Wives...

 The high calling in Christ- to be a biblical wife and a mother- motherhood... has been something I have prayed for and desired for a LONG time... God sent me my husband... right to my door! As I believed He would!! WHAT a miracle my husband in the LORD is. 

1. A Wife Is A Partner Who Rules Over Creation 

What I did not say is that a wife is a partner to rule over her husband. Nor did I say that the wife is to be ruled by her husband.

Genesis 1:27-28, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 

In the beginning, our God created distinctions between males and females. Culture today tries to wash and blur the lines. There is a current transgender ideology that says you can transition from a male to a female or a female to a male. I do respect the struggle teenagers can encounter called gender dysphoria. A lot of teenagers and adults struggle with their identities. Some fall into that and instead of the culture helping teenagers to navigate that struggle, they teach them to yield to it and provide puberty blocker drugs and surgeries for them to cave into these struggles.

The Bible teaches us that Christians are transformed by the renewing of their mind. Gender dysphoria is when you don’t feel that you are in your mind the gender your body biologically gave you at birth. As a Christian, you go to Christ and His Word and God helps us to change our minds, not our genders. Culture is ready to mutilate body parts that are actually functioning well because of mental confusion. The Scripture says let’s work with our mind, will, and emotions and bring them into God’s kingdom. It is completely different. 

God Blesses Your Gender

The Bible says God blessed them. God blesses your given gender. As Christians, we believe gender is not something you choose. God created you and designed you this way. You might say you don’t like it like that but we submit to God. Then God told them to be fruitful and multiply. Being fruitful doesn’t mean tending a garden or growing trees. God literally told husbands and wives to have sex and produce children. Multiply means more than just replacing them if they should die but increasing in number. 

I find it interesting that after God created everything, He created one human being. Makes another human being out of that human being and then commands them to produce more human beings until they fill the earth. Take note of the command to have dominion. God did not say they should exercise dominion over each other but that husband and wife are partners with each other to have dominion over God’s creation.

The earth is not overpopulated. Heaven certainly isn’t overpopulated and God wants us to have children. Children are a gift from God. The culture kills children and discards them but God loves children.

When Woman Was Made

Genesis 2:22, “Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man”. 

“Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.”

Matthew Henry

2. A Wife Is A Helper To Her Husband 

This is not a diminishing role. God created a wife to help her husband because the husband simply needs help. Every husband needs help in some areas and wives should not disregard this or themselves thinking they are just a helper. It is a very serious role. Men need to submit to this God-given role and allow their wives to help them. Don’t be stubborn or act so macho you don’t need help.

Genesis 2:20, “So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him”. 

The word “helper” in Hebrew is “ezer”, meaning a person who provides needed help and assistance. This word is used 21 times in the Old Testament, and 16 of those times refer to God. That’s where the phrase the Lord is my Helper comes from, (Psalm 27:1). The role of a wife is really the role God took in the Old Testament to help His people. 

The idea that you are going to live only for his happiness; he has a purpose, and you have no purpose; your only purpose is to help your husband is completely false and not from God. Your husband needs help. God has filled you with gifts and abilities to contribute to his success and him as a person. This helps us as husbands to realize that we need help.

Differences Are Important

It is often difficult for a man to receive help from a woman and a woman to receive help from a man because the areas we need help are in the areas of our differences. Those are the areas we are usually opposite in. Typically, we end up arguing because we don’t want to accept that help. We want to prove that we don’t need help in that area. Our differences are meant to complement each other as spouses, not bring conflict.

At the beginning of a relationship, opposites attract. However, later on, opposites tend to attack each other because of their differences. There is a process of learning that those differences are not there to separate you but to complement you. If we are humble enough to learn that and embrace how to complement each other with our differences, it will take your marriage to another level.

3. A Wife Is The Crown Of Her Husband

The husband is the head but the wife is the crown, not the neck. Culture says wives are the neck and many women take pride in this. That indicates control because the neck controls where the head goes. The Bible does not give wives the role of a neck but of a crown on the head. The Scripture elevates wives higher than the culture does. A crown is a place of honor, glory, and recognition. Wives, do not stoop down to the culture’s point of view.

Proverbs 12:4, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” 

The word “excellent” or “virtuous” in Hebrew is “ha-yil” which means “valor”. This word is normally used in military settings of a man or army that is strong and mighty in battle. The wording of the proverb is very strong and it implies that the wife is either a crown or cancer to her husband. 

Cancerous Marital Behaviors

1. Chronic criticism is cancer to the life of marriage. 
2. Making fun of him. 
3. Comparing him to other men. 
4. Disrespecting him publicly. 
5. Belittling him in front of the kids. 
6. Shaming him for not being spiritual enough. 
7. Always lecturing and nagging at him. 
8. Complaining and being negative. 
9. Controlling and manipulating with tears.
10. Withholding sex.

Wives, when you withhold sex from your husband, you are making him feel humiliated on the inside. He might not show you but that crushes your husband’s inner being. That is how serious it is. We are not advocating abuse in any way and we will address the role of the husband next week but we want women and wives to understand the incredible power they have.

Eve influenced her husband Adam to bluntly disobey God and he followed her. Abigail influenced David not to commit bloodshed. David was about to go and kill a whole family in revenge but Abigail’s wise words and approach changed David’s mind and kept him from making a terrible mistake. She didn’t start blaming him, accusing him or shouting at him. She used wise words from God.

1 Samuel 25:32-33, “Then David said to Abigail: “Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you, because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed and from avenging myself with my own hand”. 

Wives, if your husband is in the wrong you can guide him into the right but not by criticizing, shaming, belittling, or embarrassing him. When we do that, we actually partner with the devil to destroy our marriage.

Unbelieving Husbands

How do you go about it if your spouse is unbelieving?

1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”.

Some of the women this verse was written to had unbelieving husbands who didn’t come to church with them during the early church period.

A common question people in this position ask is how can I get my husband to love Jesus? Peter doesn’t say just anoint the house with extra virgin olive oil. I do not deny that if he is not a Christian, he needs deliverance but how you get him to the point where he will come for deliverance is first, don’t leave your husband because he is not a Christian. Secondly, stop lecturing him. After you have told him about Jesus and your testimony, then with your conduct, you can win your husband.

A husband is usually not an idiot. When he sees his wife transformed after an encounter with Jesus, even if he doesn’t accept it himself, be different and be honoring. When he is wrong, be loving and prayerful. That changes people and will transform them, according to Apostle Peter. Not every marriage will be changed by this but I believe more marriages could benefit if we wives will stop being rottenness in the bones and become the crown we are called to be.

A Wife Who Works With God

“It is your job to love your husband. It is God’s job to make him good”

Ruth Graham

You might ask how the wife’s conduct can change the husband. The answer is that the primary need of a man is to be honored and respected. If you don’t give that to him, it is very hard for him to function as a man. Wives, your weapon to win your husband to the Lord is your conduct.

As a wife, you can respect without even saying a word and a husband will feel it. As women need security and love, this is how men need honor and respect. The reason you honor your husband is not that he is always an honorable man, it is because you are an honorable woman. We must learn to be godly wives and godly women.

4. A Wife Is To Submit To Her Husband

This is hard for a lot of people to hear who accept the modern culture. Modern culture does not honor submission. Humans are rebellious by nature after the fall. The idea of submitting sounds frightening and belittling. 

The Bible doesn’t teach women to submit to men but wives to submit to husbands. This is specifically for the family unit, not in the marketplace.

1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.” 

Biblical Submission

Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”. 

The word “submission” from the Greek “hypotasso” means to place or arrange under. Often used as a military term meaning to place oneself under the command of a leader. It was presented as something that’s a voluntary attitude of cooperating with and putting trust in an authority figure. Submission is not something that a husband can demand from a wife. The moment you have to tell your wife to submit to you, you are wrong. It is Christ who commands that submission. It is to be given voluntarily by the wife.

Example Of The Holy Trinity

We see this example in the Holy Trinity in that while they are equal to each other, they submit to each other. Jesus submits to the Father and the Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus. This same order is commanded in the family. God gives us a chain of command, not to belittle us but to imitate Him. Heaven’s chain of command is from the Father, through the Son, by the Spirit. This is how we can function properly while remaining in unity, love, and equality. Follow the example of the Trinity.

Some say we don’t need a head in marriage. Anything without a head is a dead corpse. Others might say, we have two heads in our marriage. Anything with two heads is a monster. We need a head and the Bible makes it very clear who the head is. It is not the person who is smarter or more educated. God set these rules in relationships, not to limit and control us but to empower both women and men to be equal partners with a chain of command to live in a perfect community. We don’t know better than God. Marriages fall apart when we don’t submit to God’s original design for it.

Submission With Respect

“Shared submission does not imply an inferiority of a person but only subordination in rank. As a person, you will be no more inferior to your husband than a citizen is to their government or Christ is to God. Yer the citizen is subordinate in rank to the governor. Christ was in His humanity subordinate to God. A wife who obeys without respect is not in submission. The church’s reverence for Christ is our pattern. You may not agree with the decision in his position as the head, but the mother who enforces her husband’s rules and disciplines but lets her children know that she does not agree with her husband is not respecting her husband before her children.”

Martha Montgomery

Submission doesn’t make a wife less than her husband, otherwise, Jesus wouldn’t be fully God because He submitted to the Father, (John 10:30; Matthew 26:42). I believe every husband carries greater responsibility before God and God will judge him more severely. Remember when Eve ate the forbidden fruit and gave it to Adam, who did God go to first? The husband. What did the husband do? Adam tried to shift the responsibility instead of taking responsibility. I believe God is going to hold every man responsible for his family. Every father who left their children, or abused their wives and families will face severe judgment from God.

A Christian Loves God And The Truth

Being a Christian doesn’t mean that you are hateful. It means that you love God and His truth but you also understand that sometimes that truth stands in contrast with culture. The Bible clearly states that human life has value. In our culture, life doesn’t have value. Culture is protecting dolphins while killing babies. So we cannot just embrace the culture. Some of God’s truths are hard or can even be painful at times. It might not make you feel good all the time but God is more interested in your future than in your immediate happiness. We must not conform to the culture but conform to the Scripture. As Christians, we’re not called to do what’s easy, we’re called to do what’s right. 

5. A Wife Is A Builder Of A Home 

A wise woman builds her house, not just her career. This is the ideal situation. I know there are a lot of single parents who have no other choice but to work.

Effect On Children Being Raised By Stay-at-home Parents

– increase in the child’s school performance 

– the child has less stress and aggression 

– parent feels greater involvement in the child’s day-to-day life 

– parent feels good about the choice to stay home when they see the value in their child’s life.

– have less stress about the job

I am talking about women who can afford to stay home to raise the children and whose husbands encourage this. Some women feel pressured by the culture to compete and strive in the marketplace. However, if you can, it is absolutely worth it to invest your time into raising your children.

Titus 2:4-5 (NIV), “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God”. 

Wife Comparisons Of The Bible And Culture

The Bible teaches young wives to love their husbands. The culture teaches that wives don’t need a husband. The Bible says to love your children. The culture says my body, my choice: abort the children. The Bible encourages self-control. Culture says to be wild. The Bible tells us to be pure. Culture advocates sexual autonomy. The Bible instructs us to build our homes. Culture says we have to get out of the bondage of homemaking. The Bible says to be kind. Culture says to be mean, rude, and bitter. The Bible teaches us to submit to our husbands. Culture tells us to rebel against authority. 

A 2018 study conducted by Welch found working moms clock an average of 98 hours per week. That’s about the same as working 2.5 full-time jobs. Husbands, you might not be able to pay your wives that kind of salary but please say thank you and appreciate your wives.

Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands”. 

God wants us to build our homes and raise godly families. If you are a single parent, we at Hungry Generation want you to know that we are praying for you and standing in the gap with you. We want you to believe that God will send you a good husband. We love you and we thank you for making this contribution to your children and family. God will bless you. 

• Titus 2:4-5
  that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
   
• Genesis 2:18
  And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
   
• Genesis 3:16
  To the woman He said:
  "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
  In pain you shall bring forth children;
  Your desire shall be for your husband,
  And he shall rule over you."
   
• Proverbs 31:10-12
  Who can find a virtuous wife?
  For her worth is far above rubies.
  The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
  So he will have no lack of gain.
  She does him good and not evil
  All the days of her life.
  
   
• Proverbs 31:16
  She considers a field and buys it;
  From her profits she plants a vineyard.
  
   
• Proverbs 31:25-31
  Strength and honor are her clothing;
  She shall rejoice in time to come.
  She opens her mouth with wisdom,
  And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
  She watches over the ways of her household,
  And does not eat the bread of idleness.
  Her children rise up and call her blessed;
  Her husband also, and he praises her:
  ' Many daughters have done well,
  But you excel them all.'
  Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
  But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
  Give her of the fruit of her hands,
  And let her own works praise her in the gates.
   
• Isaiah 3:12
  As for My people, children are their oppressors,
  And women rule over them.
  O My people! Those who lead you cause you to err,
  And destroy the way of your paths."
   
• Ephesians 5:22-24
  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
   
• Ephesians 5:33
  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Biblical Role of a Wife — Old Testament

The Bible is for our instruction, both the Old and New Testaments, but in the Old Testament, stories often illustrate godly truths, whose principles relate to us today. Here are some examples of Old Testament wives who give timeless Biblical truth to married women today.

Biblical Role of a Wife — Rebekah and Ruth Left Home for Love

These two young women, separated by several centuries, have something important to say to women today. Both of these women illustrated an important part of a wife’s role in marriage, and both of them left their parents far behind to be with their respective husband.

Rebekah’s life changed drastically when a rich stranger appeared in her city one day, introduced himself, and asked her to accompany him on a far journey back to his master Abraham and become the wife of his master’s son, Isaac. Rebekah willingly went with him. Read the whole story in Genesis chapter 24.

Ruth was a young widow. Her late husband was an Israelite man who married her and then passed away. When her mother-in-law wanted to return home to Israel, Ruth left all that was familiar to her and moved to the land of Israel to become the wife of Boaz, who became a direct descendant of Jesus Christ.

Both of these women obeyed the instruction given by the first husband, Adam, when he said in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (KJV) This verse seems to be directed solely to husbands, but Rebekah and Ruth also set this example for women.

They left their parents far behind and left home to be with their husband. Both men and women are to leave their parents when they cleave to their spouse. Neither a husband nor a wife can grow properly in their marital role, or even cleave to each other, when they are heavily influenced by either set of in-laws.

Biblical Role of a Wife — The Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31

Perhaps the most famous wife of the Old Testament, who is aptly idealized by Christian wives today, even while Bible scholars debate whether she was an actual woman or rather a composite of the ideal wife, is the woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31.

This biblical wife described by the mother of King Lemuel (Bible scholars believe that Lemuel is another name for King Solomon who wrote the Book of Proverbs) is known simply as the virtuous woman. This description of this wonderful lady clearly shows a wife’s role in both marriage and in her home.

Here are some highlights of this exemplary lady:

• She will do her husband good all the days of her life (verse 12)
• She is an industrious worker (verses 13-15)
• She is a businesswoman (verse 16)
• She has compassion on the poor (verse 20)
• She dresses beautifully (verse 22)
• She makes her husband look good (verse 23)
• She speaks both wisely and kindly (verse 26)
• She is praised by her family members (verse 28)

This ideal woman is an asset to her home, her family, and her society because she is a woman who fears the Lord God, according to verse 30. This woman knows her actions serves both God and her family, and is a shining example of servant leadership.

Biblical Role of a Wife — New Testament

There are many Bible verses in the New Testament that directly instruct the woman about the role of a wife in a Christian marriage.

Biblical Role of a Wife — Submission

Perhaps one of the most difficult, even misunderstood, aspects of a Christian marriage is the concept of a wife’s submission to her husband’s leadership. Women, like their male counterparts, are sinful individuals, and as such, are prideful. Prideful human beings don’t want to submit anything or anyone, especially a male peer. But God in His wisdom has a pattern for marriage, and tells women directly, and in six distinct verses, to submit to their husband, to be subject to him, and to be obedient to him.

Here are the verses about a wife’s submission to her husband:

Ephesians 5:22-24

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (KJV)

This Scripture passage both gives instruction and explanation. With the injunction for wives to be submissive to their husbands, the Apostle Paul shows the marital order of the home. The family is the physical unit that reflects the spiritual truth of Christ and His church.

The head of the family unit is the husband, who is a type of Jesus Christ, who is the Head of the Church. Just as a Christian woman should work to obey and please Christ in all things, so, too, should a wife obey her husband in all ways. A wife who is rebellious and not submissive to her husband is being disobedient to God.

Colossians 3:18

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” (KJV) This verse gives an important distinction: “as it is fit in the Lord.”

When a wife has an unbelieving husband (Or even a believing one!), and he asks her to do something that is directly against God’s command, in this instance only, she needs to disobey her husband and obey God instead. This principle is initially shown in Acts 5:29b “We ought to obey God rather than men.” (KJV)

Titus 2:3-5

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (KJV)

The Apostle Paul says in the Epistle to Titus that it is the role and the responsibility of older women to teach the younger woman how to love their husband, and even their children. The older women are to teach the younger women to have discretion, to be pure, to have homemaking skills, and to obey the authority of their husband.

A wife, no matter how young or old she may be, who does not meet the qualifications listed here, not only shows a lack of self-control, but is also a bad public testimony, and with her unwise actions makes God’s Word open to blasphemy. A wife’s conduct is a very important thing to the public testimony of Christ Jesus.

1 Corinthians 11:3

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (KJV) When a woman submits to her husband, she is conforming herself to the pattern of Jesus Christ. Jesus was submissive to God His Father, even to the agonizing death on the cross, and He and His submission is our perfect example to be followed willingly by a Christian wife.

Just as a woman is to submit to her husband, her husband is to submit himself to God. There is mutual submission in a marriage as the wife submits to her husband, and as the godly husband submits himself to obey God.

The position of being submissive can be a scary thing for a woman, because in some situations the wife is more knowledgeable than her husband. The good husband realizes his wife’s intellect and strengths, and therefore, he seeks and accepts her input into his decisions.

In situations when the husband is wrong, and the wife knows that he is indeed making a wrong decision, she has the duty to point out his error lovingly and tactfully. If he insists on proceeding with his bad choices, it is the wife’s responsibility to follow and support him, while she trusts God to make things right. A submissive woman is a woman who trusts God even more than she trusts her husband.

With the injunction to wives to obey their husband, is the command of God for a husband to love his wife, even as he loves himself. This command is found in Ephesians 5:28. “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” (KJV)

When a husband loves his wife just like he loves himself, it makes his wife’s submission both easy and even joyful, since she can trust her husband not to ask her to do anything that would be harmful to her or that would cause her grief. A good husband understands the God-given roles of both he and his wife.

Biblical Role of a Wife — Mutual Respect

The wife is commanded by God to obey her husband. But a good husband understands the God-given roles of both he and his wife, and has kindly respect for her as she honors him. God tells husbands several times to love their wives, but He never tells a wife to love her husband. Perhaps women, by their very nature, are loving, especially when they are enveloped with their husband’s love.

But God does say in Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (KJV) The wife is commanded by God to reverence, that is, to respect her husband. When a husband loves his wife, it makes it very easy for her to both obey and revere him. When a wife feels her husband’s love for her, she responds by loving him back, even while she reverences him.

Biblical Role of a Wife — Her Powerful Influence

Being a submissive woman is not being a weak woman. On the contrary, a submissive wife is a strong wife. She has to conquer her sinful human pride while she trusts God to take care of her, in spite what her husband may choose to do. This powerful attitude of the heart, of a wife submitting herself to God through obedience to her husband, is both a good testimony and also a powerful witness, especially when the husband is an unbeliever.

This is explained in 1 Peter 3:1-4 “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (KJV)

The word “conversation” used in these verses doesn’t not exclusively mean words and what a woman may talk about. Rather, this word is from the Greek word anastrophe, which means “behavior.” When a husband, especially an unbelieving one, sees the submissive, respectful, and peaceful conduct of their wives, this action points them to God.

The Apostle Peter is not saying in these verses that a woman should not wear jewelry or clothing, “putting of apparel,” but rather, just as woman uses accessories to make herself beautiful on the outside, she should also adorn herself with the lasting ornaments of inner beauty, which he says is a meek and quite spirt. A woman who knows how to “fix herself up,” both inwardly and outwardly, is truly a beautiful woman.

This description and the emphasis on a wife’s inner beauty, which expresses itself in respect and peaceful conduct, including, but not limited to, the things that she says, gives truth to the statement that although the husband is the head of the home, the wife is the heart of the home.

A Christian wife with a good heart, who wants to please God first and her husband second, is fulfilling the biblical role of a wife. This wise woman makes her home a peaceful refuge for her family, while her husband provides for and protects their home.