Many people see “unequally yoked” in a Bible verse or hear it in conversation and seem to have one of two thoughts come into their mind: (1) Make sure I’m equally yoked with my spouse, or (2) Why does Paul care about anyone’s egg yolks, much less them being equal?
As important as getting good protein matters, this verse definitely doesn’t have anything to do with poultry. And some are surprised to learn that it’s not limited to marriage. I want to help break this down more.
What is a Yoke Anyways?
A yoke is a wooden beam that connects two large animals, like oxen, and helps them work equally and together. They carry the burden of work together. It would be attached to a plow or cart, and they’d pull it simultaneously as partners. Basically, they’re teamed up together. So with that in mind, let’s read the scripture:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with the devil? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6: 14-18 (ESV)
With the description of being “yoked” together, picture the image of the oxen yoked together, and imagine that they’re uneven, that one ox is yoked improperly, and it’s off balance. This causes the cart to go uneven, and the oxen cannot work together. This causes them to go around in circles or stop altogether. I also envision a three-legged race where people have their legs tied together, and they have to work together to get to the finish line, but one person either refuses to move, or they were tied incorrectly, and they can’t work together because of it. One person is just dragging the other like a bag of rocks, trying to progress but can’t.
What is the Context?
As with any passage of Scripture, it’s helpful to know who’s writing, why he’s writing, and whom he’s writing to. Paul is writing this letter to the Corinthian church to defend his authority and denounce people who were twisting truth. There always seemed to be moral issues within the church, and in both letters to the Corinthians, Paul addresses this. In chapter 6, Paul just got done addressing the Corinthian’s belief that Paul “restricts” them.
Paul loved the Corinthians, and he wanted them to know that. In chapter 6 verses 11-13, He says that they feel hurt by him and restricted, but he’s saying, no, I’m not restricting you. He’s saying that they’re restricting themselves, ironically, through their affection to the world and pride within themselves.
This is so familiar, isn’t it? We see this today, too, where people think it’s “unloving” or “judgmental” to even talk about moral restrictions.
With that as a backdrop to the verses about being unequally yoked, we can better understand why Paul would use that as an example. Paul is speaking to the overly broad affections of the Corinthian Christians. They had joined themselves —yoked themselves— to unbelievers, preventing their reconciliation with Paul. Paul is saying not to yoke together in this way because it causes damage to their relationship with God and other believers. The idea of “do not be unequally yoked together” is based on Deuteronomy 22:9, which prohibits yoking together two different animals. It’s talking about joining two things that should not be joined. Like ketchup on ice cream. Or using turpenoid with acrylic paint.
Or like pineapple on pizza. (Fight me.)
Many people use this passage when talking about marrying an unbeliever, which is true, but Paul is talking about much more than just that. It really applies to any environment where we let the world influence our thinking to the point that we compromise our beliefs or syncretize with theirs. In other words, it’s “conforming to the world,” as it says in Romans 12:2.
“Unequally yoked” refers to any environment where we let the world influence our thinking to the point that we compromise our beliefs or syncretize with theirs.
On the other side, some people use this verse to say we should never even be around or have anything to do with people with different beliefs than we do, and that’s just demonstrably false. Jesus didn’t even do this. What Paul is not saying is that we should never associate with unbelievers. The idea is to be in the world but not of the world. We’re not meant to be theological hermits in our religious echo chambers, only associating with people that agree with us. This isn’t biblical and doesn’t follow the biblical command to make disciples in Matthew 28 or to know what we believe and why we believe it, as it says in 1 Peter 3:15. We hide our light under a bush, and Jesus says not to do that, we need to let it shine. This doesn’t mean that if we have a weak conscience or struggle with being impressionable or people pleasers, we need to put ourselves in spiritually dangerous positions. We each need to discern our sensitivities and be wise about them. But that doesn’t mean we need to treat unbelievers with contempt or develop a superiority complex within ourselves by using this verse as an excuse to never associate with people of a different viewpoint or beat Christians over the head if they’re kind or friendly with unbelievers.
That’s simply unbiblical and frankly pretty unhealthy, in my opinion.
I mean, here we are speaking about yokes… some people place an impossible yoke on others, placing a burden that Jesus came to relieve. They use this passage in an extreme way, as a weapon, almost against their fellow brethren. There is no pleasing them. They completely miss the point of the passage.
But isn’t it more loving to share their yoke?
The difference here has a lot to do with boundaries. The Corinthian Christians thought, much like people do today, that it’s “loving” to accept people’s sin along with righteousness, darkness along with light, the devil along with Christ. When Paul says not to be unequally yoked, I’d like to think of it as the first-century version of the coexist or tolerance sticker. Don’t be a coexist sticker. You can’t just add the love of God without renouncing evil.
The best example of the context of what Paul is saying here is to look at the behavior of the Corinthians and see that he’s saying that they thought like worldly people, not like godly people. Because of their unhealthy ungodly associations, it caused them to stumble and sin. Paul is correcting this and trying to reconcile with them.
To be yoked together with someone means that you are in a compromising partnership with them, and you’re compromising your beliefs to do it. It’s a type of syncretism. This is mixing the Christian message with the more culturally accepted beliefs around you and making a hybrid sort of Christianity that seems to work for everyone. But really, it’s for the purpose of not offending those around you. Compare this with what’s called contextualization, which is what we want to do when sharing the gospel in a culturally appropriate way with unbelievers while not sacrificing the truth of the gospel to appease the people and culture.
Most Christians who had learned the hard lessons from their marriage with an unbeliever usually advice younger Christians to avoid entertaining suitors that are non-believers. Since most of the serious relationships started from dating, it is usually the stage where Christians have to carefully guard their hearts and listen to godly counsel.
The Apostle Paul also gave a stern warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 for believers against being unequally yoked with unbelievers.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”- ESV
“Do not become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friend with dark?” – MSG
Believers who were already in a relationship with someone who is a non-Christian would often ignore this warning from Paul and rationalize their decision based on the other person’s kindness or good attitude towards them. Little did they know that choosing this kind of relationship is putting God aside in favor of the unequally yoked relationship or the unbeliever.
However, Paul warned us of this relationship with those who do not believe in God because God wants to protect us from unwanted consequences, defilement and danger of walking away from Him.
Unequally Yoked
But what does it mean to be unequally yoked? To provide you a simple picture, GotQuestions.org describes two oxen yoked to pull loads together. The yoke is a piece of wood fastened around the neck of the two animals to let them do a particular task together. When one ox is stronger or taller and another ox is weaker or shorter, they create an unequal yoke. The weaker or shorter ox will move slower than the other, placing more weight of the load to the stronger ox. It causes not only delay of work but also creating a circular path instead of moving forward together.
Another illustration of unequal yoke is in Deuteronomy 22:10, “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.” Using two different kinds of animal in farming is not advisable since their work output are not equal. A donkey is weaker than an ox. Being unequally yoked not only happens with working animals. It also happens to Christians who married an unbeliever.
1. Uniting with unbelievers is disobedience to God.
Imagine yourself when you become a parent. Would you just let someone who does not even know who God is, take your daughter on a date? Parents who have godly wisdom will oppose to the start of this kind of relationship as early as possible to save their daughters or sons from harm and heartaches.
It is the same way with our Heavenly Father, His protection upon us is much stronger than what our earthly parents can do. That’s why He placed several warnings in the Bible on the dangers of partnership with unbelievers especially in marriage.
I agree with Phylicia Masonheimer on what she wrote in her blog that dating someone who does not share your faith is a big deal. Dating an unbeliever is an act of disobedience with God for He has been giving instructions regarding such since the time of Moses up to the time of Paul. God had instructed His chosen people, the Israelites, not to make any covenant with the inhabitants of Canaan, especially not to intermarry with them (Deut. 7:1-4) because they will sway the Israelites to leave their faith and practice idolatry.
A believer’s marriage is a major concern of God. He has grace for the unbelievers but when it comes to marital unions, His instruction is unyielding. He wants His chosen people to be undefiled.
2. Intimacy with God is impossible without spiritual unity in marriage.
In Romans 8:7-8, a non-believer’s mind-set that focused on the flesh fights God’s plan and refuses to submit to His directions, because it cannot! For no matter how hard they try, God finds no pleasure with those who are controlled by the flesh. (TPT)
Christian marriage is not just a contract, but it is a covenant between a male and a female in the presence of God. It has unconditional promises that are binding till death of the husband and wife involved. Marriage was initiated by God, as what was known in the covenant He had with His chosen people, the Israelites. Despite of their stubbornness and breaking the covenant (Jeremiah 31:32), God their Spiritual husband had faithfully kept his promises to their forefathers and creates new covenant with them (Jeremiah 31:33).
Marriage with a non-believer does not please God since one member of the union refuses to submit to the authority of God. Although there might be understanding among a believer husband and non-believing wife or vice versa, God cannot bless and use the union for His divine purposes. According to the essay entitled The Unequal Yoke from StudyJesus.com, the effects of unequal marital yoke abide mainly on our discipleship with Jesus Christ, because our whole character and involvement are thus intensely disturbed. Christianity and worldliness are opposing, equally dissimilar as righteousness and lawlessness, or light and darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).
Only when the unbelieving wife or unbelieving husband surrenders His life to Jesus Christ, will their marriage be agreeable and intimate to God.
3. There is danger of weakening of faith and walking away from fellowship with God.
God has been very strict to impose upon the Israelites not to intermarry with the sons and daughters of the seven nations of Canaanites (Deuteronomy 7:3-4) for these nations would turn them away from following God to serve other gods. His anger burns towards these nations because of idol worship. His reason for warning the Israelites not to inter-marry the non-believing nations in Canaan is because of His great love for them His chosen few, whom He freed them from slavery of the Egyptians, and because He keeps His oath to their forefathers to bless their nation from generations to thousand generations when they obey His statutes and rules (Deuteronomy 7:8-9).
Later, in Judges 3:5-6, the sons of the Israelites inter-married with the inhabitants of Canaan and were swayed to serve other gods. Even the wisest King Solomon (1 Kings 11), had turned away from loving God to loving foreign women from nations whom God had included in His warnings not to marry. His heart was turned away to serve after other gods and he even built altars to them. The anger of God burned against Solomon that He raised enemies against his kingdom and swore to tear down his kingdom from him and out of the hands of his son.
As mentioned previously that marriage with an unbeliever affects their discipleship in Christ, it will also affect the discipleship of their offspring. Children may be hindered from knowing Christ when one unbelieving parent does not allow them to read the Bible or go to Christian church.
4. It can cause physical defilement and spiritual unholiness.
David is known as the man after God’s heart for he had kept his loyalty to God by serving Him only. Yet his son Solomon was described in 1 Kings 11:4 as one whose heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, unlike his father David.
By choosing to disobey God’s instructions and loving his foreign women more, King Solomon had compromised his faith. He committed idolatry by building altars of worship and sacrifice for Chemosh and Molech, the foreign gods of his Moabite and Ammonite wives. At times human sacrifice was dedicated to Chemosh or Molech. He became unholy before God. And God detests what he did, and His anger burned against King Solomon.
Although not all unbelievers have foreign gods, some may not even believe in a god, it is common for a Christian unequally yoked with an unbeliever to tolerate actions and lifestyles of unbelieving husband or wife that do not give glory to God. Bad company ruins good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). If something we do does not glorify God, then who else does it give glory to? Anything other than God becomes the idol.
Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). Instead of fulfilling our body’s youthful passions we are to pursue righteousness (2 Timothy 2:22). Yet, when believers have allowed dating with unbelievers (who has no fear of God), they might be lured into committing casual acts of pleasures prior to marriage which will defile their body and spiritual purity.
5. It leads to spiritual unfruitfulness in a marriage.
I have seen Christian singles that were really on-fire for the Lord; they were church leaders, pastor’s daughters or sons, really active for the works of God’s kingdom. Yet when they compromised their Christian faith and married a non-believer, they have stopped attending church, gave up the leadership positions and quit serving God. It’s such a loss for the body of Christ when this takes place.
There are some Christians married to non-believers that continued serving the Lord, not as a family but as single spiritual parent that still desires to raise the children in a Christian way. This is a difficult situation that often leads to domestic quarrels among Christian husbands and unbeliever wives or vice versa.
However, there is hope through the grace of God for the believer. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14mentions that an unbelieving wife or husband will be made holy by the believing spouse. In other words, the righteous conduct of the believers will be a light that will be able to win their unbeliever spouse to Christ.
Some might argue that God has given us free will to choose our spouse, but I tell you that our wisdom is futile apart from the wisdom of the Word of God. Remember that even the wisest King Solomon on earth fueled the anger of God by his disobedience to God’s instruction not to marry from among the non-believers of Canaanite nations. Let us not also be so confident that we can save the non-believer spouse. In 1 Cor. 7:16, we could not be sure that a believing husband or wife can save their non-believer spouse. It is only by the grace of God.
Should we then avoid the non-believers? Not at all, rather we should be salt and light to them (Matthew 5:13-16. However, our motive towards them is to share the gift of salvation from Jesus Christ and not for whatever benefit that could be gained from the relationship.
What is the biblical response to an “unequal yoke” in business? We’ve been given the opportunity to go into business with an individual who operates under the same moral principles we do, though he is not a professing Christian. He is open to the gospel but hasn’t made a public confession of Christ. We would love any information you have. Our desire is to glorify God in our lives.
Thank you for this very important and practical question. From the moment the apostle Paul exhorted the Corinthians to not be unequally yoked, believers have debated the applications of his words. There is some universal agreement:
- That believers should leave all idolatry and immorality connected with paganism as they follow Jesus. There is no place for syncretism (Col. 2:6–10).
- That believers do not marry nonbelievers. If husbands or wives are already married, they should prayerfully point their spouses and children toward Christ (1 Cor. 7:39).
- That believers be aware of the spiritual forces arrayed against them and fully apply the resources of the gospel to resist compromise and enslavement (2 Cor. 10:1–6; Eph. 6:10–20).
In warning us against worldliness, Paul also reminds us we must interact with believers––we are not called to retreat from engagement in the real world. Paul the apostle was also Paul the tentmaker, and his clientele almost certainly included nonbelievers. Indeed, Jesus makes it clear that we are salt and light (Matt. 5:13–16), visibly demonstrating the good works of the kingdom for a watching public. The parables of the mustard seed and leaven (Matt. 13:31–33) further illustrate the positive influences believers can have wherever God places them.
So how do we apply Jesus’s and Paul’s teachings to modern business and commerce? What are the boundaries for contracts, partnerships, and other relationships where assets are intertwined?
Here are three insights in the category of informed, prudential wisdom. They are not legal absolutes, for each person must prayerfully consult Scripture and listen to the Holy Spirit before stepping into any arenas of work.
1. Biblically Aligned Values
First, in order for a believer to partner with nonbelievers, the values and vision, products and practices of the enterprise must be consistent with scriptural ethics. One example––neighborly love through excellent customer service.
In order for a believer to partner with nonbelievers, the values and vision, products and practices of the enterprise must be consistent with scriptural ethics.
One of my friends is a Christian venture capitalist who has successfully navigated several projects with a Hindu partner. He insists on the Golden Rule as their guide for investors, employers, and all facets of engagement.
A few years ago, a Christian international banker was completing a major, billion-dollar development deal. At the last moment, one of the parties demanded an additional “administrative fee” of $250,000. The banker said no, and the deal fell through. (There were already lots of fees in the deal as written.) Many colleagues critiqued his decision, saying such a bribe was “the cost of doing business.” The believing banker wondered if he would have a job after this public debacle. Weeks later his boss came into the office and asked, in a booming voice, “Where is my honest banker?” Fear turned to surprise as he was promoted by his unbelieving boss.
2. A Way Out
Partnership agreements must contain language that allows for separation and sharing of assets and liabilities if the two (or more) parties are unable to work together. Apart from very rare and trusting circumstances, “on paper, on purpose” is wise for all business dealings, whether they include believers or not.
3. Wise Counsel
It’s important to pursue the Holy Spirit and the counsel of wise colleagues about both business opportunities and potential partner(s). We serve a wonderful Lord who grants wisdom lavishly to the humble (James 1:5–7). We are to “call out and cry aloud” and “search and seek” for wisdom (Prov. 2). Don’t neglect the wisdom of trusted believers in your community, including the elders of your church. Romans 14 says we must exercise our freedom with a clear conscience. There are always risks in business, and nervousness is normal, but please do not go forward if there is deep unease in your heart.
Don’t neglect the wisdom of trusted believers in your community, including the elders of your church.
In my four decades of pastoral service, I rarely saw the business leaders who were deliberate and disciplined, prayerful and principled, ensnared in legal or personal problems. Those who rushed into opportunities with only a handshake and brief prayer were often left with hard lessons.
We are not guaranteed worldly success, but we can offer our work as worship and bring pleasure to our Lord (Rom. 12:1–2; Col. 3:17–23).
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV)
IN CONTEXT
It’s interesting that Paul starts chapter 6 by urging the Corinthians not to receive the grace of God in ‘vain.’ In other words, it was bestowed purposefully and they must utilise it. In verses 3-13, he then openly describes the hardships that he endures in ministry. Although verses 14-18 are often quoted in isolation, they are linked to the earlier portion of the chapter. An unequal yoking of people (allusion to animals – see Leviticus 19:19) could cause a believer to squander the grace of God. In addition, it may also impede their ability to weather the hardships of ministry (albeit not necessarily to the same extent as Paul).
Unequal yoking includes, but is not limited to, marriage.
The majority of commentaries that I read stressed that that marriage isn’t the only application for this scripture; nevertheless, that is the lens that this blog post will be looking at it through. In a general sense, Paul is advising that it isn’t wise to be ‘too close’ to unbelievers. This counsel is pertinent for marriage and in other spheres e.g. business. Of course it is impractical to steer completely clear of those whom you need to reach; therefore, you must establish appropriate boundaries.
BELIEVER VS UNBELIEVER
The words which Paul uses to differentiate believers and unbelievers demonstrate that there should be a stark difference between the two groups of people:
- Believers = righteousness, light, Christ
- Unbelievers = unrighteousness, darkness, Belial (Satan)
The Greek word for unbeliever is apistos which means ‘without Christian faith.’ However, it takes more than simply identifying as a Christian to be a believer. It’s interesting that there are many Christians who are unrepentant about their unrighteous acts, yet they would still call themselves Christian. Demons believe in God, too (James 2:19)! However, that doesn’t make them believers.
Spiritual compatibility should be a universal non-negotiable.
Theoretically, an equally yoked marriage should be better than the very best unequally yoked marriage. Even if the person you’re interested in ticks every other box, you can’t compromise in this area if they happen to be non-Christian or atheist. Don’t let the prospect of losing a ‘good’ unequally yoked relationship, prevent you from a superior equally yoked relationship. Marriage is hard enough without the potential addition of future struggles due to spiritual incompatibility.
YOKING: CATEGORIES
Whilst Paul refers specifically to an unbeliever and a believer; the underlying principle is that of incongruity. Therefore, if that principle is applied laterally, it can also include an incongruous relationship between two believers. The categories below are relative as it’s difficult to define weak and strong in spiritual terms.
1. Strong & Strong
This is the ideal and it fosters an environment whereby both individuals can mutually uplift and encourage each other. In other words, one individual isn’t significantly ‘more spiritual’ than the other.
2. Strong & Weak
This form of yoking is concerning because whilst there is a possibility that you can transition into category 1, you might end up in category 3… At the very least why would you settle for someone spiritually ‘weaker’? It’s admirable if you see it as an opportunity to help them grow; however, that task can be accomplished in a friendship. A significant other’s relationship with God should exist independently of you i.e. a breakup shouldn’t reverse the growth.
3. Weak & Weak
This is certainly not what Paul had in mind when he spoke of equal yoking! Spiritual weakness isn’t just damaging for you: it’s damaging for those around you. More so, a significant other. Your spirituality impacts every area of your life, including relationships. It’s impossible to have a Christ-led relationship with little to minimal contact with Christ.
UNEQUAL YOKING: DENOMINATIONS
In my case, although we were both believers, the change in his theology suddenly meant that we believed different things. We certainly still had plenty of things in common (theologically). However, in my mind, that didn’t negate the possibility that the differences could cause future friction. To be clear, his ‘announcement’ wasn’t in any way related to a potential reunion, but it did allow me to stop hoping. It was a strangely bittersweet realisation: this was theend.
I was frustrated with him for ‘changing,’ but simultaneously happy that that he was now content. My spiritual life wavered as I tried to understand how someone so committed to one denomination could suddenly switch. Was I in the right denomination? What happens if the next guy also decides to switch denominations? Does God even exist? If not, then denominations are irrelevant anyway. As dramatic as these questions sound, they accurately reflect my thinking at the time. It’s ironic how his peace prompted my crisis…
APPLIED
- Don’t marry non-Christians! – on a micro level, you mustn’t just settle for a nominal (weak) Christian. What is their faith actually like? Do you share the same beliefs? In the case of males, can he be the priest of the home?
- Be a true believer – this benefits you and your future spouse (see Becoming One).
- Be intentional about building friendships with ‘potentials’ – that’s not to say every friendship you have with the opposite sex should be motivated by their suitability for marriage. However, you’re more likely to have an unequally yoked marriage if you exclusively surround yourself with unbelievers/nominal Christians.
SO…
Unequal yoking is ill-advised. However, equal yoking is more nuanced than a mere union between two ‘believers’; one must consider the ‘strength’ of an individual’s relationship with Christ. Lastly, I would argue it is also beneficial to court intra-denominationally as opposed to inter-denominationally.
The answer to all these questions is a resounding, “NO!” As Paul admonished the Corinthians before, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’” (I Corinthians 15:33)
The one who has been truly saved recognizes the effect bad company has on him, and he consistently avoids unhealthy relationships. He lives his life for the kingdom of heaven and is not enthralled with the world’s charms or its charmers. He “...does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers,” (Psalms 1:1) because he understands his vulnerability to their influences. This is the separated life of a true believer.
This commandment does not mean that a person who is already married to an unbeliever should seek a divorce. Paul addressed this issue in 1 Corinthians 7:15.
Steve Gallagher is the Founder and President of Pure Life Ministries. He has dedicated his life to helping men find freedom from sexual sin and leading Christians into the abundant life in God that comes through deep repentance.
What is the strangest law in the Bible? For many, it is Deuteronomy 22:11, “You shall not wear a garment of different sorts, such as wool and linen mixed together.” This directive is repeated in Leviticus 19:19. The phrase “garment of different sorts” is from the Hebrew sha'atnez, literally “mixed stuff,” which Orthodox Jews define as specifically wool and linen together, not any other mixture.
The Law of Sha'atnez, they feel, is a chok, a decree that the King has passed for His subjects, for which we do not know the reason. Rabbinic commentators believe that many of God's statutes are of that sort. He provides no reason and expects us to accept them on faith. One rabbi has said, “Why ask why?” Their point has validity, certainly, but is there really no reason for this edict? Can we discern God's original point here, and does this mandate have any significance for Christians today?
A spiritual principle is involved here: the principle of separation. Just as Godwanted the physical nation of Israel to be kept separate from the nations around it, we are to maintain spiritual separation from the sin that surrounds us.
Deuteronomy 14:2 says essentially the same thing to the children of Israel: “For you are a holy people to the LORDyour God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth” (see Exodus 19:5). For this reason, Israelites were not to mix wool and linen, nor mix physically with those around them.
With this understanding, we can bring the principle to the New Testament and apply it under the New Covenant:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” (II Corinthians 6:14-16)
The part that Paul quotes at the end—“I will be their God, and they shall be My people”—is found in at least a half-dozen Old Testament verses (Jeremiah 24:7; 31:33; 32:38; Ezekiel 11:20; 37:23, 27; Zechariah 8:8). More importantly, the apostle clearly indicates that the principle still applies! Except now it is God's church that is separated out.
Further, Paul writes in Titus 2:14, speaking of Christ, “Who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed, and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.” One interpretation of this law asserts that wool stands for works and linen represents grace, and the two can never be mixed. But does not the apostle Paul do just that in this verse? Christ gave Himself for us, to redeem us from sin, which is grace. Then he goes on to say that Jesus did this to purify us, to set us apart, to make us a people “zealous for good works.” He redeemed us by grace so we could strive to live a sinless life, which we fail at repeatedly. But we try. The laws of God give us our borders, our limits. Without them, there would be no sin (Romans 3:20).
I Peter 2:9, describing the church, the apostle Peter writes, “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”
Where does this leave us in terms of Deuteronomy 22:11 and Leviticus 19:19? Just as not circumcising one's baby boy would not be a sin, since it is not a sign under the New Covenant, so with mixing wool and linen. However, there are proven health benefits to circumcision. God is not capricious that way; there is great good in following His instructions, even if they are no longer binding under the New Covenant. It would not be surprising if there are health benefits to not mixing these fabrics as well. Certainly, all of one or the other produces a better quality garment.
For us today, however, the takeaway is to keep ourselves spiritually pure, to concentrate on not mixing with the sin of this world, for we are “a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people.”
Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For . . . what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever?”—2 CORINTHIANS 6:14, 15.
1. How did one sister come to marry an unbeliever?
ONE of Jehovah’s Witnesses from the midwestern United States lost her husband in a car accident some years ago. “I was devastated at first,” she recalls, “but I was determined not to let this interrupt my service to Jehovah. After a couple of years, though, I began to feel like a fifth wheel around couples in the congregation. My daughter and I were not always invited to family outings. When I noticed Christian couples displaying affection toward each other, I felt even more rejected. No one seemed to notice that I was growing weaker spiritually. So when a worldly man I knew from work asked me out to dinner, I went. Before I realized it, I was in love with him. Finally, I was so weak and overcome by my loneliness that I agreed to marry him.”
2. Why is the desire to marry natural, and what was marriage designed to form?
2 Yes, the desire to share life with a mate can be very strong, and it is also natural. As Jehovah himself put it: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement [“counterpart,” something fitting for him] of him.” (Genesis 2:18, New World Translation Reference Bible, footnote) Marriage was designed to form a close, permanent bond of union between a man and a woman. It was not Adam but Jehovah who said: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:22-24; compare Matthew 19:4-6.) Perhaps your heart longs for such a counterpart.
3, 4. (a) How does the Bible warn against forming close attachments with unbelievers? (b) In what way may Paul’s counsel about uneven yoking apply to marriage? (c) How would the Corinthian Christians have understood the term “unbelievers”? (See footnote.)
3 The Bible, though, warns against forming close attachments to unbelievers. As the apostle Paul put it: “Do not become unevenly yoked [“Do not harness yourselves in an uneven team,” The Jerusalem Bible] with unbelievers.a For . . . what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever.”b (2 Corinthians 6:14, 15) Paul may have had in mind the Mosaic Law’s prohibition against yoking together a bull and an ass for plowing. (Deuteronomy 22:10) The ass is smaller in size and not as strong and would suffer as a result of such an uneven yoking. Since marriage is like a yoke that binds husband and wife together, for a Christian to marry an unbeliever would result in an uneven yoking. (Matthew 19:6) Such a yoke often brings added pressure and stress to a marriage.—Compare 1 Corinthians 7:28.
4 Yet, as the opening experience illustrates, some Christians have chosen to marry unbelievers. Why do some find it difficult to marry “only in the Lord”?—1 Corinthians 7:39.
Why Some Look Elsewhere
5. Illustrate why some get romantically involved with an unbeliever.
5 It is not that they necessarily set out to ignore God’s counsel. Consider the situation of a Christian sister who may wish to get married. She may long for a Christian husband, but there do not appear to be many eligible brothers in her circle of believing friends. She is conscious of her age. She may desire to have a family. The fear of growing old alone and the need to feel loved can make her vulnerable. If, then, a worldly man shows an interest in her, it can be hard to resist. He may appear kind, gentle. He may not smoke or use bad language. Then come the rationalizations: ‘Why, he is nicer than a lot of the brothers I know!’ ‘He is interested in studying.’ ‘I know of cases where a sister married an unbeliever and he eventually became a fellow believer.’ ‘There are some Christianmarriages that do not work out!’—See Jeremiah 17:9.
6, 7. (a) How did one single sister describe her frustration? (b) What question merits our consideration?
6 Yes, it can be very frustrating for a single Christian who wants to marry. Some even feel desperate. “The number of eligible brothers is extremely small,” said one single sister in describing the situation in her area. “But the number of single sisters is extremely large. As a sister sees her youth rushing by, her choices boil down to not marrying at all or marrying at the first chance she gets.”
7 Nevertheless, the Bible’s counsel is clear: ‘Do not yoke yourselves with unbelievers.’ (2 Corinthians 6:14) Is this divine warning harsh or unreasonable?
An Expression of God’s Loving Care
8. How has Jehovah demonstrated that he has our best interests at heart?
8 Jehovah is deeply concerned about our lasting welfare. Did he not, at great cost to himself, give his Son as “a ransom in exchange for many”? (Matthew 20:28) Is he not ‘the One teaching us to benefit ourselves’? (Isaiah 48:17) Does he not promise that ‘he will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear’? (1 Corinthians 10:13) Reasonably, then, when he tells us not to yoke ourselves with unbelievers, he must have our best interests at heart! Consider how this warning is an expression of his loving care for us.
9. (a) What warning does Paul give against a Christian’s forming a close bond with an unbeliever? (b) What is the meaning of the Greek word rendered “harmony,” and how does it illustrate the difficulty that arises when a Christian yokes himself to an unbeliever?
9 Marriage was intended by the Creator to form the closest bond between humans, with husband and wife becoming “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Is it wise for a Christian to form such a close bond with an unbeliever? Paul replies by raising a series of penetrating questions, each of which presupposes a negative answer: “For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? Further, what harmony [Greek, sym·phoʹne·sis] is there between Christ and Belial [Satan]? Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, 15) The Greek word sym·phoʹne·sis literally means “a sounding together” (from syn, “with,” and pho·neʹ, “a sound”). It has reference to the harmony produced by musical instruments. There is, of course, no harmony between Christ and Satan. Similarly, in an uneven yoke, it is very difficult for husband and wife to ‘hit the same chords.’ They are like two musical instruments that are out of harmony with each other, producing discordant sounds instead of music.
10. What are essential elements in a happy marriage, and what advantages exist when there is an even yoke?
10 How, then, can a spiritual person enjoy complete harmony with a physical person? (1 Corinthians 2:14) Common beliefs, principles, and goals are essential elements in a happy marriage. Nothing gives greater strength to a marriage than mutual devotion to the Creator. When there is an even yoke, husband and wife can encourage each other in worship. Both can look to the Scriptures to settle their differences. Is it not evident, then, that Jehovah tells us not to yoke ourselves with unbelievers because he wants us to enjoy the closest possible bond with our marriage mate?
11. Why were marriage alliances with nonworshipers prohibited in Israel, and what thought-provoking question is raised?
11 Heeding the Bible’s warning also spares us the painful consequences that often result when a Christian yokes himself with an unbeliever. There is, for example, the possibility that the unbeliever will turn the Christian mate from serving Jehovah. Consider Jehovah’s warning to ancient Israel. Marriage alliances with nonworshipers were prohibited. Why? “For he will turn your son from following me,” Jehovah warned, “and they will certainly serve other gods.” (Deuteronomy 7:3, 4) Faced with opposition from an unbelieving mate, there may be a tendency to drift toward the path of least resistance. It is easy to think, ‘It will not happen to me!’ But it happened to a man of Solomon’s wisdom. Could not the same happen to you?—1 Kings 11:1-6; compare 1 Kings 4:29, 30.
12. How did God’s law prohibiting marriages to aliens serve as a protection for the Israelites? Illustrate.
12 Even if the believer is not turned away from true worship, there are still the problems and pressures often associated with a religiously divided home. Consider, again, God’s law to Israel. Suppose an Israelite girl agreed to marry a Canaanite man. Given the sexual practices that were prevalent in the land of Canaan, what respect would he have for the law of her God? Would he, for example, willingly refrain from sexual intercourse during menstruation, as required by the Mosaic Law?c(Leviticus 18:19; 20:18; compare Leviticus 18:27.) In the case of an Israelite man who married a Canaanite girl, how supportive would she be when he journeyed to Jerusalem three times each year to attend the seasonal festivals? (Deuteronomy 16:16) Obviously, God’s law prohibiting such marriages served as a protection for the Israelites.
13. (a) Why does a worldly person not have a Bible-trained, Christian conscience? (b) What pressures and problems are faced by some in religiously divided homes?
13 What about today? The moral standards of worldly people are a far cry from those of the Bible. No matter how clean-cut some worldly people may appear to be, they do not have a Bible-trained, Christian conscience. They have not spent years studying God’s Word, ‘making their mind over’ and ‘stripping off the old personality.’ (Romans 12:2; Colossians 3:9) Hence, the Christian who yokes himself to an unbeliever often exposes himself to much heartache and grief. Some face repeated pressure to share in perverted sex practices or to celebrate worldly holidays. And some even complain of loneliness. As one sister wrote: “The loneliness you feel when you are married to someone who doesn’t love Jehovah is the worst loneliness imaginable. You see, you have no one to share the truth with, which is the most important thing in your life.”
14. (a) In a divided home, why is it difficult to bring up children in “the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah”? (b) What may be the effect upon children in a divided home?
14 In a divided home, it can be very difficult to bring up children in “the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) Will the unbeliever, for example, willingly allow the children to attend meetings or share in the field ministry? Often the children end up being torn in their affections—they love both parents, but only one parent loves Jehovah. Said one sister who married an unbeliever: “I went through a lot of heartache during my 20-year marriage. My sons grew up with a lot of turmoil and emotional upsets and are now a part of the world. My daughter is often upset at having to be away from me so much because of her father’s visitation rights. All these problems exist because when I was 18, I chose to ignore one of Jehovah’s principles.” What principle? Do not yoke yourselves with unbelievers!
15. Why does Jehovah counsel us not to yoke ourselves to unbelievers?
15 Clearly, Jehovah wants us to get the most out of life. What he asks of us, including his counsel that we not yoke ourselves with unbelievers, is for our good. (Deuteronomy 10:12, 13) To marry an unbeliever is to ignore Scriptural counsel, practical wisdom, and the often painful experience of others.
Questions Commonly Asked
16, 17. (a) If we are not careful, how may emotion interfere with sound thinking? (b) Should God’s counsel be ignored because of exceptional situations in which a Christian married an unbeliever and now both of them are serving Jehovah? Explain.
16 Yet, if we are not careful, emotion may interfere with sound thinking. We may begin to feel that an exception can be made in our case. Consider some of the more commonly asked questions.
17 What about situations in which a brother or a sister married an unbeliever, and now both of them are serving Jehovah? Still, Jehovah’s principles were violated. Does the end justify the means? Illustrating God’s view of those who ignore his counsel is the case of the Jews returning from Babylonian captivity. When some took pagan wives, Bible writers Ezra and Nehemiah pulled no punches in condemning their actions. Those Jews “acted unfaithfully,” committed a “great badness,” and incurred “guiltiness.” (Ezra 10:10-14; Nehemiah 13:27) Something else to consider: When we ignore God’s counsel, we may wound ourselves spiritually, scarring our conscience. One sister whose unbelieving husband eventually became a believer said: ‘I am still dealing with the emotional scars. I can’t tell you how awful I feel when others point to us and say, “But it worked for them.”’
18. What is the course of wisdom if you are attracted to someone who is not yet baptized, and what will you thereby demonstrate?
18 What if you are attracted to someone who is studying the Bible and attending the meetings, although he or she is not yet baptized? We rejoice when anyone shows an interest in Bible truth. The question, though, is: Should you pursue your inclination? Frankly, the course of wisdom is to wait until some time afteryour friend is baptized and is making progress in displaying the fruits of God’s spirit before you date. (Galatians 5:22, 23) It may not be easy to apply such advice, but by doing so you will demonstrate devotion to Bible principles; this will lay a fine foundation for true happiness in marriage. If your friend genuinely cares for you and is truly coming to love Jehovah, no doubt he (or she) will be willing to wait until both of you are “in the Lord”—dedicated and baptized—before courting. Remember, too, that true love is not hurt by the passage of time.—1 Corinthians 7:39; Genesis 29:20.
19. What should you keep in mind if you are having difficulty finding a marriage mate from among fellow believers?
19 What if you are having difficulty finding a suitable marriage mate from among fellow believers? “I’m 26 years old, single, and really lonely,” said one sister. True, being single may be difficult for you, but the problems resulting from being unevenly yoked in marriage can be even more difficult! Obeying God’s counsel may require faith, self-control, and patience, but be assured that Jehovah knows and desires what is best for you. (1 Peter 5:6, 7) Make it a matter of prayer, and then wait on Jehovah. (Psalm 55:22) In this system of things, no one has a perfectly satisfying life. Your heart may yearn for a mate. Others, though, have their share of problems, some of which are incurable in this system. Only in the coming new world will “the desire of every living thing” be completely satisfied.—Psalm 145:16.
20. How did one single sister express her determination, and by being similarly determined, what satisfaction may you have?
20 Meanwhile, be determined not to yoke yourself to an unbeliever. A 36-year-old single sister expressed her determination this way: “I pray to Jehovah every day for a marriage mate. I have no desire to look outside Jehovah’s organization, but the temptations are still there. In the meantime, I plan to work on qualities that will improve me as a person so that I will be the kind of spiritual woman that a spiritual man is looking for.” Are you similarly determined? If so, you can have the satisfaction that comes from proving your loyalty to the God of divine justice.—Psalm 37:27, 28.
[Footnotes]
a At 1 Corinthians 14:22, Paul used the term “unbelievers” in contrast with “believers,” or baptized persons. The Corinthians, then, would understand the word “unbelievers” to refer to unbaptized persons.—See Acts 8:13;16:31-34; 18:8.
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