Anger Management and the Bible

 "Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, But such as keep the law contend with them." {Proverbs 28:4}

We all have to deal with anger. This world is a battleground, not a playground. The Bible provides the understanding and keys to success that we all need.

In order to benefit from this article, it is necessary to first get saved.

*Christ DIED for your sins, according to the Scriptures. He was buried and ROSE AGAIN the third day!** (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). This is the gospel by which we are saved and are kept saved by, until the day of redemption. You hear the word, then you believe, then you are indwelt with the Holy Spirit of promise. 

Here's what you need to know.

YOU CAN, with God's help, OVERCOME YOUR SPIRIT OF ANGER! IN FACT, God says we are to RULE over it!

Proverbs 25:28

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

Genesis 4:7-8

If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

8And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

First: You do need to forgive others. What follows is a quick review of the issue.

The Bible requires us to forgive others and tells us, in no uncertain terms, what will happen if we don’t. Consider the following passage.

“Then Peter came to Him (Jesus) and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven (An unlimited amount of times). Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents (A huge debt—equivalent to millions of dollars). But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (A much smaller debt: One denarius represented a typical laborer’s daily wage); and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers (demons) until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses (Matthew 18:21-35).”

I have been amazed, when I've taught Bible studies, how a surprising number of Christians fail to comprehend this simple parable! So I'll mention the obvious: You must forgive everyone from your heart. If you don’t, you can expect to be tortured by demons.

Anxiety and depression are the most common forms of torture. Other mental health issues can also result from unforgiveness.

Many physical ailments also are the result of, or are made worse by unforgiveness.

Forgiveness means you're giving up the desire to get even and simply leaving the issue in God's hands. You've decided to 'let it go.'

God will punish evildoers; this is discussed later in the article.

Forgiveness involves a decision that we make regardless of our feelings; this is an attitude that we adopt to preserve our mental health.

Forgiveness does not necessarily require that you socialize with the person who has wronged you. It does not mean that you have to discount the wrong that was done. And it does not mean that you cannot file a police report so that others are not harmed.

Forgiveness, does, however also require the following:

• Don't negatively judge the worth of other people. {Luke 6:37}
• Do not talk negatively about others. {James 4:11-12, 5:9}
• Don't try to get even. {Romans 12:17-19}
• Don't take pleasure in another person’s calamity, real or imagined—no matter how well-deserved. {Proverbs 17:5}

These are all sins. They are inconsistent with forgiveness. And, any of these sins will cause God to punish your emotions—unless you confess and forsake your sin.

Forgiveness is the starting point when it comes to dealing with anger. Everyone is wronged and everyone has to forgive. And, again, the forgiveness needs to be from your heart.

While forgiveness requires a decision to forgive, the power to forgive is another matter.

Some suggestions follow. They are used when thoughts of offenders come up.

First:

• "I choose to forgive him (her)."
• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13}

Second:

• Affirmation: "I have the mind of Christ." {1Corinthians 2:16}
• Forgive with the 'mind of Christ.'

Third:

• Affirmation: "I am strong in the Lord." {Ephesians 6:10}
• This affirmation is especially effective. It makes it much easier to forgive and not dwell on offenses.

Four:

• Trust & obey.
• Fully trust God
• Forgive from your heart.

Five: Pray, briefly, for those you're struggling to forgive. Once per day is usually sufficient.

Commentary:

• Trusting in the power of the Holy Spirit is more effective than trying to forgive in your own strength. Sometimes, it is impossible to forgive any other way.
• Affirming that you have the 'mind of Christ' or are 'strong in the Lord' will also strengthen your ability to forgive and break free.
• Fear, including the fear that you can't forgive, gives power to the devil—a lot of power.
• "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8}
• Praying for your enemies makes it easier to forgive.
• Avoid thinking about past wrongs. This will negatively affect your emotions even if you've forgiven the person. More on this later in the article.

Second: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Whenever you find yourself entertaining revenge or negative judgemental thoughts about another person, it is important that you confess your sin to God right away.

To confess means to agree with God that what you have done is wrong. Unforgiveness is wrong because God says it is.

This is simple to do: "Lord, I ask forgiveness of my sin."

Confessions need to be sincere.

By confessing your sin right away, you can usually avoid the emotional distress that would, otherwise, come your way as a result of your sin.

It is foolish to unnecessarily prolong your suffering by neglecting to authentically confess your sin of unforgiveness.

Third: Adopt a positive attitude toward yourself. And, don't take things personally; that is, don't internalize the negativity of others.

Consider the following Scriptures.

"Love your neighbor as yourself." {Mark 12:31}

". . . He made us accepted in the Beloved." {Ephesians 1:6 }

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you . . ." {Isaiah 43:4 }

"Also do not take to heart everything people say,
Lest you hear your servant cursing you.
For many times, also, your own heart has known
That even you have cursed others." {Ecclesiastes 7.21-22}

Choosing to love yourself makes you stronger; you are not as easily impacted by the comments others make.

Choosing to love yourself makes it easier to forgive both yourself and other people.

It is difficult or impossible to forgive if you internalize the negativity of others; that is, if you accept their negative assessment of your character or worth.

This can be a particular problem for those who received global negative parental messages growing up. Examples: 1) "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" 2) "Boy are you stupid!"

It is essential that you counter the negative assessments of your actions and character by others so that you can forgive.

This is what it means to not take things personally.

But how?

Keep reading.

Remembering God's opinion of you can help you to overcome the negativity of others. If you choose to believe what the Bible says about you is true.

Your own opinion of yourself, and your own perspective, is of the utmost practical importance. These can enable you to triumph over the negativity of others. You can choose to love and accept yourself or you can allow the wickedness of others to prevail. This is a choice.

Furthermore, it is necessary to disbelieve, from your heart, the negative global assessments of your character by others, even if they have some basis in your past life.

Some examples:

• A former prostitute cannot think of herself as 'a whore.' She is not.
• A former sex offender cannot think of himself as 'a pervert.'
• A former inmate cannot continue to think of himself as 'a criminal.'
• A man with a history of failure cannot think of himself as 'a loser.'
• Someone who has been sexually abused cannot think of themselves as 'damaged goods' or as being 'worthless.'
• Otherwise, when someone's criticism touches on a sensitive area, it will be very difficult or impossible for you to forgive the person.

It is necessary for you to forgive yourself as well as other people.

It is necessary to counter negative thoughts, especially self-critical thoughts. You have to correct these thoughts.

It is also important to comfort yourself. Fear gives power to the devil.

Affirmations are recommended.

God's perspective:

• God loves me.{Isaiah 43:4}
• God accepts me. {Ephesians 1:6}

Personal perspective:

• I love me. {Mark 12:31}
• I accept myself. {Mark 12:31}
• I forgive myself. {Mark 12:31}
• I don't care what he (she) thinks. {Ecclesiastes 7.21-22}

Correct negative and self-critical thoughts:

• I am not (fill in blank).
• Or, say the opposite.

Comforting yourself:

• I don't expect myself to be perfect.
• It's no big deal. {Philippians 4:6}
• It's OK.
• "It's OK if he's (she's) angry at me.

Practice using affirmations and always correct negative thoughts.

This will strengthen your ability to forgive and break free.

Doug Britton MFT wrote: "There's no need to take it personally even if it was meant to be taken personally."

Fourth: Sometimes contacting an offender is the right thing to do.

This is true for two reasons:

• Assertiveness is necessary for successful anger management.
• To facilitate the forgiveness process.

Successful anger management requires that you, as a general rule, express your feelings. Other steps may also be needed. This is discussed later in the article.

Sometimes, contacting an offender is advisable to expedite the forgiveness process.

For past issues, always start by bringing the issue to God in prayer. And wait until it becomes clear what to do. Wise Christian counsel is also a good idea.

If you can manage to forgive the person by your own efforts, and with God's help, there may be no reason to ever discuss the issue with the offender.

Sometimes, contacting the offender is simply not a viable option.

God will always provide a way for you to forgive and break free (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Sometimes, however, it is appropriate to talk to the individual directly. This is often true if you haven't been able to resolve the issue, satisfactorily, any other way.

Also, consider writing the person a letter. This is another viable option. Feelings follow actions, which is why this will usually work. This letter should be brief. To be effective, the letter should be in conformity with these three rules:

• It should, ideally, encompass everything that may have offended you.
• It must not imply that the other person is guilty of wrongdoing.
• The letter must end, as though you are no longer angry, are now on acceptable terms and that the matter is now closed.

Two examples follow:

Example One (Multiple offenses):

Robert:

I am writing this letter in an attempt to have more peace.

Some time back, we had several negative interactions that continue to be a problem for me.

I will apologize for any angry feelings.

Alternative statement: "I will apologize for my part in the problems we had."

Jim

Example Two (Single offense):

Robert:

I'm writing this letter this letter in order to have more peace about the situation.

In regard to (blank), it was not my intention to get you upset. So I will apologize since that was the case.

Jim

A simple letter, as in the examples above, can provide a great deal of relief. And sometimes this is the appropriate way to deal with the situation.

No more information is needed. Not even your address or last name. Even if the person doesn't know who you are, this can still work. However, the letter must be addressed directly to the individual involved—and not to an intermediary.

There is no need to include a return address on the letter. If you do receive a letter in response, have a counselor or friend read it first; if it is a nasty letter, have this person destroy the letter and not reveal the contents of the letter to you. Otherwise, you will be re-injured.

This letter will usually get rid of at least 80% of the anger. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and you may have to forgive repeatedly, each time the issue comes up, to dissolve the remaining foothold and eliminate the remaining pain.

One word of caution: If the net effect of contacting an offender results in you feeling humiliated, this will not make things better.

If the person who upset you is someone you come in contact with regularly, you probably should have a conversation in person. Discussing any emotionally-charged issue in person—rather than over the telephone—prevents unnecessary misunderstanding. It is still not necessary to itemize every offense, you can just say that a number of things that the other person said and did in the past created some stress. And that the purpose of the conversation is to enable you to have more peace. The person does not need to know how badly you were affected. Nor does he have to agree with you that he has done something wrong. Just make sure you end the conversation, to the best of your ability, on good terms. If, for example, you get a negative response, end the conversation with something like this: "I'll apologize for my part in the problems we've had; have a good day."

Whenever you are angry with another person and decide to discuss the issue with him/her, remember the two sentence rule. To discharge the anger, you must say at least two distinct sentences, each with no qualifiers.

• Correct example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that at all."
• Incorrect example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that, but anyway, what are you going to do about that file?"

Expressing your feelings—especially right after an incident occurs—makes it much easier to forgive and move on.

Talking to another person about past wrongs is not appropriate in every situation.

In family and other intimate relationships, it is appropriate and helpful to share more information and express more feelings.

One word of caution regarding talking to parents about their failings while you were growing up: You can create a huge amount of unnecessary pain—and mutual discomfort—by telling them all the things they did wrong and how angry you now are. Don't do this.

The only reason you would talk to a parent about past wrongs is to enable you break free of an anger foothold that you can't break free of any other way. If you do decide to talk to a parent, you can just say that a number of things they said and did in the past upset you and that you needed to express that in order for you to have more peace and improve your relationship with him (her). You don't need to say a lot more than that.

If there is a particular incident of concern, and you decide to discuss it, remember the basics already discussed:

• Expressed that the incident bothered you.
• Don't be condemning.
• Forgive and seek to restore the relationship.

Talking to parents about past wrongs is often a really bad idea. Get wise Christian counsel before proceeding. Therapists do not always provide wise counsel.

Also, remember, God promises to bless YOUR life if YOU honor your parents:

"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." {Ephesians 6:2-3}

This is true regardless of how they behaved.

I should note that you still should not engage in sin—even if they tell you to do so.

Fifth: “Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. . . (Hebrews 12:14-15).”

To the best of your ability, make an effort to be on good terms with everyone. A lot of problems can be avoided this way.

One woman found herself being persecuted at work for no apparent reason. She was able to resolve the problem by asking her co-worker “What are your terms for peace?”

Take care of issues with others right away, if possible. It is much easier to deal with a situation right after it occurred rather than days later.

If someone has something against you, try to resolve the issue—even if you did nothing wrong. You can always say something like "It was not my intention to touch a nerve. Sorry for any hard feelings that were created."

Sixth: Forgiveness and pursuing peace are not enough. Consider the following Scriptures:

"The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." {Proverbs 29:25}

"Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You." {Psalm 56:3}

"Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8}

"Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13)."

"Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" {John 14:27}

Assertiveness is necessary for successful anger management.

Overcoming the fear of other people is really simple, though this is not easy. Two steps are required. These are used whenever challenges come up:

• Trust God.
• Act like you trust God.

Practice doing this.

This will become easier over time.

Cowering before someone is a sin. This sin makes it much more difficult to forgive.

Cowering, as a lifestyle, is dangerous. While it may feel like it's the safe thing to do, it is not. This can result in severe anxiety and depression that can sometimes lead to suicide.

These trials are there for a purpose—you need to demonstrate courage.

You don't have to overpower the person; you just need to say what you need to say and do what you need to do—and not give in to fear.

If you speak truth to the offender, the Holy Spirit can help you.

When you can't make peace with someone, a continued conflict is preferable to continuing persecution—if you have a choice.

Sometimes you will need to say 'no.'

Sometimes you will need to fight. If you can't make peace with someone, do what is necessary to protect yourself.

Sometimes, you will need to complain to those in authority.

The only way to get stronger is to practice being assertive etc.

God put these trials in your life for a purpose. He wants you to demonstrate courage—not cowardice. Don't fail the test.

If you do fail the test of courage, be sure that God will make sure that you repeat the test—over and over again—until you succeed.

Note: There are times when you do need to not say anything, forgive and let things go. This should be because it is the wise thing to do—not because you are afraid.

Seventh: Using daily affirmations will help you succeed at being more assertive.

Examples:

• I will stand up for myself.
• I will call people on their stuff.
• I will act like a man. {1 Corinthians 16:13}
• I am strong in the Lord. {Ephesians 6:10}

Eighth: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD (Leviticus 19:17-18).”

Translation: You will need to confront others, from time to time—even in church. I remember one woman who adeptly responded to a ministry co-worker by saying "You don't talk to me like that!" And, when the co-worker didn't immediately correct herself, she repeated her reproach saying something like "I don't care. You don't talk to me like that."

Sometimes, it is necessary to rebuke the offender forcefully. This especially applies to dealing with habitually hot-tempered family members. You do this when the offense occurs.

Ninth: Some cautions and instruction.

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you (Proverbs 9:6-8).”

Rebuking a mocker will make you an enemy. Be cautious not to make a problem worse.

If you do make an enemy, for any reason, try to reconcile with the person. You can always say something like "I will apologize for my part in the problem."

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." {1 Peter 3:9}

There are times when God wants us to respond to insults with blessing.

Some examples follow:

If someone is avoiding making eye-contact with you, you don't need to do the same thing back—that will just create mutual stress. Instead, you can simply continue to say 'hi' when you see them. That may prevent a minor issue from turning into a big problem.

Once, when I was walking, a half-crazy stranger in my neighborhood said something insulting to me. I simply said "may God bless you" and kept walking. That solved the problem.

A good question to ask yourself is how God might like you to respond. And what would be a smart thing to do.

Tenth, expose evil when it occurs in public. You can do this whether the issue involves only you or other people.

Nobody wants their evil deeds to be exposed.

The following is excerpted from the book Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah.

"Whether we've planned for them or not, times of trial will come. And when they do, we must decide how to respond.

For the Christian, no response is not an option. Clearly, we cannot ignore, accept, or be passive in the face of evil. In Ephesians 6 Paul made it clear we're to take action against evil by standing—an active verb. We're to equip ourselves with the armor of God to stand against evil so we can overcome it.

It's also clear that we're not to seek vengeance. But what, then, are we supposed to do?

One of the best, and shortest, philosophies for living I know of is this: 'Do the next right thing.'

I opened the chapter with the story of a woman of remarkable courage who spoke up against abuse. When others with more power and influence ignored and covered up evil, she stepped forward and called it out. How did she find the strength to do that?

She found it through her deep faith. Rachel Downheartedness compared the 'good things in the sight of all men' that Paul referred to (Romans 12:17)—what she called the 'straight line' in her statement—to the 'crooked line' of evil. What was being done was contrary to what she knew to be right and good, so she did the next right thing. She took a stand.

Evil can be difficult to expose. In fact, the enemy often makes it that way. We may not be able to fully explain what's occurring, or define exactly what we need. But while our spiritual armor gives us resilience and strength to stand against the obvious enemies, it also gives us what we need to stand against the confusing and subtle enemies—such as the person we trusted who betrays us, or the deliberate inaction of others in the face of evil.

As an Overcomer, we must put our trust in Christ. When in doubt, ask Him for help. Ask Him, through the Holy Spirit, to show you how to do 'the next right (good) thing.' Trust God that doing one right thing—one good thing after another—will overcome any wrong thing, any evil thing, in your path."2

Eleventh: Recognize that others can be easily offended and that an apology can go a long way.

Two examples follow:

One pastor told of experiencing recurrent distress—earlier in his life—as a result of becoming enraged after being cheated in a business deal. The issue persisted until it was later resolved after the individual apologized.

One woman suffered a lasting foothold because of me: I had walked by her, without saying 'hi' at the beginning of a Bible study. Even though I later walked up and said 'hi' to her. No offense was intended; I was a new Christian and had walked into the Bible study in the middle of an anxiety attack. The issue was resolved when I encountered this person years later, and still angry, at another Bible study. It was resolved because I took the initiative to resolve the issue.

Twelfth: If you're experiencing any kind of abuse, it's a good idea to consider why the person is being abusive. Once you have this information, you're in a better position to know what to do.

Again, make peace with the person, if this is possible.

Seek out wise counsel, if needed.

Thirteenth: If you have a bad temper, force yourself to go back and apologize each time you are emotionally abusive to another person—especially children. Do this each time; you will be surprised how fast your bad temper disappears! Practice being assertive—not aggressive—when you are angry at others. Deal with a bad temper immediately—do not wait to become less angry first.

Fourteenth, just walk away. Or hang up the phone. If someone is yelling at you, this is probably the most appropriate response. Deal with the issue later. Make it clear that this will be your response to yelling from now on.

Fifteenth, beware long-term anger issues. Anger is cumulative.

Resolve the problem or get out of the situation—as soon as possible—if this is possible.

If this is not possible, do what is necessary to protect yourself.

Again:

• Trust God.
• Act like you trust God.

Seek out wise counsel as necessary.

Long-term anger issues are much more difficult to break free of; it's much harder to forgive.

Long-term anger conditions your subconscious mind to be prone to anger. This makes you much more vulnerable in terms of spiritual warfare.

To paraphrase an old adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure."

Sixteenth: “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 22:37-40 NKJV).”

When others wrong us, we are also naturally angry at the God who allowed this to happen and we may be angry at ourselves as well. So, there may be three sources of anger:

• God.
• Ourselves.
• Others.

Any one of these can result in a spiritual foothold which gives demons the power to torment our emotions.

More instructive Scriptures follow:

Jesus said: "If you love Me you will keep my commandments (John 14:15)."

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)."

"If anyone does not love the Lord, let that person be cursed!" {1Corinthians 16:22}

Anxiety, in this context, is an example of a curse.

"Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . ." {1 Corinthians 13:4-8}

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)."

"Jesus never said the work of forgiving would be easy. When he commanded, "Love your enemies," the Greek word for "love" does not mean "affection" but "moral understanding." Simply put, forgiving someone isn't a matter of stirring up human affection, but making a moral decision to remove hatred from our hearts."1

Praying for you enemies, as a matter of habit, makes it easier to forgive.

Note that when you pray for your enemies, God is not going to respond by making them a 'happy sinner.' Rather, God may provide them with what they really need which is conviction that can lead to repentance.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)."

God's will does sometimes include allowing us to go through difficult and painful trials. Even if we've done nothing wrong.

Resolve to thank God for hardships as well as blessings. The reason you can do this is because God uses painful trials to make us wiser and stronger (Romans 8:28).

Otherwise, you will naturally be angry at God—even if you're not consciously aware of it—and Satan will have a foothold. And this means you will suffer additional and unnecessary distress.

Seventeenth, surrender the entire problem to God. Consider the following Scriptures.

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken (Psalm 55:22)."

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden . . . (Psalm 68:19)."

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-8).”

"For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.
You meet him who rejoices in doing righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways (Isaiah 64:4-5)."

Each day a burden exists:

• Surrender the issue to God.
• Trust & obey.
• Be willing to do whatever God says to do or not do.
• Wait until it becomes clear what to do.
• Don't dwell on the issue.

Bring the issue to God and listen. God's voice always comes in the context of relative peace—and is never condemning.

Praying with another Christian is also recommended.

If you don't hear anything, there is nothing to be done—at least not at this time.

Recognize that you have a responsibility, while you're waiting, to walk wisely and not give in to fear.

"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered." {Proverbs 28:26}

"For we live by faith, not by sight." {2 Corinthians 5:}

An important thing to remember that will help you to not dwell on negatives is that you've put the issue in God's hands—and you will do whatever God says to do or not do—whenever He makes this clear.

God may tell you to do something different at the last moment.

So, since you're waiting for God's decision, it's pointless to keep trying to figure things out for yourself.

Note: Turning problems over to God also works well in marriages when couples disagree.

Eighteenth: “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:26-27)."

You really have only 24 hours to forgive and get over an offense. After that, you've given the devil an opportunity or foothold. Once the devil does get a foothold, it's more difficult to forgive and break free.

Forgive as quickly as you can.

Use the material provided.

Nineteenth: Don't give in to demonic compulsions to dwell on negatives.

Remember:

• ". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8}
• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13}

Even if these thoughts do not cause any immediate emotional distress, you are still are giving power to the devil.

Unnecessary spiritual attacks will occur at a later time.

For habitual negative thinking, not the result of demonic compulsions, practice using daily affirmations. I have verses and prayers posted ALL over my room for this very reason! Standing firm on the word of God allows for a SOLID foundation built upon Jesus Christ. What God says must matter MORE to you than what other people say and what the devil says. Remember, his name literally means accuser! The devil is the accuser of the brethren!

Examples:

• "I will think about good things."
• "No (thinking about) problems in bed."
• "No (thinking about) crime."

Twentieth: In particular, don't dwell on past offenses:

"Not that I have already grasped it all or have already become perfect, but I press on if I may also take hold of that for which I was even taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers and sisters, I do not regard myself as having taken hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." {Philippians 3:12-14}

Dwelling on past wrongs will adversely affect your emotions sooner or later—even if you've forgiven the person.

Twenty-first: Self-condemnation: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31)."

One jail inmate, during a counseling session, told me, matter-of-factly, "I'm a screw up." As though this was a self-evident, eternal truth. Even though he had accepted Jesus as his Savior.

The truth is that he was simply believing and declaring the devil's lie. And, as long as he does this, he will continue to be defeated, relapse and go back to jail.

If you grew up with a critical authority figure, it comes naturally to internalize this same attitude toward yourself; that is, to be self-critical. And Satan will, of course, seek to take advantage of the situation.

View self-condemnation as any other spiritual attack. Resist the devil—don't help him.

Twenty-second: "The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it (Proverbs 22:3)."

Recognize that if you create a problem for someone, they will likely try to cause grief for you in return. Even in church. So, plan accordingly. And avoid such problems if you can.

Twenty-third: Recite Scripture when you are tempted to get even. Memorize and use the following three partial Scriptures:

"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God . . ." {Romans 12:19}

"'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." {Romans 12:19}

" . . . Do not murder . . ." {Mark 10:19}

Practice being satisfied with the knowledge that God will punish those who do evil. If you develop this mind-set, it will make it easier for you to live in this world. And to forgive.

"For after all it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you . . . (2 Thessalonians 1:6)."

"Those who are kind benefit themselves. But mean people bring ruin on themselves." {Proverbs 11:17}

Twenty-fourth: Use fasting. This is an excellent option when you're struggling or need guidance.

I strongly recommend doing a partial-day fast once a week.

Even Jesus tells us in Matthew 17:21 that this kind (of demon) only comes out by prayer and fasting. The flesh hates it because you are literally starving the flesh. Demons feed off of flesh. Think like sugar and bacteria. Which is why the higher the bacterial load, the more sugar cravings/carb cravings you may have... been there done THAT!

Twenty-fifth: Church offenses.

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." {Ephesians 4:2 NIV}

“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell." {Matthew 5:21-22}

"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering." {Matthew 5:23-24}

God will punish you if you harbor anger or are rude in church.

We all have a responsibility to do our best to maintain unity and peace in the body of Christ.

These Scriptures are specifically directed at dealing with church offenses. However, they do have general applicability. When someone has something against you, try to become reconciled, when this is possible. And get this done as soon as possible. These things tend to get worse—and create bigger problems—if left unresolved.

Twenty-sixth: It is much harder to forgive people with whom you have a close personal relationship, especially at church (Psalm 55:12-14). Be assertive and avoid these problems, whenever possible.

Twenty-seventh: Avoid unnecessary problems, in general:

"Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying,
So a curse without cause does not come to rest." {Proverbs 26:2}

Insults, without any factual basis, don't occur often and are much easier to break free of.

"Let my heart be blameless regarding Your statutes, That I may not be ashamed." {Psalm 119:80}

"But if you do not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure that your sin will find you out." {Numbers 32:23}

Sin does result in consequences; other people will find out what you did.

Recognize, also, that choosing to sin against the Lord can make you emotionally weak and unable to stand up to your enemies (Joshua 7:11-12, Psalm 40:12).

Twenty-eighth: Don't overlook the obvious:

• Pray for less anger.
• Pray, also, to be able to forgive specific offenders.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." {1 John 5:14-15}

Do your part and petition God to do the rest.

Twenty-ninth: Consider two Scriptures:

"But I say to you, do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also." {Matthew 5:39}

“Plans are established by counsel; By wise counsel wage war." {Proverbs 20:18}

Consider how the person responds when you try to forgive them and make peace; that is, when you 'turn the other cheek.' If they, slap you again, you have an enemy.

Pray and seek out wise counsel as to how to respond. Usually, you do need to protect yourself going forward—unless God makes it clear you that you should respond in some other way.

"If you treat a wolf like a sheep, you're going to get slaughtered."

And yes, there are wolves in church.

Thirtieth: "Pursue peace with all men . . . (Hebrews 12:14 ." This is always the first resort. Try to find a way to resolve the situation peacefully.

Thirty-first: Second resort: Consider utilizing appropriate authority. This may mean contacting your boss, your boss' boss, the police etc. If you are unable to resolve a problem, consider making a complaint to those in authority.

You will have situations in life where you need to do these things.

One depressed public servant, who came to a Bible study, was suffering emotional abuse, continually, from her boss. She did contact her boss' boss—with no results. They were good friends. But she could have contacted an attorney and have had him write a letter to the department head. At least in the United States, a 'hostile work environment' is a serious legal issue.

Thirty-second: Third resort: Some people you can't make peace with or effect a change in their behavior. Is their a way to get them out of your life? Or to minimize your contact with them?

Finally, as a last resort: “Plans are established by counsel; By wise counsel wage war." {Proverbs 20:18}

You may need to do whatever is reasonably necessary to protect yourself. And this is true whether the person is trying to destroy you physically or emotionally.

As Christians, we are never allowed to seek vengeance. But, I believe we are allowed to do whatever is reasonably necessary to protect ourselves and our families.