Spiritual abuse is when someone uses things related to God in order to control, dominate, exploit, or oppress another person. The Word of God, a position of spiritual authority, prophetic words, or other means, can be misused or misapplied in order to abuse others. This can happen in the context of a church or ministry, and can also happen in various types of relationships. Unfortunately, it is happening in many marriages.
The following is an excerpt from Hypocrisy Exposed that reveals the sinister nature of spiritual abuse:
When Satan Quotes the Bible
Not only can Satan appear as a “pretty nice guy,” he can quote the Bible with the best of us. When the devil was tempting Jesus in the wilderness, his first attempt was to try to get Him to turn stones into bread. Among other things, this was an appeal to Jesus’ natural appetite and need for nourishment. Jesus resisted the temptation by quoting Scripture (see Matthew 4:1-4).
Immediately after this, the devil took Him to the temple for his next temptation:
Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written:
‘He shall give His angels charge over you,’
and,
‘In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus said to him, “It is written again, ‘You shall not tempt the Lord your God.’” (Matthew 4:5-7)
What I find interesting about this, is that the devil took Jesus to a religious place—the very house of God—and used Scripture for his appeal when he tempted Him. It is as if he were saying, “Oh, so you value the Scriptures? I can quote the Bible too! How about this verse?” Satan put on a religious mask in his attempt to trip up Jesus. His motive was to destroy Jesus, drawing Him into sin; but his method was a deceptive appeal to God and His Word.
The devil took a truth from Scripture—the promise of God’s protection—and isolated it from the rest of God’s Word to try to get Jesus to do something presumptuously outside of God’s will. Jesus again quoted Scripture saying, “It is written again…” I love the way that the NASB translation says it: “On the other hand, it is written…” (Matthew 4:7 NASB). Jesus was not tripped up by a truth pulled away from the totality of Scripture. And He was not deceived by the devil’s religious mask.
We need to understand this: just because a person knows the Bible well and can quote passages of Scripture, does not mean that they are a true believer or that what they are saying is from the Lord. While knowing the Scriptures is essential, this alone is not the barometer of a person’s spiritual condition. The Pharisees knew the Scriptures better than anyone in their day, but they were far from knowing God. And knowing the Word of God without knowing the God of the Word is a very dangerous combination.
We must be grounded in the whole counsel of Scripture and rooted in a relationship with the Lord; this will help us to recognize when the Word of God is being twisted, misused, or misapplied. This misuse of Scripture is sometimes referred to as spiritual abuse.
Exposing Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse occurs when someone uses God’s Word to control, manipulate, or dominate another person. This is one of the cruelest and most evil forms of abuse because it uses a person’s own love for God, and their desire to obey His Word, against them. Like the devil quoting the Bible to Jesus in order to tempt Him, people misuse God’s Word in order to use and abuse others. Controlling and toxic church leaders are known to do this, misusing and overstepping their position of spiritual authority. Domineering and abusive husbands often use the Bible to pressure, control, and oppress their wives. This is much more common than we realize; and it is pure evil.
Scripture is never meant to be used as a means to control or manipulate another person. Consider this: when the Word of God gets separated from the heart of God and the Spirit of God, it is no longer the Word of God, and you are not obligated to obey it. “The letter kills but the Spirit gives life” (2 Corinthians 3:6). Jesus showed that we don’t have to obey a Scripture when it is quoted to us by the devil. We must learn to discern the spirit behind the words, not just the content of the words. Rejecting spiritual abuse is not disobeying God; it is resisting the devil!
A hypocrite may feign a love for God’s Word, but this only serves to cover the iniquity that is in their heart. I was shocked when I realized that the Pharisees’ apparent love for the law was only a façade that hid the reality of a lawless heart: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness” (Matthew 23:27-28, emphasis added). On the outside they valued the law, but on the inside, they were actually lawless. Hypocrites don’t really love the Word of God; they only love to use the Scriptures to serve their own selfish purposes.
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The Law
A mindset that shows up in many forms of spiritual abuse is a view of God’s Law that it is 1) a way to attain a right relationship with God, or 2) a way to live victoriously or to receive blessing. But we are not justified by works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus (Gal 2:16). “Right relationship with God is a settled gift because of what God did through Christ. You can’t earn it. You can only have it for free” (p. 84).
If the Law neither saves us nor gives an extra blessing, what is its purpose? Books are written about this subject, indeed careers are defined by it. If you have read or thought about this issue and wish to agree, disagree, or clarify, feel free to engage in the comment section below! The authors offer three reasons: 1) to reveal that we have sinned, 2) to convince us that our own efforts will never solve the problem, and 3) to bring us into a grace-full relationship with God based on God’s work of grace through Christ. Paul compared the Law to the tutors of his day who would drive kids to school with a stick. When the faith relationship with Christ begins, the stick-wielding tutor is out of a job.
It is a mistake when spiritual leaders try to drive people to try harder to produce fruit. Trying harder is not what Christ died for. He died to give us rest. Trying harder may be evidence of a leader trying to bring you back under the Law, the very thing from which Christ died to set you free.
Learning to “Do” Christianity
This section implicates “Christian Formula Seminars” as events where people often receive lists of activities to perform, backed up by out-of-context proof-texts, and are sent home with a focus on self and the many ways they do not measure up. However, a clean conscience is not the result of religious behavior. It is Jesus who washes our hearts and consciences clean (Heb 10:19-22).
In a funny-if-it-weren’t-so-sad comment, it is suggested that perhaps Paul had “Christian formula seminars” in mind when he wrote to Timothy, “Certain persons, by swerving from these [love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith], have wandered away into vain discussion, desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make confident assertions.” (1 Timothy 1:6-7, ESV)
In the interest of brevity, we will note the remaining four topics in passing. The discussion is good and worth the minutes it takes to read. Consideration is given to common verses that are used for each subject.
Self-Denial: the cross at which we die is the cross of Christ, not some leader’s agenda. It is a misuse of “I die daily” to pressure people to constantly try not to feel, to notice, or to want.
Giving: God loves a cheerful giver, and it is right to be generous, but abusive systems apply the pressure of giving to get on God’s good side and giving to stay on God’s good side. This is giving in order to get.
By the way, did you know that the Old Testament tithe would actually be closer to 27% than to 10%? There were actually three successive tithes (this is described on page 89).
Unity and Peace in the Church: There are numerous verses to speak to preserving and maintaining peace but it is a false peace that is maintained by keeping a “can’t-talk” rule and sweeping all the problems under the rug. A true peace-maker is one who is able to help make peace where there is no peace, not one who helps cover up problems and keep them out of view. Furthermore, peace is an issue of the heart, not an issue of smoothing things over.
Church Discipline is a subject that can be misunderstood and misused. The goals that Scripture shows for church discipline are reconciliation and protecting other believers from danger.
Comment:I would like to add my hearty “amen!” to the description on page 83 about asking questions of any particular text, such as: To whom was this text written? What was the original issue being addressed? What result was the original author hoping to achieve? When you have a suggested interpretation for a passage, would this interpretation have made sense to the original audience? These questions would prevent a host of mistaken and unique interpretations (in my mind, “One Accord Power Teams” and “rhemas” are two teachings that would not make it past these questions; there are some other examples here: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/category/twistedscriptures/ ).
If you are interested in reading more about how the correctly read and interpret God’s Word, I highly recommend “How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth” ( http://amzn.to/NAgGbX )
Questions for discussion:
Note: please feel free to comment about these questions or anything else that stands out to you about this chapter.
Do you agree / disagree with the proposition that “Christian formula seminars” can tend to result in self-occupied or self-righteous people who attempt to clean up a dirty conscience with religious behavior? (In contrast to Hebrews 10:19-22, a clean conscience and pure heart are already ours in Christ)
Do you have any thoughts about appropriate versus inappropriate uses of self-denial?
Have you seen true unity brought about in good ways? Have you ever seen unity or peace-making used as a tool for sweeping problems under the rug?
Good quotes:
In addition to burning people out, pressuring people to “live up to” Scripture leads to a distorted perception of God. He becomes one who is created in the image of the leaders. This is not about helping people gain a deeper understanding of God through the Word, in all its multi-faceted beauty. In fact, a deeper understanding of Scripture on the part of the people would probably expose the whole abusive situation. (p. 83)
In order to minimize the possibility of misusing Scripture, it is helpful to ask several questions about any particular text. To whom was it written? What kinds of problems or issues were facing the people being addressed? What did it mean to the original hearers? Is this a timeless truth, or a specific instruction for a specific situation? Sometimes, even a brief look at the context of the passage being studied would reveal that he point someone is trying to “prove” by the text is completely different than the original intention of the writer. (p. 83)
A true peacemaker, as noted in Matthew 5, is someone who goes where there is no peace and makes peace. It is not someone who covers over disagreement with a cloak of false peace. It is not someone who gets people who are in total disagreement to act as if there were on the same side. For real peace to happen, not just a cease-fire, there has to be a change of heart. (p. 91)
Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader, such as a pastor, uses their power and influence to manipulate and control people. A spiritual abuser is not concerned with promoting the well-being of those he serves. Rather, he’s only interested in how people can further his plans and agenda.
Over the last year, I’ve read a number of books about incredible, powerful, visionary people who achieved incredible things, only to have everything fall apart due to their own self-destruction.
I’ve read sobering stories of bad pastors who inflicted spiritual abuse (Jimmy Bakker), deceitful startup founders (Elizabeth Holmes), and obsessive athletes (Tiger Woods).
I’ve also witnessed the profoundly destructive power of bad pastors and spiritual abuse first hand.
What struck me as I read these books was that in both the “secular” world and the church, destructive leadership tends to look the same. In other words, the same things that caused Jimmy Bakker to implode also led to the downfall of Elizabeth Holmes and her company “Theranos” (once valued at $1 billion).
And Tiger Woods, though not necessarily a “leader” in the same sense as a pastor or CEO, imploded for many of the same reasons.
More and more, it’s critically important to be able to identify spiritually abusive, dangerous, destructive pastors BEFORE everything falls apart.
Few things cause Christians to become disillusioned more than being ripped to pieces by spiritual abuse in the church. Few things do more to sully the name of Jesus more than abusive spiritual leaders.
Dave Harvey puts it this way:
There are few things more dangerous to a church than a pastor who is extraordinarily endowed on the gifting side and extraordinarily deficient on the character side. That guy is a decaying tie rod waiting to break. The progress can be impressive until character collapses.
Here are six bright red warning signs of spiritual abuse.
- He surrounds himself with “yes” people
- Critics are isolated
- Loyalty is prized over diversity
- Refusing accountability
- Leading by force of personality
- Refusing to believe anything is wrong
Spiritual Abuse Warning Sign #1: A Bad Pastor Surrounds Himself With “Yes” People
Godly spiritual leadership is about helping people move from where they are to where God wants them to be. It’s a wonderful thing when a leader desires to see people going full-throttle for God.
As Richard Blackaby puts it in his book Spiritual Leadership:
Unfortunately, what often happens is that pastors and spiritual leaders conflate God’s plans with their own plans. What often starts as good and godly ambitions can curdle into spoiled, selfish ambitions, which then leads to spiritual abuse.
They say they want to gather thousands of people and create massive movements and do giant things “for God”. In reality, it’s more about creating something that will shine the white-hot spotlight on them instead of God (even though they might not recognize it as such).
The problem with this (apart from the obvious pride and glory stealing), is that creating massive movements requires massive amounts of momentum. To generate momentum, everyone has to be on board, eager to make the pastor’s vision a reality.
Those who challenge the pastor and the vision only slow things down, making it really difficult to pick up speed and achieve the “big things”.
And so spiritually abusive leaders and pastors surround themselves with people who always say, “Yes.” Those guilty of spiritual abuse are quick to speak and slow to listen, and they need people who will always back them up. The inner circle – those closest – will support every decision the pastor makes, no matter how destructive or ludicrous.
Warning Sign #2: Critics Are Isolated
This is closely tied to the previous point. Not only are critics cut out of the spiritual abuser’s inner circle, they are also isolated. After all, the leader can’t afford to have critics talking behind his back.
And so they do everything they can to isolate and discredit critics, smearing their character, accusing them of lacking faith, saying their understanding of the Bible is wrong, and even spreading lies about them. The pastor guilty of spiritual abuse wants his followers to have nothing to do with critics and seeks to discredit them as ungodly sinners who are holding back God’s plans.
The sad reality is that those labeled “critics” often start as close confidants of the pastor, but once they begin to push back, they are cut off. Instead of being able to provide guardrails for the roaring ambition of the bad pastor, they are sidelined and slandered.
Abuse Warning Sign #3: Loyalty Is Prized Over Diversity
In order for a church or spiritual movement to be healthy, a diversity of opinions is required. In Christ, we are all priests to God, filled with the Holy Spirit, and given unique gifts to build up the church.
But this doesn’t work for the spiritually abusive pastor or spiritual leader. Diversity leads to dissent, which slows momentum and keeps him from achieving his grandiose plans. He doesn’t want a variety of opinions, he wants loyalty. You’re either in or out, for or against.
And if you’re not all in, you’re accused of being disloyal. Of not being a team player. Of being a naysayer and downer. Of not believing in the mission.
Those who are loyal are promoted to positions of honor, while those who criticize are ostracized. Spiritual abuse often deploys shame and fear and bullying against those who aren’t loyal.
A sure sign that things are going downhill is when everyone in leadership thinks, acts, and even speaks alike. Additionally, if the leadership team gets smaller and smaller, it’s a sign that the pastor is hoarding power and promoting only the most loyal followers.
Spiritual Abuse Warning Sign #4: Refusing Accountability
A spiritually abusive pastor or leader doesn’t like to be held accountable for his decisions. Because of this, he’ll take actions specifically designed to minimize accountability. Often times, this involves creating odd leadership structures where those who are supposed to hold the pastor accountable are unable to do it.
They (the accountability) may be misled or kept in the dark about the leader’s actions. Or, when push comes to shove, they may lack the formal power to hold the pastor accountable.
The result is that it may look like he’s being held accountable when in reality he can do whatever he wants. When spiritual abuse is present in the church, accountability is almost always lacking.
Warning Sign #5: The Pastor Leads By Force Of Personality
This one is a little trickier to evaluate and should be examined in conjunction with the previous signs. Spiritual abuse can be a subtle thing. Most bad pastors don’t seem like bad pastors. They’re often charming, dynamic, and even visionary. They are forces of nature, charismatic, able to inspire people to do hard things.
But the personality is often a facade, whitewash splashed over a tomb. On the surface, they appear to be prophets with a direct connection to God. In reality, they’re deceivers who don’t fear the Lord.
It’s the dynamic personality that often causes people to allow destructive spiritual abuse to go on for far too long. They can’t reconcile the Jekyll and Hyde nature of the bad pastor, and so they endure spiritual abuse and hope things will get better.
Spiritual Abuse Warning Sign #6: They Refuse To Believe Anything Is Wrong
Sadly, most bad pastors refuse to believe that anything is wrong with their leadership style or the way things are headed. They remain convinced that everything is great, up until the point that everything falls apart.
And even if they do harbor doubts, they certainly don’t share them with others. That would be an admission of wrong, of fallibility, of weakness, of insecurity. It would be an acknowledgment that maybe, just maybe, God isn’t on their side. And so they are always full of bluster and bravado, making grand claims about how swimmingly things are going.
The result is that things go from bad to worse to total implosion. Many people get hurt, the Lord’s name is dragged through the mud, and the movement usually falls apart. Even if it doesn’t, it’s only a shell of its former “glory”.
Don’t Tolerate Spiritual Abuse
If you suspect that your pastor is a spiritual abuser, don’t hope that things will get better. That rarely, if ever happens.
Instead, talk to someone outside your normal circle of friends and ask their opinion. Share specifics with them, including all the red flags. Getting an outside perspective is helpful because it can be hard to make sense of everything when you’re in the middle of it. Additionally, bad pastors are often manipulators, able to explain away every action, no matter how egregious.
Whatever you do, don’t tolerate spiritual abuse. It will leave you hurt, disillusioned, and feeling betrayed.
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