Spiritual abuse

 

The Unavoidable Link Between Patriarchal Theology and Spiritual Abuse

Editor’s Note: This is one of the Top 15 2020 CBE Writing Contest winners. Enjoy!

Theology matters. It shapes the very framework by which we view the world. Who are we? Why are we here?

When our theology advocates traditional, or complementarian, gender roles, the man is defined as “head of the household” and thus acts as “spiritual leader” over the woman. In real world situations, the vague concept of gendered spiritual leadership is left to be defined by the man and can migrate from the spiritual realm to financial, emotional, physical, sexual, and religious leadership over the woman. Male decisions govern the home. Supporters of this theology claim that the roles are different but somehow still equal. In theory, the man could use his authority to humbly serve the woman. In reality, it is simply impossible for women and men to be equal when the man is given intrinsic authority over the woman in a relationship and deemed primary or sole decision-maker.

Complementarian theology relies on inequality, putting women in passive roles and men in powerful ones. This inequality allows men to disguise power complexes as love, care, protection, and leadership, and manipulates women to believe that to be a good Christian they must obey their husbands. This forms a culture that allows for spiritual abuse, placing even well-meaning couples at a much higher risk of spiritually abusive habits simply by ascribing to traditional “biblical” gender roles.

Defining Spiritual Abuse

What does that mean? Spiritual abuse is when a person uses religious texts or beliefs to coerce, control, manipulate, or abuse someone knowingly or unknowingly. In the book Rooted in God’s Love, Dale and Juanita Ryan write, “Spiritual abuse is a kind of abuse that damages the central core of who we are. It leaves us spiritually disorganized and emotionally cut off from the healing love of God.”¹

For example, in “A Conversation about Love and Respect with Sheila Gregoire,” the Faith and Feminism podcast reveals how the concept of male spiritual leadership often controls the couple’s sexual relationship.² The podcast shares stories of seemingly kind, Christian men denying the mutuality and depth of passages like 1 Corinthians 7, instead viewing sex as a man’s need and a woman’s duty. A man could coerce his partner into sexual activities in the name of respect and biblical submission. The ambiguity of spiritual leadership allows for blanket claims like, “You must do this because I say so, and God says you must obey me.”

Many believers are unaware of spiritual abuse or find it hard to identify because it’s masked by theological terms and cherry-picked Bible verses to appear God-approved.

Identifying Spiritual Abuse

Out in public, a spiritual abuser often looks like the “good Christian,” as he goes to church, talks “Bible talk,” and is liked by many people. In private, however, the woman often experiences a very different person who exhibits abusive or manipulative behaviors. These extremes can be confusing for her and potentially cause her to stay in a spiritually abusive relationship. It could also blind many abusers to their own faults by allowing them to genuinely believe their behaviors are biblically justified.

Spiritual abuse often feeds off a man’s insecurities from the social and theological pressures placed on him. The expectation to be the stereotypically dominant male is not only contrary to the humility taught in Scripture but also leaves men “with very fragile egos,” as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie commented in her TEDx Talk. She continued by pointing out that “then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.” Though not focused on religion, Adichie’s analysis describes the struggles many women face in the church. Women may be conditioned by complementarian theology to believe that it is their spiritual duty to cater to the fragile ego of the “male leader.”

Spiritual abuse based on complementarian theology can manifest in many ways, but for the sake of gathering a general understanding, here is a list of some common characteristics:

• The man demands respect from the woman without question due to his “God-given” masculine authority.
• The man discourages the woman from having a different opinion, especially theological, political, or social, because God has given him discernment for the both of them.
• The man shames the woman if she publicly expresses an opinion different from his own, because it challenges or even humiliates his male authority.
• The man is unable to see the woman as an accountability partner. If the man criticizes the woman on an issue, he believes he’s fulfilling his God-designed responsibility as spiritual leader. But if the woman criticizes the man on an issue, he believes she’s disrespecting his authority and therefore rejecting “God’s design” for men and women.
• The man emphasizes his dedication to caring for and protecting his partner but only does so in the way he believes is best. Because he is the spiritual leader, he thinks he knows what is best for the woman even if she says otherwise.
• The man rarely, if ever, considers that he could be wrong in his decision-making.
• If the woman confronts the man on an issue, he makes her think that she is overreacting, crazy, or simply a bad partner because she does not trust, is ungrateful for, or is disrespectful of his leadership (a form of gaslighting). He might twist the conversation so that the moral of the story is that the woman must learn to be more forgiving and gracious, as opposed to the man acknowledging his own mistakes.
• The man misuses Scripture to require the woman to perform sexual activities. If she says no, he claims she is denying God’s command to please her partner.
• The man demands primary or full control over finances as head of the household.
• The man uses statements like, “You don’t love or respect me anymore. If you did, you would…” or “I’m only doing this to love and protect you. Don’t you want that?” to emotionally manipulate his partner into doing what he wants.
• The man lies when necessary to protect his good reputation and “Christian testimony.”
• The man quotes from Bible passages like Ephesians 5 to require that the woman perform domestic duties and not maintain a career. Or, if she does have a career, the man demands that his career takes priority.

Our Theology Can Harm or It Can Help

As a whole, our theology needs rectification. When men and women are not deemed equal leaders in the church and in relationships, God’s Word is misused to endorse patriarchal systems that allow for, and even condone, spiritual abuse.

It is already difficult for a woman to stand up to an abusive partner; it is even more difficult when she feels that she would also be defying God. In this way, complementarian spiritual abuse capitalizes on the woman’s desire to be a good Christian. In their book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson write that spiritual abuse thrives by, “weakening, undermining, or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment.”³ Complementarian spiritual abuse disrespects the woman’s imago Dei, the image of God in her, which emphasizes that God can speak to her too, that she deserves free will not limited by her partner, and that God has blessed her with her own discernment apart from her partner.

When we acknowledge the patriarchal bias ingrained in our terminology, sermons, Bible studies, and churches, and when we refine our interpretative process to discover the beauty of biblical equality, we can better identify and prevent spiritual abuse. This is especially true because anytime we learn more about the love, grace, and freedom of the Gospel, we are better equipped to recognize when the opposite is proclaimed. When men and women are treated as equals, God’s Word is glorified in the joyful empowerment of all voices, and Christian couples are encouraged toward mutual submission, love, and respect. And wherever a woman believes God values her leadership and decision-making ability equal to her husband’s, spiritual abuse cannot thrive.

Therefore, we must ask ourselves: Who are we? Why are we here?

May God help us see we are all beloved, made in the image of God. We are here for God’s glory as we “learn to do right, seek justice, defend the oppressed.” (Is. 1:17, NIV)>

Notes

1. Ryan D, Ryan J. Rooted in God’s Love. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Publishing; 1992.
2. “A Conversation about Love and Respect with Sheila Gregoire.” Season 1, Episode 88, Faith and Feminism podcast (Host: Meghan Tschanz), June 22, 2020.
3. VanVonderen J, Johnson D. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Authority within the Church. Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers; 1991.

Many advocates see religion as part of the domestic violence problem because they know someone who has used Bible verses to defend abusive actions. When a man uses scripture to justify holding a dominant, authoritarian position over a woman it is called spiritual abuse or religious abuse, a form of domestic abuse. That reasoning is also a horriblemisinterpretation of scripture and a misrepresentation of God’s will for our relationships.

If you read even a few of my posts, you know I often point people who have hurt their partner toward a relationship with God. I’ve seen how it can be a catalyst for change, not to mention the key to living a life full of peace, joy, and blessings. God, who is good and loves all of his sons and daughters, would never instruct someone to secure their role by hurting another.

God would never instruct someone to secure their role by hurting another.

So how does something so good (a relationship with God) get used in such a harmful way (spiritual abuse)? It could be an innocent misunderstanding of centuries-old literature that takes a deeper look to get right. More likely, it is (mis)quoting the commands of a supreme power as a convenient way to support a particular desired outcome. Either way, misapplying the words leads both parties far away from the blessing God intended for their relationship.

Relationships designed by God

Exploring what God intended for men, women, and their relationships is helpful. He gave men and women different yet equally valuablecharacteristics and roles. They offset and compliment each other, and ultimately bless both when done well.

God gave men and women different yet equally valuable characteristics and roles.

God designed men to be natural leaders—typically strong, brave, and seeking justice. Jesus demonstrated masculine traits by leading humbly and serving in love. His headship role meant he died sacrificially for his bride, the church. Similarly, God calls men to love, honor, and cherish their wives without limits.

Women are created to nurture, usually possessing an abundance of tenderness, mercy, and patience. Jesus also demonstrated these characteristics as the healing, compassionate, sustainer of life. Combining these male and female roles results in safety, peace, comfort, harmony, and joy in the home.

We see a more complete image of God by looking at the two genders together than either separately. To follow Jesus, which is the true definition of a Christian, both genders are to take on both his masculine and feminine traits. This could mean that men stretch themselves in characteristics like compassion and patience, while women work to build their leadership and bravery traits.

In spiritually healthy homes, men and women are spiritual equals before God, and therefore, equal to each other. Husbands and wives serve one another in love. This results in both demonstrating the fruits of the Spirit abundantly: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Spiritual abuse

On the other hand, if we misinterpret the Bible or commit spiritual abuse, the picture is very different. Say a man uses harsh language or attempts to control his wife in some way to achieve the picture of their home he wants. This fails all leadership tests because it is simply exercising his power over his partner, not leading her. Jesus led by attraction, not power.

Jesus led by attraction, not power.

Claiming these acts are a man’s role as the leader and head of the household perverts the Biblical definition and is called hyper-headship. Excusing this behavior as his God-given right or responsibility grossly misrepresents the Bible. I’m convinced God hates someone using his words as a way to gain power for themselves—like what occurs with spiritual abuse.

Causing harm to our partner breaks the covenant of marriage. In fact, it is domestic abuse, which is a sin. Sin is simply anything we do that falls short of what God calls us to do. His commands are for our protection so we can receive the full blessing he desires for us. In this case, the relationship fills with hurt, fear, and strife—far from the blessing he intended men and women to enjoy.

Your leadership approach

How do you lead in your home? If it looks more like the spiritual abuse I described here, know there is a better way. I’m not shaming you, just encouraging you to improve. We are all works in progress. Here are some suggestions:

• Get the help of some Godly counsel to better understand your role as the head of the household.
• Surround yourself with others who demonstrate leading well and can encourage you as you make changes in your approach.
• Learn to lead with gentleness, which means you allow your partner to choose not to follow.
• Demonstrate compassion. Sacrifice for her. Be patient. Allow her to make mistakes. Compete only to out-serve her. I’ve been working on doing these things for years, but I can always do better.
• Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. To discern his guidance, remember that it will always be gentle and good for both you and your partner.
• Allow yourself to feel guilty or “be convicted by the Spirit” when you fall short.
• Sense God’s pleasure when you lead well.

I’m praying that you can and will become the “head” of your household that God has called you to be.

The Root of Everything Evil

• Most people do not consider themselves proud or vulnerable to pride. Yet, this is one of the major categories of sin the Bible says is in each of our hearts.
• 1 John 2:15-17 (NASB) “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”
• Pride is the first sin and the most serious sin. Pride is our greatest problem. Not the devil. Not low self-esteem. Not our upbringing or injustices suffered.

God Hates Pride

• God hates pride; we must learn to hate what God hates and to love what God loves. How much do you hate pride?
• Proverbs 8:13 “To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behaviour and perverse speech.”
• Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
• Proverbs 16:5 “The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.”
• Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
• God is not out to hurt your pride he is out to kill your pride.

Pride is Serious

• God is opposed to the proud. You don’t want God as your opponent.
• James 4:6 “But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.””
• 1 Peter 5:5 “Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'”
• Luke 14:11 “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.””
• The way up is the way down. Completely the opposite of the world. Humble yourself and you will be exalted; exalt yourself and you will be humbled.

Humility is Critical to Receiving God’s Grace

• Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
• Proverbs 15:33 “The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honour.”
• Proverbs 18:12 “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honour.”
• Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honour.”
• Isaiah 57:15 “For this is what the high and lofty One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”
• 1 Peter 5:6 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”
• Isaiah 23:9 “The LORD Almighty planned it, to bring low the pride of all glory and to humble all who are renowned on the earth.”
• God resists the proud in order to show them their need of him. This results in his glory.
• 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
• We must change the source of our lives. You are weak whether you know it or not. Abiding is how you live the Christian life.

What Humility is Not

1. Humility is not denying the gifts and graces God has given you.

• It is important to know what you are gifted in. Realize you are called to help and serve others.
• Humility is not putting yourself down. It is being sober in your assessment and walking in the acknowledgment of God’s grace. It is using what God has given you for his glory.

2. Humility is not a lack of direction, desire and godly ambition.

• It is not wrong to want to be used of God or advance in the kingdom of God. God wants to use you to do great things for him. God is not glorified by a losing or defeatist mentality.

3. Humility is not denying the work of God within you or in the church.

4. Humility is not the pursuit of mediocrity.

• You should pursue excellence but not with the motivation of calling attention to yourself or trying to impress people.
• Humility allows you to enjoy the gifts of God without trying to impress others.

5. Humility is not denying or backing away from the truth.

• You are called to be righteous and humble. You are responsible to speak the truth in love without being self righteously critical.

Pride is Deceptive

• The devil does not come up to us with a red flag and tell us we are proud.
• Jeremiah 49:16 “The terror you inspire and the pride of your heart have deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks, who occupy the heights of the hill. Though you build your nest as high as the eagle’s, from there I will bring you down,” declares the LORD.”
• We need help to see the fruits of pride in our lives. What is the real issue behind your behaviour? Are you examining your heart and motives for pride? What really needs to change beyond outward behaviour?
• Proverbs 16:2 “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.”
• Proverbs 21:2 “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.”
• Humility is the door to true freedom. How do you deal with things in your life? At the symptom level, problem level, or root level?
• John 8:31-36 “To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Fifty Fruits of Pride

1. I tend to be self sufficient in the way I live my life. I don’t live with a constant awareness that my every breath is dependent upon the will of God. I tend to think I have enough strength, ability and wisdom to live and manage my life. My practice of the spiritual disciplines in inconsistent and superficial. I don’t like to ask others for help.

2. I am often anxious about my life and the future. I tend not to trust God and rarely experience his abiding and transcendent peace in my soul. I have a hard time sleeping at night because of fearful thoughts and burdens I carry.

3. I am overly self-conscious. I tend to replay in my mind how I did, what I said, how I am coming across to others, etc. I am very concerned about what people think of me. I think about these things constantly.

4. I fear man more than God. I am afraid of others and make decisions about what I will say or do based upon this fear. I am afraid to take a stand for things that are right. I am concerned with how people will react to me or perceive my actions or words. I don’t often think about God’s opinion in a matter and rarely think there could be consequences for disobeying him. I primarily seek the approval of man and not of God.

5. I often feel insecure. I don’t want to try new things or step out into uncomfortable situations because I’m afraid I’ll fail or look foolish. I am easily embarrassed.

6. I regularly compare myself to others. I am performance oriented. I feel that I have greater worth if I do well.

7. I am self-critical. I tend to be a perfectionist. I can’t stand for little things to be wrong because they reflect poorly on me. I have a hard time putting my mistakes behind me.

8. I desire to receive credit and recognition for what I do. I like people to see what I do and let me know that they noticed. I feel hurt or offended when they don’t. I am overly concerned about my reputation and hate being misunderstood.

9. I want people to be impressed with me. I like to make my accomplishments known.

10. I tend to be deceptive about myself. I find myself lying to preserve my reputation. I find myself hiding the truth about myself, especially about sins, weaknesses, etc. I don’t want people to know who I really am.

11. I am selfishly ambitious. I really want to get ahead. I like having a position or title. I far prefer leading to following.

12. I am overly competitive. I always want to win or come out on top and it bothers me when I don’t.

13. I like to be the center of attention and will say or do things to draw attention to myself.

14. I like to talk, especially about myself or persons or things I am involved with. I want people to know what I am doing or thinking. I would rather speak than listen. I have a hard time being succinct.

15. I am self-serving. When asked to do something, I find myself asking, “How will doing this help me, or will I be inconvenienced?”

16. I am not very excited about seeing or making others successful. I tend to feel envious, jealous or critical towards those who are doing well or being honoured.

17. I feel special or superior because of what I have or do. For example:

my house
my neighbourhood
my physical giftings
my spiritual giftings
my intellect or education
being a Christian
my position or job
my car
my salary
my looks

18. I think highly of myself. In relation to others I typically see myself as more mature and more gifted. In most situations, I have more to offer than others even though I may not say so. I don’t consider myself average or ordinary.

19. I tend to give myself credit for who I am and what I accomplish. I only occasionally think about or recognize that all that I am or have comes from God.

20. I tend to be self-righteous. I can think that I really have something to offer God. I would never say so, but I think God did well to save me. I seldom think about or recognize my complete depravity and helplessness apart from God. I regularly focus on the sins of others. I don’t credit God for any degree of holiness in my life.

21. I feel deserving. I think I deserve what I have. In fact, I think I ought to have more considering how well I have lived or in light of all I have done.

22. I often feel ungrateful. I tend to grumble about what I have or my lot in life.

23. I find myself wallowing in self-pity. I am consumed with how I am treated by God and others. I tend to feel mistreated or misunderstood. I seldom recognize or sympathize with what’s going on with others around me because I feel that I have it worse than they do.

24. I can be jealous or envious of others abilities, possessions, positions, or accomplishments. I want to be what others are or want to have what others have. I am envious of what others have thinking that I should have it or deserve it. I find it hard to rejoice with others when they are blessed by God.

25. I am pretty insensitive to others. I feel that some people just aren’t worth caring about. I have a hard time showing compassion.

26. I have a know-it-all attitude. I am impressed by my own knowledge. I feel like there isn’t much I can learn from other people, especially those less mature than me.

27. I have a hard time listening to ordinary people. I listen better to those I respect or people I want to leave with a good impression. I don’t honestly listen when someone else is speaking because I am usually planning what I am going to say next.

28. I like to reveal my own mind. I have an answer for practically every situation. I feel compelled to balance everyone else out.

29. I interrupt people regularly. I don’t let people finish what they are saying.

30. I feel compelled to stop people when they start to share something with me I already know.

31. I find it hard to admit it when I don’t know something. When someone asks me something I don’t know, I will make up an answer rather than admit I don’t know.

32. I don’t get much out of teaching. I tend to evaluate a speaker rather than my own life. I grumble in my heart about hearing something a second time.

33. I listen to teaching with other people in mind. I constantly think of those folks who need to hear the teaching and wish they were here.

34. I’m not very open to input. I don’t pursue correction for my life. I tend to be unteachable and slow to repent when corrected. I don’t really see correction as a positive thing. I am offended when people probe the motivations of my heart or seek to adjust me.

35. I have a hard time admitting that I am wrong. I find myself covering up or excusing my sins. It is hard for me to confess my sins to others or to ask for forgiveness.

36. I view correction as an intrusion into my privacy rather than an instrument of God for my welfare. I can’t identify anyone who would feel welcome to correct me.

37. I resent people who attempt to correct me. I don’t respond with gratefulness and sincere appreciation for their input. Instead I am tempted to accuse them and dwell on their faults. I get bitter and withdraw.

38. When corrected, I become contentious and argumentative. I don’t take people’s observations seriously. I minimize and make excuses or give explanations.

39. I am easily angered and offended. I don’t like being crossed or disagreed with. I find myself thinking, “I can’t believe they did that to me.” I often feel wronged.

40. I have “personality conflicts” with others. I have a hard time getting along with certain kinds of people. People regularly tell me that they struggle with me.

41. I am self-willed and stubborn. I have a hard time cooperating with others. I really prefer my own way and often insist on getting it.

42. I am independent and uncommitted. I don’t really see why I need other people. I can easily separate myself from others. I don’t get much out of Group meetings.

43. I am unaccountable. I don’t ask others to hold me responsible to follow through on my commitments. I don’t really need accountability for my words and actions. I think I can take care of myself.

44. I am unsubmissive. I don’t like being under the authority of another person. I don’t see submission as a good and necessary provision from God for my life. I have a hard time supporting and serving those over me. I don’t “look up” to people and I like to be in charge. Other people may need leaders but I don’t. It is important that my voice is heard.

45. I lack respect for other people. I don’t think very highly of most people. I have a hard time encouraging and honouring others unless they really do something great.

46. I am a slanderer. I find myself either giving or receiving evil reports about others. Often times the things I say or hear are true about other people. I am not concerned about the effect of slander on me because of my maturity level. I think I can handle it. I will only share with others the things I really think they need to know. I don’t tell all.

47. I am divisive. I tend to resist or resent authority. I don’t like other people to give me orders or directions.

48. I like to demean or put others down. I often think people need to be adjusted and put in their place. This includes leaders. Other people need to be more humble and have a “sober” assessment of themselves.

49. I tend to be critical of others. I find myself feeling or talking negatively about people. I subtlety feel better about myself when I see how bad someone else is. I find it far easier to evaluate than to encourage someone else.

50. I really appreciate somebody taking the time to put this paper together. It will really be a big help to my friends and family. However, I don’t really need this because I think I’m pretty humble already.

By Grace Rid Yourself of Pride

1. Ask God to illuminate your heart so you can begin to see the fruits of pride in your life. Ask friends to point out the fruits of pride in your life realizing your heart is exceedingly deceitful.

2. You must meet the qualifications if you are to go on in God. Humility is the attitude upon which everything else is built.

3. Ask God to convict you point by point (Psalm 139:23-24) and trust that he will. You don’t want or need general condemnation, only specific, godly conviction.

4. Confess your pride to God point by point and ask for his forgiveness. Just as importantly, ask him to cleanse you of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

5. Don’t ask God to humble you — the Scriptures say to humble yourself (1 Peter 5:6). Humility isn’t an emotion; it’s a decision of the will to think and act differently. Vine’s Expository Dictionary defines humble as “low lying.” Ask yourself how you could be low lying or put others before yourself in various situations, and then do it. Respond to opportunities God gives you to humble yourself or honour others.

6. Confess your sins of pride to those you have effected and to your friends. They can help to hold you accountable and bring the on-going correction you will need. Be open, honest and transparent about your life and sins.

7. Ask God to give you a holy hatred for pride and its fruits in your life. Be continually on the alert. Don’t allow pride to grow in your heart. Sow to the Spirit, not to the flesh.

8. Remember your war against pride is life-long. It is not a battle won in a day. Yet, as you faithfully put to death, pride, and put on, humility, you will experience greater freedom and more importantly greater conformity to image and likeness of Christ. In so doing, God will be glorified in your life!