Scripture passages below are organized into verses specifically addressed to husbands and verses specifically addressed to wives. Note how God encourages husbands and wives to meet their spouse’s deepest needs. It is our privilege to help each other to develop into Christ’s likeness and to reflect God’s glory.
Husbands, love your wives.
Husbands are called to assume the role of a Christ-like servant leader who will watch for and guide the course of the family. This role includes loving in a self-sacrificing way that does what is necessary to make a wife feel nourished and cherished (Eph. 5:25-30, Col. 3:19).
Husbands must remember that while they have been given the role as the spiritual leader of the home, it does not give them authorization to “rule” in an authoritative way. Being domineering, controlling, or disrespectful to one’s wife is sinful. Likewise, not fulfilling one’s duty to attend to the spiritual needs of the family due to absence, passivity, apathy, or neglect is sin. The husband is to be intentional about understanding and being sensitive to his wife. Not doing so will hinder the husband’s spiritual life (1 Peter 3:7). Husbands have also been given the role of providing for the needs of their family (1 Tim. 5:8).
Wives, respect your husbands.
Wives are called to respect and be submissive to their husbands. This involves a willingness to assume the role of a wife that is Christ-like, encouraging, respectful, and helpful to their husbands (Gen. 2:18, Eph. 5:22-24, 33).
Respecting one’s husband does not indicate the wife is of lesser value than the husband. Rather, it involves being his partner in the way that is designed to bring out the best in him. God’s design for a wife’s role in marriage does not include being domineering nor being a doormat. Either extreme will promote an unbiblical marital relationship and needs to be corrected (Col. 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1-2).
Instructions for both husbands and wives.
A number of roles and responsibilities apply equally to both spouses. The listing of verses below is not exhaustive; rather, it serves as a starting point for your own study of the Word on this topic.
- Have a servant’s heart (John 13:12-17).
- Raise your children to know the Lord (Prov. 22:6).
- Respect church leadership (Heb. 13:17).
- Respect governmental authority (1 Peter 2:13-16).
Responsibilities.
In marriage, each spouse needs to have a role that is recognized and valued with certain responsibilities to which he or she is held accountable. Take time to delegate responsibilities, deciding which spouse will take ownership over specific tasks, areas of the home, decisions, etc. Delegating responsibilities is a process whereby both the husband and wife mutually agree on assigning the responsibility for each task. In this way, each spouse makes a commitment to take care of something and is accountable to the other spouse for following through.
There are benefits to deciding on responsibilities.
While having both spouses involved in various responsibilities is beneficial, one still needs to take ownership. Responsibility involves action, follow-through, and accountability. Defining roles and responsibilities is beneficial because it reduces the possibility for misunderstandings (“I thought you were going take care of that”), blame (“I did my part, but you didn’t”), and criticism (“Why did you do it that way?”). A clear assignment of responsibilities reduces the opportunity for conflict, such as when trash day comes around or a bill is due. Defining responsibilities also allows you to form healthy boundaries in your marriage. Think of it this way: “Boundaries help determine who is responsible for what. If you understand who owns [is responsible for] what, you then know who must take responsibility for it.”
Be willing to help each other.
While deciding on responsibilities is helpful, spouses should not be overly rigid about who does the tasks. If your spouse is overwhelmed and needs help getting his/her responsibilities taken care of, by all means, help. In doing so, you help bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and attend to your own personal responsibilities (Galatians 6:5).
When spouses feel support from each other during stressful times, trust and closeness are fostered. Spouses who work cooperatively empower one another, help each other feel needed, and sometimes accomplish tasks more quickly (Ecc. 4:9).
How are responsibilities defined and determined?
Responsibilities in marriage are largely determined by a spouse’s preferences, skills, interests, abilities, and time availability. Because of these variables, the definition of responsibilities will differ from couple to couple. If one spouse has more skill, discipline, or interest in taking care of something, then he or she should certainly feel free to do it.
Certain responsibilities can be shared yet are “owned” by one of the spouses.
There may be certain domains in which the husband or wife desires to have “ownership,” and these domains should be respected. For example, a couple may determine that one spouse holds the primary role of taking care of the family’s finances, budgeting, paying bills, etc. The other spouse has input and helps as needed. This illustration is but one example of how responsibilities are in one sense “shared” by both spouses and yet “owned” by one of the spouses.
Avoid imbalance.
Problems can easily arise if the roles are not clearly defined, are too rigid, or if one or both of the spouses isn’t being accountable for taking care of his/her responsibilities. For example, if one spouse makes all of the decisions and has complete control, the marriage will be unbalanced. Conversely, if one spouse avoids responsibilities, procrastinates, or does not follow through on completing tasks, the marriage will be just as imbalanced. In order to avoid problems in these areas, remember to “check-in” with your spouse and discuss how each of you feels about the arrangement of responsibilities in the marriage. It is particular important to have “check-in’s” during life transitions, such as the transition to parenthood, as roles and responsibilities may need to shift. Clear, proactive communication can help you deal with these issues when they arise.
Decision making.
Be proactive about decision making.
The foundation for making good decisions is a prayerful attitude that is submissive to the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. Discuss your expectations for how decisions will be made and how the two of you manage decision-making gridlock. Questions to consider may include:
- What types of decisions require a discussion between the two of you?
- What types of decisions can you each make without consulting the other? (For example, making purchases of small items for the house may not need a discussion between the spouses. However, a decision about purchasing a new car will likely require a consensus.)
- What will you do and who will you contact when you cannot agree on a decision?
Leaving, cleaving, and making decisions as a couple.
Particularly in the beginning of a marital relationship, making decisions can be a difficult process. Each spouse may be used to making decisions on his/her own without having to consider another person. Or decisions were made with the help of parents. The decision-making process may also be influenced by how each spouse sees his/her role in the marriage. In marriage, part of “leaving and cleaving” involves mutual decision making. Some individuals may need to shift away from a situation in which parents or roommates had primary influence on decisions. Instead, decisions are made considering one’s spouse first.
Other examples of potentially difficult decisions relate to holidays and in-laws. A married couple has to make decisions about how and where they will celebrate holidays. These decisions can be particularly difficult when the couple does not live near one or both sides of the family. They can be further complicated when in-laws put pressure, intentionally or unintentionally, on the couple to spend time with them. Realize compromise and flexibility are often required for these types of decisions, and ultimately, each couple must come to their own decision about what to do.
Common sense, logic, and signs can all be a part of decision making.
Sometimes decision making is simple; unfortunately, many times it isn’t. However, if you follow the principles set out in God’s Word, you can have confidence that the Lord will see you through. In decision making, you need to avoid both the error of the Jews (over-focus on supernatural signs) and the Greeks (over-focus on earthy wisdom). Both ways hinder a true understanding of God’s ways (1 Cor. 1:22-24).
Like the Greeks, some people over-focus on learning, earthly wisdom, and logic. Because of this, many of them find faith to be an illogical and foreign concept. However, believers know that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Scriptural principles like “going the extra mile” (Matthew 5:41) or “turning the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) are not learned from common sense. Rather, those are spiritual principles and matters of faith that go against what is natural. In the context of biblical decision making, this means that you must not make decisions solely upon what “everyone’s doing,” or what appears to be the most natural or easiest solution. Rather, your primary allegiance in decision making must be to biblical teaching and principles.
Conversely, like the Jews, some people seek to oversimplify decisions by looking for signs or feelings that indicate a direction. For example, some people believe that if something happens easily or goes smoothly, it is automatically a sign of God’s favor. On the other hand, sometimes people believe that if something is difficult or they encounter setbacks, it must be a sign that God thinks something is bad. However, while the ease or difficulty of working through something may be an indicator of God’s direction, these factors should not be the only evidence used to determine God’s direction. God can speak in any way that he chooses and sometimes it can be in the form of a sign. However, remember that human beings are susceptible to reading into things based on their biases and interpretations.
Seek counsel.
Proverbs 13:10 says, “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” You may seek out different individuals for each topic area, or you may choose to consult an individual about more than one area. Remember to seek counsel from individuals who are wise in the Lord and who will have the ability to advise you even if the advice isn’t what you want to hear.
We have freedom and responsibility.
We need to remember that God could have written the Bible in any way he wanted. That means he could have included a ten-volume set with answers to common questions that come up in parenting, choosing a job, or deciding on a college, but he didn’t. In the Scripture, God has set out guidelines for what His children need to do and what they need to avoid. He didn’t design his children to be robots without any freedom nor did he design them to be moral free agents that can do whatever they want. When you have taken care to live within the teachings of God’s Word, you can have confidence he will honor your requests made with a humble heart (see figure below).
Understanding preferences, house rules, organizational norms, and absolutes.
The figure below helps outline the different levels of decisions you will face in your marriage. Often difficulties may arise when the two of you see the issue on different levels of the pyramid. Before coming to a decision as a couple, you both need to agree on the underlying level of importance of the decision. 
Below are descriptions of each level:
- Preferences are personal opinions, decisions, and choices. For example, your favorite restaurant, color, or model of car are all preferences. Two individuals may agree or disagree about each other’s preferences, but neither is wrong.
- House Rules are rules of conduct established by families or groups of closely related people. For example, in a family, the parents have the privilege and responsibility to create and maintain the house rules for their own home. Two sets of parents may agree or disagree about these rules; however, they each must determine what they believe is best for their own family and abide by it. If one family sets the curfew for the children at 9:30 pm and the other sets the curfew at 10:00 pm, which one is wrong or better? Neither is. While each set of parents may disagree with each other, each set of parents has the responsibility to set the house rules for their own home.
- Organizational Norms are standards of conduct, behavior, dress, and participation/non-participation in activities established by businesses, churches, and social/service organizations. This level is where many church traditions and practices are found.
- Biblical Absolutes are God’s moral laws that are explicitly stated in the Bible as either commands or principles. These are true for all people, in all places, at all times. “Thou shalt not commit adultery”(Exodus 20:14) is a biblical absolute. Adultery is sin in God’s eyes – period. This has been true ever since the law was given and will remain true as long as the world stands.
Each level of the pyramid above has a different authority. For example, the authority for biblical absolutes is God’s Word. An organization determines organizational norms, while a family unit determines house rules. In a marriage, house rules, which may be described as personal “convictions,” become a couple decision rather than an individual decision. Each spouse should prayerfully and respectfully consider the other’s opinion, mutually submitting to one another.
This chart is implemented in the following example of deciding how to school children:
Always start with biblical absolutes.
Ask yourselves, “What does the Bible say about the education of children?” A few of the verses that speak to raising children include Deuteronomy 6:4-7 and Proverbs 22:6. Clearly, there is a biblical mandate to raise children to know God’s ways. However, note the biblical instruction does not specifically address how children should be taught mathematics or geography or how to teach a child with a learning disability. Therefore, at the Biblical Absolutes level we have been given a clear teaching about the spiritual nurturance of children; however, it does not provide a command about other aspects of education.
Identify organizational norms.
Ask yourselves, “Has the church given direction on the education of children?”
The Elder Body has affirmed the biblical truth that children are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The elders have concluded that the education of children is a decision parents must make thoughtfully and prayerfully; they acknowledge parents of one household may come to different conclusions about what is best for their children (public, private, or home schooling) than parents of another household. That said, the elders encourage all parents to have respect and Christ-like love for those who choose differently. Therefore, the organizational norm has affirmed the biblical absolute and has given guidance that parents should prayerfully consider the options, choose what best fits their family, and respect those that choose differently.
Create house rules.
Ask yourselves, “What do we, as a couple, believe about the education of children?”
House rules are accepted and/or created by a couple. Many house rules develop by default without much thought. For example, which chair does each person in the family sit in at supper time? Other times, house rules simply develop out of what the parents grew up with in their own families of origin. Conversely, some house rules are the result of a deliberate process of information gathering, prayer, discussion, and counsel.
A couple may find that they have very similar or dissimilar views on the education of children. However, as they pray, discuss, and gather information, they can come together to make a decision. Ultimately, the parents must make a decision for their own children and family, not anyone else’s. It is okay for them to choose an education option that is different from another couple. However, it is not okay for the couple to judge another couple’s decision. Once the couple has decided on what type of education they would like their children to have, the decision-making process is complete, and they must work toward implementing their decision.
Biblical decision-making principles and steps.
Below are some steps to consider when working through a decision-making process:
- Identify and clarify the decision that needs to be made. Humbly seek God’s guidance through prayer.
- Study the Word to determine if the decision involves biblical absolutes. If so, follow the scriptural principles laid out in the Bible.
- If the decision does not involve biblical absolutes or if the Bible has no explicit command or principle about the decision, see if the church provides teaching or guidance on how to proceed.
- Seek the counsel of someone you know and trust.
- Realize some decisions have multiple options, any of which may be acceptable to God. In these cases, you can use biblical wisdom principles to make a decision.
- Identify the needs of those who will be affected by the decision.
- Consider the short-term and long-term impacts of each option.
- Evaluate pros and cons of the various aspects of the decision.
- Remember just because something happens easily or smoothly doesn’t necessarily mean it is good, and just because something is difficult doesn’t necessarily mean it is bad.
- Implement your choice.
- Re-evaluate the actual implications of your choice
The Greek word for “submit” in Ephesians 5:21–24 is hypotassó, and it refers to a wife’s “recognition of an ordered structure” in which her husband is the person to whom she should show appropriate respect “as to the Lord” (BDAG, 1042; Eph. 5:22; see also 1 Pet. 3:1–6). Similarly, the Greek word for “respect” in Ephesians 5:33 is phobÄ“tai, which means to have a profound measure of reverence/respect for someone (BDAG, 1061).
While some Christians have wrongly used these Bible verses as an excuse for husbands to mistreat their wives, the verses actually communicate the vast responsibility a husband has to care for his wife and the wife’s duty to honor her husband. In an upcoming article, we will focus on a Christian wife’s responsibilities to her husband. First, here are six things (in no particular order) every Christian husband should give his wife:
1. Love
A Christian husband should love his wife as he does himself and always protect her from all harm (Eph. 5:25–29). He should do his best to “nurture and cherish” his wife in the love of Christ as he would his own flesh and tend to her spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs (Eph. 5:29; Col. 3:19).
2. Respect
A Christian husband should always respect his wife. When Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:24, he does not mean that wives must endure abuse, neglect, or mistreatment of any kind by their husbands. Rather, Paul is reminding the church that a wife is under the leadership of her husband (Eph. 5:23). A Christian husband must always show his wife honor, both publicly and privately, and protect her dignity and reputation from any and all slander (1 Pet. 3:7).
3. Spiritual Leadership
A Christian husband should provide his wife with spiritual leadership. Even though his wife may be well equipped in biblical doctrine and application and spend a considerable amount of time instructing their children in the faith, a husband must be diligent to oversee and guide the spiritual training of his family (Eph. 6:4).
4. Attention
A Christian husband should be attentive to his wife. He should always do his best to set aside a substantial amount of time to be with his wife, enjoy her company, and seek to understand her better. In doing so, a Christian husband and his wife can grow closer to each other and build a stronger marriage that honors God in all (Prov. 5:18–19; Eph. 5:31).
5. Devotion
A Christian husband should always be faithful to his wife. Even when times are difficult due to financial, emotional, or physical challenges, a husband’s personal happiness must always be subordinated to sacrificially loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25; see also 1 Cor. 7:1–5). In doing so, he honors not only his wife but also his Lord.
6. Enjoyment
A Christian husband should enjoy his wife. She is a precious gift from God given to comfort, support, encourage, and love her husband (Prov. 18:22; 31:10–12; 1 Pet. 3:1). The more a husband values, cherishes, and nurtures his wife, the more she will reflect God's love as his radiant bride.
God has provided us with a marriage “manual“. After all, who is more capable than God, the designer of the home, to write a manual on marriage? The home can survive only if the relationship of husband and wife in the home is what it ought to be.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25).
Husbands are the “head of the wife” and as the ruler of the home, he must bear chief responsibility for the failure of it. Where husbands have failed, more often than not, is to love his wives as Christ loved the church and to give himself for the wife as Christ gave Himself for the church. The source of love can be seen in that love as the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23). The Spirit strengthens the inward man with power (Eph. 3:14-16).
When Christ dwells in our hearts by faith, we are rooted and grounded in love. (Eph. 3:17-19). We know faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Rom. 10:17). It is not enough for husbands and wives to believe that God exist, that Jesus is His Son, and that the Bible is inspired of God. We need to turn off our TV, sit down with the Bible in hand, pray together, and take the time to put into our minds and hearts the principles of righteousness. It is only when truth prevails, that love, joy, and peace will rule the home.
THE FIRST RESPONSIBILITY OF THE HUSBAND IN THE HOME IS TO LEAD
The role of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership. The Scripture makes it very clear that a husband must be a leader of his home and have healthy control of his life. Considering (1Tim.3:4-5) in speaking of church leadership positions traditionally filled by men, teaches that an Elder must manage his family well in all perspectives.
Verse 5 specifically says, “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” This management is encompassing. Furthering this understanding, (Eph. 5:21-23) says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Again, in (1 Cort. 11:3), the Scripture says, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Note; this does not make the man a dictator in the home.
One of the primary roles of a husband in the Bible, then, is to lead. Leadership simply means influence. Therefore, a biblically-based husband should influence his family in all respects. Husbands are not dictators, they should not over demand, they should not rule over their wives with heavy hand. Instead, husbands should influence their wives and families in accordance with biblical teaching.
They should exemplify themselves, with their voice and their actions, attributes that bring glory to God and value to their spouse and all family members. The fruit of a good biblically based husband produce strong, confident, spiritually matured wife and Children. To be specific, a husband influences his home through his financial provision and protection of the family.
RESPONSIBILITY OF THE HUSBAND IN THE HOME IS TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT
The chief responsibility of the husband in the Bible starts with leadership, which encompasses provision and protection. A husband will never influence his wife if he does not care for her welfare. He can demand and she may follow as a result, but he will never truly have her heart unless he provides for her needs, cares for her well-being, and protects her both physically and spiritually.
As Scripture says: “Anyone who does not provide for their families, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1Tim. 5:8).
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19).“Husbands, in the same way is required to be considerate as we live with our wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1Pet.3:7).
God loves His daughters and the children they bear. When He gives one of His daughters to a man, He desires that the man cares for her. In no place does the Scripture teach or endorse that women and children be considered second class or inferior to men. Instead, He finds them so precious that He asks for special care to be given them; a care that only biblically-based men can provide. Women are very capable of taking care of themselves.
However, God did make men and women different and thus due to the physical nature and strength God gave men, He has charged them with the provision and protection of their families. The physical nature and strength of a man is to be managed with grace and gentleness. God did not create men to lord over women nor did he create women to simply wait on men. He made them both to complement each other through healthy relationship. (Gen. 2:18, 1Tim. 3:3).
RESPONSILITY AS A GOOD COMPANION
The responsibility of the husband in the Bible is fulfilled through the heart of companionship. (Eph. 5:25-33) says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
HUSBAND CREATES ATMOSPHERE FOR LOVE AND RESPEC
The relationship between a husband and wife is meant to be one of love, respect, and support for his family members. He helps and enable all others to keep the home running without friction. This idea is introduced at the beginning of the Bible in the story of the creation of Eve. God saw the need for Adam to have a companion, a suitable helper, yet one could not be found until God created Eve.
(Gen. 2:20-24) says, “…But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
HUSBANDS TO FULFILL SEX THROUGH PROPER MARRIAGE
This also leads to another understanding of responsibility in the home. God created men and women with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. Therefore, a husband and wife can help each other by meeting the other person’s needs through physical and emotional intimacy.
(1Cort. 7:2-5) addresses this, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife not with any other woman. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife. The man does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Husband should not deprive his wife except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that he may devote himself to prayer. Then come to his wife again so that Satan will not tempt him because of lack of self-control.” When the needs of our spouse are properly met through healthy companionship, the two can help each other and can live a successful life together.
BE THE TEAM LEADER TO DEVELOP SIBLINGS IN THE HOME
Lastly, husband to work together with his wife as a team leader to develop and grow the family. God’s plan was that every home operates under the specific roles of both a husband and a wife and that through this they raise healthy children who honor God with their lives. Eph. 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
‘Honor your father and mother’ which is the first commandment with a promise ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Children are blessed through the honor of their father and mother, working in unison to train them up in the way they should go.
The companionship between a man and a woman is directed by the influence of the husband through his provision and protection and is covered by his caring, gentle, and graceful love for his wife and family.
Without the biblical roles of a husband being fulfilled by a strong man of God, the family unit risks the difficulties brought on by sin and spiritual failure. Satan desires the destruction of the family, but through Christ and proper understanding of biblical roles, the family becomes strong and a safe place to grow in God.
CONCLUSION
I hope that the concepts I shared will help us understand the biblical responsibility of a husband more clearly than ever before.
Husbands must “honour” the wife.(1 Peter 3:7). “Honour” means “primarily giving proper value, hence, objectively, a price paid.” “Her price is far above money” (Proverbs 31:10). A wife’s value raises serious questions for the husband: (a) Can her worth be seen in the decisions he makes?
(b) Can her worth be seen in his actions? (c) Can her worth be seen in his words? (d) Does he express his appreciation for her? (e) Is what she means to him made known to her? (f) Does he praise her? (Proverbs 31:28) (g) Does he recognize and appreciate her worth (Proverbs 31:29)?
Paul wrote, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). No matter what the predominant views of society are, the wife is to be in submission to her husband. Peter mentioned the “holy women” in “former times” who were “submissive to their own husbands” (1 Peter 3:5). He specifically mentioned the example of Sarah who “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:6). Just as “the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24).
The wife must recognize that “the husband is the head of the wife” (Ephesians 5:23). This means that it is his responsibility to lead the family. She should not make his job more difficult by not being in submission or opposing his direction. This is something that needs to be considered seriously. Women are to be taught to be “subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5).
A wife is also to love her husband. Paul told Titus that older women should “encourage (teach, KJV) the young women to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4). Love needs to be taught. This is necessary because Biblical love is more than just the infatuation a couple has for one another leading up to and in the beginning of their marriage. This is something deeper. It is a desire to put the other’s interests and well-being ahead of their own. Eve was told, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16).
This goes along with the responsibility for the wife to be a “help meet” for her husband (Genesis 2:18, KJV). She must support him as he fulfills his responsibilities as head of the household. This is what the “excellent wife” does: “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). In the following verses, the text described what she does to do him good (Proverbs 31:13-27). As a response to her work as a “help meet,” “her children rise up to bless her; her husband also, and he praises her” (Proverbs 31:28). Notice who is blessing and praising her – her husband and children. Why? They were the focus of her work. She was not laboring for herself, but for her family.
At the close of a discussion of the roles in marriage, Paul said, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Men, particularly husbands and fathers, are not highly respected by many in society; instead, they are disrespected and mocked. The husband is often portrayed in television shows as being a doofus who is as immature as a teenager and totally dependent on the wife to take care of everything. As the acceptance of this stereotype grows, women come to expect this from men and men tend to conform themselves to this image. Men can and should do better than this. Wives need to realize that about their husbands and show them respect as God commands.
The Husband’s Responsibilities
Paul instructed three times in the passage about the roles of husbands and wives that a husband is to love his wife. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28). “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself” (Ephesians 5:33). This must be the same type of love that Christ had for the church. He “gave Himself up” for the church (Ephesians 5:25). A man must love his wife enough that he willingly makes sacrifices for her just as Jesus did. The Lord “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). Men would do well to remember His example.
The husband is to rule over his household as he is the head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23-24). This is his role. One of the requirements for elders in the local church is that he “manages (rules, NKJV) his own household well” (1 Timothy 3:4). The qualifications for elders, particularly the ones that pertain to one’s character (1 Timothy 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9), are characteristics that all Christians should have. This also means that all men with families must rule their house well. This does not mean he is to rule as a cruel dictator or tyrant. As we already noticed, he is to love his wife. He must not rule selfishly but be conscious about what is best for his wife and family.
A husband has the responsibility to provide for his wife. Paul told Timothy, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Does this prohibit the wife from working to supplement his income? No. The excellent wife of Proverbs 31 did various things to earn money (Proverbs 31:16, 24). But this is primarily the husband’s responsibility. Her responsibility is to attend “to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27) and to be busy working in the home (Titus 2:5). The husband must see to it that his family is provided for, even if that means long hours and more than one job.
Husbands are also to honor their wives. Peter wrote, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). A man is not to look down on his wife because she may be weaker, but to be understanding and show her honor. The excellent wife in Proverbs 31 was blessed and praised by her husband (Proverbs 31:28). Husbands must not take their wives for granted, but should give them the honor they deserve.
Submit to One Another
“Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). This general statement introduced the section that spoke of the roles of husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22-33). The instruction is to be more concerned with the interests of the other than one’s own interests. Selflessness is necessary for a marriage to work. Husbands and wives must submit to one another in this way and ultimately submit to God (James 4:7) and fulfill the roles He has given.
Love and humility are at the heart of the marriage relationship. We must also respect God’s plan for marriage. God is the one who established the institution of marriage. Let us heed His instructions so that our marriages can reflect His original plan.
- Provide for Her – Ephesians 5:27-28 tells us that husbands are to “nourish” or literally provide for the physical needs of their wife as they do their own bodies. Are you providing for your wife’s needs to the best of your ability? Remember that a man’s provision for his wife’s needs is a picture of God’s provision for his people. If your wife is the primary provider, you are breaking the model God meant for you to display. It is one thing if you are disabled or ran into some unforeseen financial crisis necessitating that your wife be the provider, but this should be the exception and not the norm.
- Protect Her- Ephesians 5:27-28 tells us that husbands are to “cherish” their wives. This does not mean what our modern “cherish” means which is to put your wife on a pedestal and worship her. It means to protect her. God says that husbands should protect their wives as they do their own bodies. That means we keep her safe from all kinds harm – both physical and spiritual.
- Discipline Her – Ephesians 5:25-27 tells husbands that they are called to wash their wives’ spiritual spots and wrinkles with the Word of God just as Christ does his Church. This is the reason men are told to give themselves up. Many men today give up their leadership for their wife’s happiness, when God calls them to lead which sometimes requires sacrificing their own and their wife’s happiness in the process. In Revelation 3:19 Christ speaking of himself as a husband to his churches stated “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent”. No woman is perfect just as no man is perfect. That means if you never find yourself rebuking and chastening(disciplining) your wife then you are not loving her as Christ does his Church.
- Teach Her– In 1 Corinthians 14:35 we read that women are to be taught in spiritual matters by their husbands in their home. Do you take an active and intentional role in teaching your wife the Word of God? This goes beyond the washing of the word for discipline. This is taking a whole encompassing approach to teaching the whole counsel of God to your wife.
- Rule Over Her – In 1 Timothy 3:4 we are told that men need to rule well their own homes. Are you the ruler of your home? This is about much more than being the discipliner or even teacher of your home. The Ruler gives a vision and sets rules and policies in the home. Your wife needs a clear vision from you so that she can help to manage your home around that vision. For instance, some men delegate the paying of the bills to their wives and that is ok. But you cannot delegate your responsibility to give your wife principles and policies by which to pay the bills. You need to set the policies for how much will be saved, how much will be given to the church or other charities and how much will be used to pay off debts.
- Show Her Grace – In Psalm 86:15 we are told that God is full of compassion and grace. We as men are called to image God in the lives of our wives. Grace is unmerited favor. In marriage it means doing kind things for your wife not because she deserves it, but because in spite of the fact that she does not. Compassion is showing sympathy for your wife’s sufferings and misfortunes even if sometimes she has brought these things on herself by her own bad decisions or wrong behavior.
- Show Her Mercy – In Psalm 103:8 we are told that God is plenteous in mercy and slow to anger. Mercy means not giving someone the punishment or discipline they deserve. Maybe you have no problem ruling over your wife but are you are not so plenteous in mercy and are quick to anger with your wife. God calls us to picture his mercy in our wife’s life.
- Know Her – In I Peter 3:7 we read that husbands are to live with their wives according to knowledge and if we don’t God will not hear our prayers as husbands. Do you take the time to know your wife? You cannot know her without speaking to her on a regular basis. And you cannot wash her or teach her or rule over her without knowing her. If you will not hear your wife’s petitions God will not hear yours. That does not mean we have to give our wives what they want just as God does not give us everything we ask for. But knowing her is not just talking to her, but it is also having sex with her. The Bible actually uses the same word “to know” for both knowing someone spiritually and emotionally as well as as sexually – see Genesis 4:1.
- Honor Her – In I Peter 3:7 we read that husbands are to honor their wives and in Ephesians 6:2 we read that children are to honor their mother. Do you show proper honor to your wife? Do you make your children honor your wife as their mother?
- Praise Her – In Proverbs 31:28 we read that the husband of the virtuous wife praises her and her children do as well. Do you set the example for your children in praising your wife when she does something well? For instance, do you praise her for meals that are well cooked? Or when she redecorates the house do you notice? Do you praise her for being a good mother to your children? Do you praise her for doing well in the marriage bed? No woman is perfect and some are far less perfect than others. And we are not talking about praising her for doing nothing but breathing and taking up space. If she is lazy in certain areas don’t praise her for things she does not do. But many women at least do some things that are praiseworthy – do you find ways to praise your wife?
Someone might ask after reading this list, where is the duty to love her? If you read Ephesians 5:25-29 you will have your answer:
“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church”
These ten things I have just shown are the very definition of the love of a husband toward his wife according the God’s Word. You see the problem we have today is that we only see love one way, and that is in one person showing affection or kindness toward another. Now affection and kindness are certainly not bad things and husbands should show love toward their wives in these ways as well. But the Bible never defines affection as the definition of a husband’s love toward his wife. A husband’s love for his wife is supposed to flow from his sense of duty, it is a love based in a conscious choice of the will, not one based in emotion.
There are three main categories of interpretation for this passage. The first category I’ve called “Sanctification is the Husband’s Responsibility.” The following authors/pastors have been specifically chosen as examples because they are known for being careful expositors and have ministries that I particularly appreciate. The use of these men should not be seen as an indictment against them, but calling into question their particular use of . “The man is responsible for the spiritual well-being of his wife. Her sanctification is his responsibility. There is probably no male task that has been more neglected in our society than this one.” And, “In seeking the sanctification of the church, there is a sense in which Christ seeks to change his wife. So the husband is called to change his wife. But that change is not supposed to ruin her. The change is to be toward a higher conformity to the image of Christ. We should seek to present our wives to Christ as holy and blameless, being without spot or wrinkle!” Finally, in discussing Ephesians 5, one author says that “The man who sanctifies his wife understands that this is his divinely ordained responsibility. Men …, do you realize it is your responsibility to seek your wife’s sanctification?” These authors appear to be declaring that describes the husband as being responsible for his wife’s progressive sanctification, her growth in holiness.
The second category is a little more fuzzy, where it seems like the husband is responsible but the connection to is more ambiguous: “By Implication, the Husband is Responsible for His Wife’s Sanctification.” For example, “When a husband’s love for his wife is like Christ’s love for His church, he will continually seek to help purify her from any sort of defilement. He will seek to protect her from the world’s contamination and protect her holiness, virtue, and purity in every way. He will never induce her to do that which is wrong or unwise or expose her to that which is less than good.” And, “The soteriological truth in this analogy is that saving grace makes believers holy through the cleansing agency of the Word of God, so that they may be presented to Christ as His pure Bride, forever to dwell in His love. It is with that same purpose and in that same love that husbands are to cultivate the purity, righteousness, and sanctity of their wives.” As an example from an expositional commentary, Klein sees the primary point of 5:26–27 as to explain Christ’s sacrifice for the church, but he consistently applies the analogy to the husband. For example, regarding 5:26, he says that Paul expects a husband to act in his wife’s best interest, not his own.
The third category clarifies that the husband is to have a sacrificial love for his wife and the example of this sacrificial love is the way that Christ loved the church. All of the discussion about sanctification, presenting the church as glorious and without spot or wrinkle, is primarily about Christ and the church. Thielman says, “The analogy between the love of husbands for their wives and the love of Christ for the church leads to a digression on the relationship between Christ and the church.” And Hoehner says, “It must be remembered that the purposes expressed in verses 26–27 are related to Christ’s sacrificial love stated in verse 25. … The purpose of Christ’s love for the church was for her ultimate good, which should be the goal of a husband’s love.”
II. CONTEXTUAL CLUES
The one command in given to husbands is that they are to love their wives. Paul then defines what he means by this “love” in the following verses. He begins the clause with a subordinate conjunction which indicates comparison. The specific comparison is between the husband’s love for his wife and Christ’s love for his church. There are two parallel verbs in the subordinate comparison clause: 1) Christ loved the church and 2) Christ gave himself on behalf of the church. These two verbs are used very similarly earlier in the chapter: “and walk in love, just as also Christ loved us and gave himself for us” (). A comparison between these two verses is revealing:
5:2b just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us
5:25b just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself forher
In 5:2, the object of Christ’s love is “us,” but in 5:25 it’s “the church.” In 5:2 Christ gave himself for “us,” but in 5:25 it’s “her,” referring again to the church. The relationship between 5:2 and 5:25 makes it all the more clear that 5:25–27 is primarily about Christ and the church.
All of verse 26 is a subordinate purpose clause, indicated by the conjunction ἵνα (hina). The main purpose that Christ gave himself for the church is to “sanctify” her. Whether “sanctify” refers to positional sanctification or progressive sanctification will be clarified by a word study on “sanctify” and the Old Testament background to the following phrase.
All of verse 27 is a subordinate clause, indicated by ἵνα (hina). The main purpose that Christ sanctified the church was to present to himself the church as glorious. Paul then provides five descriptions of the church: three things that do not describe the church and two that do. The positive descriptions of the church are that it is “holy and blameless.” These two words are used together in : “in order for us to be holy and blameless before him in love”. The purpose of election () is so that Christians would be positionally holy and blameless. This is suggested by the fact that Christians do not live perfect lives, neither perfectly holy nor blameless. The word blameless is also used to refer to Christ in and . This further affirms that both in 1:4 and 5:27, positional holiness and blamelessness is the referent. Arnold declares that the terms “holy and blameless” remove us far away from earthly marriage: “This, of course, far transcends what any other husband is able to accomplish for his bride and further confirms that this portion of the passage is solely a lesson on Christology.”
Examining the leads to the following conclusions. 1) There is one command given to a husband: love your wife. 2) An example of what Paul means by “love” is provided: Christ’s love as demonstrated for the church by giving himself (dying) for the church. All of vss. 26 and 27 are directly about Christ’s love for the church.
III. EXAMINATION OF GREEK WORDS
Three Greek words will be briefly analyzed to help in interpreting the passage. Paul says that Christ “gave himself.” The Greek word for “gave” is παραδίδωμι (paradidōmi). BDAG says that this verb is used “alone w(ith) the mng. hand over to suffering, death, punishment, esp. in relation to Christ.” Paul uses it twice in Romans to indicate Christ’s death: and . A final verse that is similar to is : “who loved me and gave himself for me.” Paul is referring to Christ’s death with this word. Christ’s death was to pay the penalty for sin. A husband is unable to die and pay the penalty for their wife’s sin. This is a reference to Christ and not a “double-reference” to Christ and a husband.
The purpose for Christ giving himself (that is, dying) for the church is to sanctify her. The word “sanctify” signifies, to many Christians, the concept of growing in holiness, of becoming more and more like God. Or, in the terminology of Ephesians “that you are filled to all the fullness of God.” The best recent study completed on New Testament terminology for sanctification is by David Peterson. Peterson says that “God sanctifies his people once and for all, through the work of Christ on the cross.” Christians are definitively sanctified when God calls them holy by setting them apart at salvation. When sanctification is referred to in Scripture, it’s typically in this way: positional/definitive sanctification. The Old Testament talks about this when it discusses objects and places that God has sanctified. The New Testament picks up on this theme in several places. For example, Paul says that the Corinthian Christians “were washed, you were sanctified” (). In , the author says that Jesus suffered “that He might sanctify the people by His own blood.” This is not to deny that the New Testament teaches the concept of progressive transformation for Christians. However, the New Testament typically uses different words and phrases than “sanctification,” like “grow in grace” () and “to the image of His Son” (). Positional sanctification (and regeneration) is the basis for progressive sanctification. Based upon Peterson’s study, the reference in is extremely likely to be referring to positional sanctification, something that occurs at salvation. He concludes: “There is no suggestion in the context that the sanctification of the church means making it progressively ‘more holy’.”
The final word under consideration is ῥῆμα (rhēma). This Greek word is typically used for the spoken word, that is, “the proclamation of the Word of God.” BDAG explains that generally the singular “brings together all the divine teachings as a unified whole, w(ith) some such mng. as gospel, or confession.” For example, says: “Therefore, faith comes from hearing, and hearing comes through the word of Christ” (see also , ). The only other use of ῥῆμα (rhēma) in Ephesians is in 6:17b: “and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” This appears to be another piece of evidence that the context is not progressive sanctification, but positional sanctification that takes place once one responds to the gospel.
IV. THE OLD TESTAMENT BACKGROUND TO THE PASSAGE
Thielman says that while Christ giving himself was how positional sanctification was accomplished, from another angle, it was “with the water bath in the word.” He points out that λουτρόν (loutron) is the common term for “bridal baths,” the custom of a bride washing in water in preparation for the wedding or as part of the ceremony. Therefore, this is probably a metaphorical reference to “the cleansing power of the gospel,” not baptism.
What about “in the word”? Does it modify sanctify, cleanse, or the washing of water, or a combination of these? The safest answer is to take it with the immediate antecedent: the washing of water. It probably does not refer to words spoken at a baptism, but to the “word of God” (cf. ), and more specifically, the gospel, “whose preaching brings the church into existence as people hear and believe it.”
Theilman believes that the imagery of the typical wedding has merged with . The LXX of reads “and I bathed you in water.” That is very similar to the wording in . While has the noun λουτρῷ (loutrō), has the related verb ἔλουσά (elousa). Both use the Greek word ὕδωρ (hudōr) for water. Theilman summarized wonderfully the comparison between and . He concludes:
There God imagines Israel as his young bride, whom he has bathed, cleansed, anointed, and clothed in finery and jewels. Here in Ephesians, Christ takes the place of God in that imagery, and the church fills the place of Israel. Again, however, Paul breaks the boundary of a traditional image. In the imagery of the bride is part of a prophecy against Israel for its unfaithfulness to God: once made beautiful by God, Israel had become a prostitute through its promiscuous alliances with other nations and their gods. Paul’s image runs in the opposite direction: those who comprise the church were once stained, but through the death of Christ and the preaching of the gospel, Christ has cleansed them and set them apart for himself, just as a young and dazzlingly beautiful bride, in all her finery, is presented to the groom.
Arnold also sees as an allusion to Ezekiel 16. In commenting on this passage in Ezekiel, Block says that the image of spreading out the edge of his garment to cover her refers to an ancient Near Eastern custom which signified “the establishment of a new relationship and the symbolic declaration of the husband to provide for the sustenance of his future wife.” Applied to the context of , this is a description of positional/definitive sanctification, the beginning of a “new relationship.”
V. THEOLOGICAL ANALYSIS
The above analysis leads to the conclusion that Paul is describing Christ’s death for the church so that, in the end, He could present her without spot or wrinkle, as a glorious church. Exegetically, there is insufficient evidence to support the idea that Paul is describing progressive sanctification. However, outside of the exegetical data, what about theologically? Could it still be true that a husband is responsible for his wife’s progressive sanctification?
As in all relationships, the husband should be seeking to edify his wife and aid her in her maturity, but her growth in Christ is ultimately the responsibility of herself. Near the context of , Paul says, “But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head– Christ. From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part” (). Every Christian has a responsibility to live in such a way as to seek the maturation of each other. However, no person will be held responsible before God, ultimately, for the maturation of someone else. So to say “her sanctification is his responsibility” is overstating the responsibility each Christian has to one another.
VI. CONCLUSION AND APPLICATION
Analysis of the structure and context of demonstrated that a husband is given only one command in the passage: love his wife. The rest of the passage used Christ’s love for the church as a comparison for the sake of explaining the depths of the sacrifice of this love. The sacrificial love of Christ is similar to the kind of sacrificial love a husband should have for his wife. Three Greek words were studied. Since Christ “giving himself” referred to his sacrificial death for the sins of those who believe in Him, this is not something any husband could do. The Greek word-group for “sanctify” most commonly refers to positional sanctification in the New Testament, thus not placing this verse in the realm of progressive sanctification. Finally, since the Greek word ῥῆμα (rhēma) probably refers to the gospel, this further removes the passage from the context of progressive sanctification. The Old Testament background of Ezekiel 16 further lends to the context being that of positional sanctification. Finally, the concept that a husband is ultimately responsible for the progressive sanctification of his wife does not hold weight theologically.
None of this means that a husband shouldn’t seek for his wife to become more like Christ daily. Since every Christian should desire the progressive sanctification of each other, how much more a husband with his wife. However, the main point of this paper is to say that does not directly address this issue. Arnold’s conclusion is to be preferred. He notices that Paul uses a comparative conjunctive in 5:22 and connects 5:24 to that with an adverbial conjunction. In 5:25 Paul uses a similar comparative conjunction and then he connects 5:28 to that with the same adverbial conjunction.
5:22 – wives to your own husbands as to the Lord
5:24b – in the same way also wives to their husbands in everything.
5:25a – Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church
5:28a – in the same way husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
This is one reason why Arnold can so conclusively declare that vss. 26–27 are “another Christological aside.” One popular preacher who sees this same structure is D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. He concluded: “In verses 25, 26, and 27 he tells us what Christ has done for the church, and why He has done it. Then in verses 28 and 29 he gives us a preliminary deduction from that as to the duty of a husband towards his wife, especially in terms of the union that subsists between Christ and the church, and the husband and the wife.” Lloyd-Jones also recognized that “sanctify” was a reference to “set apart for Himself” and not progressive sanctification.
Paul provides a teaching about Christ and the church in which is followed by applying that teaching to the concept of husbands loving their wives. Attempts to apply the specifics in verses 26 and 27 are misguided as it is specifically talking about the way Christ loved the church. The application of verses 26 and 27 can be seen in what Paul says in 28–29. Therefore, does not describe as part of a husband’s duty the progressive sanctification of his wife.
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