One Spirit – Balancing Spiritual Pursuits with Household Duties
Another area where Satan tries to push women to extremes is in keeping household duties and spiritual pursuits in balance. Women who are unequally yoked are especially vulnerable in this area. Perhaps you know women who serve their husbands “tapes for breakfast,” “Charismatic book reviews for lunch,” and “Praise-the-Lord’s for dinner.” If this is not done under the Holy Spirit’s unction and with His wisdom, it can turn husbands away from, not toward the Lord. A change of diet might speak more loudly than incessant talking about Jesus. A neat house, nice meals, and a genuine interest in the husband and his interests many times speaks louder than all the tapes. To fulfill her household duties, a woman may have to give up some of her “spiritual” activities. Three meetings a week really do not make us spiritual anyway.
Real love is giving up what we would like to do in order to make another happy. We have all heard the old saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” If a wife has claimed her husband’s heart for Jesus, she might try reaching it through his stomach, if all else has failed. Then, when he asks why the sudden change, she can humbly say the Lord spoke to her about neglecting him and the home, and that Jesus very much wants happy homes and happy husbands. He will be interested in knowing a God like that. It works with rebellious kids, too, applied a little differently. Many of our family members are really crying out for love through their very acts of rebellion. Let’s remember to spend time with them, as God gave us the home first.
Some wives neglect their husbands and homes by engaging in too many spiritual pursuits. Of course, the opposite problem can also exist in our homes. Other problems arise when wives are so neat and fastidious about their homes that so much time is spent on cleaning and cooking that they neglect the much needed time of family worship and fellowship. Houses then become a “shrine” to be admired, placing more emphasis on the residence than the residents. Women can become “Marthas” instead of “Marys.”
Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:38-42
The Lord wants both areas balanced in our lives, so let us remember not to be so “heavenly minded” that we are no “earthly good.” And on the other hand, let’s not get so earthbound that we miss the beauty of the Spirit.
One Flesh – Feeding the Temple of the Holy Spirit
The woman has her primary responsibility in the home since the Scripture says she is to be the keeper of the home. “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:5).Preparing meals for the family is one of her prime duties. The world has set the standard when it comes to eating, rather than the Word of God. Here is another area where we need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Besides seeing to it that each member receives spiritual food, the Lord is emphasizing to His people that they need to make changes in their physical diets and receive the proper natural foods. Most of God’s people have experienced His healing hand in their bodies, but one problem that seems to be prevalent is that after receiving healing, the devil comes to rob them of God’s gift of healing. If we exercise our faith and rebuke the enemy in the name of Jesus, he will flee. If, however, you have done this and are still experiencing illness, perhaps the problem is one of maintaining the gift God has given you. By this I mean we must not only obey and keep spiritual laws, but also we must keep physical laws if we expect to walk in God’s blessings.
Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and many of our temples are filled with trash and garbage. Yet we expect the Holy Spirit to abide there, too. As women, we can be instrumental in ministering the proper food to our families. Instead of eating according to the present mode, we need to eat according to God’s Word. The Bible has much to say about diet and eating. Of course, the extreme we should avoid here is to become so “food-minded” that we allow cooking and diet to absorb too much of our time. Obesity has become such a problem for so many people in the U.S.A. that we need to seek God to control our appetites and help us in this all important area. The Lord wants us to learn self-discipline and temperance in all things. In and of ourselves, we may not be able to overcome our old eating habits, but through prayer, with the Lord’s help, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).
Proverbs 31:10-31 gives us an excellent description of an ideal wife and mother. Verse 28 says, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also and he praiseth her.” As wives and mothers, we should examine our lives to see where we fall short and ask God to help us be like the companion and mother spoken about in these verses. Do our children call us blessed? What about our husbands? Are they praising us as wives? Perhaps our children are rebellious at this time; maybe our husbands are far from the Christian ideal, and neither is praising nor blessing us. Do we blame them and insist that the Lord change them, or do we look at ourselves and ask the Lord to turn the searchlight upon our own faults and failures so that He might work a change in us? Our number one problem is not our children, our mates, our job, or our circumstances – it is ourselves. Until we are willing to change ourselves, the Lord cannot begin the needed changes in our families.
How does God effect these changes in our lives? First of all, we must be honest with God and face our shortcomings and sins. We must come confessing, “God, I am resentful toward this person; I can’t help it; I don’t want to be like this; help me change. Lord, help me to be the kind of wife and mother that will inspire my husband and children to rise up and call me blessed. Amen.” As we yield to the Lord and follow His promptings, we shall surely see changes in our lives and in the lives of those we love.
We must begin by seeing the kind of woman we are. The woman in Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her,” or the one in Proverbs 21:19, “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”I’m sure our desire is that we fit into the category of the first type, for we certainly do not want to be referred to as angry and contentious. But I wonder, if we honestly examined our hearts and motives and let the Lord turn His searchlight on us, if we might not see some areas where anger and contention do exist in our lives. Perhaps we do not openly voice our anger, but inside we feel it toward our husbands or children; and because we do not voice it, we have feelings of resentment toward them.
One Heart, One Mind
Jesus, in the New Testament, talked much about our thought life and our inner feelings. Remember as he spoke to the religious leaders of His day, He reproved them for their evil hearts even though their outward deeds appeared to be right and good. We can outwardly do our duties as mothers and wives, but inside our hearts we may not really be lovingly ministering to them. We may be motivated by duty, not love. None of us really appreciate people doing things for us simply because it is their job. The real witness to others is when we do something simply because we love them. A lot of Spirit-filled Christians are eager to show the love of Jesus to everyone else, but those of their own households often suffer from a lack of love. Let us certainly show the love of Jesus to all we meet, but let’s remember to show it in our homes first, asking the Lord to give us the true Spirit of love in performing our daily chores.”Lord, may we turn the daily tasks into celebrations of love. Amen.”
This article is taken from the book Neither Male Nor Female by Betty Miller.
CRITICAL WORDS DESTROY MARRIAGES
By Betty Miller
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. 1 Peter 3:7-12
One of the things that begin to erode a marriage away is when one spouse begins to speak critically to and of the other one. The things we say to and about the other one can either be uplifting and encouraging or they can bring disharmony and hurt. Little critical words will lead to a dissatisfaction with one’s mate and can escalate to bring about a divorce. No person should threaten to divorce the other just to get their way, or manipulate the other to do something they really don’t want to do. When any one threatens divorce this is like speaking words of murder to your marriage.
Words can accumulate in the spirit and cause one to react lovingly or hateful by what is spoken. The above verses warn each spouse not to return “railing for railing” but “blessing for a railing.” As kind words are returned this stops the cycle of “railing for railing.” Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
We are admonished in the Bible to seek to do good and to seek peace, not to stir up trouble because we want to air our anger and wrath. As Christians we are to give our anger to Jesus and ask Him to remove it, and replace it with His love, patience and forgiveness. We are not to take it out on someone else, especially our mates.
Some husbands can be very cruel criticizing their wives appearance. If the wife is on the thin side or over-weight, the husband should pray to help her make the necessary changes that will help her to be healthy, but never should he belittle her appearance. This can damage their relationship, where it is difficult for her to reach out and love him and receive love from him. (This, of course, applies to a woman criticizing her husband about his appearance too.)
The Lord calls us to love our mates, as we would love a sister or brother in the Lord and to be courteous. Many times, after people get married, they cease to be courteous to one another and they are rude and unmannerly. These things start with little things they quit doing to please the other and soon they grow into gross neglect. We should be kind to one another and think about saying nice things that edify and build our marriages instead of the hurtful words that tear them down. This “little fox” of critical speech in little things can be the root cause that later destroys the marriage.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:21-22
Biblical Responsibilities Of A Wife
For wives, there are specific biblical instructions that outline their responsibilities in the union.
For wives, there are specific biblical instructions that outline their responsibilities in the union.
1. Submission to the Husband
- Ephesians 5:22-24 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
- Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
Wives are called to willingly submit to the leadership and authority of their husbands, just as the church submits to Christ. This submission is a demonstration of respect, trust, and unity within the marriage.
- Ephesians 5:22-24 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
- Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
Wives are called to willingly submit to the leadership and authority of their husbands, just as the church submits to Christ. This submission is a demonstration of respect, trust, and unity within the marriage.
2. Respect and Honor
- Ephesians 5:33 – “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Wives are instructed to respect and honor their husbands. This includes recognizing their role as the head of the household and appreciating their efforts to provide and protect. Respect fosters an atmosphere of love, understanding, and mutual support in the marriage.
- Ephesians 5:33 – “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Wives are instructed to respect and honor their husbands. This includes recognizing their role as the head of the household and appreciating their efforts to provide and protect. Respect fosters an atmosphere of love, understanding, and mutual support in the marriage.
3. Love and Support
- Titus 2:4 – “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
- Proverbs 31:10, 26 – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
Wives are called to love their husbands and support them emotionally, spiritually, and practically. They are to be sources of encouragement, wisdom, and faithful instruction. Through their love and support, wives contribute to the growth and well-being of the marriage.
- Titus 2:4 – “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
- Proverbs 31:10, 26 – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
Wives are called to love their husbands and support them emotionally, spiritually, and practically. They are to be sources of encouragement, wisdom, and faithful instruction. Through their love and support, wives contribute to the growth and well-being of the marriage.
4. Care for the Household
- Proverbs 31:27 – “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Wives have a responsibility to manage and care for their households. This includes overseeing household tasks, ensuring the well-being of family members, and creating a warm and nurturing environment. Through their diligence and attentiveness, wives contribute to the stability and happiness of their families.
- Proverbs 31:27 – “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Wives have a responsibility to manage and care for their households. This includes overseeing household tasks, ensuring the well-being of family members, and creating a warm and nurturing environment. Through their diligence and attentiveness, wives contribute to the stability and happiness of their families.
5. Prayer and Spiritual Nurturing
- 1 Peter 3:1-2 – “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Wives have the power to influence their husbands through their faith and godly behavior. By cultivating a strong relationship with God, praying for their husbands, and living out their faith, wives can positively impact their spouses’ spiritual journeys.
- 1 Peter 3:1-2 – “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Wives have the power to influence their husbands through their faith and godly behavior. By cultivating a strong relationship with God, praying for their husbands, and living out their faith, wives can positively impact their spouses’ spiritual journeys.
Submission and Respect
Submission, as understood in biblical teachings, does not imply inferiority or oppression. Rather, it emphasizes a voluntary attitude of respect and honor toward the husband’s role as the head of the household. This submission is rooted in the belief that God has ordained the husband to be the leader and protector of the family.
Submitting to the husband’s leadership involves recognizing his authority and seeking to align one’s actions and decisions with his vision for the family. It means actively supporting his role by valuing his opinions, seeking his input, and considering his perspective in making important decisions. This does not mean surrendering personal convictions or neglecting one’s own voice, but rather, it involves a spirit of humility, cooperation, and unity within the marriage.
Submission, as understood in biblical teachings, does not imply inferiority or oppression. Rather, it emphasizes a voluntary attitude of respect and honor toward the husband’s role as the head of the household. This submission is rooted in the belief that God has ordained the husband to be the leader and protector of the family.
Submitting to the husband’s leadership involves recognizing his authority and seeking to align one’s actions and decisions with his vision for the family. It means actively supporting his role by valuing his opinions, seeking his input, and considering his perspective in making important decisions. This does not mean surrendering personal convictions or neglecting one’s own voice, but rather, it involves a spirit of humility, cooperation, and unity within the marriage.
Respectful communication and behavior
Respectful communication and behavior are integral to a healthy and thriving marriage. As a biblical wife, it is important to communicate with kindness, patience, and grace. This means avoiding derogatory language, insults, or disrespectful tones when engaging in conversations with the husband.
Actively listening to the husband’s thoughts and concerns, expressing appreciation for his efforts, and speaking words of encouragement and affirmation are essential aspects of respectful communication. By choosing words carefully and demonstrating empathy, a wife can foster an atmosphere of understanding and emotional safety within the marriage.
Respectful behavior encompasses actions that honor and support the husband. This includes demonstrating acts of service, showing gratitude for his contributions, and treating him with kindness and courtesy. Respecting his boundaries, privacy, and personal space is also essential in cultivating a healthy and respectful marital relationship.
Respectful communication and behavior are integral to a healthy and thriving marriage. As a biblical wife, it is important to communicate with kindness, patience, and grace. This means avoiding derogatory language, insults, or disrespectful tones when engaging in conversations with the husband.
Actively listening to the husband’s thoughts and concerns, expressing appreciation for his efforts, and speaking words of encouragement and affirmation are essential aspects of respectful communication. By choosing words carefully and demonstrating empathy, a wife can foster an atmosphere of understanding and emotional safety within the marriage.
Respectful behavior encompasses actions that honor and support the husband. This includes demonstrating acts of service, showing gratitude for his contributions, and treating him with kindness and courtesy. Respecting his boundaries, privacy, and personal space is also essential in cultivating a healthy and respectful marital relationship.
Trusting and supporting the husband’s decisions
Trust is a fundamental aspect of a strong marital bond. A biblical wife is encouraged to trust her husband’sjudgment and decisions, knowing that he seeks to lead the family in accordance with God’s guidance. This trust is built on a foundation of open and honest communication, shared values, and a mutual commitment to the marriage.
Supporting the husband’s decisions involves providing encouragement and assistance rather than questioning or undermining his choices. Even in situations where a wife may have differing opinions, it is important to express concerns respectfully and seek avenues for dialogue and compromise. Ultimately, a wife’s support empowers the husband to lead with confidence and fosters a sense of unity and shared responsibility within the marriage.
By embracing submission, practicing respectful communication and behavior, and trusting and supporting the husband’s decisions, a biblical wife contributes to the establishment of a loving and harmonious marital relationship. These principles promote a partnership based on mutual respect, trust, and shared goals, creating a solid foundation for the growth and well-being of the marriage.
Trust is a fundamental aspect of a strong marital bond. A biblical wife is encouraged to trust her husband’sjudgment and decisions, knowing that he seeks to lead the family in accordance with God’s guidance. This trust is built on a foundation of open and honest communication, shared values, and a mutual commitment to the marriage.
Supporting the husband’s decisions involves providing encouragement and assistance rather than questioning or undermining his choices. Even in situations where a wife may have differing opinions, it is important to express concerns respectfully and seek avenues for dialogue and compromise. Ultimately, a wife’s support empowers the husband to lead with confidence and fosters a sense of unity and shared responsibility within the marriage.
By embracing submission, practicing respectful communication and behavior, and trusting and supporting the husband’s decisions, a biblical wife contributes to the establishment of a loving and harmonious marital relationship. These principles promote a partnership based on mutual respect, trust, and shared goals, creating a solid foundation for the growth and well-being of the marriage.
Love and Care
Love is a central theme in biblical teachings, and a wife is called to love and cherish her husband. This love extends beyond mere feelings or emotions and encompasses a selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional commitment to the well-being and happiness of the husband. It involves actively demonstrating affection, kindness, and appreciation toward him.
Cherishing the husband involves valuing and honoring his unique qualities, recognizing his worth, and affirming his significance in the marriage. It includes expressing love through words, actions, and gestures of affection, such as spending quality time together, offering words of encouragement, and showing physical affection. By actively nurturing love and cherishing the husband, a biblical wife contributes to emotional intimacy and fulfillment within the marriage.
Love is a central theme in biblical teachings, and a wife is called to love and cherish her husband. This love extends beyond mere feelings or emotions and encompasses a selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional commitment to the well-being and happiness of the husband. It involves actively demonstrating affection, kindness, and appreciation toward him.
Cherishing the husband involves valuing and honoring his unique qualities, recognizing his worth, and affirming his significance in the marriage. It includes expressing love through words, actions, and gestures of affection, such as spending quality time together, offering words of encouragement, and showing physical affection. By actively nurturing love and cherishing the husband, a biblical wife contributes to emotional intimacy and fulfillment within the marriage.
Meeting emotional needs
Emotional connection and support are vital for a healthy and thriving marriage. As a biblical wife, it is important to be attuned to the husband’s emotional needs and actively seek to meet them. This involves being a compassionate listener, providing a safe space for him to express his feelings, and offering understanding and empathy.
Supporting the husband emotionally also entails being aware of his stressors, anxieties, and joys. It means actively engaging in conversations about his concerns, dreams, and aspirations. A wife can provide emotional comfort and reassurance, offering words of affirmation, encouragement, and validation. By demonstrating empathy, understanding, and active support, a biblical wife fosters emotional intimacy and strengthens the emotional bond within the marriage.
Emotional connection and support are vital for a healthy and thriving marriage. As a biblical wife, it is important to be attuned to the husband’s emotional needs and actively seek to meet them. This involves being a compassionate listener, providing a safe space for him to express his feelings, and offering understanding and empathy.
Supporting the husband emotionally also entails being aware of his stressors, anxieties, and joys. It means actively engaging in conversations about his concerns, dreams, and aspirations. A wife can provide emotional comfort and reassurance, offering words of affirmation, encouragement, and validation. By demonstrating empathy, understanding, and active support, a biblical wife fosters emotional intimacy and strengthens the emotional bond within the marriage.
Providing a nurturing and supportive environment
A biblical wife is called to create a nurturing and supportive environment within the home. This involves being attentive to the practical needs of the husband and ensuring that the home is a place of peace, refuge, and replenishment. It includes managing household tasks efficiently, organizing the home, and creating an atmosphere of warmth and hospitality.
Providing a supportive environment also encompasses being a source of encouragement and motivation for the husband. A wife can offer words of affirmation, celebrate his achievements, and provide assistance in his endeavors. By actively supporting his pursuits and dreams, a biblical wife contributes to the growth and fulfillment of the husband.
A nurturing and supportive environment includes prioritizing the well-being of the entire family. This involves being actively involved in the nurturing and upbringing of children, fostering a sense of unity and cooperation within the family, and creating a space where all family members feel loved, valued, and supported.
By embracing love and cherishing the husband, meeting emotional needs, and providing a nurturing and supportive environment, a biblical wife actively contributes to emotional well-being, intimacy, and overall harmony within the marriage. These actions reflect the love and care that God desires for marriages and contribute to a flourishing and fulfilling relationship between husband and wife.
A biblical wife is called to create a nurturing and supportive environment within the home. This involves being attentive to the practical needs of the husband and ensuring that the home is a place of peace, refuge, and replenishment. It includes managing household tasks efficiently, organizing the home, and creating an atmosphere of warmth and hospitality.
Providing a supportive environment also encompasses being a source of encouragement and motivation for the husband. A wife can offer words of affirmation, celebrate his achievements, and provide assistance in his endeavors. By actively supporting his pursuits and dreams, a biblical wife contributes to the growth and fulfillment of the husband.
A nurturing and supportive environment includes prioritizing the well-being of the entire family. This involves being actively involved in the nurturing and upbringing of children, fostering a sense of unity and cooperation within the family, and creating a space where all family members feel loved, valued, and supported.
By embracing love and cherishing the husband, meeting emotional needs, and providing a nurturing and supportive environment, a biblical wife actively contributes to emotional well-being, intimacy, and overall harmony within the marriage. These actions reflect the love and care that God desires for marriages and contribute to a flourishing and fulfilling relationship between husband and wife.
Partnership and Cooperation
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of teamwork within the marriage. Instead of viewing marriage as an individual pursuit, she embraces the concept of unity and partnership. Working together as a team involves recognizing and appreciating each other’s strengths, skills, and abilities.
In practical terms, working as a team means actively collaborating on various aspects of life, such as making decisions, setting goals, and planning for the future. It entails engaging in open and honest communication, seeking consensus, and finding mutually beneficial solutions. By fostering a spirit of collaboration and unity, a biblical wife contributes to the overall strength and success of the marriage.
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of teamwork within the marriage. Instead of viewing marriage as an individual pursuit, she embraces the concept of unity and partnership. Working together as a team involves recognizing and appreciating each other’s strengths, skills, and abilities.
In practical terms, working as a team means actively collaborating on various aspects of life, such as making decisions, setting goals, and planning for the future. It entails engaging in open and honest communication, seeking consensus, and finding mutually beneficial solutions. By fostering a spirit of collaboration and unity, a biblical wife contributes to the overall strength and success of the marriage.
Sharing responsibilities and burdens
A biblical wife understands the importance of sharing responsibilities and burdens within the marriage. This means actively participating in the management of the household, finances, and other practical aspects of life. It involves recognizing that both partners have valuable contributions to make and willingly sharing the workload.
Sharing responsibilities may involve tasks such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, and financial management. By actively engaging in these areas, a biblical wife lightens the burden on her husband and promotes a sense of fairness and equity within the marriage. It also allows both partners to focus on their respective strengths and areas of expertise, maximizing the efficiency and effectiveness of their joint efforts.
A biblical wife understands the importance of sharing responsibilities and burdens within the marriage. This means actively participating in the management of the household, finances, and other practical aspects of life. It involves recognizing that both partners have valuable contributions to make and willingly sharing the workload.
Sharing responsibilities may involve tasks such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, and financial management. By actively engaging in these areas, a biblical wife lightens the burden on her husband and promotes a sense of fairness and equity within the marriage. It also allows both partners to focus on their respective strengths and areas of expertise, maximizing the efficiency and effectiveness of their joint efforts.
Contributing to the household and family’s well-being
A biblical wife recognizes her role in contributing to the overall well-being of the household and family. This includes nurturing a loving and supportive environment, prioritizing the physical and emotional needs of family members, and fostering a sense of stability and security.
Contributing to the household and family’s well-being may involve tasks such as meal planning, creating a welcoming home environment, organizing family activities, and ensuring that everyone’s needs are met. It also involves being attuned to the needs of children and actively engaging in their upbringing and development.
By embracing partnership and cooperation, sharing responsibilities and burdens, and actively contributing to the household and family’s well-being, a biblical wife strengthens the foundation of the marriage and promotes a harmonious and thriving family life. These actions reflect the biblical principles of love, unity, and shared responsibility, creating an environment where each member can thrive and fulfill their God-given roles.
A biblical wife recognizes her role in contributing to the overall well-being of the household and family. This includes nurturing a loving and supportive environment, prioritizing the physical and emotional needs of family members, and fostering a sense of stability and security.
Contributing to the household and family’s well-being may involve tasks such as meal planning, creating a welcoming home environment, organizing family activities, and ensuring that everyone’s needs are met. It also involves being attuned to the needs of children and actively engaging in their upbringing and development.
By embracing partnership and cooperation, sharing responsibilities and burdens, and actively contributing to the household and family’s well-being, a biblical wife strengthens the foundation of the marriage and promotes a harmonious and thriving family life. These actions reflect the biblical principles of love, unity, and shared responsibility, creating an environment where each member can thrive and fulfill their God-given roles.
Fidelity and Faithfulness
Fidelity and faithfulness are essential aspects of a biblical marriage. A wife is called to be committed to her husband both in her thoughts and actions. This involves maintaining a mindset of loyalty, exclusivity, and devotion to her husband.
Remaining faithful in thought means guarding one’s mind against lustful or inappropriate thoughts about anyone other than the husband. It involves actively focusing on the positive qualities and attributes of the husband, and nurturing a mindset that promotes love and commitment within the marriage.
Fidelity and faithfulness are essential aspects of a biblical marriage. A wife is called to be committed to her husband both in her thoughts and actions. This involves maintaining a mindset of loyalty, exclusivity, and devotion to her husband.
Remaining faithful in thought means guarding one’s mind against lustful or inappropriate thoughts about anyone other than the husband. It involves actively focusing on the positive qualities and attributes of the husband, and nurturing a mindset that promotes love and commitment within the marriage.
Guarding against temptation and adultery
Temptations and challenges to fidelity can arise in any marriage, and a biblical wife recognizes the importance of actively guarding against them. This involves being aware of potential sources of temptation and taking proactive measures to protect the sanctity of the marriage.
Guarding against temptation may include avoiding situations or environments that may compromise one’s commitment to fidelity. It may involve setting boundaries in relationships with others, especially with individuals of the opposite sex. A biblical wife also seeks accountability and support from trusted individuals, such as mentors or close friends, to navigate potential challenges and temptations.
A biblical wife relies on prayer, seeking God’s guidance and strength to resist temptation and remain faithful to her husband. By intentionally guarding against temptation and adultery, a wife protects the integrity and sacredness of the marital covenant.
Temptations and challenges to fidelity can arise in any marriage, and a biblical wife recognizes the importance of actively guarding against them. This involves being aware of potential sources of temptation and taking proactive measures to protect the sanctity of the marriage.
Guarding against temptation may include avoiding situations or environments that may compromise one’s commitment to fidelity. It may involve setting boundaries in relationships with others, especially with individuals of the opposite sex. A biblical wife also seeks accountability and support from trusted individuals, such as mentors or close friends, to navigate potential challenges and temptations.
A biblical wife relies on prayer, seeking God’s guidance and strength to resist temptation and remain faithful to her husband. By intentionally guarding against temptation and adultery, a wife protects the integrity and sacredness of the marital covenant.
Cultivating a strong bond of trust and loyalty
Trust and loyalty are foundational elements of a thriving marital relationship. A biblical wife actively works to cultivate and strengthen this bond. This involves consistently demonstrating honesty, transparency, and reliability in her words and actions.
Cultivating trust and loyalty also requires being a person of integrity, honoring commitments, and fulfilling promises. It means avoiding behaviors or actions that may undermine the trust between spouses. A biblical wife strives to be dependable, keep her husband’s confidence, and display loyalty in her interactions with others.
By remaining faithful in thought and action, guarding against temptation and adultery, and cultivating a strong bond of trust and loyalty, a biblical wife upholds the sanctity and commitment of the marriage. These principles promote emotional intimacy, security, and lasting love within the marital relationship, fostering a relationship that reflects God’s faithfulness and covenantal love.
Trust and loyalty are foundational elements of a thriving marital relationship. A biblical wife actively works to cultivate and strengthen this bond. This involves consistently demonstrating honesty, transparency, and reliability in her words and actions.
Cultivating trust and loyalty also requires being a person of integrity, honoring commitments, and fulfilling promises. It means avoiding behaviors or actions that may undermine the trust between spouses. A biblical wife strives to be dependable, keep her husband’s confidence, and display loyalty in her interactions with others.
By remaining faithful in thought and action, guarding against temptation and adultery, and cultivating a strong bond of trust and loyalty, a biblical wife upholds the sanctity and commitment of the marriage. These principles promote emotional intimacy, security, and lasting love within the marital relationship, fostering a relationship that reflects God’s faithfulness and covenantal love.
Home and Family Management
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of creating a peaceful and orderly home environment. This involves cultivating an atmosphere of calmness, harmony, and serenity within the household. It includes promoting open communication, resolving conflicts in a constructive manner, and fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
Creating a peaceful home also involves prioritizing self-care and the well-being of family members. It means paying attention to physical surroundings, such as cleanliness and organization, as well as emotional well-being by providing a safe space for family members to express themselves and seek support.
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of creating a peaceful and orderly home environment. This involves cultivating an atmosphere of calmness, harmony, and serenity within the household. It includes promoting open communication, resolving conflicts in a constructive manner, and fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
Creating a peaceful home also involves prioritizing self-care and the well-being of family members. It means paying attention to physical surroundings, such as cleanliness and organization, as well as emotional well-being by providing a safe space for family members to express themselves and seek support.
Managing household tasks and finances
Managing household tasks and finances is an important responsibility of a biblical wife. It involves effectively planning and organizing household responsibilities, such as meal planning, cleaning, and managing schedules. This includes being diligent in managing time and resources, and ensuring that the needs of the family are met efficiently.
Managing finances responsibly is essential for the well-being and stability of the family. It involves budgeting, tracking expenses, and making wise financial decisions in alignment with the family’s goals and priorities. A biblical wife recognizes the importance of being a good steward of the family’s resources and seeks to cultivate financial discipline and wisdom.
Managing household tasks and finances is an important responsibility of a biblical wife. It involves effectively planning and organizing household responsibilities, such as meal planning, cleaning, and managing schedules. This includes being diligent in managing time and resources, and ensuring that the needs of the family are met efficiently.
Managing finances responsibly is essential for the well-being and stability of the family. It involves budgeting, tracking expenses, and making wise financial decisions in alignment with the family’s goals and priorities. A biblical wife recognizes the importance of being a good steward of the family’s resources and seeks to cultivate financial discipline and wisdom.
Nurturing and disciplining children
For wives who are mothers, nurturing and disciplining children are significant responsibilities. A biblical wife is called to provide a nurturing and loving environment for her children, promoting their growth, development, and well-being. This includes meeting their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, as well as fostering a sense of security and unconditional love.
Disciplining children is also an important aspect of parenting. It involves setting boundaries, teaching values and moral principles, and guiding children toward responsible and respectful behavior. A biblical wife approaches to discipline with patience, consistency, and a focus on character development, aiming to raise children who reflect godly virtues and principles.
By creating a peaceful and orderly home, managing household tasks and finances, and nurturing and disciplining children, a biblical wife contributes to the overall well-being and stability of the family. These responsibilities reflect the importance of maintaining a healthy and balanced family life, rooted in love, discipline, and a commitment to the flourishing of each family member.
For wives who are mothers, nurturing and disciplining children are significant responsibilities. A biblical wife is called to provide a nurturing and loving environment for her children, promoting their growth, development, and well-being. This includes meeting their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, as well as fostering a sense of security and unconditional love.
Disciplining children is also an important aspect of parenting. It involves setting boundaries, teaching values and moral principles, and guiding children toward responsible and respectful behavior. A biblical wife approaches to discipline with patience, consistency, and a focus on character development, aiming to raise children who reflect godly virtues and principles.
By creating a peaceful and orderly home, managing household tasks and finances, and nurturing and disciplining children, a biblical wife contributes to the overall well-being and stability of the family. These responsibilities reflect the importance of maintaining a healthy and balanced family life, rooted in love, discipline, and a commitment to the flourishing of each family member.
Spiritual Support and Encouragement
A biblical wife recognizes the power of prayer in nurturing the spiritual life of her husband and the marriage. She actively engages in praying for her husband’s spiritual well-being, seeking God’s guidance, wisdom, and protection over him. This includes interceding for his personal challenges, decisions, and spiritual growth.
Praying with her husband fosters a deeper spiritual connection and unity within the marriage. It involves coming together in prayer, sharing hopes, dreams, and concerns, and seeking God’s presence and intervention together. By actively participating in prayer, a biblical wife supports and strengthens her husband’s spiritual journey.
A biblical wife recognizes the power of prayer in nurturing the spiritual life of her husband and the marriage. She actively engages in praying for her husband’s spiritual well-being, seeking God’s guidance, wisdom, and protection over him. This includes interceding for his personal challenges, decisions, and spiritual growth.
Praying with her husband fosters a deeper spiritual connection and unity within the marriage. It involves coming together in prayer, sharing hopes, dreams, and concerns, and seeking God’s presence and intervention together. By actively participating in prayer, a biblical wife supports and strengthens her husband’s spiritual journey.
Supporting the husband’s spiritual growth
A biblical wife plays a vital role in supporting her husband’s spiritual growth. This involves encouraging and engaging in activities that nourish his faith, such as attending religious services together, studying scripture, or participating in spiritual retreats or programs.
Supporting the husband’s spiritual growth also means providing a listening ear and offering spiritual guidance when needed. It entails being a source of encouragement and accountability, reminding him of God’s promises, and helping him stay aligned with his spiritual values and commitments.
A biblical wife plays a vital role in supporting her husband’s spiritual growth. This involves encouraging and engaging in activities that nourish his faith, such as attending religious services together, studying scripture, or participating in spiritual retreats or programs.
Supporting the husband’s spiritual growth also means providing a listening ear and offering spiritual guidance when needed. It entails being a source of encouragement and accountability, reminding him of God’s promises, and helping him stay aligned with his spiritual values and commitments.
Being a positive influence on the family’s faith
A biblical wife recognizes her role as a spiritual leader within the family. She seeks to be a positive influence on the family’s faith, actively nurturing an environment that fosters the growth and development of each family member’s spiritual life.
This involves modeling a life of faith, demonstrating integrity, compassion, and love rooted in biblical principles. A biblical wife actively engages in conversations about faith, shares personal experiences, and encourages family members to seek God’s guidance and wisdom.
Being a positive influence on the family’s faith also includes actively participating in religious activities as a family, such as worship, prayer, and studying scripture together. By fostering an atmosphere of faith, a biblical wife creates opportunities for her family to grow spiritually and experience the richness of a relationship with God.
By praying for and with the husband, supporting his spiritual growth, and being a positive influence on the family’s faith, a biblical wife contributes to the spiritual well-being and growth of her husband and family. These actions reflect her commitment to nurturing a strong foundation of faith within the marriage and creating a home environment that encourages the family’s spiritual journey.
A biblical wife recognizes her role as a spiritual leader within the family. She seeks to be a positive influence on the family’s faith, actively nurturing an environment that fosters the growth and development of each family member’s spiritual life.
This involves modeling a life of faith, demonstrating integrity, compassion, and love rooted in biblical principles. A biblical wife actively engages in conversations about faith, shares personal experiences, and encourages family members to seek God’s guidance and wisdom.
Being a positive influence on the family’s faith also includes actively participating in religious activities as a family, such as worship, prayer, and studying scripture together. By fostering an atmosphere of faith, a biblical wife creates opportunities for her family to grow spiritually and experience the richness of a relationship with God.
By praying for and with the husband, supporting his spiritual growth, and being a positive influence on the family’s faith, a biblical wife contributes to the spiritual well-being and growth of her husband and family. These actions reflect her commitment to nurturing a strong foundation of faith within the marriage and creating a home environment that encourages the family’s spiritual journey.
Self-Care and Growth
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of taking care of her own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This involves prioritizing self-care activities that promote health and vitality, such as getting enough rest, engaging in regular exercise, and maintaining a balanced diet.
Taking care of personal well-being also includes attending to emotional needs and seeking support when necessary. It involves being aware of personal boundaries, practicing self-reflection and self-awareness, and addressing any emotional challenges or stressors that may arise.
A biblical wife recognizes the importance of taking care of her own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This involves prioritizing self-care activities that promote health and vitality, such as getting enough rest, engaging in regular exercise, and maintaining a balanced diet.
Taking care of personal well-being also includes attending to emotional needs and seeking support when necessary. It involves being aware of personal boundaries, practicing self-reflection and self-awareness, and addressing any emotional challenges or stressors that may arise.
Pursuing personal interests and growth
While fulfilling her responsibilities as a wife and mother, a biblical wife recognize the importance of pursuing personal interests and growth. This involves identifying and engaging in activities or hobbies that bring joy, fulfillment, and personal development.
Pursuing personal interests and growth may include pursuing further education, developing new skills, participating in community activities, or engaging in creative outlets. By investing in personal growth, a wife enriches her own life and brings a sense of fulfillment and purpose to her role within the family.
While fulfilling her responsibilities as a wife and mother, a biblical wife recognize the importance of pursuing personal interests and growth. This involves identifying and engaging in activities or hobbies that bring joy, fulfillment, and personal development.
Pursuing personal interests and growth may include pursuing further education, developing new skills, participating in community activities, or engaging in creative outlets. By investing in personal growth, a wife enriches her own life and brings a sense of fulfillment and purpose to her role within the family.
Balancing responsibilities with self-care
Finding a balance between responsibilities and self-care is crucial for a biblical wife. While fulfilling her various roles and responsibilities, she recognizes the need to prioritize her own well-being and self-care.
This involves setting boundaries, learning to say no when necessary, and delegating tasks when possible. It also means seeking support from her spouse, family members, or trusted individuals to share the load of responsibilities.
By maintaining a healthy balance between responsibilities and self-care, a biblical wife ensures that she is able to give her best to her family while also nurturing her own well-being. This balance allows her to be emotionally available, energized, and fulfilled, which ultimately benefits her marriage and family.
By taking care of personal well-being, pursuing personal interests and growth, and balancing responsibilities with self-care, a biblical wife not only nurtures herself but also models healthy self-care for her family. These practices contribute to her overall well-being and enable her to thrive in her various roles and responsibilities within the marriage and family.
Finding a balance between responsibilities and self-care is crucial for a biblical wife. While fulfilling her various roles and responsibilities, she recognizes the need to prioritize her own well-being and self-care.
This involves setting boundaries, learning to say no when necessary, and delegating tasks when possible. It also means seeking support from her spouse, family members, or trusted individuals to share the load of responsibilities.
By maintaining a healthy balance between responsibilities and self-care, a biblical wife ensures that she is able to give her best to her family while also nurturing her own well-being. This balance allows her to be emotionally available, energized, and fulfilled, which ultimately benefits her marriage and family.
By taking care of personal well-being, pursuing personal interests and growth, and balancing responsibilities with self-care, a biblical wife not only nurtures herself but also models healthy self-care for her family. These practices contribute to her overall well-being and enable her to thrive in her various roles and responsibilities within the marriage and family.
Role Model and Ambassador
As a biblical wife, one of the key responsibilities is to reflect and embody biblical values and virtues in daily life. This involves aligning one’s attitudes, words, and actions with the principles and teachings found in the Bible.
Reflecting biblical values and virtues may include demonstrating qualities such as love, kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, and integrity. It involves treating others with respect and compassion, practicing honesty and transparency, and seeking to live a life that honors God and brings glory to Him.
By consistently living out biblical values and virtues, a biblical wife becomes a living testimony of God’s transformative power and influences those around her in a positive way.
As a biblical wife, one of the key responsibilities is to reflect and embody biblical values and virtues in daily life. This involves aligning one’s attitudes, words, and actions with the principles and teachings found in the Bible.
Reflecting biblical values and virtues may include demonstrating qualities such as love, kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, and integrity. It involves treating others with respect and compassion, practicing honesty and transparency, and seeking to live a life that honors God and brings glory to Him.
By consistently living out biblical values and virtues, a biblical wife becomes a living testimony of God’s transformative power and influences those around her in a positive way.
Being an ambassador of Christ in the marriage
A biblical wife understands that her marriage serves as a platform to represent Christ and His love to the world. She embraces the role of being an ambassador of Christ within the marriage, displaying Christ-like character and reflecting His love and grace.
Being an ambassador of Christ in the marriage involves displaying qualities such as selflessness, sacrificial love, and forgiveness. It means seeking reconciliation, practicing humility, and prioritizing the well-being and spiritual growth of her spouse.
A biblical wife understands that her marriage serves as a platform to represent Christ and His love to the world. She embraces the role of being an ambassador of Christ within the marriage, displaying Christ-like character and reflecting His love and grace.
Being an ambassador of Christ in the marriage involves displaying qualities such as selflessness, sacrificial love, and forgiveness. It means seeking reconciliation, practicing humility, and prioritizing the well-being and spiritual growth of her spouse.
Impacting others through a godly example
A biblical wife recognizes that her actions and attitudes have the potential to impact not only her immediate family but also others around her. She strives to be a godly example, influencing others through her words, deeds, and character.
Impacting others through a godly example may include being involved in the community, demonstrating compassion and love towards others, and actively participating in acts of service and outreach. A biblical wife seeks to extend God’s love and grace to those around her, drawing others closer to Christ through her example.
By living out a godly example, a biblical wife has the opportunity to positively influence her family, friends, and even strangers, leaving a lasting impact that points to the transformative power of a relationship with God.
A biblical wife recognizes that her actions and attitudes have the potential to impact not only her immediate family but also others around her. She strives to be a godly example, influencing others through her words, deeds, and character.
Impacting others through a godly example may include being involved in the community, demonstrating compassion and love towards others, and actively participating in acts of service and outreach. A biblical wife seeks to extend God’s love and grace to those around her, drawing others closer to Christ through her example.
By living out a godly example, a biblical wife has the opportunity to positively influence her family, friends, and even strangers, leaving a lasting impact that points to the transformative power of a relationship with God.
Conclusion
Throughout this exploration of the biblical responsibilities of a wife, we have discussed several key areas that shape the role and calling of a wife in accordance with the teachings of the Bible. These responsibilities include submission and respect, love and care, partnership and cooperation, fidelity and faithfulness, home and family management, spiritual support and encouragement, self-care and growth, and being a role model and ambassador.
Embracing and fulfilling these responsibilities can at times be challenging, but they are also immensely rewarding. As a wife, embracing these biblical responsibilities allows you to contribute to a thriving and harmonious marriage, fostering love, trust, and spiritual growth. It provides an opportunity to nurture and guide your family, creating a nurturing and God-centered home environment. By fulfilling these responsibilities, you participate in God’s plan for marriage and family, experiencing the joy and fulfillment that comes from living in alignment with His design.
It is important to remember that living out these biblical responsibilities as a wife brings blessings and rewards. By embodying these principles, you create a strong foundation for a loving and enduring marriage. Your commitment to honoring God and serving your spouse and family has the potential to inspire others and leave a lasting impact on generations to come. Moreover, as you align your life with God’s Word, you will experience His grace, guidance, and transformative power in your own life.
Throughout this exploration of the biblical responsibilities of a wife, we have discussed several key areas that shape the role and calling of a wife in accordance with the teachings of the Bible. These responsibilities include submission and respect, love and care, partnership and cooperation, fidelity and faithfulness, home and family management, spiritual support and encouragement, self-care and growth, and being a role model and ambassador.
Embracing and fulfilling these responsibilities can at times be challenging, but they are also immensely rewarding. As a wife, embracing these biblical responsibilities allows you to contribute to a thriving and harmonious marriage, fostering love, trust, and spiritual growth. It provides an opportunity to nurture and guide your family, creating a nurturing and God-centered home environment. By fulfilling these responsibilities, you participate in God’s plan for marriage and family, experiencing the joy and fulfillment that comes from living in alignment with His design.
It is important to remember that living out these biblical responsibilities as a wife brings blessings and rewards. By embodying these principles, you create a strong foundation for a loving and enduring marriage. Your commitment to honoring God and serving your spouse and family has the potential to inspire others and leave a lasting impact on generations to come. Moreover, as you align your life with God’s Word, you will experience His grace, guidance, and transformative power in your own life.
First I will offer a definition and then I will describe seven characteristics of biblical submission.
A. Definition: Biblical submission is the attitude and action of willingly and wholeheartedly respecting, yielding to, and obeying the authority of another.
That definition applies to all of the spheres of authority: to God Himself; human government; church government; wives to husbands; children to parents; and workers to employers. It includes our attitude, because it is not to be forced, but willing and wholehearted. Applied to wives, it includes the following:
B. Description: Submission in marriage looks like this.
(1) Submission involves respecting your husband.
When Paul sums up his counsel (Eph. 5:33), he repeats (from verse 25) that the husband is to love his wife. But rather than saying that the wife must submit to her husband, he says that she must respect (lit. fear) him. A large part of submission involves respect. While books have been written on this (e.g., Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, [Integrity Publishers]), at the very least it means that a wife not attack her husband or put him down. Rather, she should get on her husband’s team and cheer him on. If he makes a mistake, she can gently correct, but she should assure him of her loyalty and love.
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(2) Submission includes the desire to please the one over you.
When I counsel couples whose marriages are in trouble, invariably they are competing with one another. Rather than seeking to please her husband, the wife is trying to win. She wants to make him pay for what he has done to hurt her. But submission means that you want him to be happy. You want to please him. If he likes a particular meal, you fix it often. If he likes the house to be neat, you try to keep it that way. You don’t punish him by making him unhappy. You please him in every way possible.
(3) Submission means not subverting your husband’s will and desires through deception, manipulation, or whining.
I’ve seen wives who put on a veneer of submission to their husband’s face, but then they go behind his back and use subversive tactics to get what they want. Or, they whine or nag him until to get some peace, he capitulates. That is not submission!
(4) Submission means responding to your husband as leader and lover.
Many husbands feel threatened and incompetent when it comes to leading their wives. If their feeble attempts to lead meet with criticism or apathy, they won’t try again. If your husband takes a stab at giving leadership in your marriage, even if it’s inept, encourage him! If he makes a suggestion for a romantic evening together, don’t criticize his idea! If he dares to share something on his heart with you or a fear that is nagging him, listen sensitively and thank him for it. Be responsive, not resistant!
(5) Submission does not imply the inferiority of the wife to her husband.
As I said, this would be heretical, because it would imply the inferiority of the Son to the Father, because the Son submits to the Father (even in eternity, 1 Cor. 15:28). A godly husband is to be a good manager of his household (1 Tim. 3:4, 12). A good manager utilizes and praises the strengths of those he manages. If a wife is better at something than the husband is, a wise husband will recognize that gift and let her use it for their common good.
(6) Submission does not imply passivity.
A wife can be submissive and still actively try to influence her husband for God (as 1 Peter 3:1-6 implies). The wife whose husband is disobedient to the Lord is not told to be passive and not influence him. Rather, she is told how to influence him by her quiet and gentle spirit. All Scripture, including the command to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15), applies to wives as well as husbands. A submissive wife needs lovingly to admonish her husband if he is in sin (Rom. 15:14; Gal. 6:1). She needs truthfully to communicate her dissatisfaction with her husband’s insensitivity or aloofness. She may need to express her opinions vigorously, so that her husband knows exactly what she thinks. Without honest communication, a marriage cannot grow in intimacy.
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Submission means that after a thorough, honest sharing of opinions and feelings, if there is still disagreement, the wife must go along with the husband’s decision, as long as it is not sinful. But, please note: he will answer to God for that decision, and so he should only override his wife’s objections after much prayer and with fear and trembling! In our now 43 years of marriage, Marla and I cannot come up with a single example of where I have had to overrule her. We’ve always come to mutual agreement as we’ve talked and prayed through decisions.
(7) Submission does not require a wife to bury her spiritual gifts.
There are many gifted women in the Bible and in church history who have been greatly used of God. Priscilla is often mentioned before her husband, Aquila. She was probably the prominent one in helping Apollos straighten out his theology (Acts 18:24-26). Timothy’s grandmother and mother, played key roles in training him in the Scriptures (2 Tim. 1:5, 3:15). Women have a huge ministry in influencing their children to follow the Lord (Titus 2:4). Paul refers to the mother of Rufus as “his mother and mine” (Rom. 16:13). Apparently she had ministered to Paul as a mother.
So Paul is saying that as the church is subject to Christ, so wives should be to their husbands. But, he adds one more thing:
4. Since genuine submission to Christ must be total, genuine submission to your husband must be total.
Paul adds two little words at the end of verse 24, “in everything.” Why did he add those words? What does he mean?
A. “In everything” means that you cannot create loopholes to dodge the commandment.
Paul knew that we’re all prone to try to dodge the difficult commands of the Bible. Many wives will say, “I would submit to my husband if he would just love me as you’ve described. But how can I submit when he is so selfish and insensitive?” In marriage counseling, this is always the biggest hurdle for couples to overcome. When they stop blaming the faults of their mate and start focusing on their own responsibilities, there is hope!
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B. “In everything” includes submission in thoughts, words, and deeds.
Submission and respect begin in your thought life: Do you run down your husband and complain about his shortcomings or do you thankfully focus on his strengths? Are your words encouraging and affirming? Are your deeds supportive and responsive?
C. “In everything” does not include submission to sin.
If your husband asks you to do something that Scripture forbids, you must respectfully decline. If he asks you to view pornography, you must say no. If he asks you to lie for him or cheat on your taxes or stop going to church, you would sin against God to go along with your husband’s request. You should resist his sinful wishes respectfully, but you must resist.
D. “In everything” does not mean that you say yes to every demand, if by so doing you are fostering your husband’s laziness and irresponsibility.
If your husband is dumping his responsibilities on you or using you as his slave to cater to his laziness, you need to talk to him. He needs to be confronted with his faults in a gracious, but firm manner. To allow him to go on in his sin is not to love him as Christ commands you to do (Eph. 5:2).
E. “In everything” does not mean yielding to criminal behavior, including threats or physical abuse.
If a husband is getting drunk, using illegal drugs, or is abusing his wife or children, he is violating both God’s law and the law of the state. Submission does not mean passively tolerating such sin. A wife should call the police and the husband should go to jail. If he professes to be a Christian, she should call the church leaders.
A godly wife may need to endure somesinful verbal abuse, such as put-downs, name-calling, or cursing, if her husband is not a Christian (this is the clear implication of 1 Pet. 3:1-6). She should talk with him and explain that she would like to be close to him, but his abusive language is damaging their marriage. But if he is threatening her with physical abuse or death, she needs to move with any children to a place of safety and get some godly counsel.
Conclusion
I realize that this is not an easy subject to apply and obey, but I would encourage each of you to grapple with it especially in areas where you may be resisting the Lord. If you’re having trouble in your marriage, don’t blame your husband or wait for him to start loving you as he should. Instead, do something radical: Submit to your husband in every area, even as the church is to submit to Christ. If you’re fighting this portion of Scripture, you’re not submitting. And if you’re not submitting, the world won’t see Christ in your marriage.
1) Mark 10:6-9 = God instituted marriage and gives it His blessing. (See also Genesis 1:27, 28; Hebrews 13:4)
2) Genesis 2:18 = God created humans with an innate need and desire for the close bond that marriage provides. (See also Proverbs 18:22)
3) Genesis 2:23, 24 = Husband and wife become “one” in the marriage bond. (See also Matthew 19:5, 6)
4) Ecclesiastes 9:9 = Marriage is a lifelong commitment. (See also Proverbs 5:18)
5) Ephesians 5:28, 33 = Husbands and wives are to love and respect each other.
6) II Corinthians 6:14 = Husbands and wives should be bonded together with a similarity of beliefs, goals, and objectives. (See also Deuteronomy 7:3, 4; Genesis 24:3, 4)
7) Exodus 20:17 = Husbands and wives are to be sexually faithful to each other in the marriage relationship. (See also Leviticus 18:20)
8) Matthew 5:32 = Adultery is the only biblically acceptable reason for divorce.
9) Isaiah 62:5 = An ideal marriage relationship mirrors God’s loving relationship with His people. (See also Isaiah 54:5; Ephesians 5:25)
10) Proverbs 31:10 = A strong marriage relationship is a precious thing.
What the Bible says about marriage
1) God instituted marriage and blessed it
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We have already seen that God performed the very first wedding at the end of Creation week and blessed the new couple (Genesis 1:27, 28). Marriage is something that God Himself instituted and blessed. This is important, because it tells us that marriage is a good thing. It is one of the blessings that God has given us from the very beginning.
The Bible puts it like this: “From the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, . . . Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:6-9).
2) Close bond in marriage
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper comparable to him’ ” (Genesis 2:18). After each of the six days of Creation week, God reviewed what He had made and saw that it was “good.” But there was one thing in Eden that very first week that was not good! All the animals God had created, came in pairs—a male and a female. But there was no female for Adam! That is when God created Eve and performed the very first marriage (Genesis 2:21-24).
God made men and women to complement each other—physically, mentally, and socially. He built into our being a desire for the companionship of a husband or wife. That’s why the Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
3) Husband and wife become one
“He [God] brought her [Eve] to the man. And Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23, 24).
Have you ever noticed how couples who have been happily married for many years often seem to blend together on so many levels? They know what the other person is thinking and how their spouse will react to a given situation. They can finish each other’s sentences. They have so much history together that they almost feel like the other is an extension of themselves. That’s what the Bible is talking about when it says a husband and wife “become one flesh.”
4) Marriage: A lifelong commitment
“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your . . . life” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). There is a reason the traditional marriage vow includes the phrase “till death do you part.” Marriage, as God intended it, is a commitment for life—during good times and bad.
5) Love and respect in marriage
“Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. . . . Let each one of you . . . so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:28, 33). Without mutual love and respect on the part of husbands and wives, a marriage cannot last. Keep up the early attentions. Look for the positive qualities in your spouse, and nurture that respect and love that first drew you together.
6) Similarity in beliefs, goals, and objectives
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Marriage is a blending of two lives into “one flesh.” This doesn’t mean that husbands and wives must think and feel exactly alike in everything. Marriage doesn’t extinguish individuality.
But if there is a broad divide in religious beliefs or other important issues, it will be much more difficult to achieve the oneness that God envisions for an ideal marriage. Forging a strong marriage is not easy at best, and becomes even more challenging when couples must try to bridge major differences.
7) Faithful in marriage
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” (Exodus 20:17). “You shall not lie carnally with your neighbor’s wife, to defile yourself with her” (Leviticus 18:20). One of the important objectives of marriage is to direct the human sexual drive into appropriate channels. There is a great lack of sexual restraint in society today, but it would be infinitely greater without the divine mandates restricting sexual activity to marriage and the social constraints that try to do the same. Sexual infidelity is devastating to a marriage—even for those who have little or no religious beliefs.
8) Adultery and divorce
Jesus said, “Whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery” (Matthew 5:32). This grows out of the principle stated above—that sexual faithfulness in marriage is vital. Jesus’ statement is a difficult one. It is a clear biblical teaching. Jesus doesn’t offer any exceptions or alternatives. But it is not easy to know how to apply it in the dysfunctional world we live in today. Perhaps the best we can do is to know that Jesus understands just what it is to be human, and He sympathizes with us in our weaknesses (see Hebrews 4:15).
9) Marriage mirrors God’s relationship with His people
“As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you” (Isaiah 62:5). Throughout the Bible, God presents Himself as the husband of His people. His church is His bride whom He loves and cherishes (Ephesians 5:25-27). Marriage is the closest, most intimate relationship we can experience here on earth, and God uses it to illustrate the intimate relationship He wants to have with you and me!
10) Marriage is precious
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her” (Proverbs 31:10).
Biblical traits of a good husband or wife
Proverbs 31 has been called a description of “The Ideal Wife.” And it’s true that the chapter, as written, focuses on the wife. But in reality the ideal qualities given in this chapter apply equally to a husband as well as to a wife.
So how does the Bible define a good wife (or husband)? Here is a list of characteristics based on Proverbs 31. Look up the verses and see for yourself how they are described. Can you find other qualities in this chapter that are not listed here?
- Dependable (verse 11)
- A positive outlook that brings out the best in one’s spouse (verse 12)
- Hardworking (verse 13)
- Provides for the household (verse 15)
- Thrifty (verse 16)
- Compassionate and aware of others people’s needs (verse 20)
- Is a credit to one’s spouse in the community (verse 23)
- Kind (verse 26)
- Loved and respected by the children and by one’s spouse (verse 28)
- Has a good reputation outside the home (verse 31)
Biblical examples of marriages
One of the ways the Bible teaches us is by stories and examples (1 Corinthians 10:11). And in the area of marriage, the Bible gives us examples of good marriages and bad ones.
Ruth and Boaz
For an example of a good marriage, read the story of Ruth and Boaz. You’ll find it in the short, Old Testament book of Ruth. It’s only four chapters. As you read the story of their marriage—how they met and came together—look for the elements that made their marriage a success and a union that God could bless. Ruth and Boaz lived in a very different time and culture than we do today, so some of the details may seem strange to you. But the principles of a good marriage are timeless.
Samson
For an example of a bad marriage—a really bad marriage—read the story of Samson and Delilah. It’s told in chapters 14, 15, and 16 of the book of Judges. Look for the reasons this marriage was doomed from the beginning. What made it such a dysfunctional relationship? Notice particularly the tragic ending. We can learn a lot from the examples of others—good and bad.
Conclusion
What does the Bible say about marriage? It says that marriage is a blessing given to us by God to make our lives richer and more fulfilling. It says that a good marriage not only draws us closer to our spouse, it can draw us closer to God. “He who finds a wife [or she who finds a husband] finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
A big part of being a good wife is praying for your husband – this is an act of love. In fact, the word of God actually advocates for praying for loved ones and enemies alike. For instance, 1 Timothy 2:1 instructs that Christians should consistently intercede for each other.
So whenever you kneel down to pray for your own needs, never hesitate to intercede for your husband and children as well.
Be trustworthy
Everyone wants to be with someone that they can trust – even your husband. As such, being trustworthy is one of the best ways to show your husband that you love him. As Proverbs 31 says, a good wife is one that a husband can trust and depend on.
Such a woman willingly chooses to do good things for her husband all the days of her life. As such, she is more valuable than any precious stone.
Work hard
Being a good Christian wife is hard work. It includes waking up early to provide for your family and even take care of your children. As Proverbs 31 says, a good woman goes far and wide to procure land for her family and even get food for them and her servants.
Ultimately, being diligent in taking care of your family is a powerful expression of love. It makes it clear to them that they always come first in your book.
Be peaceful
God’s word is full of verses that encourage peace among believers. Even James 3:18 tells us that those who make peace with others encourage justice. That’s why a Christian woman needs to maintain peace in her marriage as well.
In fact, God’s word is clear on how influential a woman with a quiet spirit is. Even Proverbs 25:24 advises men to avoid quarrelsome wives. So if you want to turn your husband’s heart towards you, the best place to start is by being more peaceful.
Forgive him
One of the things that Jesus Christ is known for is his special emphasis on forgiveness. Even when he was on the cross dying, he begged the Lord God to forgive his persecutors. It’s therefore not shocking that the word of God is full of bible verses about forgiveness.
One of the most popular ones is Colossians 3:13 – it encourages us to constantly forgive each other as God has forgiven us. After all, unconditional love covers a multitude of sins.
And since the relationship between a wife and her husband is one of the most intimate ones possible, God expects forgiveness to be a major tenet of it.
Politely correct him
A big part of being a good friend, family member, or spouse is being willing to correct someone when they go astray. No matter how much easier it is to keep quiet, you shouldn’t let a loved one sin continuously without at least trying to correct them.
As Galatians 6:1-2 says, you should always try to restore a fellow believer who falls into sin.
Ensure you do it gently though – being too aggressive can drive them further from God. At the end of the day, it’s always better to draw someone in with gentleness and kindness.
Be a spiritual example
One of the best decisions you can make for yourself and your husband is to get saved and follow God’s commands. By doing so, not only do you get eternal life and blessings, but you can also inspire your husband to be more God-fearing.
Ultimately, it’s easier to win someone to Jesus Christ through your good works rather than your words or appearance.
As 1 Peter 3:1 reminds us, men are more likely to be swayed by the conduct of their wives than their outward appearance. So your fashion sense shouldn’t be the most interesting thing about you.
Encourage him
One of the best things we can do for each other as Christians is to encourage each other. This is particularly important during hard times. And since there isn’t a more intimate relationship between a husband and his wife, being encouraging is even more important here.
So always ensure that your husband knows that you believe in them and are cheering for them. As Hebrews 10:24-25 teaches us, we should never tire of pushing each other further, especially spiritually.
How to respect your husband biblically
As Ephesians 5:33 teaches us, it’s important to respect your husband. This is one of the core ways that men receive love. But how can you respect your husband biblically? Here are a few tips:
Don’t cheat on him
One of the most disrespectful things that a spouse can do is cheat, especially in your marriage bed. Even Matthew 19:9 tells us that cheating is a valid ground for divorce. Ultimately, having sexual relations with anyone that you’re not married to is not in God’s plan for you.
Instead, God’s word encourages us to give our own bodies fully to our own husbands and for them to do the same. This is a major part of God’s design for Christian marriage.
Don’t wound him with your words
If there’s one thing that the word of God is clear about, it’s that the tongue is a powerful tool. It can either speak death or life into a situation (Proverbs 18:21). That’s why it’s important to only speak words that edify and build your husband.
As Ephesians 4:29 tells us, we should never be the source of any unwholesome talk, particularly that which aims to corrupt others. So no matter how angry you are at the moment, never try to harm your husband with your words. You’re actually better off being quiet.
Don’t put him to shame
Another way to maintain love and respect in your marriage relationship is to avoid bringing your husband to shame, especially in public. This goes beyond how you treat him – it involves how you speak to others about him instead.
It means that you shouldn’t go around sharing the secrets he told you or even gossiping about his weaknesses.
Doing so will set you up for a difficult marriage and can cause irreparable damage. So just as God covers your infirmities, you should cover your husband. After all, true love covers a multitude of sins (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
How to honor your husband biblically
When we say we love God, He expects us to honor him as well. This applies to our own husbands as well – they expect you to honor them even when they are not around.
Fortunately, several scripture quotations can teach you about honoring your husband. Here are the top tips they teach us:
Support him
One of the best ways to honor someone you love is to support them, especially when they are going through challenges. This involves listening to them, comforting them, and even offering advice where necessary. Ultimately, you should be your husband’s safe place and he should be yours.
Be a good helper and companion
The main reason God induced a deep sleep in Adam and created Eve from his own flesh is so that she could be his companion and helper. It’s therefore not surprising that Malachi 2:14 refers to a wife as a companion and even goes further to say that God usually acts as a witness to this intimate relationship.
As such, being a good helper and companion is integral to building a healthy marriage.
This usually involves a lot of teamwork and focus. This is the only way to ensure that both you and your husband achieve your goals – both individually and as a team.
Be willing to serve
If there’s one thing to be learned from the life of Jesus Christ, it’s the importance of serving others. In Matthew 20:28, he even says that he came to serve rather than to be served. That’s why spouses need to honor each other through service in the marriage.
Keep in mind that the husband’s role is different from the wife’s role, yet both are important. While the former is the head of the wife, he still can’t run the household without her – she is like the beating heart of the family.
Perform your marital duties
One of the greatest ways to honor and love your husband is to perform your marital duties. This means taking care of your home and even having sexual relations with your husband. After all, sex is God’s gift to us and shouldn’t be used to control or even manipulate.
As the apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:4, married people don’t have authority over their own bodies. Instead, the wife’s body belongs to the husband and the husband’s body belongs to the wife. Ultimately, sex is a physical expression of love that can help a married couple bond.
Defend him when he is attacked by others
A big part of loving and honoring anyone is having their back and presenting a united front. After all, God’s word tells us that a divided household will not stand (Mark 3:25).
That’s why it’s important to defend your husband when someone tries to attack them, especially when they are not around.
Letting this kind of behavior slide creates a dangerous precedent. It makes people comfortable disrespecting your spouse in front of you and can even make you start doubting your husband’s love. Ultimately, this can destroy a previously healthy relationship.
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