SKILLS-

 

This list is not exhaustive, but here are some key character qualities and basic life skills to aim at in your own life and with your children:

• Genuine conversion to Christ (not just a “decision,” but a heart changed by God)
• God-focused life (glorify and please God, not be a people-pleaser)
• Trust in God (Prayer in everything)
• Knowledge of God’s Word (a biblical thinker, discerning)

*A consistent quiet time, including Scripture memory

*A knowledge of basic biblical doctrines

• A heart for the lost (locally & globally)

*Ability to share the gospel

*Knowledge of, prayer for, and giving to missions

• The fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23): 

*Love (for God & others)

*Joy (cheerful spirit, ability to handle trials)

*Peace (not a worrier)

*Patience (control of anger, frustration)

*Kindness (compassionate, sensitive to others, especially the hurting)

*Goodness (thinking of others’ needs, not mean toward the disadvantaged)

*Faithfulness (keeps word, follows through on assignments)

*Gentleness (not rude, overbearing)

*Self-control (disciplined, goal-oriented)

• Humility
• Self-denial (thinking of God & others ahead of self)
• A good listener
• Obedience to God and to proper authority
• Moral purity (God’s view of sex, moral standards; avoids porn and evil media)
• Alert to spiritual danger (guarding thought life, entertainment, etc.)
• Truthful, honest
• Thankfulness, gratitude
• Forgiving (not bitter, not holding grudges)
• Responsible (loyal, keeps word)
• Courage (to stand alone for convictions)
• Perseverance, endurance (doesn’t quit easily)
• Orderliness
• Initiative, industrious (knows how to work)
• Decisiveness
• Flexibility (able to adjust cheerfully to different people & situations)
• Relationally warm (chooses friends wisely)
• Hospitable, friendly

*Makes others feel welcome & comfortable

*Polite, has good manners

*Knows how to make introductions

*Smiles and maintains eye contact with others

*Anticipates and meets others’ needs

*Expresses gratitude

*A good sense of humor

• Faithful steward of God’s resources:

*Generous (not greedy)

*Faithful in giving

*Good financial management

*Respect for property

*Knows how to balance checkbook, budget, save, invest, and spend wisely

• Faithful steward of time

*Punctual

*Can set and achieve goals

*Balances work and leisure time

• Faithful steward of body

*Dresses appropriately (for situation) and modestly

*Maintains proper grooming, care of clothes, etc.

*Knows and follows proper nutrition

*Maintains appropriate weight, exercise, sleep

*Knows how to cook basic meals

• Other life skills:

*Housecleaning, laundry

*Wise shopper (sales, bargains, etc.)

*Ability to read well

*Ability to use computer, smart phone, other technology

Hold Your Horses

Unless you find yourself in the ER, the OR, or work as a first responder, I'd dare to say that very few things are truly life or death. 

Yet we treat them like a crisis, unable (unwilling?) to exercise patience.

Often to our detriment.  

• The person you're dating goes out with their friends and doesn't text you back. You get anxious or angry, check your phone constantly, and maybe rapid fire messages you later regret when you find out their phone died. 
• Your kid comes home from school crying about someone being mean to them. Your mama bear instincts kick in, and you call the other kid's mom to demand action...before finding out the whole story and how your child instigated it.
• You embark on a journey of self-improvement. Frustrated by the slow pace of progress, you inadvertently sabotage things by biting off more than you can chew or, alternatively, giving up.
• You hear rumors of layoffs coming down the pike. Anxious and consumed by a need to know, you're too distracted by talking about whether your job is safe or not that you can't even do said job.
• You interrupt your partner because you just know what they're going to say...and the argument escalates. 

Countless examples abound. Times when we feel a sense of urgency or frustration with waiting. We struggle to pause, practice patience, and allow things to unfold, potentially even resolving on their own. And in rushing to action in our impatience, we often make things worse.

 

Why Is It So Hard to Be Patient?

Patience seems to be in short supply for many people these days, in part because of the way our brains work and in part because of our modern lifestyles. As technology has improved, our ability to wait has gone the other direction.

Thanks to Google, we now expect to have answers immediately and have little tolerance for not knowing or having to do the leg work to find out. Same-day delivery makes waiting weeks for whatever goodie caught your eye seem unacceptable. We take for granted that we can have what we want when we want it, and the effect isn't so flattering.We get angry when things are delayed. We get anxious sitting in the not knowing. We even get bored or defeated way too soon.

 

Short Attention Spans

It seems that technology and the pace of life have conspired to zap our attention spans. We expect big flashy things to grab and hold our attention and move on in mere seconds if they don't. Contrast Tik Tok videos with reading a book or compare current day news, with its striking headlines and super short stories, to the long-form no bells and whistles news of a generation ago. We want immediate entertainment, easy and instantaneous engagement, and have zero patience with waiting for the real substance. 

 

Delayed Gratification Is Hard

Similarly, we expect instant results in our lives. We see others having success, whether that's in relationships, business, or health, and we want the same. Right. Now. And when those results don't come immediately, it's easy to give up rather than be patient with the process. Change can take time. Success has to be built, not willed into existence.

 

Anxiety and Urgency

Beyond the I-want-it-now-and-waiting-is-unacceptable phenomenon, we also have to consider how a sense of urgency makes it hard to be patient. Anxiety, our body's built in threat detection system, does several things in an attempt to keep us safe. One of those is to up the sense of urgency. 

Anxiety makes whatever it is focused on feel important. This is a big deal, and it must be dealt with right this second. 

Moreover, anxiety constricts our attention so that the perceived threat is all we can focus on. That also ups the sense of urgency. 

And anxiety is demanding by nature. It literally compels us to handle the threat - remove it, escape it, avoid it, and don't stop thinking about it until you do. Anxiety turns things into crises...but they aren't.

Again, unless it's truly life or death, it isn't the crisis it feels like. I promise.

Even looming deadlines with very real implications for your professional or personal life or someone you care about being in pain (like your child crying or your friend struggling), while important and maybe even urgent, aren't a crisis. We can practice patience and address what needs to be done effectively, from a place of calm, self-control. We don't have to run around frantically like a chicken with its head cut off.

 

Intolerance of Distress

Finally, our intolerance of distress often drives us to be impatient...and impulsive. In psychology, this term means being unable or unwilling to experience distress or discomfort. Again, we have a sense of urgency. I want to feel better right now. I want this to go away right now. I can't handle this for a single second longer.

Those imperatives often lead to ineffective or even destructive behaviors. Not a great way to go through life given that we will inevitably experience distress or discomfort, probably pretty often. Instead, we need patience, among other things, to be able to tolerate the ick without making it worse. 

 

How to Become More Patient

Patience is the ability to handle delays or challenges in a calm, composed manner rather than reacting with anger, anxiety, or impulsivity. It's not something that comes naturally to most people. Rather, it's something that has to be developed and practiced. Patience isn't something you either have or don't. It's a skill, albeit a complex one, that can be mastered. 

If patience isn't your strong suit, I implore you to start doing the work. Use these tips to help you practice.

 

1. Adopt the right mindset.

You need to believe that patience is a good thing. You need to believe that you are (or can become) a patent person. And you need to approach things from a patient perspective, intentionally setting the goal of practicing patience.

 

2. Pause

When you feel yourself getting impatient - anxious or angry about having to wait for something you want (whether that's answers, relief, or results), pause. Literally and figuratively. Be still. Stop talking. 

 

3. Take a breath or two

I know, I know. It's annoying to be told to take a deep breath, especially when you're feeling agitated and have that sense of urgency telling you that you don't have time. You have time to breathe. You're going to do it anyways, so at least make it useful. Take a full inhale - feel your belly fill, your chest expand, and take air in all the way up to your collarbone. Then exhale slowly. Deep breaths, especially with a longer exhale than inhale, tell your body to chill out. It's a mini-reset. Repeat it often.

 

4. Get meta

Use your self-talk intentionally. Notice and describe what is happening internally. Think of it like being a narrator. I feel impatient. I feel annoyed and worried. I have a strong urge to address this now. Then coach yourself to be patient. I want to fix this now, but there is no need to be impulsive. I can practice patience. I will wait and see how things play out. It will likely be fine. This is not a crisis.

I repeat. This is not a crisis.

 

5. Move with Ease

When we feel impatient, it shows up in our movements. We move with frenetic energy and tension. Instead, slow it down. Relax your muscles and move as though you feel patient, even if you don't.

Why is Patience Important in the Workplace?

Not everyone you meet is going to be your cup of tea. People who bother you are likely to be the ones who push your buttons in every way they know how. At the end of the day, only you are in control of the reactions that occur when each button is pushed. The people you are surrounded by, though, are not always going to be your crowd by choice, especially in the workplace.

Patience requires managing tough situations in a confident and effective manner. Like the old saying goes, there is no “I” in “TEAM”. You need to learn how to work in a patient and understanding manner amongst the people you work with on a daily basis, especially those on your direct team. 

Patience is a huge contributing factor to achievement and creating a trusting bond. There is always that one teammate who refuses to go by the rules and suggestions of everyone else, getting frustrated when things don’t go their way. Imagine how much more fluidly tasks would get completed if every single person was patient and trusting in what their coworkers had to say. 

Although it’s not obvious, patience in the workplace is a great distinction between proficient and inefficient employees. The worker who gets aggravated in the process of completing a task easily comes across as a quitter, someone who gives up easily on a challenging task. Odds are they won’t be successful or last very long in their position if they can’t prove that they can work through unexpected situations with a calm and positive outlook to get the job done.

How Leaders Develop Patience in the Workplace

When you find yourself beginning to feel short fused and impatient when dealing with certain work situations, use it as an opportunity to develop patience. Take a step back and admire the situation from the outside looking in. The workplace is intense these days and organizations are constantly on the mend to find the best way to operate effectively.  A great leader has great patience. The first step in creating a great organization is creating a culture which starts from the bottom of the triangle: the employees. 

See through the eyes of others.

Contrary to what may be popular belief, the world doesn’t actually revolve around you. Be objective enough to step back and remove any personal opinions that might arise in the heat of a workplace conflict. Take a look at the bigger picture and attempt to understand the root of the problem . Be strong enough to not crack under pressure and lose your cool, but be wise enough to hold yourself accountable for something that you may be at fault for.

Listen and question with a positive attitude.

Practicing patience requires active and attentive listening and putting your frustration aside to help solve a problem that you may or may not be directly related to. Showing someone that you respect what they have to say is the biggest compliment you can give. Don’t be in a hurry to get everything done as quickly as possible and show that you respect the problem at hand.

Don’t run away from personal responsibility.

We naturally get impatient with people who don’t listen, don’t take direction well, and constantly make excuses. With disregard to the fact that the same person may always make things difficult, remember to take them seriously at the same time. What they have to say may involve something you are responsible for and it is important you stay accountable.

Seek perspective from a trusted resource.

Before you are ready to throw in the towel and have had it up to your head with aggravation, remind yourself of the end goal and seek out guidance from someone you trust. This trusted resource could help find a valuable solution and provide you with a much-needed change in perspective. It will ease your nerves and decrease stress.

Remain unbiased.

Taking sides is a killer of camaraderie and trust. How employees are managed may revel tension points and causes of an ongoing problem. You must be extremely open minded and patient to use a situation as an opportunity for growth and development. Taking sides will only hinder your view of others and inhibit you from seeing the value that others add to the organization.

How Increased Patience Increases Success

Patience is not something we all have; it’s something we must actively do. It’s like creating a habit, the more often we practice something, the more likely it becomes second nature to our daily actions. Patience is a virtue, and a virtue that can greatly increase success. 

Smart Decision-Making

Patience helps us avoid situations that can potentially cloud our judgment. By remaining in the moment, we are able to make better and more well thought out decisions. A sharp business plan and great talent isn’t enough when it comes to beating out competition.

Builds Reputation

Achieving goals is crucial to personal and organizational success. Developing patience allows us to reach goals consistently. When we consistently and constantly reach goals, we are building a reputation for ourselves, which is more likely to spread a positive word about the business we conduct.

Positive Team Culture

Most importantly, being patient leads to a positive team culture. If business culture is flourishing, so will all other elements for success in the organization.  Being patient means treating others with a sense of decency to increase the possibility of reciprocation.

Interested in learning more?