Jesus Christ is Next, As the Head of the Church
Next would be the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, Christ is fully God (John 1:1, John 10:30, Hebrews 1:8, Colossians 1:18, Colossians 2:9, just to name a few verses). Yet even though Jesus Christ is God the Son, the eternal Second Person of the Trinity, He humbled Himself and become a lowly human to die on the cross for our sins:
…Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage;
rather, He made Himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
and gave Him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.”
Jesus Christ voluntarily took that subordinate role under God the Father so that He could become the substitutionary atonement needed for our sins. In order words, blood had to be spilled, and since God loved us so much and required a perfect sacrifice, He sent His Son to do that work in our place for us (1 Peter 2:24 and 1 Peter 3:18).
Now being risen from the dead, Jesus Christ is glorified and is the King and Head of the Church. Throughout the New Testament, Jesus is compared to a Bridegroom, and the Church is referred to as His Bride.
After That Comes the Man, and the Woman Submits to Him
Next in the “pecking order” comes the mortal, terrestrial persons, of which men are preeminent when it comes to family. This may be offensive to those who are raised outside of the church. I still have to confidently stand by this since it is God’s Word.
When it comes to the Biblical order of the family, the two verses in Scripture that summarize this are (as mentioned above) 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” And Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
Since we’ve looked at the entirety of the 1 Corinthians passage already, let’s once again pull together that crucial context of the fifth chapter of Ephesians and break it down. Here it is in the NIV translation of the Apostle Paul’s Spirit-inspired instructions:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The way the passage starts in verse 21– “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – is a doozy and a heavy reminder that in all things, we should have a starting ground of practicing humility, selfless love, and servitude to one another by submitting to one another in general in the Body of Christ.
Starting in verse 22 and going through verse 24, are directives for the wives in marriages to submit to their husbands: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This rule is also mentioned in Colossians 3:18-19: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” and in 1 Peter 3:1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
It’s clear here. God is not calling for a weird contortion of Biblical directive, a “half-Godly/half-secular” interpretation to be applied, nor is cherry-picking and ignoring these verses together okay. We are not to follow a 50/50 approach to who wears the pants in the marriage. And we certainly should not practice the woman being the boss in the house!
The Man is to Cherish the Woman
With that having been said, an unavoidable point needs to be brought up: this rule of the man being the head of the woman cannot be abused.
In other words, this does not give an excuse for a guy to treat his woman like dirt or to angrily bark orders at her. Power trips are not allowed. A husband in a Godly marriage is not to act like an entitled, lazy, selfish oaf. In fact, it is quite the opposite of having a self-centered, abusive disregard for his spouse. The husband must aspire to the perfect model of Jesus Christ in terms of sacrifice, selflessness, and unconditional love:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25-28)
Now that is not to be taken lightly! Remember the passage from Philippians quoted above on Jesus Christ humbling Himself to become a man so that he could die for the sins of all mankind? That is the deep, agape love husbands must display for their marriage partners. The man’s love obviously doesn’t sanctify his wife the way Christ’s does the Church, but the husband should still see his wife’s spiritual growth in Christ as a major priority.
In verse 28 of Ephesians 5, it implores men to love their wives as much as they love themselves: “…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” There is no room for selfishness in the way a husband treats his cherished wife. He has to give his woman that same regard as he does himself, with the utmost consideration and profound love.
So in conclusion, there is no macho parading in which the man gets to indulge. There is no room for bullying, cockiness, power trips, or greed in this role that men have. Husbands are tasked with the gargantuan responsibility of daily living out the ultimate in self-sacrifice, love, care, honor, and respect for his wife.
Before we move on, let’s clear a couple of misconceptions or ways that the woman submitting to the husband can get distorted.
Misconception #1: Any woman can get bossed around by any man.
This is wrong and is clearly outside the realm of any sound Biblical reasoning. Since a husband and wife are, as Ephesians 5:31 quotes Genesis 2:24, “one flesh,” they share a special covenant bond that is sanctioned by God. This does not include any other man, either inside or outside the Church.
Misconception #2: A man can give his wife any instruction and she must follow it, even if it contradicts the Word of God.
A wife can certainly reason with her husband and give him input, advice, and wisdom when situations arise, but ultimately when final decisions have to be made, the woman should submit to her husband’s authority and be in agreement with him as a unified front.
But what about when the husband contradicts the Word of God? This is a bit of a tricky issue and may not be 100% black and white.
First, let’s get a broader context. The Bible tells us that in general as believers, that we are to submit to every human institution and governmental authority (1 Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7), that slaves/servants should respect and follow their masters (Colossians 3:22-25, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, and many more), and as we will see later, children are to obey and honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-4).[1] And 1 Peter 3:1states: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
There is always going to be someone or something that we are to respectfully submit to while we are here on earth. However, when it ultimately clashes with the Word of God, then God must always take preeminence over anything any earthly entity forces us to do. This doctrine I believe is exemplified in Acts 5:29 when the early disciples were told not to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ by the Jewish ruling authorities: “Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!'” I feel the same approach can be applied to just about any other level of human position, whether it be man, woman, or child.
And Last, the Children
Another cause of societal and familial breakdown is the re-prioritization of children. They are not to be made the most important members of the family and rule the roost, as the Bible never directly says nor indirectly implies once the kids are born, the parents are to put them ahead of their spouse.
When it comes to earthly relationships, a husband and wife will always be the closest and most important to one another, because through the sacred covenant of marriage, “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) The bond of a husband and wife as one flesh is intended to be lifelong.
Children are in a sense, the opposite of that, as that one flesh of the husband and wife make a completely new person who should be submissive to them, as Ephesians continues in chapter 6:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” – Ephesians 6:1-3
As the verse above states, the children will eventually “leave his father and mother” to become one with his (or her) new spouse. At that point, the adult children are no longer compelled to obey their parents, although Deuteronomy 5:16 tells us to honor our parents so that we may live long and so things will go well with us. Until the age of adulthood, children are to display honor and obedience (Colossians 3:20).
Biblical Balance
When this hierarchy is followed and honored by Christian families in their home, true balance is achieved and God’s love and grace can flourish mightily. Put it into practice yourself. You may encounter some secular resistance and criticism from outsiders looking in, but you can rest assured that God will honor and bless this configuration as it is modeled after His plan and design for families.
An “umbrella” model of the Biblical Family Structure
A study of the Bible pattern for the home: how family members should treat one another. What are the duties of the husband, wife, parents, and children? How important are love and commitment in marriage? For what cause may spouses divorce and remarry?
Who should exercise authority as head in the home? Who should provide family income and who should care for the home? How diligent should parents be in teaching and training the children? Should parents use spanking, discipline, and punishment to motivate obedience? Who should care for elderly parents? God's word gives inspired instruction to guide us to happy homes.
Introduction:
God created the marriage relationship to be a blessing to everyone involved. Yet many families today are clearly troubled. Alienation often exists between husband and wife, between parents and children, or among brothers and sisters. What instruction does God's word provide to help us have homes that please Him and accomplish His will?
The Husband's Responsibilities to His Wife
The Husband Should Be Committed to Marriage for Life.
Multitudes of marriages in our society end in divorce. Consider the Bible teaching.
Romans 7:2,3 -- Husband and wife are bound as long as they both live. One may remarry only when his spouse has died. To remarry while ones spouse is alive constitutes adultery. (Mal. 2:14-16)
Matthew 19:3-9 -- Fornication is the only Scriptural grounds for divorce. One is guilty of adultery if he divorces for another reason and remarries. This constitutes adultery because he is still bound to his first wife, yet having the sexual union with another woman. (Matt. 5:31,32)
Man should enter marriage fully realizing that it is a lifetime commitment. Divorce without Scriptural grounds should never be seriously considered nor discussed as an option. However, if one is in an unscriptural remarriage, he must leave it to avoid adultery (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10,11).
The Husband Should Love His Wife.
Some men act selfishly or even abuse their wives, and some even claim that the Bible says a man has the right to do this. But consider what the Bible really teaches.
Ephesians 5:25-31,33 -- A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. What can Jesus' love for the church teach husbands?
Jesus' love was not a romantic mood or emotion but a choice or commitment. He did not wait till we acted lovingly toward Him but did what we needed even when our conduct was unattractive. This required serious sacrifice for our good.
Likewise a husband should be committed to do his wife good, even if she is not acting lovingly toward him nor attracting him romantically. He must do good even at the cost of serious personal sacrifice.
1 Peter 3:7 -- A man should try to understand what his wife needs, rather than being bitter toward her (Col. 3:19). He will not expect her to do heavy work since she is not as strong. And he will respect her as being of equal spiritual value with himself.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- A husband also shows love by expressing affection and fulfilling the wife's sexual needs.
Jesus expressed loved for the church both by words and by deeds. If a husband properly loves his wife, he will tell her so, but he will also show it by his actions.
The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family.
Many men leave their wives and children without the necessities of life because they quit their jobs for frivolous reasons or waste their income selfishly.
Genesis 3:17-19 -- The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.)
1 Timothy 5:8 -- As the head of the family (see next point), a man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household. The Bible gives many examples of men having occupations or businesses outside the home. Many Bible examples show men employed away from the home in such occupations as shepherd, carpenter, physician, fisherman, merchant, farmer, sailor, preacher, tentmaker, etc. (See also Eph. 5:28,29).
This is the God-given duty of the husband. No passage instructs the wife to do this. Man should not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one who neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel.
The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family.
Some claim that man should not exercise authority over his wife or that his authority should be limited to just certain areas. In practice, women are often the leaders in making family decisions. But note:
Ephesians 5:22-24 -- The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church (see other verses below). Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (cf. Gen. 2:24).
Love will lead a husband to consider the needs and desires of the wife and children. He will make decisions for the good of the whole group, not just to please himself. This requires discussion at times to understand the views of others.
However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand for what he is convinced is best, even when the wife or children disagree.
If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21;Luke 6:27-35).
The Wife's Responsibilities to Her Husband
The Wife Too Should Have a Lifetime Commitment to the Marriage.
Neither the man nor the woman have the right to end the marriage while their spouse is alive, except for the cause of fornication. (See passages listed above.)
The Wife Should Love Her Husband.
Modern feminists say a woman does not need a man but should find fulfillment outside marriage.
Genesis 2:18-24 -- Woman was created to be a companion and helper to man. She is not required to marry (see 1 Cor. 7), but by nature she would find her greatest fulfillment in life by loving and caring for a family. (See also Mal. 2:14.)
Titus 2:4 -- Young women should be taught to love their husbands and their children. This is something a woman can learn to do. Again, love is a matter of choice and commitment, not primarily a romantic mood.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- The wife too should show affection and fulfill her husband's sexual needs.
The Wife Should Submit to the Headship of the Husband.
We have learned that God teaches husbands to use their authority in love. Though our society may protest and rebel, He also tells wives to submit to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-24,33 -- Just as the church should submit to Christ, not rebelliously but respectfully, so the wife must abide by all her husband's decisions. The only exception would be if the husband commanded her to do something that would violate God's law (Acts 5:29).
Titus 2:5 -- Young women should be taught to be obedient to their husbands. This does not mean woman has less ability or less value than man (cf. 1 Peter 3:7; Matt. 20:25-28; Gal. 3:28). But someone must be in charge to make decisions in the home. God has determined that this responsibility belongs to the man.
(See also Gen. 3:16; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6; 1 Cor. 11:3).
The Wife Should Work at Home Caring for Her Family.
Our society places little value on the work of homemakers. Instead it encourages women to neglect their family responsibilities to do things God never required them to do.
Titus 2:4,5; 1 Timothy 5:14 -- God says the work of mothers is at home. They are to manage the household, loving and caring for their family. This work is a blessing and should be valued and appreciated (cf. Psalm 113:9).
We learned that providing family income is a God-given responsibility for the husband. It is not the wife's responsibility. There may be emergency exceptions (as when the husband has died or is disabled), but generally a mother should not neglect her God-given duties nor give them to other people so she can have a career or job outside the home.
Is it not true that outside jobs and similar activities often hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Consider responsibilities in the family, the church, Bible study, teaching others, benevolence, hospitality, etc. Specifically, where is the authority for a family to enroll their children in day-care so the wife can make money?
It follows that the husband and wife have distinct roles. God gave them separate duties and gave each a nature best suited to those duties. To blur these distinctions or to deny they exist is to disobey God. For both the husband and the wife, the greatest satisfaction in marriage comes when they follow God's plan.
Again, the husband's failure to properly fulfill his duties does not justify the wife in failing to fulfill her duties (Rom. 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:1,2; Luke 6:27-35).
The Parents' Responsibilities to Their Children
Society continually undermines and attacks the right of parents to train and supervise their own children. Entertainment, government agencies, peers, and schools all lead children to think they can "do their own thing." Yet when the children do wrong, these same groups immediately blame the parents!
Parents Should Love Their Children.
Parents are encouraged to leave the training of their children to others, and are told they may kill "unwanted" babies before they are born. As a result, children are often neglected, abused, even abandoned.
Titus 2:4 -- Women should be taught to love their children. Children are a blessing from God, not an unwanted burden (Psalm 127:3-5; 128:1-4).
Parents who love their children will do what is best for them. This requires taking time with children -- quality and quantity time. Abusing and neglecting children is not love.
Parents Should Train Their Children to Know and Obey God's Will.
Few children are truly taught to love God. Even in the Lord's church, the majority of children do not become faithful Christians.
Ephesians 6:4 -- Fathers should bring children up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This includes bringing the children to all meetings of the church, and also teaching them God's word at home (Deut. 6:6-9).
Training children is primarily the work of parents, rather than the church. When children grow up without a knowledge of God and His will, the parents will give account. (See also Prov. 22:6; Gen. 18:19; Deut. 4:9,10; 1 Sam. 2:22-25; 3:13; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15).
Parents Should Punish and Reward Children When Necessary to Motivate Them to Do Good and Avoid Evil.
Spanking and all forms of punishment are opposed by our society. Yet God has spoken:
Hebrews 12:5-11 -- The Father in Heaven is an example to parents in chastening children. Why should children be chastised? For their benefit (v10). It causes the child to respect parents and authority in general (v9) and teaches them to act righteously (v11).
Proverbs 13:24; 23:13,14 -- Spanking is not contrary to love. Properly done it is an act of love for the child's good to teach him to live right. It should never be done because the parent has lost his temper or to satisfy a lust for power. (See also Prov. 22:15; 19:18; Luke 15:20-24.)
Rules and discipline should be consistent. Inconsistency provokes the child to anger (Eph. 6:4). The father and mother should agree and work in harmony (Matt. 12:25).
Children must treated fairly and justly -- no favoritism (James 2:8,9). Parents should keep their promises, including the promise to punish (James 5:12).
Parents who do not discipline their children will be held accountable by God (1 Sam. 3:13). Instead of following society's ungodly philosophies about child-rearing, Christians need to fight those concepts with every upright weapon at our disposal. Families that follow God's will are the ones that will truly be blessed.
(See also Col. 3:21; Matt. 23:23).
The Children's Responsibilities to Their Parents
Children Should Listen to Their Parents' Instruction.
Society encourages children to disregard their parents' teachings and make their own choices. Young people often think their parents are unreasonable or do not understand.
Proverbs 6:20-23 -- Listen to the instruction of parents, do not forsake it. Remember that parents are older and more experienced. They may not be perfect (neither are the kids!) yet they are still wiser.
(See also Prov. 1:8; 15:5; 23:22).
Children Should Respect Their Parents.
Young people today mock, ridicule, and openly flaunt their parents. Such conduct is encouraged by many aspects of society and is ignored by many parents.
Ephesians 6:2,3 -- Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (Cf. Matt. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.)
Children Should Obey Their Parents.
Rebellion is admired and encouraged by many. Acts that parents have disapproved are yet practiced -- openly or by deception -- because "everybody's doing it" or for a hundred other excuses. Some accept such conduct as inevitable. But all such is disobedience and rebellion.
Ephesians 6:1 -- Children are commanded by the Lord to obey their parents. (See also Col. 3:20; 2 Tim. 3:1,2).
Luke 2:51 -- Jesus set the example of subjection to his parents.
Romans 1:30,32 -- One who refuses to obey his parents is worthy of death, and so are those who approve of such conduct (cf. Deut. 21:18-21).
Children should obey all parental instructions unless they are told to do something sinful (Acts 5:29).
The fact that the parents may have made some mistakes or even sinned does not justify disobedience by the children (Rom. 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35; etc.)
Children Should Care for Elderly Parents.
Elderly people today are often neglected or shipped to nursing homes, not because this is really needed for the proper care of the parent, but because the children do not want to be bothered.
1 Timothy 5:4,8,16 -- When children are unwilling to care for their elderly parents, they lack appreciation for what their parents did for them, and they also deny the faith. (Cf. Matt. 15:4-6;Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.)
Making happy homes is not easy, especially in a corrupt society. But God's plan is always best, and the homes that accomplish the most good are those that learn and do His will.
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