God literally changed my mind over ALL of this! It is truly amazing- to have the mind of Christ, and to be born again by the word of God and by the Holy Spirit! To have a relationship with Jesus Christ, is to have a relationship with others also, truly. WE grow through what we go through; muscles are built breaking down first, then building up. Which takes me to the next point, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth from the mouth of God. Jesus literally told the devil that first thing during Jesus' wilderness 40 days/40 nights. Do not be deceived. God will NOT be mocked. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. And we shall reap, if we faint not in well doing (Galatians 6:9).
So, God institutes marriages. Don't believe me, GO TO THE WORD! Adam and Eve he made them male and female- and they were married, they were one together in the garden. Adam knew Eve was his wife. It is a type of Christ and the church, first picture. Unashamed, in love and unity, holy, blameless and innocent.... then the snake slithered to Eve, and tempted her to doubt God's word. THAT'S IT YA'LL! ALL IT TAKES!!
It is just pure disobedience men and women won't submit to a Holy God- Jesus Christ is LORD and He is a Mighty Savior and Buckler to all them that put their trust in Him- He is not man so He cannot lie! Praise His Holy name! Praise Jesus forever more! Some trust in chariots, and bows, and silver and gold; but I trust in the LORD God Almighty- forever.
It is not as though Christians demean or oppose sexual activity. Quite to the contrary. When, within the bonds of godly marriage, people properly engage in sexual activities, the marriage bed is “unpolluted.” Indeed, in order to dispel false, ascetic notions, the writer of those words urges all Christians to “honor marriage” (Heb.13:4, The Christian Counselor’s New Testament [CCNT hereafter]). The distorted view that some people have of Christian teaching about sexuality would lead you to believe that we think the devil, not God, was the source of it. Quite to the contrary, God requires the fullest expression of loving sexual activity within marriage, an expression that may be properly initiated by either the husband or the wife (1 Cor. 7:4–5). And it is in that very passage Paul warns that failure to satisfy the sexual desires of one’s marriage partner may lead to temptation by Satan. Plainly, then, godly marriage must be encouraged in every way.
Marriage has many purposes, only one of which is procreation. That is a subject in itself. But, in this study, of greatest importance is the fact that marriage is to be a “completion” of one’s self — something that isn’t possible in a homosexual relationship. In providing a marriage partner for Adam, God said “I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18). The Hebrew word translated “comparable” in the New King James Version means, literally, “that which approximates something else.” If you cut a grapefruit cleanly in two, the halves will fit exactly when placed in proper juxtaposition to one another. But if you halve another with a jagged cut neither of the two resulting pieces will fit with either of the halves of the previously sectioned fruit. It is only those halves that exactly approximate one another that make a suitable whole. It is this concept of shared wholeness that is inherent in the Genesis passage.
Men and women were designed to become “one flesh” (Gen. 2: 24). But there can be no oneness apart from a male and a female partner who approximate one another at every point. This “oneness” is not to be thought of merely as sexual union (though it certainly includes that). Rather, in Hebrew thought, the term “flesh” referred not only to the physical body, but also to the whole person. When Moses described the destruction of the entire human race (Noah and his family excepted), he described this catastrophe as “the end of all flesh” (Gen. 6: 13). Surely, he had reference to more than bodies when using this phrase. Rather, in a manner similar to our use of the word “everybody” (by which we refer to more than flesh and bones), he used the Hebrew word “flesh” to mean “person.” To become “one flesh,” then, is to become “one person.” Male and female marriage partners not only make an exact “fit” sexually, but their maleness and femaleness “fill out” or “complete” one another in every respect. The two constitute a “whole.” In a proper marriage, men have the opportunity to see the world through their wives’ feminine eyes, and women through their husband’s masculine eyes. My wife has brought lace curtains into my life; I have brought muddy boots into hers (sometimes messing up her curtains!). Same sex relationships lack entirely such expanded views of the world.
What of the single person? Must he or she forever lack the benefits of this married outlook? Perhaps, but God does compensate for it. When Jesus spoke of the indissolubility of marriage, except for adultery and desertion, the disciples (who, doubtless, knew Rabbi Hillel’s teaching that almost anything disagreeable might constitute grounds for divorce) said, “If that is the way it must be between a man and his wife, it would be better not to marry!” (Matt. 19:10). Now, of course, they all did anyway (1 Cor. 9:5). But, in answer to their hasty response, Jesus explained that not everyone has the capacity to live the single life, which He declared is only for “those to whom it has been given” (Matt. 19:11). Clearly, to compensate for the fact that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 3:18), God gifts such persons with a “capacity” for a special, fulfilling service, which He expects them to discharge (see Gen. 3:12b; 1 Cor. 7:7ff.).
Marriage, carried out in a Scriptural manner, affords great benefits. It is only necessary to read Ephesians 5:21–33 to understand how, in reflecting the relationship of Christ to His church, marriage can afford one of the deepest joys possible. In it is love, care, intimate fellowship, unfettered sex and so on. When God wants to explain the fullness of the future glory that we shall have in union with Christ, He writes: “Let us be happy and delighted, and we shall give Him the glory; the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. She was allowed to dress in fine linen that is bright and clean (for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints). Then he said to me. Write this: ‘Happy are they who are called to the Lamb’s marriage supper” (Rev. 19:9 ccnt).
To describe that perfect, glorious event, notice that God uses the metaphor of a wedding. From this we should learn not only that marriage is good and holy, but that God intended it to be a wonderful blessing to mankind. How tragic to spoil and sully its character by using the word marriage to describe legalized homosexuality! In mercy, even though homosexuality is a sinful way of life, and not a genetic problem, Paul makes it clear that it is possible for a homosexual to be “washed” from his defilement through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. However, it is not only non-believers who are caught up in this sin that God will reprimand, but also those Christians who fail to exhibit and enjoy all that marriage can be. It is one thing to condemn homosexuality; it is another to live a married life that in itself condemns it by contrast. It is, therefore, our privilege not only to enter into the delights of this marvelous God-ordained institution, but by the way in which we honor it to exhibit the glory of God.
Principally, those who will read these words are believers in Christ. If, perchance, some who are not a part of His people are doing so, let me urge you to enter into the greatest relationship possible both for now and for eternity by becoming part of the bride of Christ. This bride is His church, which some day will be “glorious arrayed, not having spot or wrinkle, but rather … holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27 CCNT). That even transcends sex (Matt. 22:30).
The covenant customs summarized in the table entitled The Oneness of Covenant are simple physical pictures that can help us understand spiritual truths, especially the truth about our oneness with our New Covenant Partner Jesus Christ. Many of us have known these basic truths about the oneness of covenant for years (eg, the custom of the exchange of wedding rings, the custom of the sharing of cake by the wedding couple on their wedding day, the custom of the bride taking the groom's surname, the sharing of lives of the husband and wife, etc), but we may have never have viewed them from the perspective of covenant and specifically from the perspective of how the truths of oneness might relate to our New Covenant relationship with our Bridegroom, Christ Jesus.
You may also want to study the table entitled The Oneness of Covenant where these truths are presented in a question and answer format.
What is oneness?
The 1828 version of Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language defines oneness as "Singleness in number; individuality; unity; the quality of being one. "Our God is one, or rather very oneness." (Hooker)
The Concise Oxford English Dictionary adds that oneness is "the state of being unified, whole, or in harmony."
The Tenth Edition of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary says that oneness is "the quality or state or fact of being one: as… integrity, wholeness, harmony, sameness, identity, unity, union."
An understanding of the customs of covenant can help the believer grasp at least to some degree the significance of our oneness with Christ (cp our Lord's prayer regarding "one" in Jn 17:20, 21, 22, 23, 26), a oneness that becomes a reality the moment we enter the New Covenant by grace through faith (Ep 2:8, 9-note). Christianity is a relationship with a Person, not a program. Entering into the New Covenant is an entering into a new identity, into a oneness, into an exchange of robes (of the unrighteousness in Adam [Isa 64:6, 2Ti 1:9-note, Titus 3:5-note] for the righteousness of Christ [1Co 1:30, 2Co 5:21, Php 3:9-note]) that transpires as we enter into covenant with the living God. Now believers can be identified, in oneness with God and experience communion with Him, even as Adam and Eve experienced communion with Jehovah before sin entered the world (cp Adam and Eve's first reaction of fear reflecting the "break in oneness" after sin entered the world Ge 3:8, 9, 10, 11, 12, contrast the hope foreshadowed in the records of Enoch in Ge 5:22, 23, 24 and Noah Ge 6:9).
The New Manners and Customs of the Bible summarizes the events associated with entering into a blood covenant…
After agreeing to make the covenant, the two involved would detail the conditions of the covenant and tell what would happen to the other person if they broke the covenant. If it was a covenant in which they were binding themselves together as partners, they would also list what the other would receive from the covenant. These were called the “blessings and cursings.” You can see an example of these in Deuteronomy 28 when God made covenant with His people concerning His laws.
Each party would then cut himself somewhere on his hand where the cut would be visible (Ed comment: Resulting of course in the spillage of blood), often on the fat part of the thumb. He would then rub fresh ashes into the cut so that it would form a dark scar that could easily be seen. This was the mark of the covenant, and showed that each person had a covenant partner somewhere (Ed comment: Compare God's ordinance for a Hebrew slave and what happened on the seventh year if the slave loved his master! Ex 21:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Do you see in this practice the "mark of covenant" [the scar from the awl pierced ear would be easily visible for all to see. Can the world easily see that you have entered covenant with Christ and that He is your new Master and you are no longer your own? {cp 1Cor 6:19-note, 1Co 6:20-note]}, a mark of ownership which remains on the slave forever! It is notable that this is the first ordinance after the Ten Commandments!) The modern wedding ring is derived from this custom.
To demonstrate that what each partner had was now available to the other partner whenever needed, they would then exchange some article of clothing (Ed: see Covenant: The Exchange of Robes). After that they would exchange weapons of some type to demonstrate that each would come to the other’s aid whenever they were being attacked by an enemy and needed help (Ed: Covenant: The Exchange of Armor and Belts). An enemy of one was now the enemy of the other. Thus Christ said to Saul, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” when Saul was actually persecuting Christians (Acts 9:4-see explanatory note). At the end of all they did, they would then have a meal together to demonstrate their friendship … , and take into themselves what the other had provided, for it was customary for each to provide something for the covenant meal. The covenant meal was the final binding and demonstration of the newly made covenant. (Ed comment: Compare our tradition of the husband and wife feeding each other wedding cake after becoming one flesh (one body, one skin)[Ge 2:24] in the marriage covenant! See Covenant As It Relates to Marriage)
It was a covenant meal that the Lord and His disciples ate together in the upper room. It started as an Old Testament Passover meal, and was changed by the Lord into a New Testament covenant meal: And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you. (Luke 22:19, 20) (Freeman, J. M., & Chadwick, H. J. - The New Manners and Customs of the Bible). (Bolding added)
Webster says that to commingle is "to blend thoroughly into a harmonious whole." (Ref) What a great definition of our covenant oneness with Jesus Christ, that "harmonious whole" being fully consummated when our Blessed Hope appears for "We know that, when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is." (1 John 3:2-note)! Glorified bodies in perfect harmony with our Bridegroom Christ Jesus! O Glorious Day! But can you see one of the applications to everyday life? When a man and a woman marry they supernaturally become one flesh (one body, one skin) (Genesis 2:24) commingling their lives together, the ideal being "a harmonious whole." How tragic when that harmony is disrupted by sin and the marriage covenant is broken. Thank God that our Bridegroom will NEVER break His "marriage" covenant with us! In Ephesians 5:31-32-note Paul writes " FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE; AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery (in NT something previously hidden, but now made known by God's Spirit) is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." Can you see how earthly marriage is a small picture of the heavenly marriage of saints to their Savior? O God grant us mercy and grace to fight the good fight of faith for all marriages, for the sake of Thy great Name and glory in Christ Jesus. Amen.
In Ephesians 5:31 quoted above notice the verb "joined (4347) which in Greek is the verb proskollao (derived from prós = to, toward + kollao = to glue) and which literally means to glue one thing to another so that it cleaves or adheres. The idea is to unite or to stick to. It is used purposely by Paul draw an important picture of the marriage bond and thus described a couple as adhering closely to one anther, faithfully devoted to each other. This is a beautiful picture of oneness that God's Spirit has brought about on the day the two entered into their marriage covenant. It is interesting also to note that proskollao was a medical term used to describe the uniting of wounds. Every marriage has "wounds" but a supernatural bond has been wrought by God to keep them the wounds from festering and leading to the death of the marriage and the breaking of the covenant. And so the compound verb proskallao denotes the most intimate of unions possible between a man and woman, their joining being much like "conjoined twins" who even share the same blood supply. So too the two lives of the marriage partners are irrevocably commingled. And so prokallao emphasizes not only permanence but also unity of the two who have been "glued" together. Practical application - Take a picture of a husband and another of his wife and glue them together. Allow time for the glue to set. What happens when you try to take the two individual pictures apart? Do you see what God is saying about the binding nature of the marriage covenant between a husband and a wife?
John Piper in commenting on Ephesians 5:31-32 adds that "Marriage Is the Display of God. (He says that) Paul makes the point most clearly that marriage is designed to be the display of God. In Ephesians 5:31–32, he quotes Genesis 2:24 and then tells us the mystery that it has always contained: “ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” In other words, the covenant involved in leaving mother and father and holding fast to a spouse and becoming one flesh is a portrayal of the covenant between Christ and his church. Marriage exists most ultimately to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church."
When I was the medical director of the Travis County Blood Center in the 1980's, in the beginning days of the AIDS crisis, the commingling of blood took on an entirely new dimension when we came to realize that the HIV virus could be transmitted in blood transfusions! In contrast the commingling of the "blood" so speak of the husband and wife instead of bringing death births a synergistic relationship that is meant to give life and add to the overall enjoyment of life.
One of the key passages regarding the importance of blood is found in Leviticus 17:11…
For (explaining why one who eats blood will be cut off - Lev 17:10) the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it to you on the altar to make atonement for your souls; for it is the blood by reason of the life that makes atonement.'
Comment: To make atonement means to cover the sin. The principle of blood atonement is God's divinely ordained remedy for the problem of sin. The Scriptures insist that forgiveness for sin is not possible apart from the shedding of blood (Heb 9:22). The biblical emphasis upon the blood of the sacrifice, and ultimately of Christ, is indicative of the giving of the life of an innocent victim to atone for the guilty. The blood poured out emphasized the sacrificial nature of the death, together with its efficacious significance, but it was only a foreshadowing and could not take away sins (Heb10:4). It provided a covering for the time so that God might pass over their sins (Ro 3:25, Heb 9:15).
In the ISBE article on "Blood" we read…
Although the real function of the blood in the human system was not fully known until the fact of its circulation was established by William Harvey in 1615, nevertheless from the earliest times a singular mystery has been attached to it by all peoples. Blood rites, blood ceremonies and blood feuds are common among primitive tribes. It came to be recognized as the life principle long before it was scientifically proved to be. Naturally a feeling of fear, awe and reverence would be attached to the shedding of blood. With many uncivilized peoples scarification of the body until blood flows is practiced. Blood brotherhood or blood friendship is established by African tribes by the mutual shedding of blood and either drinking it or rubbing it on one another’s bodies. Thus and by the inter-transfusion of blood by other means it was thought that a community of life and interest could be established…
New Testament Teachings… The exaltation and dignifying of this idea finds its highest development then in the vicarious shedding of blood by Christ Himself (1Jn 1:7). As in the Old Testament “blood” was also used to signify the juice of grapes, the most natural substitute for the drinking of blood would be the use of wine. Jesus takes advantage of this, and introduces the beautiful and significant custom (Mt 26:28) of drinking wine and eating bread as symbolic of the primitive intertransfusion of blood and flesh in a pledge of eternal friendship (compare Ex 24:6, 7; Jn 6:53, 54, 55, 56). This is the climactic observance of blood rites recorded in the Bible. (Blood)
In much of our modern world there seems to be little comprehension of the solemn and binding nature incurred when one enters a covenant with one's marital partner (see Covenant: As It Relates to Marriage) or even more significantly, when one by grace through faith enters the New Covenant (in His blood) with the Lord Jesus Christ.
George Berry in his discussion of Covenant Among Men in the OT covenant writes that…
In essence a covenant is an agreement, but an agreement of a solemn and binding force. The early Semitic idea of a covenant was doubtless that which prevailed among the Arabs. (Berry goes on to explain that the covenant between the Arabs) was primarily blood-brotherhood, in which two men became brothers by drinking each other’s blood. Ordinarily this meant that one was adopted into the clan of the other…
In this early idea, then, “primarily the covenant is not a special engagement to this or that particular effect, but bond of troth (one’s pledged word) and life-fellowship to all the effects for which kinsmen are permanently bound together” (W. Robertson Smith, op. cit., 315 f)…
In later usage there were various substitutes for the drinking of each other’s blood, namely, drinking together the sacrificial blood, sprinkling it upon the parties (cp Ex 24:6,7,8, He 9:19), eating together the sacrificial meal (cp Ex 24:9, 10, 11), etc.; but the same idea found expression in all, the community of life resulting from the covenant.
Combining statements made in different accounts, the following seem to be the principal elements in a covenant between men. Some of the details, it is to be noted, are not explicitly stated in reference to these covenants, but may be inferred from those between God and men.
(1) A statement of the terms agreed upon (Ge 26:29; 31:50,52). This was a modification of the earlier idea, which has been noted, in which a covenant was all-inclusive.
(2) An oath by each party to observe the terms, God being witness of the oath (Genesis 26:31; 31:48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53). The oath was such a characteristic feature that sometimes the term "oath" is used as the equivalent of "covenant" (see Ezekiel 17:13).
(3) A curse invoked by each one upon himself in case disregard of the agreement. In a sense this may be considered a part of the oath, adding emphasis to it. This curse is not explicitly stated in the case of human covenants, but may be inferred from the covenant with God (Dt 27:15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26).
(4) The formal ratification of the covenant by some solemn external act. The different ceremonies for this purpose, such as have already been mentioned, are to be regarded as the later equivalents of the early act of drinking each other's blood. In the Old Testament accounts it is not certain that such formal act is expressly mentioned in relation to covenants between men. It seems probable, however, that the sacrificial meal of Ge 31:54 included Laban, in which case it was a covenant sacrifice. In any case, both sacrificial meal and sprinkling of blood upon the two parties, the altar representing Yahweh, are mentioned in Ex 24:4, 5, 6, 7, 8, with allusions elsewhere, in ratification of the covenant at Sinai between Yahweh and Israel…
The immutability (unchangeable nature) of a covenant is everywhere assumed, at least theoretically…
This is the case with the setting up of a stone, or raising a heap of stones (Ge 31:45,46- see Table Summarizing these aspects in various Biblical covenants) (Ed note: These served as a memorial and so as a steadfast "witness" that the covenant had been cut)…
Striking hands (see note) is a general expression of an agreement made (Ezra 10:19; Ezek 17:18, etc.). (Orr, J.: The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia 1915 - G R Berry's article - "Covenant in the OT" - Scroll down to "Principle Elements")
Commingling of the blood (making a cut and mingling blood, making a cut or sacrifice and drinking blood or other liquid from a common cup) of the partners who cut covenant signified that they were now "blood brothers" which resulted in a new relationship. When the covenanting partners co-mingled blood either literally or symbolically, the result was that two had become one. The purpose of cuts in the flesh and co-mingling of blood was to symbolize that two had become one and that now because of their covenant (and covenant marks) their lives were intermingled or held in common. As you study and meditate on the concept of covenant, consider the clear and striking parallels with the marriage covenant.
Aristotle in his Ethics quoted one of the well-known proverbs of friendship, 'One soul [in two bodies]'''
A modern equivalent of the commingling of the blood is found in the practice of lighting a unity candle during which the bride and groom light the "unity candle" by simultaneously using two candles previously lit by one of their family member (usually their mother).
Clay Trumbull has several comments related to this aspect of covenant… ,
All my thought is, to ascertain what new meaning, if any, is found in the Bible teachings concerning the uses and the symbolism of blood, through our better understanding of the prevailing idea, among the peoples of the ancient world, that blood represents life; that the giving of blood represents the giving of life; that the receiving of blood represents the receiving of life; that the inter-commingling of blood represents the inter-commingling of natures; and that a divine-human inter-union through blood is the basis of a divine-human inter-communion in the sharing of the flesh of the sacrificial offering as sacred food. (Read online - The Blood Covenant)
Below are other quotes from Trumbull that mention the term inter-commingling…
One of these primitive rites, which is deserving of more attention than it has yet received, as throwing light on many important phases of Bible teaching is the rite of blood-covenanting - a form of mutual covenanting, by which two persons enter into the closest, the most enduring and the most sacred of compacts, as friends and brothers, or as more than brothers, through the inter-commingling of their blood, by means of its mutual tasting, or of its inter-transfusion. This rite is still observed in the unchanging East; and there are historic traces of it, from time immemorial, in every quarter of the globe; yet it has been strangely overlooked by biblical critics and biblical commentators generally, in these later centuries. (Read online - The Blood Covenant)
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AN ANCIENT SEMITIC RITE - One of these primitive rites, which is deserving of more attention than it has yet received, as throwing light on many important phases of Bible teaching is the rite of blood-covenanting - a form of mutual covenanting, by which two persons enter into the closest, the most enduring. and the most sacred of compacts, as friends and brothers, or as more than brothers, through the inter-commingling of their blood, by means of its mutual tasting, or of its inter-transfusion. This rite is still observed in the unchanging East ; and there are historic traces of it, from time immemorial, in every quarter of the globe; yet it has been strangely overlooked by biblical critics and biblical commentators generally, in these later centuries.
In bringing this rite of the covenant of blood into new prominence, it may be well for me to tell of it as it was described to me by an intelligent native Syrian, who saw it consummated in a village at the base of the mountains of Lebanon; and then to add evidences of its wide-spread existence in the East and elsewhere, in earlier and in later times.
The lighting of a unity candle (picture) is a relatively recent addition to the traditional wedding ceremony, most popular in the United States. The unity candle ceremony uses two taper candles with a large pillar candle (called the "unity candle") in the center. At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, a representative from each family (usually the mothers of the bride and groom) light the two taper candles. Later in the ceremony (usually after the formal vows), the bride and groom use the two taper candles to light the large pillar (unity) candle together.
Often a unity candle is decorated with the wedding invitation, an inscription, a picture of the couple, or other ornamentation. The candles are almost always white. The lighting ceremony may be accompanied by special music, an explanation of the symbolism, or just some period of mutual gazing by the happy couple. In some circles, it is customary for the couple to save the unity candle and relight it on anniversaries.
Symbolism- It is sometimes performed to symbolize the joining together of the two families, and their love for the bride and the groom, into one united family that loves the new husband and wife. More often it is to symbolize the union of two individuals, becoming one in commitment. (Ed: More Biblically stated they are becoming one flesh ~ one body, one skin) The popular explanation is that the taper candles are lit by representatives from each family to symbolize the love and allegiance that each family has for either the bride or the groom. As the bride and groom use these two flames to light the unity candle, they bring the love of both families together in a united love of the new couple. Generally, the two tapers are left burning and replaced in their holders (because each family's love for their own will continue). However, in some ceremonies they may blow out their individual candles (Ed: One wonders if this might be to symbolize "leaving and cleaving" - Genesis 2:24). When the ceremony is alternatively performed to symbolize simply the joining together of the bride and groom, the tapers may be blown out, to indicate that the two lives have been permanently merged, or they may leave them lit beside the central candle, symbolizing that the now-married partners have not lost their individuality.[1]
Use in Church Weddings - The use of unity candles is a very recent tradition[citation needed], though the meaning assigned to the candles can vary.
While the use of unity candles has become widespread, it is prohibited in some churches.[citation needed] It is not part of the Catholic or Anglican wedding ceremonies, and many parishes do not allow its inclusion in the ceremony. While the US Conference of Catholic Bishops has not explicitly prohibited the use of the unity candle in the marriage rite, neither has it encouraged the practice. The Conference has noted that the policies of most dioceses do not prohibit this custom but many suggest that it be done at the reception since the Rite of Marriage already has abundant symbols of unity. The analysis of the Bishops regarding unity candles concludes by indicating that if the unity candle is permitted, the couple should light their individual candles from the paschal candle, the individual candles should not be extinguished and the unity candle should not be placed on the altar.[2] Within Australia the Unity Candle lighting ceremony has now become part of the Uniting Church wedding Ceremony as an optional extra and is discussed with the parties and the minister prior to the wedding (Uniting church complete marriage service). (Wikipedia)
Illustration of Oneness (somewhat humorous) - Extinguishing Old Flames - Weddings in our church always include the lighting of a unity candle. At one recent rehearsal I was explaining the symbolism of the candle ceremony. "After the middle candle is lit, blowing out the two side candles means the two become one," I said. "Oh," a guest admitted in surprise. "I thought it meant 'no more flames!' " —Greg Asimakoupoulos, Concord, California. "Rolling Down the Aisle," Christian Reader. (Today's Best Illustrations)
Marriage—Two Becoming One - The unity candle is often used in weddings. Both the bride and groom have lighted candles. During the ceremony, they light a single candle in unison. In some cases, the individual candles are blown out to symbolize that the two become one. In other cases, the individual candles remain lighted to symbolize the couple's need to be separate but interwoven in love. Which is the correct symbolism? Either is appropriate. In Matthew 19:4-6 and Mark 10:6-8, Jesus talked about the two becoming one flesh. Each person's individual heritage and identity contribute to a lifetime covenant relationship within marriage. Jesus did not mean that individuality is lost in marriage any more than it is lost in redemption as a disciple is made one with Christ. Christ was quoting from the passage in Genesis 2:24. It is interesting and pertinent to note the meaning of the word flesh. The Genesis reference to flesh is referring to kindred or blood relative. The one flesh, therefore, refers to relational interaction rather than the merging of two individuals into a single being. God created woman from man in order to establish relational compatibility. They were two people in kindred relationship. In Genesis 2:24, the term "one flesh" has a definite sexual connotation, but relational intimacy is also a key factor. Getting to a level of relational intimacy in a marriage that is referred to as one flesh involves a great deal of work. It does not occur automatically with marriage. It involves becoming transparent with one another and emphasizing communication and trust, which oftentimes can be difficult. This is an aspect of the one-flesh relationship that is frequently overlooked. (William Tillman - Understanding Christian Ethics)
Lehman Strauss articulates "The Purpose for the Marriage Relationship" - In the God-planned life there is purpose behind the institution of marriage. If you are going to have a happy marriage you should know the purposes and their meaning. First "Marriage Provides a New Partnership" The marriage of a man and woman marks a new and exciting union, a partnership for our stay on earth. Before marriage we share life with our family, mother, father, sister or brother; then we find companionship with playmates. But at the time of puberty (which is the state of physical development when it is possible to beget or bear children) we instinctively are drawn to the opposite sex. This is the normal and natural process; it is the way God intended it to be. During these adolescent years we begin to think about marriage. But too often no thought is given to God's purpose for this new relationship. The Apostle Peter tells us that the husband and wife are “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7-note). The word “grace” (charis) suggests the idea of a gift. The term “heirs together” tells us that God has given to the husband and wife the privilege of sharing together their precious gift. Each is God's gift to the other as the new partnership is formed. God said, “They shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Whatever else it is for, marriage is a partnership in which the two become one. This is the biblical view of marriage. This mutual relationship results in mutual fellowship, whether in joy or in sorrow. Where there is a mutual interest in glorifying God, life's burdens become lighter. In this God-planned partnership there must be mutual trust and respect between both partners. Be honest with each other. Level with one another. Talk together and pray together. Don't keep secrets. Share your feelings in love and confidence. You are lifetime partners. Don't be jealous or suspicious of your partner....
The Permanency of the Marriage Relationship - The Bible is clear in its teaching that the marriage relationship is a permanent one. I have never read one verse in the Bible where God approved divorce. The whole idea of divorce is diametrically opposed to the marriage plan as it was instituted by God. From the very beginning God intended one man for one woman and no more. Marriage is for life. Divorce is one of society’s serious crimes. Every Christian who wants God’s will for his or her life must settle this issue at once. I have made it clear in all of my premarital counseling that any person contemplating marriage should accept what God says about the permanency of marriage or else remain unmarried. The person who utters the solemn vow, “Till death do us part,” and contemplates the possibility of the divorce court if the marriage does not succeed, is a liar and a hypocrite. Remember, God holds the marriage contract.
The Lord Jesus Christ could not be in disagreement with His Father’s ruling on the permanency of marriage. He said, “Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:6-9 cf. Genesis 2:24). Please note that it is “What God hath joined together,” not “Whom God hath joined together.” The emphasis is upon the institution of marriage, not upon a certain class of persons coming to be married. The rule of permanency is binding upon all married persons. Marriage is a civil institution, that is, the rules apply to all civilization. When Moses wrote “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife,” God most assuredly knew that Adam’s posterity would be fallen sinners. When the statement was given there were no fathers and mothers. God is the Author of civil and moral law as well as spiritual law. The marriage relation supersedes the relation of the child to the parents. The man must cleave to his wife for life.
If you want a happy marriage, abide by God’s rules and shun the demon of divorce. Beware of all teaching and teachers, whether in or out of the organized church, which speak of “scriptural grounds for divorce.” Such “grounds” are based on a single parenthetical phrase, “except it be for fornication” (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). In the entire context in which the parenthesis appears, our Lord is teaching the permanency, or indissolubility of the marriage relation.
Recently I read again Malachi 2:11-16. I am convinced that the prophet was strongly persuaded that God was not hearing the prayers of His people because of the multiple divorces in Israel at that time. What Malachi wrote indicates clearly that God hates divorce.
Now does the parenthesis, “except it be for fornication” change the teaching in the entire context? Of course not! I have examined several English standard dictionaries, and they all make the clear distinction between the words “fornication” and “adultery.” These two words are not used interchangeably because they are not synonymous in their meanings. The word “fornication” (Gr. porneia) means “illicit sexual intercourse of unmarried persons.” The word “adultery” (Gr. Moicheia cp moichos) means “illicit sexual intercourse of two persons when either is married to a third person.” In the exception clause our Lord used the word “fornication.” The word He used had not lost its meaning, and we may be certain He expressed Himself clearly. The exception clause is not dealing with the sin of married persons.
Why then did Christ use the word “fornication” of that sin of which a “wife” can be guilty? A wife in the Orient was so called when the betrothal or engagement was announced. This is evidenced in Matthew 1:19 where we read, “Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.” Actually he was not her husband by the standards of our western civilization because there had not been the consummation of the civil ceremony nor the marriage act. Mary’s pregnancy was looked upon (by those who did not know the truth) as the result of fornication, not adultery. In verse 20 the angel added, “Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife.” According to our Western usage of the word “wife” she was not yet Joseph’s wife, but by the custom of the Jews, a betrothed girl was called a wife. (See Deuteronomy 22:23-24.) Joseph accepted the testimony of the angel, believing that Mary had not committed fornication. Our Lord’s enemies would not believe the truth about his supernatural and miraculous conception, and so they taunted Him with the innuendo, “We be not born of fornication” (John 8:41). The parenthetical phrase, “except it be for fornication” does not fit the case of married persons. Our Lord is merely saying that sexual unfaithfulness on the part of either party involved in a betrothal agreement, allows for the breaking of that contract. God’s rule that marriage is for life has never been annulled.
Listen again to Christ speaking. “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery” (Luke 16:18). This verse might appear to be disconnected from the rest of the passage, but actually it is an essential part of the context. The Pharisees had derided Christ for His teaching in the parable in verses 1-12. While they were legalistic in their demands upon others, insisting that Moses’ laws be obeyed, they were guilty of breaking those same laws . . .
In answering their ridicule, Christ said, “The law and the prophets were until John: since that time the Kingdom of God is preached . . .” (vs. 16). He defends the law of Moses in verse 17, and immediately follows with His “Kingdom of God” teaching about marriage. The marriage rule in verse 18 preceded and superseded the Law of Moses. This is God’s rule for His people.
Now examine our Lord’s words in Mark 10:11,12. “And He saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” In both the Mark and Luke passages there is not the “exception” clause. The word “adultery” is used, The message is unmistakably clear. The demon of divorce is condemned.
In conclusion there is one more passage we should consider. It is one that has been used to justify divorce and remarriage. “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace” (I Corinthians 7:15). It appears from verse 12 that Paul is speaking of a marriage involving a believer and an unbeliever. Not that there had been an unequal yoke at the time of marriage, but a case where one had been converted to Christ after marriage and the other had not. Such a case would not be uncommon. Nor would it be uncommon for the unsaved partner to oppose his or her spouse and separate. In such instances the believer is not to oppose the departure of the unbeliever. Then follows the statement, “A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.”
This statement that “a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases” has been made the basis of the argument in favor of divorce and remarriage. But it is unsound exegesis that arrives at this false conclusion. Verses 10 and 11 in the context say, “Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried.” Now is there contradiction in the context of this passage in I Corinthians 7? Of course not! The fault does not lie in the Scripture but with those of us who interpret the Scriptures.
Does the statement in verse 15, “a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases” teach divorce and remarriage? Some say, Yes! But does it? The Greek word translated “bondage” is doulouo means to serve as a slave. The verse is saying that if the unbelieving partner separates, the believer is not under obligation to the departing unbeliever. There is no responsibility in matters of servitude. A sound exegesis eliminates any reference to the basic marriage relationship.
Now to the proof! In verse 27 we read, “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed . . .” Here the word “bound” is the Greek word desmeuo, the term Paul used when referring to the marriage relationship. He used the same word when speaking about the permanency of marriage in Romans 7, “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth . . .” (Romans 7:2). If Paul had reference to marriage in I Corinthians 7:15 he unquestionably would have used this word. Most certainly he is not allowing for marriage and divorce. Those who teach that he is are in error both contextually and exegetically.
The full truth on any subject cannot be gathered from an isolated passage, but rather from the cumulative revelation of all the Scriptures which deal with the same truth. If we had only Matthew 5:31, 32, and Matthew 19:11, the champions of divorce and remarriage might have some grounds upon which to stand. But when all of the New Testament passages on marriage and divorce are considered, the total cumulative revelation will show that remarriage of divorced persons for any reason the divorce might have been obtained, is not sanctioned by God but constitutes adultery in His sight.
The bond formed in the marriage union is a permanent one. Divorce and remarriage never were a part of God’s plan for mankind. You can have a happy marriage if you follow the rules in God’s Book. (For full article see Lehman Strauss - Marriage, Abortion, Divorce)
Bible Verses About Two Becoming One
There are several “two become one” bible verses you can find in various places:
Genesis 2:24, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.Matthew 19:5-6, And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”Mark 10:8, 'And the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.Ephesians 5:28-31, In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.What “Two Shall Become One Flesh” Does NOT Mean
I listened to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of material on marriage prior to getting married, namely Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage. I remember being daunted, inspired, and then finally intimidated again by the phrase, “and the two shall become one.” One what?? But everyone that I listened and learned from was firm: “two becoming one flesh” does NOT mean that you become the SAME person. You are still two, separate individuals. You do not lose your individuality and become one identity.
Equally clear, for my single friends reading this blog, is that “two become one” does NOT mean that any of us are incomplete or lacking in singlehood. Marriage is not the end-all-be-all. The church has done a poor job of emphasizing the completeness of all people regardless of whether they are seeking marriage or not. In fact, Keller in his own book emphasizes friendship as a foundational aspect to marriage:
“Friendship is a deep oneness that develops when two people, speaking the truth in love to one another, journey together to the same horizon.
Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
Notice how he is still explicit that there are still TWO separate people. They just happen to be journeying together to the same destination. The Genesis verse, “therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” emphasizes that the new primary identity and destination a married person has is to their spouse, not their parents. The Bible emphasizes “one flesh” in order to communicate God’s desire for marriage to be lifelong and covenantal.
Other practical ways “two become one flesh” does NOT look like in marriage:
- We don’t necessarily have the same friends
- We don’t have the same depth of relationship to our respective parents
- We don’t have the same schedules (shocker that we are not joined at the hip, though we have observed vast differences in this between different couples)
- We can attend social events on our own if we choose
- We have different interests and habits
- We often have to work out our differences on any of the above
Defining Two Becoming One In Marriage
So what does “two becoming one in marriage” actually look like? My wife and I have two phrases we like to say to each other.
“We’re on the same team.” When conflict arises, it’s helpful to remember that though we are two different, separate people, we aim to be one unit, and one unified team. Having a teammate doesn’t mean you always have to have the same opinion. But we do hope to come to an agreement with one unified decision.
“We’re better together.” Sometimes it is tempting to say, “forget it! I’m just going to do my own thing!” But we’ve come to learn and recognize that we each have strengths and weaknesses. Our differences in opinion help us to consider a broader range of perspective. Our weaknesses and flaws are sometimes covered by the other person’s strengths. One person is not better than the other, but we ARE better together.
Two becoming one in marriage means that are striving to always work better together and to understand each other better. We acknowledge the other person’s freedom to be their own, authentic, God-given self. We sometimes have to sacrifice in order to accommodate or help the other person.
As the young man is going along, living the life entrusted to him as an image-bearer, God will likely look at him, unless he is called to live as a celibate, and say, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). At which point he will bring to his attention a young woman who he has called to be his helper in life. He will notice her, court her, marry her, and they will become one flesh. Their independence from their fathers’ houses will be an extension of the young man’s independence recently gained. They will reflect the image of God both as complete individuals, and as a conjugal relationship, likely including children of their own who will one day go forth like arrows (Ps 127:4) and do the same.
Much of the physical part of life involves maintenance—feeding, housing, repairing. A man and woman become one flesh in marriage when they share these things as a unit. A man is called to leave his parents—to step out of their home and provision—and become one flesh with his wife. As husband and wife work together in the stuff of life, they become united, and may even start to look like each other.
The flesh is also how we actively respond to what Jesus has done for us. God has prepared good works ahead of time for us to accomplish (Ephesians 2:10). As "one flesh," a married couple coordinates their efforts to ensure they get the work done—both as individuals and as a team. As any couple surrounded by kids, church, work, and friends knows, husbands and wives cannot fulfill their God-given duties unless they work together.
Beyond practical and spiritual matters, we need to realize that our flesh belongs to our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:4), and the way we treat our body needs to reflect the respect we have for our spouse. As trivial as it may sound, things like fitness, hair styles, and tattoos should always be considered with your spouse in mind. Falling into poor health through negligence directly affects the lifestyle of your spouse. Asking for input regarding clothes and hair shows that you care how your spouse sees you. This also applies to physical behavior. It is disrespectful to flirt, dress revealingly, or in any other way use your body and actions to infer that you are not one flesh with your spouse.What is Christian marriage? 1. A “one flesh” union
May 4, 2014 by William Higgins
Welcome back to "God's Design for Marriage," Session 4. We're going to be looking at Genesis 2:24 again because there are some great truths we need to continue to dig out. And we’ll continue to refer back to this verse throughout the course.
This is our third week looking at Genesis 2:24. So let's make sure we understand it before we leave it.
Our Foundation Verse - Genesis 2:24
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
There are three commands in this verse that we call ‘The Genesis Command’ - Leave - Cleave - Become One Flesh. And . . .
Every serious problem you have in your marriage can be traced back to some conflict with these three commands.
These three commands in Genesis 2:24 address every single marriage problem I've ever seen. The last session, we saw that you cannot become one flesh unless you understand what God means by the word LEAVE.
Today, we’re going to see the same thing with the word CLEAVE. And then, the greatest blessing of becoming one flesh will begin to be within your reach. But you can't begin to become one flesh until you are leaving, and until you are cleaving.
In God’s design, we must first Leave - then we must Cleave, then God says we shall become (a subsequent event) one flesh.
Maybe a more accurate way to say it is; when we are married, we are made positionally one flesh by God. But it is only as we follow God’s design of leaving and cleaving that we practically become one flesh, meaning we actually begin to live in the blessing of becoming one flesh.
This session's focus is CLEAVING. Some parts of this lesson are adapted from “A Biblical Portrait of Marriage” by Dr. Bruce H. Wilkinson, with our appreciation.
CLEAVE
Go back . . . back . . . back . . . to the early days of your love relationship. In those days, cleaving came naturally.
We never had to be told we should:
No one had to tell you, "You guys need to be together. You guys need to gaze longingly into each other's eyes. You need to have a nice long dinner and share your heart with one another." No one told you that you had to do that. You just did it automatically.
I used to ride my ten-speed bike early in the morning along a highway with no shoulder just so I could ride the bus to school with the girl who would become my wife.
You did that, right? You’ve said to yourself, "I’ve got to go see them. I’ve got to figure out how to get there. I know it's not logical, but I’ve got to be there." That's all during the initial stages of cleaving.
Some people call this initial cleaving infatuation, but I’m good with calling it the initial stage of cleaving.
We did all these things because we were head-over-heels in love. We never had to be told in those early days to cleave, because we couldn’t get enough “cleaving” (in that initial sense). That is a great time in every relationship - and God uses it. I believe God uses those feelings to initially attract you to each other and to light the fire of the relationship.
And, when we in those early days of cleaving. We were confident that we were doing all those things for them (because we loved them so much).
However . . . as much as you might have thought that, in actuality, in the early stage of your relationship, you were actually doing those things (to a large extent) for . . . YOURSELF!!!
It was actually because of how it made YOU feel that you were always with them, holding their hand, and even making them happy.
That first season of cleaving was based on how cleaving made YOU feel, and again, that’s okay, because God uses those initial feelings to light the fire.
However, that first season of cleaving – is actually a very shallow understanding of what the word cleave really means.
That first season of cleaving is based on wonderful feelings. But it doesn't take anything to cleave to someone who is giving you all the right feelings. You’re feeling warm and fuzzy all over when you’re cleaving to them. But that initial cleaving has very little to do with God’s definition of cleaving.
The problem is, God would never actually design something as wonderful as marriage by telling us to rely on our emotions or feelings.
God would never take your fickle and fleeting emotions and base such a broad foundation of your life on them because they can so quickly start running every which way. God would not say to you, "You need to cleave to your spouse because of how it makes you feel.” Or, “You need to cleave to your spouse because you get the warm and fuzzy feelings from them when you do." God would never do that.
Cleaving in God's design is not conditional; it is unconditional. Our emotions are conditional. We feel good cleaving one day; we don't really feel good cleaving the next day. And God would never base his design of marriage on something as conditional as our emotions.
Marriage is permanent, our emotions or feelings are always changing. God would never base something as permanent as marriage on something as fleeting as our feelings. Don’t get me wrong; God is a God of emotion, and he’s given us wonderful emotions to share with each other. And becoming one flesh in your marriage involves the most wonderful emotions . . . However;
God has never said, and never will say, you are to cleave to your spouse based on your emotions or feelings. God’s miraculous design for you to cleave is not conditional, meaning it is not based on how you feel. Cleaving in a marriage relationship (as God designed it) is not based on emotion, it is based on volition.
Session 4 – Most Important Point
Cleaving is not based on Emotion. It is based on Volition.
Emotion = A State of Feeling
Volition = Making a Choice or Commitment
Emotion is a state of feeling. "I'll cleave to you because of how you make me feel." That’s the world's view of cleaving. Volition is making a choice. Volition is making a commitment. “I’ll cleave because I've made a commitment to cleave. I’ll cleave unconditionally because this is what I've made a commitment to do.” Cleaving is a DECISION in God's design, not a feeling. Cleaving comes from your volition, not your emotion.
Now, we do make the initial decision based on our emotions. We really do. I believe God stirs up those emotions to get the fire going. But the commitment isn't based on those emotions. Because some days, the emotion is just not there. The commitment is based on a choice, but it starts with the fires of emotion.
Most of our relationships started with those fires of emotion (or infatuation), but they must grow to cleaving by choice. I’m going to make a choice. I'm going to make a commitment. And it's going to be permanent.
One thing we must understand about God’s design for marriage; God never, ever, says, “only if you feel like it.” Instead, God says if you will make the choice (the commitment), He will provide the grace and the power to accomplish His will in your marriage. Not only that - but he will bring into your life the blessings that come from trusting and following his design for your marriage.
You make the choice. God provides the grace, power, and blessing. If you will make the choice, he will give you the power. If you will make the commitment, he will back it up supernaturally.
Both leaving and cleaving in God’s design are acts of choice and commitment - NOT feelings and emotions.
There is a drastic problem in our culture…
We’ve been told, “If it feels good DO it” and “If it doesn’t feel good, DON’T do it.” Unbelievably, that has filtered down to Christian marriages. The result is a divorce rate inside the church that is the same as outside the church.
The divorce rate inside the church is the same as outside the church because Christians have started saying, "I deserve to feel good, and if I don't feel good, then I deserve to make the changes necessary so that I do feel good."
But, please hear me when I say, the ‘I deserve to be happy’ approach to life and the ‘I’ve made a decision to follow Jesus Christ’ approach to life, are in two different universes, and it's created a real problem in the Church.
But God has not changed - and his words ‘leaving’ and ‘cleaving’ are still words of choice and decision – not feeling and emotion.
Both leaving and cleaving in God’s design are acts of choice and commitment, NOT feelings and emotions.
In session 3, the definitions for the Hebrew word Leave provided our outline. In this session, the definitions for the word Cleave will do the same.
Let's look at three definitions for the Hebrew word translated CLEAVE.
Hebrew word for Cleave is Dabaq – it has 3 primary definitions:
1) To Pursue Closely
2) To Be Joined Together
3) To Hold Fast Together
Notice the graduating intensity of these definitions.
Level 1 – To Pursue Closely, or Chase after
It happens naturally in the beginning (as a result of emotion). But in order for you to truly cleave to your spouse, that initial pursuing of your spouse must become volitional instead of emotional.
You must choose to pursue closely and chase after your spouse in every area of your marriage. And men, I’m not talking just physically. In every area of your marriage you must pursue closely your spouse.
You’ve got to chase after them. This is an act of your will, your volition. It's not only when your emotions drive you (when you feel like it), but it is regularly and on purpose.
You must choose to ‘chase after’ your spouse.
Level 2 – To Be Joined Together
This definition is used to describe where two pieces of armor are joined together. Right at the joint, that is the word Cleave. This is the definition of cleave used most often in the Bible, and it’s a good one.
At the beginning of a love relationship, we often hear, “Man, it’s like you two are joined together at the hip.” Well, In God’s design for marriage, that is a good thing.
But what does the world tell us??
Be your own person, have your own life.
Do your own thing, don’t smother each other.
But we never hear that kind of advice from God’s word.
And when we try to adopt the world’s view to fit our self-will, that’s when we begin living half-Godly and half-worldly marriages.
God’s word says Cleave - which means to be joined together like two pieces of armor joined at the critical point. There is absolutely no indication here that this means only in one particular compartment or area of your life.
Marriage is not a ‘compartment’ of your life. You cannot be an individual for eight hours a day, then be joined together with your spouse when you get home. You must be joined together with your spouse at all times, in all ways;
Physical – Emotional – Relational – Spiritual - in ALL ways.
So - Level 1 = “To Pursue Closely”
Level 2 = “To Be Joined Together" – and . . .
Level 3 – To Hold Fast Together
This is my favorite definition. The best picture of this definition we have today is in welding.
This definition, to hold fast together, describes the place where two pieces of steel are welded together. If you ask a welder where the strongest point is on two pieces of steel that have been welded together, he’ll tell you, “right at the weld.”
Right at the point of the weld is this definition of cleave. It is by far the strongest point of any place on the two pieces of steel. And so, when we correctly cleave to our spouse, we become many times stronger than either of us could ever be individually.
And, by the way, that welding requires some very hot fire, and each piece must MELT in the process. But when it’s over, there’s nothing stronger than where the refiner's fire has welded those two pieces of steel together.
This final level of cleaving comes over time, as the inevitable fires of marriage cause you to be welded together as one flesh.
In review: 3 Definitions of the Hebrew word for “Cleave”
1) To Pursue Closely
2) To Be Joined Together
3) To Hold Fast Together
Now, let's go through the 7 Principles for Cleaving. Here are 7 areas you can address today to begin to get your marriage in-line with God’s design.
7 PRINCIPLES FOR CLEAVING:
1) LEAVE, to some extent, ALL other Relationships
In some way, and at varying levels of intensity – you must Loosen, Depart From, or Forsake ALL other relationships.
2) COMMIT to God’s Design in every area of your marriage
No matter what condition your marriage is in - God can provide the ‘cleaving glue’ for you to become one flesh. When there doesn’t seem to be anything to cling to in your marriage, God himself must become what you cling to, and commit to. Your marriage is patterned after the most sure and guaranteed love relationship in the world – that of Jesus Christ and His Church.
In Ephesians 5 Paul is talking about marriage and he’s talking about the Church.
Ephesians 5:31–32 (NLT)
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined (cleaves) to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
God’s design for your marriage is patterned after Jesus Christ’s relationship with the Church, and you can trust that pattern. No matter what you think or see or feel, Jesus Christ can miraculously heal and restore true cleaving to your marriage. It may take some time. some difficulty, and even some pain – but God designed you to cleave together, and he did that based on HIS ABILITY – not yours.
3) Make Cleaving your ONLY OPTION
True cleaving is volition - not emotion. Cleaving is a choice, not a feeling. In fact, at times, cleaving can be contrary to all your feelings, and so it becomes a commitment to God alone, in complete surrender to Him. Having faith in his grace and his power to strengthen, heal and restore your ability to cleave to your spouse.
His design is for cleaving to be your only option - and he will give you the grace, and the power if you will make the choice.
The number three definition of cleave that we looked at means TO HOLD FAST. It’s a picture of two pieces of steel welded together.
CLEAVING IS A COMMITMENT - A CONSCIOUS CHOICE - NOT A FEELING OR EMOTION
In Matthew Chapter 19, after quoting Genesis 2:24 (our key verse) Jesus says this:
Matthew 19:6 (ESV)
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God’s design is for you to never be un-cleaved.
But, to accomplish that, you will have to:
1) Crucify your self-will
2) Leave, to some extent, all other relationships
3) Cleave, no matter what, to one another
When times get tough – we have to fall back on God’s absolutes.
All God needs from us is:
Complete surrender to his will and
Complete crucifying of our self-will.
If we will do that – then God will provide grace and power to bring about his miraculous design of two becoming one flesh – even through the most challenging situations.
4) Make Cleaving your TOP PRIORITY under Christ
ANYTHING in your married life (besides your relationship with Christ) that you put at a higher priority than cleaving to your spouse will prevent you from becoming one flesh in that area.
The easiest example is the brass ring of success. If you get caught up in chasing some temporal dream, instead of chasing your desire to become one flesh, if it’s more important to you to have all the right stuff than it is to cleave to your spouse, then what you may end up with exactly one-half of the right stuff - and no spouse.
Don’t get FOOLED by the lures of this world.
Put cleaving to your spouse, and becoming one flesh, at the highest priority of your life (under Christ.)
5) WE MUST WORK at Cleaving in EVERY area
Consider the instruction God gave to newlyweds in Deuteronomy 24:5:
Deuteronomy 24:5 (NKJV)
5 “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.”
A year may not be possible, but God's point is clear . . . cleaving takes work! When you’re first married, concentrate on your marriage. Learn how to cleave because there are times coming when we must “work” at cleaving, and sometimes in the face of very difficult circumstances.
So, we’ve got to learn to WORK at cleaving.
(A) Work at Cleaving Physically (non-sexual)(B) Work at “Cleaving” Emotionally
(C) Work at “Cleaving” Spiritually
6) Be SEXUALLY PURE for your spouse in EVERY way
We must Pursue Closely - Be Joined Together - and Hold Fast to our Spouse for ALL of our Sexual needs (critically important).
1 Corinthians 7:2–3 (NLT)
2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
God’s design is for you to exclusively cleave to your spouse sexually. Sexual intimacy is the God-given super-glue in a marriage, and broken sexual intimacy is one of the toughest trials to overcome.
Sexual intimacy is an incredible double-edged sword. If it’s right, it is unmatched in its ability to produce the miracle of one flesh. If it becomes damaged, it is unmatched in its difficulty to recover from.
If you have been sexually pure – remain that way, at all costs. Do not let the devil rip you off in this area. The benefits are far too significant, and the difficulties far too great, to trade for some temporary pleasure.
If you have not been sexually pure, get pure today. And begin crying out to God (with your spouse) for you to start the long road of healing and reconciliation that your marriage will have to go thru to be restored.
Please hear this: there is no damage, no pain, no difficulty, that is too big for God to heal…
Even though sexual sin can be the most difficult to heal . . . With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.
When I say you must be sexually pure for your spouse in every way – I'm referring to your eyes and your thoughts.
Pornography is a sin that breaks the principle of cleaving
James 1:14–16 (NLT)
14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.
15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.
16 So don’t be misled . . .
Any type of pornography in a marriage must be totally forsaken and completely crucified, or IT WILL destroy your marriage.
Now, the last principle for cleaving to your spouse . . . is such an essential principle and such a critical requirement that it gets its own message devoted to it.
I’m going to tell you the seventh principle for cleaving right now, but then we’re going to take all of next session to dig into it.
The last principle that is continually required in every marriage for you to be able to cleave to our spouse is . . . .
7) Cover your marriage in DIVINE FORGIVENESS
(And that’s the entire message for next week)
Let’s Review - 7 PRINCIPLES FOR CLEAVING;
If your marriage is in difficulty today. No matter how you feel, are you willing to make the choice to cleave, so that God can pour out his grace and his power, to bring the miracle of cleaving into your marriage?
Do you believe that God is powerful enough to heal, to restore, and to make you one flesh?
If so – then here are your RESPONSE Questions
RESPONSE TIME . . .
1). Are you willing to CHOOSE to CLEAVE to your spouse in every way,
no matter how you FEEL?
2). Are you willing to tangibly WORK toward CLEAVING to your spouse in every way, asking for God’s grace and God’s power to enable you?
3). No matter how un-cleaved you find your marriage today, do you believe God is powerful enough to heal, to restore, and to make you one flesh?
Let’s pray . . .
“Heavenly Father, please teach us to cleave in every way. Please give us the faith to choose to cleave no matter the circumstances, no matter the feeling or emotion. Lord, as we make the choice to cleave to one another, please empower us to do so by your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”Marriage and the Church
The Apostle Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:31-32 remind us that the oneness of marriage is a profound mystery and an example of Christ’s relationship to the Church. That day it was clear that oneness was being dissolved. This felt like the opposite of a father walking the bride down the aisle and giving her away to an eager groom.
It hit me as we sat and talked that it felt like I was the one walking her down the aisle to God, as though I was handing her off in a cosmic wedding ceremony. It became evident later that every part of Genesis 2 is mirrored in marriage and in life.
In Genesis 2, God gives the ultimate object lesson by having Adam name all the created land animals one at a time. At the end of this exhaustive and time-consuming activity, verse 20 says there was “not found a helper fit for him” (ESV). God then placed a deep sleep upon the man, took one of his ribs, and fashioned a woman. In glorious splendor, God walks His daughter to the man and presents him with this perfect provision and the chemistry is immediate! In the first recorded speech in human history, he proclaims that “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (v. 23).
Glimpses of the frustration of the previous task are evident with his exasperated and relieved cry of “at last.” God Himself makes it official by proclaiming that the two “shall become one flesh” (v. 24), and the man recognizes immediately that this wonderful creation has come from his body. He has awoken to a missing piece of himself, that is quickly returned by God in the form of the woman. It is such a beautiful and physical representation of the God-created need. It is this one flesh journey that defines marriage.
Marriage and Eternity
Looking back over twenty-four years, there was a realization that becoming one is a preparation for eternal life. We had grown together and been honed by each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Life was a great adventure, and we were not the same individuals as when we first got married. I was an easy-going guy who needed some spice, and she was a fiery gal who needed to calm down (a LOT)! It was beautiful.
Marriage is part of the sanctifying work to prepare believers for eternal life with Jesus. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25-27,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Later, Paul would quote Genesis 2 and offer commentary when he writes,
“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32, ESV).Notice the language of the sanctifying work of oneness and the imagery of presentation. Our lives together, every adventure, every hardship, and every mundane moment all served to prepare us both for eternity. When she was a bride, her brother-in-law walked her down the aisle and put her hand on mine. Now I was escorting her and placing her hand on the hand of a Savior whom she loved with all her heart.
Marriage and the Journey
Marriage is a challenging and great adventure. It requires a lot of work and sacrifice. It is rigorous and dynamic. The trials can be difficult but often color the rewards of an overcoming life. These difficulties become trophies of God’s goodness and the birthplace of true intimacy. Couples often look at points of contention as stumbling blocks to happiness, but they are opportunities for Christ to work.
Two Becoming One teaches that a spouse is God’s provision. This is a painful truth for some and a challenging statement for even the best of relationships, but it does offer some reminders.
1.) Humility in a relationship goes a long way. Willingness to enter the give-and-take of oneness requires transparency, honesty, and deference.
2.) Couples must have a willingness to make each other a priority. Take time each day to build trust and true intimacy. Being self-aware and finding ways to invest in a relationship leads to personal growth and greater connection with God and each other.
3.) Live every day like it is your last. Leave nothing unsaid or undone. If an apology is needed, do it. If something needs to be said, say it. Do something nice and unexpected. If your marriage is on the rocks and struggling, honor your spouse by allowing God to work through any dysfunction to hone your character. If the situation is overwhelming, seek out help from a friend, pastor, or professional
- Marriage is an exclusive union between one male and one female. This verse represents God’s original, pure definition of marriage.
- Marriage forms a unique family unit. The building block of society, in God’s view, is the family unit. The nucleus of this family unit is the husband-wife relationship.
- The marriage relationship is to be the closest possible relationship on the human plane. The word translated “joined” in the New King James Version is the Hebrew word dabaq, which means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with” (Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon). This describes the close emotional bond that is to develop between a husband and wife. Later, Christ expounded on this verse by saying, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Though there are some circumstances where divorce is permitted, God’s standard is that marriages are to stay intact until death (Romans 7:2).
- Husband and wife are to become “one flesh.” This teaches us two things. First, we learn that the husband and wife are to form one unit. They are to think and act in unity and express a level of mutual care and love for each other that is deeper than any other human relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33). Second, this phrase describes the sexual union between husband and wife. Sex, in the Bible, is described as a very pure act when it is practiced within the marriage union. It is designed to physically and emotionally bond a married couple (1 Corinthians 7:2-4) and provide for reproduction (Genesis 9:7; Malachi 2:15).
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